Izzy sat at the kitchen table in the morning, enjoying breakfast with Hyde and her parents, when Eric entered the room.

"Hey! Great news, I'm on my way to becoming a teacher," he said excitedly, taking a seat. "I filled out all my college applications--in red pen. Little teacher joke."

Kitty smiled proudly at her son. "Well, now! Look at him, out of bed and doing something productive before noon! Honey, you're like a marine."

"A marine?" Red asked. "The only time I've ever seen him storm a beach was when he was running away from a jellyfish."

Eric ignored his father's comment and turned towards him. "Dad, all I need from you now is a financial statement so the school can see where I'm gettin' the old moolah."

Red cleared his throat and set down his cup. "Ah, well... Bad news. I spent your college money to keep the muffler shop going."

Eric stopped. "What? You spent my college money?"

"A- And Isabelle's, yes."

Izzy's eyes widened and she nearly dropped her bacon. "You spent my college money?!"

Hyde looked confused. "Izzy Bee, you're not even going to college this year."

"This year, I'm not. But I was planning on going when I got back, you all know this." She sighed and set her napkin onto her empty plate. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Art is subjective, I don't even need to go to college. It's just in my plan because Daddy will kill me if I don't go."

Eric put his head in his hands. "But I have to go. I- Dad, how am I supposed to pay for college?"

"Look," Red said. "With this damn mild winter, nobody's muffler rusted. I tried to rust them! I went out at night and sprinkled salt all over the streets!"

Kitty looked appalled. "Not my good kosher salt!"

"Yes, Kitty. I sprinkled the streets of Point Place with your half pound bag of salt."

Eric looked over at his mother. "Wait, you knew about this? And you just said 'Please, go ahead, take my kids' college money and use it on a muffler shop'?!"

"No! I think your father asked me if I thought you two would amount to anything... and I said 'I really, really hope so!' And then, he said 'I'm spending their college money on my muffler shop,' and then I made the best blueberry cobbler I have ever made!"

Hyde set down his fork. "Man, that was good."

"Best cobbler ever!" Red agreed.

"At the price of their precious twins' education," Izzy mumbled to Eric.

"Wait a second," Eric said. "Is that why when I said the cobbler was so good, you said, 'At least I can give you this,' and started to cry?"

Red leaned back in his chair. "Well, look on the bright side. There's always a place for you kids at a failing muffler shop!"

-

"So the upshot is that I have absolutely no money for college," Eric said grumpily, pacing the basement.

Izzy held up a finger. "I don't either, Eric."

"Well you have that fellowship thing. You said it before, Iz. You don't need college. To be a teacher, I do-"

"What if I want to be an art teacher?"

"Then you better get some money, cause we don't have any!"

Donna took Eric's hand in hers, guiding him to sit next to her. "Eric, don't worry. There are plenty of other ways to get money for school."

Hyde chuckled. "Yeah, man. You can always get a football scholarship."

Jackie shrugged. "Well, he weighs about as much as a football and people do like to kick him."

"I know what you should do," Fez said. "You should go to Hollywood and become the next Gene Wilder."

Izzy gasped. "Oh, I love him!"

"Yes, he is a laugh riot."

Donna shook her head. "No. Eric, what you need to do is go see Mr. Bray. Finding money for college is what guidance counselors do."

"Yeah. They also spend a lot of time staring at themselves in the mirror, sayin', 'Man, I can't believe I'm a high school guidance counselor,'" Hyde said.

"I dunno about Mr. Bray," Eric hummed. "I don't think he really liked me. One time I told him I was being bullied, and he just said... 'What'd you expect?'"

Donna sighed. "Alright, I'll go with you. He'll help. He totally loved me."

Izzy nodded. "He liked me too, in almost entirely appropriate ways. Remember, Donna, when we used to spot him on our street? Just... driving back and forth in front of our houses."

Before anyone could react to Izzy's statement, the basement door flew open and Kelso walked in. "Okay, I'm breakin' up with Angie!" He announced. "All we have anymore is hot sex."

"Hot sex?" Fez asked. "All I have anymore is hot soup."

"I have both," Hyde said.

Donna laughed. "So Kelso, are you gonna break up with her your usual way? Send a note saying you got kidnapped by kung fu robots?"

He shook his head. "Nah, it won't work with her. She doesn't believe in kung fu robots. I'm just gonna have to talk to her."

"Whoa! Kelso!" Eric said, holding up his hands. "You never break up with a girl to her face. Usually, you have me tell her you're dead. And then, when she eventually sees you, you have me tell her you're a ghost."

"Michael, why don't you do what you did with me?" Jackie asked. "Toilet paper my house!"

Kelso sighed. "No, I can't do that to Angie. I respect her too much, cause she agreed to have sex with me so fast."

"Look, I don't care how you do it," Hyde said. "I'm just happy you won't be violating my sister anymore."

"Yeah, I know you hated it, Hyde," Kelso grinned. "I woulda broken up with her sooner if I didn't find it so hilarious." Hyde got up from his seat and punched Kelso, making him yelp in pain. "Dude, you be nice, or I swear I'll marry her!"

-

"Oh my god, you guys!" Angie squealed, rushing into Grooves the next day to find Izzy and Hyde hanging out by the counter. "I just got a promotion! Daddy says that I've been doing such a good job, he wants me to move to Milwaukee and help run the corporate office."

"Shit. Congrats, Angie." Izzy paused, then furrowed her brow. "Wait, what about Steven? He's the one doing the great job. This is a music store, right? Well, you know statistics. He knows music."

Hyde set the Judas Priest record in his hands down. "Izzy's right. You don't know anything about music. Last week a guy came in and asked for Kiss, you called him a pervert and slapped him in the face."

"Did your dad say anything about Steven?"

Angie shrugged. "I dunno. I just heard the word promotion and got a little dizzy, then sorta blacked out. It was awesome."

As she walked away, Hyde glared in her direction. "Yep. This is the America I know. The person who can't do anything right is at the top, while the person who's working their ass off gets nothing."

Izzy placed a hand on Hyde's cheek lovingly. "Aw, love... you don't work your ass off." Before he could complain, she tapped his nose. "You said it yourself, this job's a piece of cake for you. Because you're great at it. And you deserve that promotion."

"Jackie! Izzy!" Kelso said, running into Grooves with Fez. Jackie, who was sitting in the listening pit, stood up to be a part of the conversation as Izzy joined them. "Listen. I need some advice on breaking up with girls. And you two have been broken up with. Jackie, by me. Izzy, by Jackie's boyfriend. What... What didn't you like?"

Izzy stopped to think for a second, but Jackie had her answer immediately: "The lying, the cheating, the sneaking around. Oh, and I also didn't like Fez trying to make out with me five minutes later," she said, pushing Fez's head away as though she could sense it behind her.

"Okay, okay. That's good. Izzy?"

"Um... I mean, my breakup didn't suck. What sucked was the onslaught of conflicting emotions afterwards. Realizing I've always been in love with Steven, and that Nick was kind of-"

"This is boring," Kelso huffed. "Just tell me how to break up with Angie."

Izzy nodded. "Just do it kindly, Kelso."

"Yeah," Jackie agreed. "Be mature and respectful."

Kelso considered it for a moment. "That sounds nice. But I think I'm just gonna sleep with her best friend." He paused. "Damn it! Her best friend is Hyde!"

-

"Okay you guys," Eric said that afternoon, dragging Izzy into the living room. "I actually got some great news from the guidance counselor."

Izzy looked confused as she held a shoe in one hand, the other on her foot already. "Eric, I'm about to leave. Can't this wait?"

"No. Now listen. There's this program where you go and teach in an impoverished area for a year, and then they pay for your college. And I signed up!"

Kitty smiled. "Oh, that's wonderful!"

Donna nodded. "Yeah, that's great, Eric!"

"See?" Red said cheerfully. "I knew spending your college money would work out for the best. You're welcome!"

"So what impoverished area are you going to?" Izzy asked. "Is it East Milwaukee? Last time Steven and I had to go to WB's office, we accidentally ended up in an awful neighborhood there." She paused. "Dunno how we did it, his office is on the other side of the city..."

Eric shook his head. "No, I'm not going to Milwaukee."

"Where, then?" Donna asked excitedly.

"Africa!"

Izzy paused. "Africa, Wisconsin?"

"You're going to teach in Africa?!" Donna asked, standing up.

"What are you gonna teach them, how to get eaten by an ostrich?!" Kitty yelled. "I saw a documentary. They are vicious, cruel creatures!"

Red grinned. "Well, I think it's great that he's going to Africa! It'll make him a man."

Kitty turned and faced her husband. "You think the only way to become a man is to die. How are you gonna feel when your son gets eaten by a lion? Or a... a disease-carrying fly?"

"If he gets killed by a fly, I'm not buyin' you a headstone."

Izzy crossed her arms. "You can't go to Africa, Eric."

Eric straightened up a little bit. "Why not? You're going to Europe. I figured if you can make the move, then so can I."

Kitty turned to Izzy at these words, her eyes wide. "This is your fault, Isabelle!"

"What? No! This is not my fault! I didn't make Eric pick Africa, of all places!"

"Well, it sounds like he picked it because you picked France-"

"I didn't pick France, Mom! You submitted the application for me--I had no say in the matter!"

Eric stepped between the two girls. "Please, can we not-"

"Oh, shove it, Eric," Izzy snapped. A silence fell over the room, and she pulled the other shoe onto her foot.

"Whatever. I have to make a trip out to WB's office. Eric," she looked over to meet his eyes. "I'm happy you're going to Africa. I think a little independance will be good for both of us. Mom," she turned to face her mother. "I know you're upset right now, but you gotta understand that we can't live here forever. It's just one year without twins in the house, I think you and Dad can manage that." She turned to look at Red, who was still sitting calmly in his seat. "Daddy, please try to talk some sense into her. And Donna," she looked at Donna, whose eyes were hardened and trained on the floor. "Yeesh. Uh... Good luck with that one, Eric."

-

"Africa. Really?" Hyde asked, his eyes trained on the road. "That's... shocking."

Izzy nodded, staring at the window. "Very shocking. And my mom blamed it on me, of course. She thinks I influenced him to flee the country," she sighed. "God, you guys were the ones who submitted my work. Not me. I don't see why she can't just get that."

"She can. She just doesn't want an empty nest, that's all."

Izzy paused, considering how her mother must be feeling right now. "I guess you're right."

"Course I am. I'm always right," he chuckled, setting a hand on her knee. "Just... you know how it was with your mom and Paris. Give her time, let her talk it out with Eric. This just... sucks for her." He glanced at her. "You know that, right?"

She sucked in a breath. "I do. There's a lot about to change in our house. And I don't like change."

"I know you don't." He pulled into a parking space in front of the office building. "You feel any better?"

Izzy nodded meekly. "Thanks."

"I didn't do anything. Just said some words." He paused. "Now, you ready to go upstairs and argue about that promotion?"

"Hell yes, I am."

-

Hyde pushed the door open to William's office, revealing him playing mini golf in front of his desk. "WB?" William looked up and smiled in acknowledgement. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know, I thought I'd try a new toy in the office." He shook the golf club playfully. "I'm enjoying it, though!"

Izzy crossed her arms. "Not the golf, Mr. Barnett. Why did you promote that major-league butthead Angie, and not Steven?"

"You... You mean my daughter Angie?"

"I said what I said."

Hyde sighed. "Look. If this is about me not being professional, I already told you. Bottle Rocket Friday Nights are over."

William chuckled. "Steven, I'm moving Angie to Milwaukee to get her away from the customers. I love my little girl, but you're the one who should be running that store. So it's yours."

Hyde looked taken aback. "Wow. Uh... thanks, man."

"Oh my god, Steven you own a record store!" Izzy squealed, jumping up and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He chucked and put a hand over hers, trying not to look too excited.

"No, I own the record store," William said. "Steven'll be the primary manager of the Point Place location," he said, clapping Hyde on the shoulder. "Moving Angie is gonna work out for everybody. See, I just got into this real snooty country club, and they don't think I'm gonna be there much. But I'm gonna be there all day, every day. And I'm bringing friends! So I need somebody around here to look after things. While I'm out, making white people uncomfortable."

-

"That's funny, Eric," Red said, walking into the basement a few days later. "I thought I told you to clean out the Vista Cruiser. But, what I must have said was, 'Go sit on your ass,' because here you are."

Hyde didn't look up from the television. "Nah. I was there, Red. You definitely told him to clean out the Cruiser."

Izzy nodded. "And then you called him a dumbass because he related himself to Luke Skywalker and Point Place to the Death Star."

"He just insists on being defiant."

Red scowled at Hyde and Izzy, noting how she was sitting on his lap with his arms suspiciously low around her waist. "Get off of him, Isabelle."

"Sure thing, Daddy-O," she mumbled, moving to sit on the floor.

"Sorry, Dad," Eric said. "But something really important came up. Jeannie did her blinky thing again, and now Dr. Bellows thinks he's a monkey."

Kelso looked at Eric with an annoyed expression. "No. Dr. Bellows is a monkey that thinks he's a doctor, that's what's funny! He's sittin' at a desk and stuff, but he's a monkey!"

Red's eyes narrowed. "You're a monkey."

"You're a monkey!"

"Eric," Red continued, paying no attention to Kelso. "I need that car to go pick up Charlie at the airport."

Fez sighed loudly. "You're bringing another guy here? We need another guy here like I need another firecracker in my bathing suit."

"Well, until you learn to stop wearing speedos, you're gonna keep gettin' firecrackers!" Kelso said loudly.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Charlie's this annoyingly nice kid. His dad and my dad were drinking buddies in the navy."

"We weren't drinking buddies!" Red said. "We were finely-honed killing buddies."

"Yeah, well I never liked him. At the last navy picnic, we got teamed up for the egg toss. He dropped out egg on purpose, just so these little sick kids could win. Those little twerps went home with my goldfish in a bag. My goldfish!"

Izzy laughed. "Charlie's actually a really nice guy."

"Oh, you're just saying that because he's in love with you."

"He's what?" Hyde asked, looking down at the top of Izzy's head.

She tilted her head back to look up at him. "Yeah. Eric and Donna used to bully him for it, but it was really sweet."

"Well, he's only gonna be here a few days on business for his dad, and the last thing he needs is to be exposed to you deviants," Red explained.

"Daddy, they're not deviants."

Kelso pointed at the screen excitedly. "Jeannie's bending over!"

Red looked at his daughter. "You were saying?"

"I said nothing, you have no proof."

-

"Hey Izzy, hey Hyde," Eric said as the two of them exited Hyde's room. "Whatcha doin' in there?"

Hyde quirked an eyebrow as he sat down. "You really wanna know, Forman?"

Eric took a moment to realize what he meant, then his face contorted in disgust. "Really? While we were all right here?"

"Shut up, Eric," Izzy laughed. "We just smoked a little, that's all."

"And then we had sex on the dresser."

"Yeah, that too."

Charlie, the boy who was sitting in Kelso's usual seat, dressed in a crease-free button down shirt and nice slacks, looked surprised. "You smoke, Isabelle? I- Is that what that smell was? Aren't you afraid you'll get arrested?!"

"I'm a cop," Kelso said, leaning back on the couch.

Charlie giggled. "You guys are crazy! The- The closest I ever came to breaking the law was when my friend Toby and I cut out of school five minutes before the last bell- whoo! My heart was beating so fast!"

Kelso looked confused. "Because... you were naked?"

"No."

"I don't get it."

Eric sat down next to Fez on the couch. "Man, I think Donna's taking this Africa stuff really hard. I mean, I can smell an ultimatum coming any day now. But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna stand tall, hold my ground, and kindly inform her that she doesn't get to tell me what to do with my life. And then, depending on how much steam I have left... I may even call her toots."

Almost instantly, Donna came in through the basement door. "Hey, Eric," she said calmly. "You know how guys always ask me out, but I always say no because I have a boyfriend?"

"It's true, she won't budge," Kelso grumbled.

"Well, since you're going to Africa, I figured I should be moving on with my life too. And there's this guy, Kevin, where I work. Anyway, he asked me out tonight and I said yes."

Eric looked shocked. "What? You're gonna- ohh, I think I see what's going on here." He turned around to the group. "Ladies, gentlemen, and Fez, it's ultimatum time." He turned back to Donna. "Okay! I'll play along. You're gonna go out with this Kevin guy... or what?"

"Or... nothing. This isn't an ultimatum."

Eric paused. "Uh, well, I prepared for an ultimatum."

Donna sighed and put her hands on her hips. "I need to figure out what I'm gonna wear. Hey Izzy, can I borrow that really short pink skirt?"

"Oh, that's over at my place," Fez said simply.

Charlie raised his eyebrows. "You have Isabelle's skirt?"

"Don't judge me, new guy."

-