Sitting in the basement one afternoon, Izzy watched as Eric, Fez, and Hyde all stood around Donna, petting her hair. Izzy was next to Donna on the couch, laughing at how uncomfortable she looked.

"Mmm. Blonde," Eric said contentedly. "More fun. Everything is more fun!"

Fez smiled. "Donna, if only you knew what I would like to do with you and your new hair, you will beat the crap out of me."

"I might just beat the crap out of you anyway," Donna chuckled.

Fez's eyes widened. "Yes!"

Izzy laughed. "Why do you guys never act this way towards me? I'm a blonde."

Hyde thought for a moment as he sat in his chair. "I did. You just always laughed it off."

"Me as well," Fez said.

"I never did," Eric said. "Because I'm your brother, and I'm not from Alabama."

Izzy laughed. "Thank you, Eric."

"So, now that Donna's not Big Red anymore, guess we'll have to go back to what we called her when she was twelve," Hyde paused, grinning. "Jugs-A-Poppin'."

Donna sighed. "Man, I hated Jugs-A-Poppin'!"

"Well, you shouldn't've have poppin' jugs!"

"Speaking of objectifying women," Donna nudged Izzy, then turned to Jackie, who was sitting on top of the freezer. "You two, there's a Take Back the Night rally tonight at the park. Do you wanna go?"

Jackie jumped off the freezer, brushing her hands off on her pants. "Oh, and be with your deep-voiced gal pals? Hm, no thank you!"

"This is important, Jackie," Izzy said. "Women should be able to walk through the park at night without being harassed by weirdo men!"

Fez looked shocked. "Hey, that was one time!"

Izzy sighed and turned to Donna. "I'd love to go, but I can't tonight."

"I'll go," Eric shrugged.

Donna raised her eyebrows. "Really? You'll be, like, the only guy there. Although there is some question about Shirley."

"No, it'll be great! Why don't you drop by when Hyde's dad is here? And we'll go after that."

"Oh yeah, Steven. I totally forgot, it's the big night," Jackie said. "And it's an even bigger night for me. I'm meeting Nick's parents today! He and I are gonna drive to Milwaukee for dinner, he said it'll be someplace really nice. How exciting is that?!"

There was a pause in the room.

"Uh, no offense, Jackie," Izzy said carefully. "But I think Steven meeting his real father overrules anything else of relative importance."

Eric snickered. "Not like meeting Nick's parents is even close to relative importance."

"Get off the phone!" Kelso screamed, throwing the basement door open before Jackie could respond to Eric. He paused, seeing that no one was near the phone. "Okay. Any minute now, Brooke is going into labor," he headed over to the phone and sat on the couch's armrest. "Alright, now I gave her the numbers of all the places I was going to be. I cannot miss this call!" He dialed her number on the phone and waited for her to pick up. As he did, he glanced over at Donna. "Lookin' good there, Big Red."

Izzy laughed. "We're going with Jugs-A-Poppin' again."

"Oh, that's a good one! And it's as true now as it was the first day of fifth grade."

Hyde grinned. "That was a poppin' summer."

-

Kitty bustled about the living room, tidying up at the very last minute to prepare for the arrival of Hyde's father. Eric, Hyde, and Izzy were sitting on the couch, Red was in his chair, and they were all anxiously waiting for the guest.

"Steven," Kitty said as she set out some cheese and crackers, "I am so happy we finally found your real father! Here," she handed him a framed photo. "I framed the blood test results for you. Now, I spoke to him this morning and told him about how your parents abandoned you, and we took you in, and that it's hard for you to say it out loud, but that you love me because I saved your life-"

Red held up a hand. "Kitty, I'm not sure-"

"He would be dead on the streets!"

Not a moment later, the doorbell rang. Everyone sat up a little straighter.

"Oh, he's here!" Kitty said. "Now. Steven, fix your hair. Isabelle, help Steven fix his hair. Eric, don't mumble. Red, don't yell at Eric if he mumbles!"

Izzy messed with the collar on Hyde's shirt before he gently took her wrist away from it, lacing his fingers with hers. As much as he denied it, Izzy could tell how nervous he was.

"Hi, is this the Formans'?"

Kitty offered the man at the door a polite smile. "I'm sorry, I told your friend last week that we don't want a subscription to Ebony Magazine."

The man chuckled. "No no no. We spoke on the phone. I'm William Barnett, I'm Steven's father."

All at once, everyone in the room's heads turned to the door. Standing right outside was a tall, dark-skinned man, who was dressed in very nice clothes. He had a cardigan tied around his shoulders and stood nearly as tall as the door itself.

"Oh!" Kitty said. "I mean... Come in, come in!" Kitty laughed her signature nervous laugh. "Everybody, I want you to meet Steven's father. Steven, look!"

The others had all stood to greet him by this point. When William made his way down to the living area, Hyde was already observing him. "I'm lookin'!"

William stuck out his hand for Hyde to shake. "It's good to meet you, son." Hyde took his hand in his own and shook it firmly. "I've been looking forward to this. I was gonna get you a card, but they don't have one for our unique situation." He chuckled and glanced down at the card in his hand. "So here. Happy first communion!"

"Wow," Izzy breathed, looking between the two men. "I can see where you get your looks from, Steven."

Eric looked confused. "I- I'm not sure I see the resemblance."

"What're you talking about?" Hyde asked him. "My 'fro, my coolness, my suspicion of The Man," he looked back at William in amazement. "This explains so much!"

-

"Well, uh, Mr. Barnett. Please, sit anywhere you like," Eric said, gesturing to the living room, "on this big day. After all, how often does a kid get to meet his very own father?"

Hyde raised his eyebrows. "So far, I'm up to twice."

Eric clapped his hands together, ignoring Hyde's comment. "Hey, would you like a drink? Perhaps a cool drink for our cool visitor?"

"No thanks," William said kindly. He looked around the room. "But I think all of you could use a scotch."

Eric laughed loudly and nervously. "That's crazy! We're totally relaxed." He sat stiffly on the couch. "Hey, you know what show I love? The Jeffersons. Dy-no-mite, right?!"

Izzy's jaw dropped open slightly. "Eric, dy-no-mite is from Good Times," she said in a hushed voice.

Eric's eyes widened. "Oh. I mean, I watch them all. I don't discriminate."

"So!" Red said, trying to change the subject. "Father... and son."

William nodded. "Yep."

"Well, I... I guess Steven must have gotten his mother's-"

"Eyes. Eyes," Kitty said quickly. "Steven got his mother's pretty eyes!"

William nodded again. "Right."

Eric winked. "Or, as I like to say, right on."

There was a pause, then Kitty threw her hands into the air. "Okay, well nobody's talking about the elephant in the room, so I'll do it," she turned to face William. "You're black!"

"Mom!" Eric whined. He looked at William. "Okay. Please, Mr. Barnett, we're very open-minded."

A look of realization dawned on Kitty's face. "Oh! Oh yes, he's right! I, myself, love that singer, Art Garfunkel?"

Izzy pinched the bridge of her nose. "Mama. Art Garfunkel is a very white Romanian Jew."

Eric paused. "You know, Izzy... sometimes I think you're secretly Jewish."

"You know, sometimes I think the same thing. The challah, the-"

"Really? He's not black?" Kitty said, thinking aloud. "Well, his name's got the funk in it, so I... oh! Wait, wait. Red, who's that black person I like?"

Red thought for a moment. "Martin Luther King?"

"Yes!"

There was a pause. "You know," William said, "I'm beginning to feel like you haven't had a lot of black people in this house."

"Well, certainly not because we didn't want to," Eric said.

Kitty nodded. "Right! Right. No, it's just that there haven't been any available!"

Izzy smiled slightly. "Well, it is Wisconsin."

"Oh, I know all about Wisconsin," William laughed softly. "Only place around here you'll see white and black together is on a cow."

He and Hyde laughed at this joke, followed quickly by Eric and Kitty's nervous laughter, then by Red and Izzy not wanting to be left out.

"So William," Red said. "What kind of work do you do?"

He smiled. "I own a chain of record stores."

This piqued Hyde's interest. "Record stores? That's cool. I was afraid you were gonna be a cop or something."

"I don't like cops."

"I don't like cops either! Hey, who do you think shot JFK?"

"I don't know. Because they don't want me to know."

Hyde grinned and nudged Izzy. "Check it out, Izzy Bee, I'm a chip off the old block! Man, I wish Mom had told me about you! Hey, when was the last time you saw her?"

"Oh, years ago. We were dating, and she just disappeared. I guess she married the man you thought was your father and told you you were his baby."

"Yeah." Hyde paused. "Mom must've been pretty relieved when I came out white, huh?"

Just then the door opened, and in through the kitchen walked Fez and Kelso. Kitty's face lit up. "Ooh, Fez, Michael, meet William Barnett. Steven's father!"

William stood up and extended his hand. "Good to meet you both."

Fez shook his hand eagerly, looking at the man with pure wonder in his eyes. "Well, look at that!" He breathed.

Hyde stood and clapped his father on the back. "Yeah, I'm half black, man! Kinda puts all the pieces of the puzzle together, don't it?"

"Hey," Kelso said, crossing his arms thoughtfully. "I'm having a kid soon, I wonder if mine'll be half black."

William paused. "Is the mother black?"

Kelso grinned. "No."

"I have to say, Mr. Barnett," said Fez with a wide smile, "it's nice to see another person of color in this town. White people, you know what I'm talking about?"

William smiled awkwardly. "Can't say that I do."

"Well I hear you, brother man!"

The kitchen door opened again, and this time it was Donna entering the living room. As she came in, Fez and Kelso both used that as their queue to rush down into the basement. "Eric, you ready to go? I wanna get to the feminist rally in time for the Hugh Hefner pinata."

Eric turned to William. "Oh. Uh, Mr. Barnett, this is Donna. Donna, this is-"

"I'm Steven's father. I'm black. And it's okay!"

Donna shook his hand, smiling. "Wow-"

"Whoa, Donna," Eric said, "please do not flip out on this man just because of the color of his skin!"

Donna scowled. "I would never do that." She paused, then looked over Eric's shoulder at William and smiled. "I would never do that!"

"Okay, Donna. Let's just go. Then maybe in the car, we can have a talk about how hurtful our preconceived notions can be."

Eric put his hand around Donna's waist and led her outside. Before he made it to the door, he turned around, held up his fist, and said "Power." William just chuckled and held up his fist in return, then sat back down on the couch.

William turned to Hyde and Izzy, noticing how they were sitting so close together on the piano bench, hand-in-hand. "So, you two dating?"

Izzy nodded, a smile already on her face. "Yeah. I- I'm so sorry, I totally forgot to introduce myself," she held her hand out for him to shake, and he did. "I'm Izzy."

"Izzy. Well, very nice to meet you, Izzy."

Hyde grinned. "Yeah. She's my Izzy Bee."

William knit his brow. "Izzy Bee?"

Kitty laughed. "Oh, it's just what he calls her! Always have, they've practically been in love since the fifth grade!"

This made William smile. "Really?"

Izzy laughed. "Well, I mean-"

"She's an artist," Hyde said. "Yeah, she- she's really good."

Red nodded proudly. "That, she is! Why, in just a few months she'll be spending a year in France for an art program."

William raised his eyebrows. "Wow, Izzy. That's very impressive, great job."

Izzy's cheeks were bright red at this point. "Thank you, sir. I- I'm just lucky to be able to go. It's entirely merit-based, so if I didn't have a scholarship, I wouldn't be able to afford it at all."

Kitty patted William on his knee. "I bet you've been to France a few times! Fancy man like yourself. I mean, look at those shoes!" She wagged her finger at him in a very motherly way. "You must be doing quite well. I mean, when I talked to your secretary and she put me on hold, there was music on the line! I thought to myself, 'Well, this is a man who can afford a thing or two!'"

There was a pause, and William sat a little straighter. "Oh. I see. So, you knew I had money before you invited me here."

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Red asked, his smile fading.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me, Steven."

William turned to look at Hyde, who had stiffened up from his previously relaxed state. "What are you talking about?" He asked, his voice getting defensive.

"Well, I mean... we don't have to play games. I can give you money, if that's what you're after."

"That's who you think I am?" Hyde was silent a moment, then he stood up. "I'll see you guys later," he mumbled, heading towards the basement.

"Steven-" Kitty started.

Hyde stopped in his tracks and turned back to the group. "No. You know what? I didn't need anything from him growing up, and I don't need anything from him now."

Izzy watched as he walked out of the room with worry in her eyes. "That wasn't cool, Mr. Barnett. You may be wearing cashmere, but... well, Jackie always said cashmere is good at hiding a bad attitude. I- I mean, how could you say that to Steven? He doesn't want your money. He's never been greedy a day in his life," she paused. "Excluding any instance involving Fez and food. Or Kelso and beer. Or Eric and w- I'm not gonna finish that one, because my parents are in the room. Needless to say... I'm very cross with you, sir!"

"How could you think anybody here needs your money?" Kitty asked, standing up. "Look at this place! Glass grapes, pizza rolls, an organ... it's like Carnegie Hall!"

"I stand by what I said. What else was I supposed to think?" William asked.

Red got to his feet, a crease forming between his brows. "You're supposed to look at me and know that I raised fine young men! Even though one of them is at a feminist rally."

Izzy nodded. "Y'know, Mr. Barnett, you are wrong about Steven. He's perfect."

"I think you should go." Red said.

"I agree!" Kitty said. "I was gonna pack you some leftovers, but... that ship has sailed, mister."

William nodded wordlessly and stood to his feet. "I hope this doesn't discourage you from inviting a second black person into your home."

-

"I'm so mad at that Barnett guy," Izzy mumbled, resting her elbow against the back of the basement couch that she and Steven were sitting on. "I mean, we were getting to know each other! A- And he just threw that all right out the window. How could he assume that about you?"

Hyde sighed, popping open a can of beer. "Look. If I was in his place, I'd've thought the same thing. And it's not a big deal. I just wanted to meet the guy, find out if he looked like how I imagined my father to look like. By the way, no."

Izzy smiled slightly. "Well, who needs a father anyway? All they do is give you daddy issues, trust issues, authoritative issues, and a million other different issues."

He chuckled as she took his beer from him and stole a sip. "Oh, I know all about your daddy issues, doll."

Izzy nearly choked on the beer, making Hyde laugh loudly as she slowly calmed her breathing. She looked up at him and saw the playful smile on his lips, and she couldn't resist the urge to laugh along with him. "You're a dick!" She said, grabbing one of the pillows and hitting him with it.

He just laughed harder and held his hands up in defense. "Yeah, but you love me!"

She dropped the pillow and took his face in her hands, still giggling but looking him deep in the eyes. "I do, Steven. And please, don't ever forget that."

-

Later that night, there was a knock on the front door. Izzy and Hyde were heading to the kitchen, so Hyde was the first to answer it. Standing right outside, once again, was William Barnett. Izzy's jaw dropped open slightly and she moved behind Steven, silently letting him know that she's both standing alongside him with this, and also terrified to intervene.

"Hey." Hyde said awkwardly.

"Hey. So, I was wondering if we could maybe try this again."

Hyde's jaw clenched. "Yeah. I mean, it worked so well the first time."

William offered a small smile. "I'm sorry about that. Thing is, if I grew up with nothing, then found out I had a dad with money, I would've thought maybe he owed me something."

"Well, that's not me."

"I know. When we first met, I thought I saw myself in you."

Hyde paused, then nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. You and me, it's like looking in a mirror."

William chuckled, and glanced back at Izzy. "Hello, Izzy. I'm sorry about earlier."

She looked at Hyde for help, and he gave her a small nod, so she looked back at William. "It's alright," she said with a smile. "I understand, sir."

He clasped his hands together. "So, uh... I'd love to take you two out for a beer sometime. I can get you into some places you've probably never been to."

Hyde raised his eyebrows. "Oh, like that cool jazz bar off the highway?"

"No, no," William laughed. "I'm talking about country clubs, fancy restaurants. I'm rich as hell, man!"

The kitchen door opened and Kitty and Red entered, no doubt having noticed the noise. They paused when they saw William talking with the other two. Red took a cautious step forward. "Everything okay here, Steven?"

"Yeah, everything's fine."

Kitty's face broke into a grin. "Oh, I am so glad you're back! I felt horrible having you go off without any leftovers."

William smiled and held his hand out for Red to shake. "It's nice meeting you, Red. And you're right," he looked back at Steven. "You have raised some fine young men."

The front door opened, and Eric entered. He was completely naked and holding a protest sign over his crotch. All over him were phrases written in marker, like "PIG" and "NO MEANS NO."

Red laughed. "Yeah, I'm real proud of 'em."

"They stole all my clothes," Eric explained.

Izzy covered her mouth to keep from laughing. "Who?" She managed to squeak.

"Uh, the angry mob of feminists?" Eric said that as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, which only made Izzy laugh harder.

William looked Eric up and down. "Aw man, look at you. They even shaved off all your body hair."

Eric's eyes widened. "Yes. Yes, they did."

-