"Fellas!" Eric said cheerily, walking up to the boys and Izzy, who were all hanging out in the driveway. "I convinced Donna to break her celibacy vow! Which, in layman's terms, means... I'm a laid man."

Hyde chuckled. "Damn, Forman," he said sarcastically. "You got your girlfriend to have sex with you? What is your secret?"

"You guys, it's a big deal, okay? Have you ever slept with my girlfriend?"

"No," Izzy held up a finger. "But not for lack of trying."

Kelso grinned. "Same."

"I've never tried. But that's because I have my own girlfriend to have sex with. Isn't that right, Iz?"

Eric made a face. "And while that is incredibly disturbing that you just said that about my baby sister-"

"We're twins, Eric-"

"My baby sister, I just- whoa," he paused, and everyone turned to look at Red, who was pulling into the driveway with something--Izzy couldn't tell what it was--strapped to the roof. "The hell did Dad get?"

Kitty seemed to be thinking the same thing. As she exited the kitchen to join the others outside, she was waving her hands in the air. "Well, just what the heck is this?!"

Bob got out of the passenger's seat, his usual dopey grin plastered onto his face. "What a great auction!" He said happily. "Red had a few beers and bought a canoe!"

Izzy frowned. "That's what a canoe looks like?"

"What, have you never seen a canoe before, Forwoman?" Kelso asked.

"No," she said, raising an eyebrow. "In case you haven't noticed, we live in the middle of Wisconsin. Not exactly the best place for canoeing."

Red got out of the car, closing the door behind him and looking around at the others proudly. "I bought a canoe!"

"Who woulda thought?" Bob said, reaching into the car. "Me and Red go out, and he's the one to buy something stupid?" He then pulled out what looked like a taxidermied bobcat. "I just dunno where I'm gonna put this!"

"Red, why would you buy a canoe?" Kitty asked, her hands on her hips.

He shrugged. "I think the question is: Why haven't I before?"

"We can't afford this-"

"Sure, we can! I used the money that you gave me yesterday!"

Kitty's eyes widened. "That was for Eric's wedding present."

There was a pause, then Red turned to the others. He stretched out an arm as if showing off the canoe. "Congratulations, Eric! I knew you've always wanted a canoe."

Kitty sighed. "Fine, Red. Since you blew the money, I expect you to come up with a nice, sentimental gift for Eric that doesn't cost anything."

Izzy snickered when she saw the look on Red's face. "Daddy, that's what you get for going out and drinking. Learn to do it at home, like Mom."

-

Izzy sat on the floor in Donna and Jackie's bedroom, holding Donna's wedding ring between herself and Jackie as Donna tested her new perfume.

"Okay, I don't get it," Jackie said, reading the inscription that Eric wrote. "Who's the Low Rider?"

Izzy scowled. "Is that supposed to be you?"

"Yup," Donna said distractedly, walking over to her closet.

"Donna, I think my brother's calling you a whore."

She opened her closet door and gasped. "Oh my god, my dress!"

Jackie scrunched up her nose. "Yeah, it doesn't look so good in daylight, does it?"

"No! I- It's gone! Did either of you move it?"

Izzy held up her hands. "I swear I didn't touch it. Steven made me promise not to lay my hands on any more fancy clothes after I used pastels and then touched his Clapton shirt."

"I didn't touch it either," Jackie said. "But Eric was in here earlier, maybe he did something with it?"

Donna sighed frustratedly. "Why are you always blaming Eric for everything?"

Izzy grinned. "It reinforces that I'm the good twin." She paused, and saw that Donna was less than amused. "Fine, fine," she said, standing up. "I'll go ask if he's seen it."

-

"Hey, Ma," Izzy said, closing the sliding glass door behind her. "Have you seen Eric anywhere?"

As if on queue, Eric poked his head through the door that led to the living room. His eyes darted between the two ladies, and then he said in a low whisper, "Psst, you two. Is Donna here?"

"No, but she's looking for you," Izzy said back in an exaggerated whisper, as she jumped up to sit on the edge of the counter.

Kitty giggled. "Why are we whispering?"

Eric responded by stepping into the room and revealing what was in his hands: a beautiful white dress that had been torn clean down the side. Izzy gasp was so sudden she fell off the counter, and Kitty's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"You tore her dress?!" Kitty yelped.

Eric nodded. "Yeah. See, that would've been a really good thing to whisper!"

Izzy scrambled to her feet and grabbed the dress from Eric, looking at the large rip. "Oh my god, Eric. I can't believe you did this."

"I can." Kitty said in a horrified voice.

"I- I think we can fix this, though. Don't worry," Izzy handed the dress back to Eric and headed for the living room. "Just put it somewhere and I'll be right back with the sewing stuff."

Just as her back was turned, she heard Kitty scream, "Not on the shoe polish, Eric!" Izzy's head snapped back over to see Kitty grab the dress right off the kitchen table, and the three of them gaped at the large black smear that was right on the back.

Eric stood there, completely frozen, and then looked down at his hands and said, "What have you done, you bony bastard."

"Okay," Kitty breathed out shakily. "Okay, I think I can clean it, but we have to act fast."

Eric nodded. "Go, go, go!"

Kitty turned to leave the kitchen, but nearly tripped over her own feet when a loud RIP rang through the room. Izzy's horrified eyes followed the noise down to Eric's feet, where he had accidentally stepped on the dress as Kitty pulled it away.

"Please tell me that sound was a rip in the space-time continuum," Eric mumbled.

Izzy slowly shook her head. "Not even, you bony bastard."

-

"Okay, I'm gonna need some club soda, a little lemon juice, and some vodka," Kitty said, inspecting the new rip while the dress was spread out on the kitchen counter.

Eric nodded. "To get the stain out?"

"No, to think straight."

Izzy perked up slightly. "Good point. Eric, get enough vodka for two."

Kitty looked at her daughter with surprise clear in her eyes. "Isabelle Marie Forman, I'm shocked."

"Okay, sorry," Izzy mumbled sheepishly.

"I raised you better than that! Eric, double the club soda and lemon juice too," Kitty huffed as she turned back to the dress. Under her breath, she mumbled, "No daughter of mine will drink straight vodka at eleven in the morning. In this house, we save that for the afternoon."

"Eric!" Donna's voice was heard from outside, and all three Formans jumped at the sound. "Izzy!"

"Oh my god," Eric said quietly. "Oh my god, Donna's coming!" He grabbed the dress and, in an effort to hide it, stuffed it into the fridge just in time for Donna to enter the kitchen.

She was clearly panicking, and it made the others even more anxious to see her in such a tizzy. "Have either of you seen my wedding dress?"

Izzy and Eric glanced at each other. "No!" They said in unison.

"I- I mean... whoa, you lost the wedding dress?!" Eric said loudly. "What happens when we have a kid, you gonna lose that too?!"

Donna took in a sharp breath. "O- Oh my god, I- I'll find it. Don't worry."

When she was safely out of the kitchen, Kitty and Izzy both hit Eric on each shoulder. "What is the matter with you?!" Kitty huffed.

"You just made her feel terrible! You just did the thing where... when a guy... where you-"

"Gaslighting!" Kitty said.

"Gaslighting!" Izzy repeated, then she gasped. "Oh, my god. That's what that means?" She looked at her mother, who stared back with wide eyes, as though to say, "Why are you worried about this right now? You're insane." In response, though, Izzy just gave an excited little jump. "I gotta tell Steven. Later, you two!"

"Wh- I- But- Izzy!" Eric whined. "What about the dress?" He opened the fridge and pulled it out, letting out a little yelp when they all saw the newly-acquired red stain that had joined the others. "I need help, Izzy!"

Izzy looked at the dress with wide eyes. "Just, uh... just wash it. I don't want to be involved in this anymore."

"But Izzy!"

"Oh my goodness, I think I hear Steven calling my name!" She said rushing to the door. "Yes, my love?" She closed the door behind her and breathed out a sigh of relief, even though she very well knew that it was clear Hyde did not call her name.

-

"Hey, doll," Hyde said, noticing her off to the side. He was in the middle of fixing a rope to the back of his truck bed, but his hands dropped and he stood up when he saw her expression. "You doin' okay?"

Izzy took a breath and shook her head slightly, ridding it of anything containing the words wedding and dress. "Yeah, just dandy," she said with a smile. "I finally found out what gaslighting means, though, so now- okay, what the hell are you guys doing?"

Kelso grinned. "We're fixin' the canoe to the back of Hyde's truck."

"I can see that. Why?"

"Well, you see, Forwoman, the canoe didn't move much on land without some help. You shoulda seen it, up on that hill. It was a perfect example of Newton's first law of motion, y'know?" Hyde, Fez, and Izzy all looked at him, clearly confused, but Kelso just shrugged. "I wanna go fast."

Hyde sighed and crossed his arms, looking at the feeble rope that held the two vessels together. "Do you think maybe we're gettin' too old for this kinda thing?"

"Nah, man! You can't control the time when a canoe is gonna come into your life."

Izzy walked over to Hyde and put hand on his back, as he put his arm around her shoulders. She looked down at the rope with a knit brow. "Steven, this looks really dangerous. You're gonna get hurt."

Hyde shook his head. "No, no. I'm driving the car. Kelso'll be in the canoe."

"Oh! Okay, have fun," she pressed a kiss to his cheek and turned to Kelso, who closed his eyes and puckered his lips, clearly waiting for a kiss as well. In response, Izzy took the helmet from Hyde's hands and pushed it into his face, making him yelp in surprise. She just laughed. "Don't forget to wear a helmet, okay?"

"Yeah, protect that face!" Fez said. "That's your money."

Kelso shook his head and pushed the helmet back into Izzy's arms. "No, I don't wanna!"

"Kelso," Red said, walking into the driveway with Bob. "You're not pullin' out of this driveway unless you have a helmet."

Kelso groaned loudly and grabbed the helmet back, jamming it on his head. "Fine. Ugh, everyone's against me!" He clambered into the canoe and everyone watched as Hyde got into his car and turned the ignition on.

"Let the sparks fly!" Kelso yelled as Hyde hit the gas.

Amongst Kelso's whooping and cheering as he flew down and around the street, Red laughed and nudged Izzy. "Look at that crazy bastard. He may not be smart, but he has more fun than all of us combined."

Bob laughed. "You know, we had a guy like him in the national guard."

"What happened to him?" Izzy asked.

"He invented the wiffle ball."

-

"So my dad called my mom and she sent her old wedding dress in the mail," Donna said, smiling slightly. She was sitting at the kitchen table along with Kitty, Izzy, Jackie, and Hyde, and the five of them were enjoying hot cocoa and the cookies that Izzy and Hyde had made the previous night.

"And it fits well?" Izzy asked.

Donna nodded. "It does. And even if it didn't, it could be altered."

"That's great," Jackie said. "I'm sure you'll look beautiful."

Hyde chuckled and took a sip of his cocoa. "Damn, did Jackie just give a sincere compliment? I'm shocked."

Jackie rolled her eyes and nudged Izzy. "Hey, I had an idea earlier for Donna's bachelorette party, you wanna go plan some stuff?"

"Ooh, do I!" Izzy said enthusiastically, practically jumping out of her seat. The two girls headed up to Izzy's room, and immediately Kitty and Hyde leaned across the table towards Donna.

"So, we sent in Izzy Bee's portfolio last week. You know, for the Chicago art fellowship?" Hyde started.

"And then yesterday morning we got a phone call-" Kitty continued.

"It was from the patient that told her about the fellowship in the first place-"

"He said they all loved her work, and they'll send an official letter out by the end of next week!"

Donna looked between the two, and she couldn't remember a time where she had seen either of them look so proud. Granted, though, Eric hadn't given Kitty and Red a lot to be this proud about.

Hyde's eyes seemed to sparkle as he grinned. He was really proud of his Izzy Bee; Donna could tell. It was as plain as the sky above them all, and he didn't even bother trying to seem macho or tough or cool about any of it.

It was sweet.

"So she got it? She's going to Chicago?"

Kitty nodded, letting out an enthusiastic giggle. "She's going to Chicago!"

"We don't want to tell her, though. We want her to read the letter herself." Hyde said.

Donna knit her brow and took another cookie. "I thought this art thing was worldwide, not just Chicago-based. How do you two know she'll be going there? I- I mean, can you choose where you go?"

Kitty paused, then shook her head. "Well, when the man first told me about it, I mentioned how I didn't want my kids going far away, so he told me there's a portion of it in Chicago. She'll be fine. She'll be two, three hours away max."

Hyde nodded. "She can visit on weekends, or I can visit her. It'll be great." He grabbed another cookie and stood up. "Alright now, I hate to cut this chat short, but I gotta plan Forman's bachelor party. See ya, Donna. Good night, Mrs. Forman." He kissed Kitty on the top of her head and headed down into the basement.

-

Hyde walked into the kitchen the following morning to see Eric, Donna, and Izzy all in there already. Eric and Donna were sitting at the counter, clearly more invested in each other than the world around them, and Izzy was bustling about the kitchen, cleaning up the mess she had made while cooking breakfast. She stopped to greet him with a kiss, then continued her work.

"Forman," he said. "Your bachelor party's tonight, we're going to a strip club. So don't forget your inhaler."

Eric chuckled. "Oh, Hyde. I don't need a silly bachelor party."

"C'mon, man! It'll be one last night of the finest debauchery that Point Place has to offer."

"Hyde, all I need is my sweetie here," he glanced back at Donna, "for the rest of my life."

Donna laughed. "It's alright, Eric. You can go."

"Alright!" He whooped.

Izzy smiled, looking over her shoulder at Hyde. "Are you guys gonna be gone all night?"

"Hopefully," Hyde said. "Why? Are you gonna make me give you all my singles beforehand or something?"

"Nah, I'm not a Jackie," she said with a laugh. "Just don't do anything stupid with the strippers, or I'll deck you."

He nodded. "Fair enough."

Just then, Kitty came into the kitchen. It was obvious she had her ear pressed up to the door only moments before to listen in on their conversation. "Oh, boys. You're not going to one of those hoochie mama shows, are you?"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Forman," Hyde said. "I'll return your son in the same, slightly girly condition he leaves in."

Kitty nodded and began to make herself some tea. "So, girls, are you all getting together for a big shindig?"

Izzy nodded. "Yeah, Jackie and I had some ideas-"

"Some ideas? Oh, let me help!" Kitty said excitedly. Hyde chuckled and nudged Izzy, giving her a knowing look. "We went absolutely bonkers at mine," she continued. "All my girls came over for a sewing bee, and then my friend Gloria gave me my first sip of hard cider!"

Izzy stifled her giggles by hiding her head in Hyde's shoulder. He chuckled and looked down at her. "Ten bucks says that'll be your bachelorette party too, Izzy Bee," he mumbled, making Izzy giggle harder.

"Boy, you girls were crazy!" Eric said sarcastically.

Kitty laughed. "Well, back then we had some morals. Not like you girls today: loose and throwing it around town like the paperboy!"

This comment sent Izzy into a fit of giggles so hard that Hyde had to drag her out of the room.

-

Half the gang was in the basement that evening, watching as Hyde duct-taped an empty beer mug to Eric's hand.

"See, Forman?" Hyde said. "Now at the bachelor party, you can hold a beer, even after you've lost the ability to hold a beer, from drinking all the beer!"

Eric waved it around a moment, testing to see how the tape held. "I like it," he said after a moment. "Kinda makes me wonder why God didn't just make us this way from the start."

"Evolution will take care of it, trust me," Izzy said, grabbing a sharpie and writing "BONY BASTARD" on the duct tape before Eric could notice what she was doing.

"Ah, sorry I'm late guys!" Fez said, coming down the stairs. "I spent all afternoon in front of a mirror. Then I realized it was time to get dressed."

Kelso shook his head. "Fez, you don't have to look nice. Strippers like everybody! They're raised that way on special farms out west."

"Hey, Eric!" Donna said, grinning as she entered the basement. "So I talked to my boss down at the radio station, and I told him we were staying in town. I told him that if he wants to keep me, he'd have to put me on the air full time. And he went for it! Hot Donna, every day on WFPP."

Everyone voiced their congratulations, and Eric couldn't help but gesture with his hands excitedly as he talked. "Whoa, Donna, that's amazing! All you had to do was ask?"

"Oh, and I tied my shirt up into one of those sexy knots."

Hyde paused. "Hey, Izzy Bee does that."

"Yep. Never had to pay to get into Six Flags," Izzy said, grinning.

Eric's smile faded slightly. "Wait, but Donna... if you take this job, how are you gonna-"

"Why are you waving a mug at me?"

Eric now just seemed to remember that he had a beer mug taped to his hand. He put it down at his side quickly. "How are you gonna find time for college?"

Donna shrugged. "I dunno, I'll just stop going. Eric, I'm a DJ. I've already got the job that I'm going to college to get."

"Yeah, college sucks anyway," Jackie huffed, leaning against the freezer. "It's all smart people, and none of them are as pretty as me."

"Yeah, that's true," Kelso said. "Half the people in this room oughta be in magazines." He winked at Izzy. "You know who you are."

Donna chuckled and turned back to Eric. "I mean, we've both got great jobs, we'll get a place to live... we're gonna have the perfect life in Point Place."

Eric crossed his arms. "Huh. That's funny; I've never heard the words perfect life and Point Place used in the same sentence."