"Man, what is Brooke's deal?!" Kelso yelled, storming into the basement.

Izzy looked up from her magazine, her brow furrowed. "Brooke?"

"Brooke Rockwell." Donna said, leaning over the back of the couch.

"Oh, I know her. I like her. Gorgeous hair."

Kelso scowled. "Yeah, well I liked her, too! Enough to do it with her at the Molly Hatchet concert! And she totally denies it!" He crossed his arms and huffed. "Man, most girls lie about doin' it with me when they haven't. This- It- I- Everything is backwards!"

"Yeah," Eric said sarcastically. "This is just like Freaky Friday. Except, unlike that charming little movie, your story has no basis in fact."

"It does too! Except... it just... the girl is avoiding me. How do you get a girl to come to you when you repulse her?"

"Eric?" Jackie said, looking at him expectantly.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Well I like to put a hot dog at the end of a stick and hide in the bushes."

"It's true," Izzy said. "I've seen it many a time."

Hyde looked over at Izzy and Donna. "How do you two know Brooke, anyway? You guys... jump out of a cake together or somethin'?"

Donna laughed fakely. "Yeah! No, moron. When she was a senior, the three of us worked on the school paper together."

Izzy nodded. "She's cool, she always picked my photos over Timmy Thompson's."

"I think you two know Brooke cause there's a secret club in this town made up of all the hot girls!" Kelso said. "The... Secret Hot Girl Club!"

Jackie scoffed. "There's no secret hot girls club. Believe me, I'd know."

"Uh huh." Donna said. "Well, I'm gonna take off. I gotta get to my secret hot girls meeting!" She gasped. "Oops!"

When the door closed behind Donna, Kelso took her spot next to Izzy on the couch. "Wh- Why doesn't Brooke like me? I am a gentleman!"

Izzy patted his knee. "Sure you are, kiddo. You lied about doing it with a girl in the men's room! You're like a knight in shining armor."

"Thank you!"

-

Later that same day, Hyde and Izzy were in her room. He was sitting at the foot of the bed, and she was cross-legged on the ground in front of him.

"Okay, so you take this strand-" He mumbled, tugging lightly on a lock of hair. "And cross it over... this one?"

"No no," she laughed. "Cross it under. If you cross it over, the braid'll fall out easier."

"And we don't want that."

"No, we don't."

Her bedroom door flung open, and in ran Kelso, making Hyde jump and drop the half-finished braid and exclaim a loud, "Motherfucker!" Izzy, in turn, started laughing, as Kelso whipped his head around, clearly thinking the profanity was aimed at him.

"Not you." Hyde mumbled, running his fingers through the braid to completely undo it and start over.

"Oh." Kelso said, before turning back towards Izzy's deck and starting to go through the drawers.

Izzy raised her eyebrows, clearly amused. "Whatcha lookin' for there, Kelso?" He didn't respond. She laughed and said, "Don't worry. All my secret love letters to you have been stamped and mailed already."

Hyde chuckled, but Kelso just kept rummaging through the drawers. "Nah," he said quietly. "I'm lookin' for Brooke's phone number. I mean, why won't she admit that we did it?!"

"Kelso, man," Hyde said, giving up on the braid and sitting next to Izzy on the floor. "There are race horses, and there are donkeys, man. And you are a great donkey. But she's a racehorse. And racehorses and donkeys don't mix."

"They might," said Kelso sheepishly. He turned back to the drawers. "Look, we had a great time together! And not just cause of the sex part, but cause we had a really great time!" He paused, and his arms dropped. "Izzy, please help me find her."

Izzy thought for a moment, then giggled. "I'll give you a hint about where she works. Because I like games. And this is the perfect opportunity for a game."

"Damn it, Forwoman! You know I'm not good at games, that's why you always help me!"

"Yeah, I know! So I'm helping you right now. Okay, look. She works in a quiet building. You can try to check her out on a date, but she's probably booked for the entire weekend."

"She's a... travel agent?"

Hyde let out a snort of laughter. "How's this? She translated her love of books into a career."

"She's a translator!"

"Elle travaille à la bibliothèque, Kelso!" Izzy said, laughing harder as Kelso seemed to get more and more frustrated.

"Wh- She's the translator, not me, Izzy- I don't need these brain teasers!" He ran to her dresser and pulled a pair of underwear from the drawer. "Tell me where she works, and I'll return your underpants to safety!"

Hyde stood up. "Kelso, man. Aren't you a little old to be stealing her underwear?"

"A collector never stops collecting, Hyde."

Izzy sighed and stood up. "She works at the library, you perv." She grabbed the underwear back from Kelso, put it back in the drawer, and grabbed Kelso's wrist. She led him out the door, beckoning for Hyde to join them. "We're going there right now. C'mon, Steven, you're driving!"

-

"Ooh, look at all the smart, lonely girls!" Fez said, eyes wide in wonder as he looked around the library. "Little ones, big ones, it's like a virgin pumpkin patch!"

Kelso went up to the counter and rang the call bell. Brooke turned around, a frown on her face.

"Can I help you?" She asked monotonously.

Kelso grinned and leaned on the counter. "Yes, I'd like an order of books, please."

Brooke sighed. "Could you... be more specific?"

"Could you be more beautiful?"

"Could you be more lame?"

"Yes."

Hyde rolled his eyes. "I have a feeling this isn't gonna go well.

"Agreed," Izzy said. "And I don't care much to watch it burn." She took Hyde's hand in hers. "C'mon Steven, I wanna show you all the creepy books in the kids section."

-

"I can't believe Brooke."

Kelso was pacing the basement after they had gotten home from the library, his arms crossed and his brow knitted. He seemed totally perplexed that one girl didn't seem to be attracted to him. In all honesty, Izzy found it hilarious.

"I mean," Kelso continued, "standing there at the library, totally resisting me!"

Eric looked confused. "I can't believe we have a library. Like, what is it? Invisible?"

Hyde shook his head. "Nah, man. You know that parking lot we drink beer in?"

"Yeah."

"You know that wall we lean up against?" Izzy asked.

"Yeah."

"That's the library." Hyde and Izzy said together.

Fez grinned, looking very proud of himself. "Then guess who has peed on the library?"

Kelso sighed and plopped down onto the armrest next to Izzy. "You know what, Forwoman? For the first time in my life, I hope that there's not a secret hot girl club! Because if there is, I bet Brooke said awful things about me at your last meeting!"

Izzy laughed. "Kelso-"

"And you would know, wouldn't you? You're, like... the president of the damn club."

Jackie gasped. "You take that back, Michael!"

"You know," Eric said thoughtfully. "I don't care if there's a club or not. But if there is... Dancing-Bubble-Kiss Time is a fabulous idea to implement."

Kelso sighed. "All I know is that Brooke and I had a romantic night together at the concert. Why is she pretending like it didn't happen?"

"Maybe she's embarrassed," Donna shrugged. "I mean, she's used to dating really brainy guys."

Hyde nodded. "Yeah. Not guys who set their own pants on fire."

"On a dare!" Kelso yelled. "And I won a dollar!"

"Kelso," said Donna, "if you want Brooke to like you, you should go to the library and show her you're smart."

Kelso groaned loudly, the sound not unlike that of a dying seal. "I hate the library! The only good thing about it is that you can check out Playboys. I mean, they have every issue since it started."

Eric perked up. "Wait, every issue? You're telling me they have the one with Pamela Sue Martin, television's Nancy Drew, in a grotto, straddling the world's luckiest boulder?" He paused. His eyes flickered down to Donna, then back up at Kelso again. "Er... Oh, they have periodicals, you say?"

-

A little while later, when Kelso had returned from the library once again, he was visibly upset (once again).

"Well, Donna. Turns out Brooke doesn't like intelligent men!"

"Kelso." Hyde huffed. "You didn't have sex with her, man. Just let it go."

As if on queue, the door opened, and in walked Brooke. She looked nervous, and her eyes darted around the room before landing on Kelso.

"Michael..." she said quietly. "I need to talk to you."

"Yeah?" He asked, crossing his arms. "About what?"

She took in a breath. "About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert."

Kelso paused, then he nodded curtly. "Excuse me." He slowly turned towards Hyde, pointed at him, and yelled, "Burn!" and then did the same to every other person in the room.

When they all thought he was done, he dashed up the basement stairs, yelled it at, Izzy assumed, Red and Kitty, then ran back down to the basement. Out of breath, he grinned. "Burn. We totally did it!"

"Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant."

Everyone's jaws dropped. Kelso's face turned white. He turned to the others, pointing at Brooke. "I never touched her!"

-

The next day, the gang was in the basement again, watching the television, just as they always did. Everything seemed to be back to normal.

"God, Laverne is so annoying," Jackie huffed. "Why does Shirley keep putting up with her crap?"

"She has to. They're in love."

Donna sighed. "Again, Kelso, Laverne and Shirley are not lesbians."

He rolled his eyes. "Trust me. They're one bottle of wine from makin' out." He glanced between Izzy and Donna. "Just like you two."

"Kelso," Izzy said impatiently, "don't you have something more important to talk about right now?"

"If you've got something more important than girl on girl action, I'd like to hear it."

Hyde raised his hand. "I've got something. Brooke's got your feeble-minded bun in her oven."

"Look, she can't be pregnant."

"Kelso-" Izzy started to say, but he kept talking.

"It just can't be true. I mean-"

Izzy put her hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up. "This isn't something girls lie about. Right, Jackie?"

Jackie nodded, clearly remembering the time that she, too, thought that Kelso had gotten her pregnant. "I would know, too. I'm an expert on girl lies."

"Kelso," Donna said. "You're gonna have to do something about this."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "No. Doing something just isn't in my nature. Ignore, avoid, run away... those words have been very good to me!"

Izzy pinched the bridge of her nose. "Men."

Donna crossed her arms. "Horrible."

"What a pig." Jackie mumbled.

"You know what?!" Kelso said suddenly, jumping to his feet. "You girls don't even know what I'm goin' through, here! You can have all the sex you want and you don't have to worry about getting anyone pregnant!"

-

"Hey, Mrs. Forman?" Hyde asked, his hands shoved into his pockets. Kitty was sitting on the couch with a drink and a romance novel. She looked up at him, and he chuckled. "I thought you got rid of all your schnapps."

"Oh, well... you know... one thing leads to another and don't tell Red."

He smiled slightly and slowly sat in the green armchair. "If I ask you to help me learn something--something embarrassing--you wouldn't tell anyone, right?"

She laughed. "Do you need to learn how to tango now?"

"Ah..." His face flushed as he remembered all the time he had spent with Kitty, learning how to dance only a few years ago. "Nah, not today." He ran the back of his hand against his stubble awkwardly. "Look, I wanna learn how to braid hair. I- I've tried a few times, but I always tangle Izzy's hair up, or unravel the braid, or..." He exhaled frustratedly. "It's hard, okay?"

Kitty laughed again and set her drink down, standing up. "Well, come on. Let's go make some bread and I'll teach ya how."

He knit his brow. "How's that gonna-"

-

So that's how Hyde spent the entire afternoon: braiding bread dough (which he remembered Izzy calling challah at some point) and trying to remind himself that it'd be a lot harder with hair than it is with bread.

While they let the dough rise or bake, he sat with Kitty and talked about life with her. It was something that he could honestly say he never got tired of.

"So. Isabelle is taking a break from her art, I hear?" Kitty said, tearing off a little piece of bread that was fresh from the oven, and handing it to Hyde who immediately popped it into his mouth.

"Not anymore," he said thickly. "Bread's good."

Kitty sighed. "I feel awful, Steven. I know she thinks I don't support her. I adore her work, I do, I just wish she'd have picked a safer route in life."

He shrugged. "Izzy's down for a challenge. I don't think she'd like a safe route, it'd just bore the hell outta her."

"You're right, you're right. Red's told me that a million times, I think." She paused, then smiled slightly. "In light of that... I think I found something she'll like. And it will make everything okay between us again."

Hyde chuckled. "What, a new set of brushes? That was my Christmas idea, you can't take that."

She waved him off with a laugh. "No! See, the patients at the hospital like to give the doctors and nurses a lot of things. People think that if they buy us stuff, we'll work harder to save their lives."

"Are they right?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No, of course not. Anyway, one of them works for a yearlong art fellowship program, o- or maybe it's an apprenticeship? Either way, they saw some of the art I had up in the nurse station and asked about it."

Hyde's mouth was slightly agape. "No shit- I- I mean no way."

"Yes way! They want her to apply for next year when the time comes. There are programs all over the world, and there's one in Chicago-" Hyde opened his mouth, but she held a finger up. "Which I know is still a little far, but it's the closest one. And I think she'll really love it."

Hyde smiled sadly and turned to the unbaked loaf of bread, braiding the dough much easier than he had started off. "I know she'll love it, Mrs. Forman. But I also know she's not nearly confident enough to apply for something like that."

Kitty shrugged and put the finished bread on the table. "Then I suppose we'll have to do it for her."

He chuckled. "How would we-"

"Steven!" Izzy said excitedly, opening the sliding glass door. "We have news on Kelso and Brooke- why are you two making challah?"

The two inside the kitchen paused, looked at each other, and simultaneously began to laugh loudly and nervously.

"Your mom's gonna make, uh..." Hyde looked at Kitty with wide eyes.

"Bread pudding! For dessert tonight."

Izzy nodded. "Cool, I love bread pudding. Let me know if you need any help." She looked back at Hyde, then sighed and went over to him, grabbing both hands and pulling him outside. "Come on, we have news!"

He smiled and put an arm around her shoulders as the two walked back outside. "Alright, fill me in, you guys."

Kelso grinned. "I went down to the library to tell Brooke I'm all in, and she said I'm all out! I'm off the hook, man!" He tossed Hyde the basketball.

Hyde paused, then threw it back at him. "There's no way."

"That's what I said!" Jackie said loudly. "I think she probably said, I'm gonna take every penny you have, you irresponsible bastard, because that's what I would say."

"Nah," Kelso said. "She definitely said off the hook." He shot a basket and jumped a little when the ball made it in. "Man, I am one tall, cute, lucky kid!"

Hyde leaned against the car. "So... that's it? It's like this thing between you and Brooke never happened?"

"Yeah. Well- No. I mean, there's still gonna be a baby out there. But... my life's back to normal! Sorta." He paused. "I mean, it's kinda weird. But I'm not gonna think about it, because I don't need to. I mean, I should be happy, right now. You know what? I am happy right now!" He shot another basket. "I think."

Izzy nodded. "Yeah. Think, for once in your life. Kelso, man, I've known you a really long time, and I know that deep down inside- really deep down inside... you're a good guy. And I know that you-"

"You know what?" He said curtly. "Don't lecture me. Okay? I went to her, and I tried to talk to her, and she said it was cool, which is awesome, because... this could screw up my whole life."

"Yeah, man," Hyde said sarcastically. "You gotta stay focused if you're ever gonna invent those quadruple Oreos."

Kelso gasped. "Those are a secret, man!"

Izzy nodded. "No, yeah, this is good. Why put yourself out for some kid? Kids grow up without dads all the time."

"Right."

"Yeah, like Steven!" Jackie said, pointing at him with her thumb.

Kelso chuckled. "Well, I don't want 'em ending up like Hyde! Hair all frizzed out, with angry thoughts- ow!" He rubbed his shoulder where Izzy had punched. "I told you to take off your rings when you punch me!"

"And I told you that you're a good person! Guess we're both bad listeners, huh?!"

"Kelso," Hyde said. "You know what you should do. You're not gonna do it, though, cause you're too much of a tool."

"You know what?" Kelso held the ball tightly between his hands. "It's really easy to talk about the right thing to do when it's not your life." He threw the ball onto the ground and walked away, leaving the others standing there.

-

Izzy, Hyde, Donna, and Eric sat in the basement that night, all eyes trained on the television.

"I didn't know Chevy Chase was gonna be in this episode," Donna said absentmindedly, eating popcorn one piece at a time.

Izzy, who was sitting on the ground in between Hyde's legs, raised her eyebrows. "It's the season finale, I'd come back too if I could play the Landshark again."

Eric giggled. "Anyone else think Kelso looks like Chevy Chase?"

"Nah, man. They're just both conventionally attractive." Hyde mumbled, not paying attention to the show at all.

Donna looked over and furrowed her brow, smiling slightly. "Damn, Hyde. That's really good."

"What's good?" Izzy asked, abruptly looking over at Donna and yelping slightly.

"Sorry, sorry!" Hyde said hastily, quickly letting go of her hair.

Izzy reached up and touched her hair. "I didn't even notice," she said, starting to laugh. "Did you braid my hair? Successfully?" Hyde nodded. She reached over and got her compact mirror off the coffee table, looking at the two dutch braids closely. "Steven, these are really good."

Eric raised his eyebrows. "Dude, even I don't know how girls' hair works."