"Extra, extra, read all about it!" Eric called out, waving a newspaper as he entered the basement.

"Skinny Dillhole Talks Like an Idiot?" Hyde asked. "Yeah, I read it."

"No. Guess who was voted Point Place High's most eligible viking?"

Izzy thought for a moment. "Tommy Larkin?"

"Ooh, he is very dreamy." Fez said.

"No!" Eric whined. "Me! Thank you very much."

Kelso grinned. "Congratulations, Eric. Guess this opens up a whole new world for you, huh? One where you can... actually date chicks."

"And don't think I haven't already thought of that, my friend."

Izzy leaned against Hyde's chair. "And just in time for Valentine's season, huh? Great timing."

Hyde looked down at his girlfriend, setting his hand on top of her head. "Speakin' of, what do you wanna do for Valentine's Day?"

Izzy thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Nothin' really."

"Nothing?"

"Mhm. You don't like making a big deal out of these things anyway, it's no biggie."

Hyde paused. "But... it's our first Valentine's Day."

"Imagine this!" Eric yelled, cutting them off. "I'm Point Place High's most eligible viking-"

"Yeah, you said that already." Izzy said.

"Shut- I- I know- Izzy! Let me talk!" He waited until the room was silent. "So, like, I'm on a dating show. Like, y'know those cheesy shows where the guy interviews three blind dates? So I'm the guy! And I win dates with all three of the hot chicks! A- And Hyde, you're the jealous presenter, and Kelso, you're the guy who's all like, 'And behind door number two...'"

"Forman, don't put me in your fantasies." Hyde said. "I don't even like being in your real life."

Izzy laughed. "You can put me in your fantasies. I just like being included."

Fez nodded enthusiastically. "I don't mind being in them, either. I don't have a lot going on."

A few minutes later, Donna and Jackie came through the basement door. Eric immediately stood up, still clutching the newspaper.

"Oh hey, Donna! Say, did you see the school newspaper?"

He held out the paper, and she skimmed it briefly. "Oh yeah, the field hockey team's going to state. Woo hoo!"

"Uh oh, looks like someone doesn't want to talk about the new most eligible viking."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "That someone is all of us, Eric."

"Look Donna," Eric continued, totally ignoring his sister. "This whole most eligible thing has really taught me something. Um... I'm pretty." Hyde made a face. "So... what do you say, like, we officially start dating other people?"

Donna put on a big, cheesy smile. "Oh, I've been waiting for your permission! Can I stay out past nine, please please?"

"Okay, as long as you're gonna be cool when you see me with one, two, or seven of Point Place's juiciest tomatoes."

"Just like old times." Hyde said, getting up. "Eric and Donna... talking about meaningless crap that affects only them. I've missed it so. C'mon, Izzy Bee." He took Izzy's wrist and the two of them went upstairs.

"I have missed it." Fez said. Everyone looked at him funny. "I don't have a lot going on."

-

"Okay you guys, which one of these lucky ladies gets to go out with Point Place High's most eligible viking?" Eric set down his yearbook onto the Hub table, and Leo, Kelso, Hyde, and Izzy all gathered around.

"Start with the gymnastics team." Hyde said.

Izzy nodded. "Yeah, but go with the second string." When the boys looked at her all confused, she just rolled her eyes. "Just as limber, but with something to prove."

Hyde looked at her in amazement. "God, you're cool."

Eric flipped through the pages, then pointed at a picture. "How about her?"

"Yeah, I made out with her once!" Kelso said, grinning.

"Okay, I don't want my tongue where Kelso's tongue has been."

"Aw, you better stay away from your mom then." While Hyde and Leo laughed at Kelso's joke, Eric turned and punched his shoulder, and Izzy threw a fry, hitting him square between the eyes. "Hey! I was kidding!"

Hyde pointed to a picture. "What about her?"

"Hey, I know her, man!" Leo said. "She's not all there, if you know what I mean."

"She's a space case, huh?"

"No, she's missing a toe."

Izzy looked past Eric's shoulder and nodded towards a girl in line at the counter with short, dark hair. "Eric, isn't that that girl Emily?"

Eric looked over. "Guess that problem's solved." He stood up and headed over to her.

Hyde turned to Izzy. "You really don't want to do anything for Valentine's Day?"

Izzy laughed. "Why? Do you?" She gasped jokingly. "Have you suddenly grown a heart and now you want to celebrate it with little pink candies everywhere?" She poked his cheek, making him swat her hand away. "Steven, you don't have to pretend to want this for me. Honestly, I'm not too big on Valentine's Day, anyway." There was a pause, then Izzy's smile fell slightly. "You don't actually want to celebrate it, do you?"

Before he could respond, Fez came rushing through the door of the Hub, right up to their table. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Rhonda just said she has something special to share with me tonight. That can only mean..." He wiggled his eyebrows. "That we are going to do it!"

The boys started laughing, and Fez waved for them to shut up. He sat down in Eric's seat nervously. "No no, listen to me! I need a place to go. Roomy and cheap. Just like my Rhonda."

"You can use the Fotohut, man!" Leo said with a grin. "I'm always happy to lend it out for deflowering and bat mitzvahs."

"Thank you, Leo." Fez smiled wistfully. "Tonight, Fez becomes a man."

"Oh, so it is a bat mitzvah!"

Izzy furrowed her brow. "Bar mitzvah, Leo. Bat mitzvahs are for girls."

Kelso scoffed. "Psh, girl or not, every mitzvah should have a bar."

"Kelso, that's not... nevermind."

-

"Okay guys, let her rip!" Izzy heard Kelso's voice ring out from the basement. She left Hyde's room, where she had been taking a nap.

"What're you guys doing?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Sh, sh sh!" Hyde kept his eyes trained on the toy that was sitting on the coffee table, but he reached his arms out towards Izzy. Without hesitation, she went and sat in his lap, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

The boys watched as a metal ball fell down little plastic rods, successfully making a tiny red basket fall. The boys all threw their arms up and cheered, making Izzy laugh.

"Oh, is it my turn?" Fez asked. "Funny, cause tonight is also my turn to, uh, do it!"

Kelso snickered. "Damn, now Izzy really will be the last virgin."

"Kelso!" She yelled, grabbing a pillow off the ground and throwing it at him.

Jackie then came through the basement door, rushing to sit in the chair across from Izzy and Hyde. "Guess what, Eric?" She asked, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Donna has a date tonight, too. Yup, yup yup. I set her up with Michael's older brother Casey."

Eric and Hyde shared a look, then burst into laughter.

"Oh man, Donna's going out with Casey Kelso?" Hyde asked. "Casey 'What's the big deal, it's just a misdemeanor!' Kelso?! Man, that's gonna be the best bad date ever." He let out a little gasp. "We should hide in the trunk."

Kelso's eyes lit up. "Oh! Like Spritle and Chim Chim!"

"Oh my god, I would pay to see that date." Eric said. His eyes widened, like he thought of something, and tapped Hyde on the shoulder.

Hyde turned, immediately picking up on the bit, and made his voice all high and pitchy to imitate Donna. Immediately, Izzy was in stitches. "So, Casey, what are your thoughts on feminism?"

"Well Donna," Eric asked, bobbing his head. "I think it can munch my butt."

The two laughed, and Kelso just held a hand up. "Alright, hey. My brother's not that bad, okay? He taught us a lot of good, useful stuff about chicks, like the bigger the boobs, the smaller the brain. That's a timeless truth!"

Hyde shook his head. "Not timeless. Izzy's a straight-A student, man."

Eric furrowed his brow. "Well what does that- oh. Ew."

"I'll tell you another timeless truth!" Fez said. "I'm going to do it!"

-

"Guys, look what I got for Big Rhonda!" Fez said the following day.

Donna made a face. "I don't want to see pictures of last night!"

"No, no. That gift was not sex after all. But I choose not to dwell on the past, because I got her-" He pulled out a red heart-shaped box from behind his back. "Chocolates!" He held them out proudly, so everyone could see. "Oh, it is so nice to have a girlfriend for Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, it definitely increased the chance of getting your fun stuff touched." Kelso said, filing his nails.

"Welp, sorry fun stuff." Eric said, saluting his crotch. "Looks like it's just you and me this year." He looked over at Donna and quirked an eyebrow. "Unless..."

Donna looked at Eric's crotch. "Sorry, fun stuff."

"Okay."

"Oh, Rhonda's going to love these." Fez said, making his way to Hyde. "I just have to not eat them until Valentine's Day."

"But you love candy, Fez." Hyde said.

Eric nodded."Some would even say it's an unnatural love."

"Yes, I do love candy. But I love Rhonda more."

Hyde took the box from Fez and pulled the lid off. "Really? Cause there's three pieces missing."

Fez paused. "Fine. I love her the same." He quickly took the box back and sat on the washing machine.

Izzy opened the door, followed by Jackie, both of them dressed in their cheese maiden uniform. Jackie set her coat on the side table, and Izzy just threw hers in the direction of Hyde's room.

"Hi Sweetie," Kelso said. "How was work today?"

"I am so exhausted."

"Yeah, the commute from Austria must be a real bitch." Eric said sarcastically.

Izzy laughed and made her way over to Hyde, immediately taking her spot in his lap. "A bus full of old people stopped by the Cheese Palace today."

"And when they saw free samples, all hell broke loose." Jackie said. "But the good news is, we got paid!" She pulled her paycheck out from her purse, looking at it fondly.

"Oh, that's great," Kelso said, taking the check from Jackie. "Because Valentine's Day is coming up and I need you to give me money and tell me whatever foo-foo crap gift you wanna get."

Jackie stood up and snatched the check back. "Michael, I'm not doing that again! Last year, I gave you money and you bought a bag of plastic dinosaurs."

Izzy's eyes widened. "Do you still have those?"

"No!" She turned back to Kelso. "Look Michael, you need to make some cash and buy me something nice, because I worked way too hard for my money and you're not getting any!" She paused. "Eugh, I smell like hickory!"

Hyde turned to Izzy. "So, what foo-foo crap gift do you want?"

She laughed. "Hyde, I told you. I don't really like celebrating Valentine's Day."

"Well yeah, but... y'know, I kinda wanna do something."

Izzy paused. "Ohh. You're one of those."

"I- You mean a person?"

"Well..."

"Izzy Bee, I've been lookin' forward to this for a while."

Donna scoffed. "Really Hyde? I thought Valentine's Day was all Hallmark-slash-corporate mind control to you."

"I just think it'd be nice, okay? We can go out to dinner, go for a drive..."

"Steven, come on. We don't need to do some fancy, expensive thing to know we love each other." Izzy said, laughing. "You said it yourself, our culture turns human emotion into a consumer trade show. That's just not who we are, right?"

Hyde paused, then chuckled and waved her off. "No. Guess not. I guess..." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "We can just stay here and hang out with Forman."

Eric perked up. "I'm down!"

Izzy laughed. "Thank you, Steven. That sounds perfect. You get it." She kissed him lightly, giggling.

She looked behind Hyde's shoulder to see Fez, with his back turned away from the rest of the group. "Fez? Buddy? How's it going not eating Rhonda's candy?"

Fez turned around, his mouth covered in chocolate. "Fine, thank you."

-

Later that evening, Izzy, Donna, and Jackie were all hanging out at the Hub when Casey Kelso walked in the front door.

"Donna!" Izzy whispered excitedly. "Look who's here."

Donna glanced behind her, and a smile broke out on her face. "Oh my god, he is so fine!"

Jackie's eyes widened. "You know, if you marry Casey and I marry Michael, we'll be like sisters. Yay!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Go talk to him!" Izzy urged.

"I don't know."

"I want to go baby shopping with you!" Jackie said. "Now go!"

Izzy and Jackie watched as Donna walked over to Casey, accidentally bumped into him, and managed to hold a conversation that was only slightly awkward. When she returned, she was grinning from ear to ear.

"He's gonna call me!"

Izzy nodded excitedly. "Yeah? You gave him your number?"

"Of course I... didn't! Damn it!"

Jackie waved her off. "Oh, that's okay. Kelsos never call. They're like dogs. They're cute, but they can't work a phone."

As if on queue, the youngest Kelso then threw the Hub door open, rushing over to Jackie. He was clutching a paper bag, which he set on the table when he took his seat. "Hey! I thought about what you said. Y'know, about making money, so I could get you a Valentine's gift. And then, I realized that it'd mean a lot more if I gave you something that I crafted with my own two loving hands."

He dug around in the bag, then pulled out a rock with three numbers painted onto it. He set it in front of Jackie proudly, who just stared at it.

"Oh my god, it's horrible!"

"No! It's an address rock. You put it on your lawn." He giggled and kissed her cheek. "Happy Valentine's Day, my love."

"Michael, a rock is not a romantic gift. And that's not even my address!"

Donna turned the rock so she and Izzy could laugh at it, but her smile fell. "That's my address."

"N- No it isn't." Kelso stammered.

"That's my dad's address rock!"

"No it isn't!"

-

"Okay, so you know how my dad told me he loved me earlier today?" Eric asked, coming down the basement steps. "So I was just in the kitchen, and he came in, and I was gonna tell him I loved him. But, uh, then he said if my hair got any longer, he was gonna buy me a pair of boobs, so..."

Izzy chuckled. "You want mine? They're free, just comes with the eternal cost of back pain."

Hyde's eyes widened. "Don't you dare get rid of those, Izzy Bee."

"Steven, it's a joke."

"Not to me." He shook his head. "Not to me."

Izzy laughed. "Hey Fez, you know what might make the boys feel a bit better? A piece of that candy."

Fez's face paled. "No no no, there's only nine left! I will guard them with my life."

In no time, both Hyde and Eric lunged towards Fez to grab pieces of chocolate for themselves, and they both grabbed an extra for Izzy.

"Hyde! Eric! Izzy!" Fez picked up a candy. "Fez."

Kelso came running into the basement, looking smug. "Easiest money I ever made."

Izzy raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you finally got a job? Where?"

The boys all shared a look, and Kelso stood a little straighter when he proudly said, "They paid me fifty bucks for my underpants navy."

It took Izzy a second, but when she realized what he was referring to, her cheeks went bright red. "Oh my god. Oh my god, ew. I... I'm going upstairs."

Hyde chuckled, pulling her back to his lap by wrapping his arms around her waist. "Come on, Iz, let's listen to Kelso talk about his... corduroy commandos."

"Steven, ew."

Fez giggled. "Yes, your team from the inseam?"

"Fez, ew!"

"Your... Battle-pants Galactica?"

"Eric! Ew!"

Kelso snickered. "Battlepants Galactica... That's a good one." He picked up the bowl of popcorn that was sitting on the coffee table. "Man, this job is the greatest. It combines all my interests, hobbies, and skills into one money making endeavor."

Izzy scrunched up her nose. "Nope. No. I'm out of here. Come on Steven, I wanna bake something."

"Okay, but only if we make chocolate chip cookies." He chuckled, as she pulled him to his feet, leading him upstairs.

-

The next day was Valentine's Day. Izzy had been at work all day, so Hyde spent the day with Leo at the Fotohut. He knew their only plans for the night were to watch a movie with Eric, but it was still at least a little something he could look forward to.

"Hey, Forman." Hyde said, closing the sliding glass door behind him. He paused, smelling the air in the kitchen. "What'd your mom make? Smells real good."

"Uh... dunno. She's been out with Red all evening."

Hyde nodded and tossed his coat on the table. "So. What movie?"

Eric looked confused. "What?"

"What movie are we gonna watch?"

"Why are we... did we make plans?"

Hyde leaned against the counter. "Uh, yeah. We were gonna watch something with Izzy, since she didn't want to go out."

Eric's eyes widened. "Oh! Yeah! Yes! Um... You know, I don't know what movie we should watch. You should check the paper, see what's showing."

"I- Okay?"

"Yeah! Go check the paper! It's downstairs-"

"Why is the newspaper downstairs?"

Eric scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Ya know, Red went down there for something earlier today and he just... totally left the paper down there."

"That's, uh, kinda weird."

"Just go get it, man!"

"Okay!" Hyde held up his hands in defense. "I'm going."

Hyde shook his head, heading through the den and towards the stairs. Man, he thought. Forman needs a girlfriend. At the very least, he needs to get laid.

He headed down the stairs and stopped at the base. Looking around, he felt his cheeks heat up.

"You're early." Izzy said quietly.

Standing in the middle of the basement, Izzy stood there. She looked like a deer in the headlights, clearly not expecting him to come home this early. She was wearing a black dress with a white blouse underneath, and it wasn't lost on Hyde that he helped pick out that blouse years ago.

She was holding two plates of food, which Hyde figured is what he must have smelled in the kitchen. She set them down on the coffee table, which had a neat tablecloth atop it, and was pushed a little closer to the couch.

"Izzy Bee..."

"Um... I know it's not much, but I figured we could sit next to each other on the couch. I- I brought candles, too. They smell like mangoes and tangerine. And there's beer- I... I snagged us beer."

Hyde smiled and walked up to Izzy, taking her hands in his. "I thought you didn't want to do this."

"I don't. But... but you do, and that's what matters." She laughed breathlessly, looking around the room. "I'm sorry it's not very romantic, I thought I'd have more time to clean, but-"

"It's perfect."

She smiled and poked his nose. "Happy Valentine's Day"

"Happy Valentine's Day."