"Forman, I gotta talk to you."

Eric looked up from loading the trunk of his car. "Yeah, what's up? You ready for the road trip?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, totally." Hyde's voice was monotonous, which made Eric furrow his brow and close his trunk.

"Okay, what is it this time?"

Hyde let out a breath through his teeth. "I wanna tell Izzy."

Eric's eyes widened. "Really? Hey, that's great, man!"

"No! No, it's not." He licked his lips awkwardly. "I don't know how to do it. A- And I figured, like, hey... nice trip to Canada and all that..."

Eric's jaw dropped. "Hyde, that's actually really romantic. What's wrong with you? Are you feeling okay?" He pressed his hand to Hyde's forehead, laughing, but Hyde just hit his hand away.

"Seriously, Forman! I don't know what to do, and you somehow got Donna, so you must know something about this shit... right?"

Eric slung an arm across Hyde's shoulders. "Okay, man. I'll help you out. Here's what you're gonna do..."

-

"Okay guys! Road trip checklist!" Izzy said, walking out of the house with Fez to see Eric and Hyde sitting on the hood of the Cruiser. Eric was talking about something, and Hyde was intently listening. They looked up quickly when she came out, and got off the car. "Car? Check." She paused, then clapped her hands together. "Okay, we're good!"

"Is there anything we need to know about Canada before we get there?" Fez asked.

"The beer is stronger. And, as a result, their women look prettier." Hyde said, resulting in a punch to the arm from Eric.

"Really?" Fez asked, eyes wide. "Then let's haul ass to Canada!"

"Okay, Fez, ssh." Eric said. "Listen, if my dad finds out that we're going to Canada, uh, for beer, no less? He's gonna start killing people, okay?"

"Alright!" Kelso yelled at top volume, running up to the group. "Canada! Woo hoo! Beer!" He lifted an air horn and immediately Izzy felt Hyde put his hands over her ears to muffle the loud noise.

"Kelso, you're not going." Eric said.

"What? Why not?"

"Cause this is a risky mission," Hyde explained, "and you tend to screw these things up."

"That is a damnable lie!"

Izzy laughed. "Kelso, remember the time my science teacher gave me a C and we all went to put a flaming bag of dog poop on her doorstep?"

"Yeah."

"And... you lit it in the car on the way over?"

"I wanted to see it all flamey!"

"And then you panicked and stepped on it?"

"Forwoman, it was on fire!"

"Okay," Eric laughed. "You're not going."

"No no no, fine! I won't use the air horn!" Eric shot Kelso an unimpressed look. "And I'll pay for the gas." No response. "And the beer."

A grin broke out on Eric's face. "I can't stay mad at you! C'mon, you big lug!"

Everyone turned to get into the car, and sitting in Hyde's usual spot in the backseat was Leo.

"Hey dudes."

"Leo, man, what're you doin' here?" Hyde asked.

"Sitting. What are you doing here?"

Izzy poked her head over Hyde's shoulder. "We're going to Canada to buy beer!"

"Cool, man! I spent some time up there during Nam."

Izzy's eyes widened. "Ooh, conscientious objector?"

"No, I didn't mind. But hey, road trip sounds good, man! But I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man."

Eric shrugged. "Okay, let's get going! Uh, since Leo's coming with us, Hyde and Izzy, you two can take shotgun with me."

Hyde's eyes widened at Eric, as though to say, Oh my god, man! Don't make it so obvious!

Izzy paid no attention to them and just got into the car next to Eric, grabbing Hyde's wrist and pulling him in to sit on her other side.

"Oh, don't tell me Crap Shoes is comin'." Leo grumbled.

Kelso scowled. "The bag was on fire!"

-

"Wow. What a view." Eric said in awe.

"It's lovely." Izzy whispered.

Hyde put an arm around Izzy's waist. "Just like a postcard."

"It is so beautiful I could cry." Fez said with a smile.

The four of them looked fondly at the seven cases of Canadian beer in their trunk, smiling like proud parents. They were pulled to the side of a highway, with nothing but beautiful trees around them, but of course all they cared about was the beer.

"Oh sure, drinking looks like fun, and all the cool kids do it," Leo said, leaning against the Cruiser. "It'll lead you down a sad, lonely, confused path, man. You know why they call it beer?"

"No, why?" Eric asked.

"Just curious, man."

With that, Kelso came running out of the trees, a big, dopey smile on his face. "Guess how many countries I've whizzed in? Two!"

"Okay," Hyde said. "We should get going."

"Everyone has their IDs right?" Izzy asked.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom and Dad." Hyde glared at Eric, who just gave him a not-so-slick thumbs up and a wink.

"We're crossing the border, I'm just checking!"

"Oh no." Fez said quietly. "I think I left my green card."

"Oh, damn." Eric said. "Where's the last place you had it?"

"Well, if I knew that, then I would have it now, you son of a bitch!"

Kelso sighed. "Alright Fez, just take it easy-"

"No you take it easy! They're gonna put me in Canadian jail! Have you seen Midnight Express? It's like that but with hockey sticks!"

Hyde kicked the gravel at his feet. "Great, now we're screwed. And I had this whole... thing planned out, too."

Izzy's eyes widened as she grinned. "Plan? What plan? Can I be a part of it?!"

Eric's eyes widened, as did Hyde's, and the two shared a look. "No!" They yelled in unison.

-

A few minutes later, the gang had reached a decision: hide Fez behind the beer cases and hope the Canadian border police don't look back there.

"Ay, what if I can't breathe?" Fez asked as Hyde loaded another case in front of him.

"Just take a deep breath, man." Leo said. "And visualize yourself breathing!"

"Alright, now when we get to the checkpoint, everyone just act cool." Hyde said.

Izzy giggled. "And by 'everyone,' he means 'ole Crap Shoes."

"It was on fire!"

-

"Alright, just act cool. Nothin' to hide." Hyde mumbled as they drove up to the border check.

"You got somethin' to hide, eh?" The mountie asked.

"No!" Eric said. "No, uh... he said we've got nothing to hide."

"You know, around here, we don't make a point of saying we've got nothing to hide if we've really got nothing to hide."

"Good point," Izzy whispered to Hyde. He shot her a look. "What? He has a really good point."

"Shut up, Izzy Bee!"

"Cultural differences, wow." Eric said with a plastered-on smile.

Kelso leaned towards the front seat to look through the window. "We're all Americans! Every one of us!"

The mountie sighed. "Alright, move along."

"Alright, cool." Hyde mumbled.

As soon as the mountie walked away, there was the unmistakable fizz of a beer bottle opening from the trunk. "Stop right there." He opened the trunk to see Fez there, laying next to an open case.

Fez grinned uncomfortably. "Hey! You found me!" He paused, trying to think on his feet. "You win a beer!"

-

"See? Beer is evil." Leo said. The whole group was in some office in the jail, being watched by two mounties. "I'm not gonna say 'I told you so,' man, but I will say this: I told you so, man!"

"Beer never hurt anyone, my friend." The short mountie said. "You're well within the legal limit on that."

"But!" The tall one said. "You're over the limit on foreign kids you can smuggle oot of this country!" Izzy giggled at the accent, and Hyde had to pinch her leg to make her shut up.

"Well, what is the legal limit on that?" Kelso asked, standing up.

"The limit is zero, you hoser!"

"Damn it."

"Hey, I'd keep a civil tongue in my head if I were you. We could throw you in jail right now! We're the mounties, we answer to no one."

Izzy sighed and rested her head on Hyde's shoulder, taking his hand in hers. "I wanna go home." She whined quietly.

"I know, Izzy Bee. We'll be outta here soon." He whispered. "Promise."

"Look," Eric finally said. "Fez just lost his green card. We just... we didn't want any trouble."

Hyde turned back to Izzy, thinking of ways to cheer her up. "Hey, doesn't the short one look kinda like John Candy?"

Izzy held back a smile. "Not at all."

"Yeah, he totally does. And the big one looks like Dan Aykroyd."

"No way!"

"Lost green card?" The Dan Aykroyd mountie said. He leaned in real close to Izzy and said, "Seems a little convenient, eh?"

"Hey, back the hell off of her, man-"

"Steven! Don't- No, just- Ssh!"

Hyde huffed. "Fine. You got us." He turned to face Dan Aykroyd. "We're here to take over your country."

Eric laughed nervously and clapped his hands together. "Hyde, I know it seems funny when you say stuff like that, but, um, don't."

Dan scowled. "No one leaves until we get answers, eh?"

"Eh?!" The John Candy-lookin ass said.

-

"What are you doing in Canada?" John asked each person, once they were separated from the group.

"What are you doing in Canada?" Leo responded. Dan and John looked at each other uncomfortably.

"We're part of an elite high school terrorist team," Hyde said. "Strike Force Wisconsin!"

Eric's answer to the question was simple. "Uh, we just came to get the beer. And I love Rush. Fly by night, ow!" He sang, pumping his fist in the air.

"Canada's just, like, real pretty!" Izzy said. "Your guys' accents are so interesting. Not fun to impersonate at all! Eh?" She waited for their reaction, but nothing came. She sighed and crossed her arms. "I miss Steven."

Kelso furrowed his brow and rested his chin in his hand. "Okay, so if ham is Canadian bacon, then what the hell do you call bacon?"

"Me no speaka ze English." Fez said with wide, unblinking eyes.

-

"What's your business in Canada?" Dan asked.

"What's your business in Canada?" Leo responded.

"What?" Eric asked. "Getting beer."

Kelso grinned stupidly. "Every once in a while, do you ever get an American nickel in your change?"

"And Steven's got these great sideburns," Izzy twirled her hair around her finger, "and his hair is just wild and curly and so, so pretty! And his eyes, oh my goodness, his eyes!"

"Me no understando." Fez said quickly.

-

"What's your reason for coming to Canada, eh?"

"What's your rea-"

"Shut up!"

Hyde gave them a crooked smile. "I'm just here to tell a pretty girl she's pretty."

"And I just feel like Steven doesn't look at me the same way, like maybe he just sees me like a little sister, cause I've known him for so long. But then there comes in all the factors of, like, my parents? And what they-"

"Beer." Eric said. "Beer! Beer!" He awkwardly threw up some karate hands to prove he was serious.

"Are those snowshoes hard to walk in?" Kelso asked. "They're tennis rackets, aren't they?!"

"Wee fooby dibby dooby." Fez said.

-

"You guys are in real trouble if you... did what... what we think you did!" Dan said.

"What do you think we did?" Izzy asked innocently.

John's eyes narrowed. "What do you think we think you did?"

"What do you think we think you think we did?" Hyde asked.

"Something!" Dan said. "Something involving a foreign kid in the back of a car. That much is for sure."

"And now, we're gonna get some answers." John said.

Hyde scoffed. "What are you gonna do, torture us?"

"Yeah, you gonna make us listen to Anne Murray records?" Kelso asked, a shit-eating grin on his face.

He and Hyde laughed, and Izzy pouted slightly. "She's not that bad, guys."

"She's a wonderful performer!" Dan said.

"Okay, never mind." Izzy quickly said. "I take it back, she sucks."

Dan's eyes widened. "And you're not funny!"

"No, no." John shook his head. "What I think we're gonna do... is call your parents."

"Oh, Red is going to kill you two!" Fez said, then realized his mistake. "I mean... ooby dibby dooby."

Dan reached for the phone, and Kelso jumped slightly in his seat. "No! We had to smuggle Fez. It was the only way for him to see this great country. With its spacious skies, and... fruited waves of plain! And..." Kelso started slowly singing O, Canada, while everyone just watched confusedly.

"Nice try, kid." John said.

Eric quickly joined in with the second line.

"It's not gonna work!" Dan said.

Hyde stood up, putting his arms around Izzy's and Fez's shoulders, and the three of them joined in the song. When they mumbled over a few lines, Leo jumped in and saved them, successfully guiding them through the whole national anthem, moving the mounties to tears, their hands over their hearts.

"You sure are good kids." John clapped a hand on Eric's shoulder.

"Thanks, man." Leo grinned.

Dan sighed. "You know, there must be some way to put this all behind us."

Kelso's eyes widened. "We'll give you our beer!"

The mounties gasped. John put his hands on both of Kelso's shoulders, quickly saying, "Oh, God bless ya, son!"

"Oh! My green card!"

Everyone's heads slowly turned to look at Fez, who was picking his green card out from his shoe. "I hid it in my right shoe for safekeeping! I even made up a rhyme so I would remember. 'My green card in my right shoe, something something, right shoe'!" Fez handed his green card to John, who inspected it.

"So, see?" Izzy asked. "It was just one big misunderstanding."

Hyde chuckled and patted the mounties on the back. "Thank god we got that cleared up. We're just gonna grab our beer and head outta here." John put a hand on Hyde's chest, stopping him from walking out.

"Yeah," Dan said, "but you're not getting your beer back."

"What?" Eric exclaimed.

"That's not fair!"

"Man, you can't do that."

"Sure we can!" John said. "We just did."

Izzy lightly pushed her way to the front of the group. "Scuse me, guys. Pardon. Excuse me." She made sure all the boys were behind her, when she smiled at the mounties. "Can you... please? Let us take the beer?"

"No! Now..." Dan opened the door. "Leave Canada, please."

Izzy sighed and glanced back at Hyde. She shrugged, then turned to the mounties once more.

"Oh, god." Eric mumbled. "Izzy, no."

"Shut the hell up, Eric." Hyde whispered. "Let me have this, man."

"Okay, ew, Hyde."

Izzy lifted her top quickly, putting it back down quickly. The mounties' eyebrows shot up, they looked at each other, then back at her. "Okay, have fun with your beer."

Izzy smiled to herself and walked out of the building, the boys all trailing behind her.

-

"Izzy, that was super cool. What you did back there." Kelso said in the car ride home, a dopey smile on his face. "You should, like, totally do that again."

Izzy looked back at Kelso, eyebrows raised, challenging him. "Okay, Kelso. Name the time and place."

Kelso's eyes widened. "Ew! What? Ew! What? Ew! No, Izzy! You're like my sister!"

Eric nudged Izzy with his elbow. "You gotta stop doing that."

"Why? These things are lethal, at least let me use 'em."

Hyde snickered and put his arm around Izzy's shoulders. "You're such a badass, Izzy Bee."

"Thank you."

There was a pause.

"Hey, uh, Izzy Bee?" Hyde turned to look at Izzy, and she looked at him, their noses almost touching.

"Hm?"

"I... uh..." Hyde glanced around, remembering he was in a car full of his friends. "Nothing."

-

"So." Eric said, once Izzy had gone back into the house. It was just him and Hyde, sitting on the Cruiser's hood. "You didn't tell her."

Hyde took a sip from his Canadian beer. "Ah, y'know, I figured it wouldn't be right to tell her right after jail, and then-"

"So you pussied out?"

"Yeah, totally."

Eric chuckled. "Man, when are you gonna tell her?"

"I don't know! I don't know, Forman, okay? She's not just some random chick, okay? She's Izzy Forman, a- and... and I dunno."

Eric smiled softly down at his feet.

"What're you smilin' about? I'm having an existential crisis about Izzy here, man!"

"Just thinkin'. About the story of how Red told my mom he loved her for the first time. It's really cute."

Hyde snorted. "God. You're such a girl, Forman."

Hyde took a swig of beer, making a mental note to talk to Kitty about it.