"Wow Hyde, I can't believe it. Your own set of wheels!" Donna said as the gang all looked under the hood of Hyde's new El Camino. They were all standing in the Forman's driveway, all bundled up in their winter clothes.

"Yep. She is the best thing that ever happened to me." Hyde said, smiling fondly.

"Lies. Absolute fabrication of the truth." Izzy came up to Hyde, throwing an arm around him.

"Hm, you're right. The best thing that ever happened to me would actually be that one time Kelso swallowed that fish hook."

Izzy hit the back of his head lightly. "I was talking about me, dumbass." She crossed her arms, pouting slightly. "But fine, if all you want are fish hooks-"

Hyde laughed and went behind Izzy, wrapping his arms around her waist. He set his chin on her shoulder. "I'm only jokin', Izzy Bee."

"Good."

"But you gotta admit, Kelso swallowin' that fish hook was pretty cool too."

Kelso snickered. "Yeah, that was one magic trick I could never get right."

"Alright, Hyde," Eric said, putting an arm around Donna. "This car's fine, but it's no Vista Cruiser. How many miles are you getting to the gallon?"

Hyde thought for a moment. "Uh, about eleven?"

"Damn! Okay, fine! Well, y'know, the Vista Cruise can seat eight. Nine, if someone sits on the stain."

"Yeah okay, Forman, but do you have any idea how many chicks I can fit in the flatbed? Thirty-two, and that's with Big Rhonda."

Izzy scowled and hit Hyde on the shoulder. "Is that why you asked me how tall I was the other day?"

He shrugged. "Reference point."

Jackie gasped. "Ew!" Everyone turned to look at where she was, which was looking into the bed of the car. They all went to inspect, and found Fez and some blonde girl looking back at them sheepishly.

"Oh, hello." Fez said, stepping out of the car. He helped the blonde down, and she smiled brightly at them all.

"What are you doin' back there, Fez?" Hyde asked.

"I... I was... I was showing Caroline the back of my new car. And my tongue."

The pieces finally clicked together in Izzy's mind. "Oh! You're Caroline! Great to finally meet you." She held out her hand to shake, but Caroline just clung to Fez's jacket, smiling up at him dreamily. Hyde sighed and set his hand on Izzy's wrist, lowering her hand.

"Fez, this isn't your car." Kelso said.

"Yeah!" Jackie agreed. "Foreigners can't drive here, unless it's a cab."

"Shut up!" Fez said under his breath.

"God!" Caroline laughed. "Isn't he cute? Fezzie, I told you, you don't have to try to impress me anymore! I'm your girlfriend now."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Caroline. From now on I will be totally honest."

"Good! Now c'mon, walk me home." She took his arm and put it around her shoulders.

"Ah yes, and on the way I can tell you of the time I killed a shark with a coconut." The two walked away, leaving everyone laughing quietly at Fez.

Hyde cleared his throat. "Alright Kelso, let's go out cruisin' for hot chicks with self esteem problems."

"Yeah, no thanks, man." Kelso said. "I don't do that stuff anymore."

"Shut up and c'mon!"

"No man, I mean it! I've matured."

"A likely story."

Off to the side of their conversation, Jackie walked up to Donna and Izzy. The two girls were just making fun of the boys, so when Jackie came up with a loud, "Hey you two! Wanna go to the mall?" It startled them both. "Rerun from What's Happening is opening up the new Dairy Queen."

Izzy gave her a tight-lipped smile. "Actually Jackie, as fun as that sounds-"

"Um, no." Donna said.

"What?" Kelso asked, walking over to Jackie. "'Hey, hey, hey!' I'm in!"

"Okay!" Jackie said. "Well, let me get my beret and some Certs with Retsyn." Jackie turned and headed into the Formans' house. Kelso turned around to the group with a big, dopey smile.

Izzy chuckled. "You're such a doof sometimes, Kelso. You're too mature to go cruising with Steven, but you'll go to the mall with Jackie?"

Kelso shrugged. "Yeah. It's this new thing we're trying, Iz. We're friends. See, I did some reflecting, and I realized that Jackie is the only girl I want to be with."

Eric furrowed his eyebrows. "Today?"

"No! Every day. See, we were meant to be together. She just doesn't know it yet. Yeah, but I have a plan."

"Oh no." Donna mumbled.

"Oh, yeah! See, she wants to be just friends, right? Okay, so I'll be her friend, but what she doesn't realize is that I'm also a boy. Yeah! And sooner or later, 'friend' is gonna lead down the path to 'boy,' and then I'll be her 'friend-boy'!"

"That is a great plan." Hyde said sarcastically.

Izzy sighed dreamily. "Ah, there's nothing more sought after than a forced romance."

Jackie came back outside with her purse and her beret. "Okay!" She said. "I'm ready."

"Okay! Let's go, friend!"

The two walked off, leaving Hyde, Izzy, Eric, and Donna all standing around the El Camino.

"That is such a bad plan!" Donna laughed, once she was sure they were gone.

Eric shrugged. "Yeah, but y'know, on the bright side, maybe we'll be there when it all blows up in his face."

-

"Good evening, Mama!" Izzy said cheerfully, walking into the kitchen later that day. She held a gift bag, which was hidden behind her back.

"Isabelle! What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Oh, only the fact that it's your birthday! And I got you the best present."

Kitty put a hand over her heart. "Oh, you didn't have to get me anything!"

Izzy jumped to sit on the counter. "Yes, I did. Now, okay, I got you this-" She held out the bag. "But also, since I had to work at the Hub all day today and again tomorrow, I was thinking to make it up for you. I want to cook you something real nice for dinner once I'm free."

Kitty took the bag and smiled. "That would be lovely, Isabelle. Thank you." She moved the tissue paper out of the way and let out a surprised little yelp. "Oh! I have been looking for this cookbook everywhere, but it's sold out all over Point Place!"

Izzy giggled. "I know. I made a little day trip to Kenosha to get it."

"Thank you, Isabelle!"

"Of course, Mama."

Hyde came through the sliding glass door right after, a little box in his hands. "Hey Izzy Bee. Hey Mrs. Forman, happy birthday!"

Kitty's smile grew, if that was even possible. "Ohh, I can't believe you remembered! You know, you two are the only ones to say anything all day."

Hyde turned to Izzy, who laughed, said, "Hell yeah!" and held up her hand. He high-fived it, and watched as Kitty opened her gift.

"And how did you know I needed more flash bulbs? Thank you." She kissed Hyde on the cheek, and turned back to making the food. "So, do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Ah, no thanks. I'm just gonna grab a sandwich."

"No, Steven, stay!" Izzy said, jumping off the counter. "You know what that commercial says-"

"A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal!" Izzy and Kitty said in unison.

Hyde just shook his head and laughed. "Alright, fine. Thanks, Mrs. Forman." Kitty handed him his Manwich, and Hyde kissed her on the cheek before heading out the door, right as Eric and Red came in through the other one.

"Hey Mom, what's for dinner? I'm starving!" Eric asked, sitting at the table.

"Manwiches!"

Eric groaned. "Again? Agh, we just had those!"

"Kitty," Red said. "I left my shirt on the bed, it needs to be ironed for tomorrow."

Izzy sighed and took Eric and Red's plates to them. "I gotta go back to the Hub, Frank really screwed me with my shifts today and tomorrow."

"Alright, have fun Isabelle." Red said distractedly.

"Daddy, it's work." She turned to Kitty. "Bye, Mama." She hugged her around the shoulders and said, "Happy birthday," softly, the girls not realizing that neither of the boys heard.

"And uh, I know you think I forgot. But I didn't." Red said. Izzy stopped at the door, waiting to hear her father give Kitty her birthday wishes.

"Oh Red, I knew you'd remember!"

"Yep. The check for the plumber is on the dresser."

Kitty paused. "Oh! Good!"

Eric picked at his sandwich. "Um... is there anything else to eat?"

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Men." She mumbled, leaving.

-

"Hey Hyde, how goes it 'cruisin' for chicks'?" Izzy asked, seeing Hyde come into the Hub. She was setting an order of fries in front of Kelso, who was there with Jackie.

"It was goin' fine, until I hit a patch of ice and almost took out a few of 'em. Big Rhonda cracked my brake light."

Izzy laughed and went behind the counter, getting ready to take Hyde's order, when Caroline walked up behind him.

"Hi!" She said.

"Uh... hi." He replied awkwardly.

"Have you seen Fez?"

Izzy leaned her elbows on the counter. "I think he went bowling with his host parents."

"Damn him!" Caroline yelled, then quickly composed herself. Izzy and Hyde shared an awkward look. "I'm sorry!" She said, laughing it off. "I was just hoping he would be here so we could study together. Now I have to walk home, alone, in the dark. It's scary out there! Somebody ran over Big Rhonda."

"Izzy Bee, am I takin' you home tonight?"

Izzy nodded. "I get off in," she checked the clock, "ten-ish minutes?"

Hyde turned to Caroline. "Do... you want-"

"Okay!" She said, cutting him off then rushing back to her seat.

"A ride?" He asked, finishing his sentence.

-

In the car, Izzy had taken shotgun, leaving Caroline sitting in the middle of the backseat, leaning forward to stay a part of the conversation.

"So Fez is really nice, huh?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah, Fez's a good guy." Hyde said.

"Very sweet." Izzy leaned her head against the window.

Caroline nodded. "You know, sometimes, when I'm trying to sleep at night, I think about how much it would hurt if he ever left me." Izzy and Hyde shared a confused glance. "And then I say, 'Fez would never leave me!' But then, I say, 'We've only been going out for a short time, maybe he would leave me.' So then, I hold my breath until my lungs are about to explode, cause that's how much I think it would hurt if he ever did leave me!"

Izzy shot a look at Hyde, as if to say, Did she just say what I think she said?

"And then, when I regain consciousness, I start breathing again! And then everything's fine. Oops, there's my house! Thanks! Bye!" Caroline didn't even wait for Hyde to slow the car down, she just jumped out and ran to her door.

"See ya." Hyde said, long after she had left.

There was a bit of silence, and then Izzy burst into a fit of giggles.

"Mkay, what's so funny, Izzy Bee?"

"She... She's... She's fuckin' insane!"

Hyde laughed. "It seems so."

-

Izzy walked through the front door to see Eric watching the television and Red reading his newspaper.

"Hey guys, where's Mom?" Izzy asked, tossing her jacket onto the back of the couch.

"Uh... upstairs." Eric said, absentmindedly flipping through the comic book that was in his lap. "Man, what's wrong with her, anyway?" He asked Red.

Red shook his head. "Oh, who knows? She's been moody all day."

Izzy sighed and sat on the couch's armrest. "And do either of you have any idea why?"

"Uh, no?" Eric said. "Why? Do you know?"

"Daddy, look at the TV guide."

He picked up the little book. "Ooh, CHiPs is on tonight."

"Daddy! Not CHiPs! Look at the date!"

"What? It's the thirteenth." He set the booklet down. "You know, it seems to me I was supposed to do something on the thirteenth." Izzy watched as the realization hit Red the same way Hyde hit Big Rhonda. "Oh good lord!" He stood up, pointing at the twins. "You two forgot your mother's birthday!"

Izzy grinned and sat up a little straighter. "No I didn't! I got her a very nice-"

"Oh, this is bad." Eric said.

Izzy snickered. "Well yeah, for you guys. Hell, I'm goin' to bed." She jumped up, practically running up the stairs.

-

"I mean, what the heck makes Jackie think I'm her girlfriend?" Kelso asked. It was the next day, and he, Fez, Eric, and Hyde were all sitting in the bed of the El Camino.

"Who knows?" Izzy asked, sitting on Hyde's lap. "All you did was pick out her outfits, paint her nails, and give her a facial."

"Yeah! So what makes her think I'm her girlfriend?"

Hyde snickered. "Gee, I dunno, Denise."

"Um, guys? Can we go inside?" Fez asked. "I am freezing my choo-choos off."

"No way. I'm not goin' in there. I forgot my mom's birthday." Eric said.

Hyde raised his eyebrows. "Really? Cause, uh, Izzy and I remembered your mom's birthday."

"Yeah, why didn't either of you tell me?"

"How would that be funny?"

"I will never have to worry about forgetting Caroline's birthday." Fez said proudly. "She wrote it on my arm with a permanent marker. Isn't she sweet?"

"More like psycho." Izzy giggled.

"What are you doing calling my girlfriend psycho?"

"Oh, Izzy Bee, did you say psycho?"

"I sure did!"

"I think what you mean is nutbag. Headcase. Whackadoo! She chokes herself, man!"

Fez scowled. "Well Hyde, maybe... maybe you should... maybe you should choke yourself!" He stood up. "Good day."

Izzy sighed. "Fez-"

"I said good day!"

The gang watched as Fez stormed off, kissing his arm where Caroline's birthday was written.

Kelso crossed his arms unhappily. "Man, what fun is it being a girlfriend if you don't even have your own boobs to play with?"

"So what, Kelso?" Eric said, patting his shoulder. "So you're her girlfriend. What could possibly be so bad about that?"

"I- I'll tell you what could be so bad. She's gonna get married someday, and I'm gonna be her maid of honor! I- In a dress! With flowers!"

"Well yeah, but, I mean, on the flipside, try to think about what your life would be like without Jackie at all."

Kelso's eyes went wide with fear. "Oh man, that's even worse." He turned to Izzy. "Hey, girlfriends sometimes make out together, right?"

"Oh, for sure." She said sarcastically. She could tell her sarcasm went straight over Kelso's head, due to the dopey smile on his face. "Usually right after long, sweaty pillow fights. Happens all the time."

"Alright!" Kelso cheered.

Hyde grinned. "Nice."

-

That afternoon, Hyde was sitting in the Hub while Izzy was working, across the table from Fez.

"So, how's it going with Mental Mary?" He asked.

"Ugh, you and Caroline are so cute!" Izzy said, leaning against Hyde's chair. "First comes love, then comes asphyxiation."

"I owe you two an apology. She is crazy. She is crazy for me!"

They looked over at the entrance, where Caroline was standing, waiting for Fez. She let out a breath that she had clearly been holding for a while, and started waving her hand quickly at him, a huge smile on her face.

-

That evening, Izzy sat at the counter in the kitchen, watching as her father and brother prepared for Kitty to come home from work.

"Oop, here she comes!" Red said.

When Kitty came in through the glass door, the two boys started cleaning furiously. She just walked right past them, not looking at anyone, and went straight into the living room.

"Oh my god, she didn't even look at you two!" Izzy laughed.

"I don't think I've ever seen Mom so mad." Eric said.

Red shook his head. "Not since she stopped drinking."

"What?"

"Nothing. Look. Obviously, your mother's very upset about this. And desperate times call for desperate measures. For the last ten years, she's been asking us to do something. And every time we say no. Because what she wants... is the most horrible thing in the world."

Eric's eyes widened. "I won't do it."

"Oh you will do it!" Izzy said, standing up. "And you will like it!"

-

The next day, the four Formans, along with Donna and Hyde, found themselves all dressed up in Western clothes, standing in the entrance of a square dance.

"I can't believe we're finally square dancing!" Kitty said, laughing giddily. "Oh, this is so much fun!" She wasted no time in jumping right in, while the others stood off to the side awkwardly.

"Looks like Hee Haw puked in here." Red said in horror.

"Come on, honey!" Kitty said from the middle of the dance floor. "Let's dance!"

"Oh my god, this is awful." Eric said.

"She made me waffles, now promenade, you son of a bitch!" Donna said, pulling Eric out to dance.

Izzy turned to Hyde, who was stifling a laugh. "What's so funny? I thought you'd hate to be here."

"Oh, I do hate it. But not as much as I love that dress on you, doll."

Izzy felt her chest tighten. She looked down at the dress, an embarrassingly bright yellow patterned dress, complete with white frills. "I hate this dress."

"And I find that hilarious."

She laughed. "Shut up and dance with me, you dillhole." She tugged his wrist, trying to pull him out onto the dance floor, but he hung back.

"Ah, y'know... Kitty never taught me how to square dance."

Izzy chuckled. "Me neither. I was just planning on faking it. I mean they tell you what to do as you're doing it, right?"

Hyde paused, looking around at everyone, before looking down at Izzy, a smile tugging at his mouth. "Hey, uh..." He put on an exaggerated Southern drawl. "You wanna get some sar-sap-a-rilla, lil darlin'?"

Izzy held back a smile. "It's pronounced sarsaparilla."

"Well, aren't you all beer and skittles?"

"What does that even mean?" She asked, giggling.

"I looked up western slang in ye olde encyclopedia before I came here, just to annoy you all night."

"Well it's working!"

"But you're laughin' aren't you, Annie Oakley?"

"Shut up!"

"Alright." He paused. "Calamity Jane."

"Steven!"

-

"So, Mom?" Eric said as he and Red walked up to Kitty, who was sitting on a bench with Donna, Izzy, and Hyde. "We just found this present that we just had to get you. So... happy birthday."

"Aw! I thought this square dancing night was my present."

Red smiled. "Is it, but... we really messed up this year. And, y'know, we're sorry." He gave Kitty a small kiss and handed her the little box.

She opened it, revealing a mug. She read the words on it, then showed it to the others with a big smile. "'World's darn-tootinest Mom' Oh, you really think so, Red?"

"You're darn tootin'." He kissed Kitty once more, and she laughed slightly. It looked like she had tears in her eyes as she put the mug back in the box. "Okay, well... I think we've had enough do-si-dos for one night, so what do you say we all go home and have hot fudge sundaes?"

"Oh, yes!" Eric cheered.

"Thank god." Red said.

The three of them left, and Donna just scowled. "Bastards!"

"Don't worry, Donna. I'll make the sundaes." Izzy said, laughing.

"Ooh, please tell me you made chocolate chip cookies." Hyde said, wrapping an arm around her waist as the three of them walked out.

"I did not. But I will."