Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.

descriptive talk about rape, eating disorders, depressive episodes, and other heavy subjects. please do not read ahead if this is any way triggering to you, love you all.

Mia tossed and turned in her bed, the feeling of discomfort was evident to anyone around her, although the only person around her was her boyfriend.

"You good baby?"

Mia opened her eyes a frown placed on her face, "No I can't sleep with this big ass bump, I hate you for doing this to me."

The ginger laughed looking at the very pregnant lady that laid next to him. "No you don't." Fezco replied leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to his pregnant fiancé's forehead.

"Yeah, you're right. I love you so much it kills me." Mia smiled, rolling her eyes playfully.

"I love you so much more. More than anyone in this world."

Mia let out a groan, "I'm so mad I'm going to have to share you in a couple of weeks."

The two looked down at the stomach that had become huge in only a couple of months. The two were having a baby together, it was just how Mia imagined it.

"There's enough of me for my two girls, I love my big girl." Fezco kissed Mia's lips smiling, then brought his face down to her stomach. "And I love my little girl, my baby Arlo."

Mia laughed as Fezco kissed her stomach, the stubble on his face tickling her.

"I feel like things have been good, almost too good." Mia said.

"Is that a bad thing?" Fez asked, sitting down next to her.

"No. But– I don't know, it just feels not real."

"Well this is real." Fez smiled leaning in to kiss the pregnant girl.

( . . . . )

"Mia, you haven't been to one of our sessions in a while."

The room was cold, and smelled of peppermint. Mia hated everything about the environment, if she could be anywhere else she would but since break started and her parents have been home more they've began to notice her switch in behavior.

"Mia."

Mia blinked her eyes a couple of times, she'd rather be anywhere else but here.

"Yes?" She responded.

"What made you want to come back?" Dr. Niven asked.

Dr. Niven was Mia's therapist given to her at the ripe age of 14. Mia was good at hiding things, she was good at hiding her ADHD, PTSD, Depression... well you get the picture. Like it was said in the beginning Mia's parents wanted the best for Mia, they wanted her to be perfect. So what would it look like to the community that she grew up in if they found out that their daughter was far from perfect. She was actually a ticking time bomb.

"Well you see Doctor, I legally have no rights till I turn eighteen so until then I have to be here because my parents said so." Mia smiled sarcastically.

"I understand that it must be difficult to be back here, we have some good days and we have our bad days." Dr. Niven leaned forward in her chair, "But Mia you have to understand that your parents only want the best for you."

Mia knew that, she knew that they loved her and that she loved them back but even as smart as they were they were just as clueless as the rest of the world. Mia didn't need to be in therapy, she didn't want to be in therapy. She knew that after this she would be put back on her meds, and she would have to come back every week and soon would become drained from pretending to be okay for the rest of the world.

"Mia, do you want to talk about the situation? Has it become a problem for you again."

Mia's shoulders tensed up, that was the last thing on her mind. Why would she remind her of it again.

"Why is it that when things get bad for me again it always leads back to this?" Mia asked getting annoyed. "My brain has pushed the memory of me getting raped to the back of my fucking head I don't think about me being a 13 year old girl and getting held down while a grown ass man sticks his penis into me! I don't think about me crying while telling him to stop, I don't think about the blood on the bedsheets, I don't think about any of it."

Mia felt the tears roll down her face, she didn't remember starting to cry. She quickly brought up her sleeve to wipe them.

"What's going on Mia?"

The brunette shrugged from the other side of the coffee table, "I'm a seventeen year old girl what isn't going on."

"With you. What's going on with you?"

It had been three weeks since she last talked to Fez, three weeks. She missed him so much.

"Your parents told me that you were seeing someone? Tell me about him."

Mia brought her knees up to her chest and took a deep breath, "Brandon. His names Brandon."

"Okay Brandon, what's going on with you and Brandon Mia?"

She couldn't bring herself to look at Dr. Niven in the eyes, she always focused her eyes on the ugly painting behind her. "He's my boyfriend I guess, at least he thinks he is. He's nice to me and always lets me know he's here. My parents love him so I guess that's nice."

"Is he not your boyfriend?"

Mia shook her head, "No. No he's not, he's just there when I need him."

"What happened Mia?"

"He left, they all leave. They use me and once I'm all worn out they leave." Mia thought back to that day, she was thirteen year old girl and she had no business being at that party she was at. He was eighteen years old and he used her. She said no, but it didn't matter because he said yes.

"He didn't even go to jail, they just moved. They let him have a new start while I got stuck with all this bullshit, what the fuck kind of shit is that. I was a little girl and he took advantage of me. Maybe it was my fault because I'm me, I may have said no but there must have been something about me that said yes." Mia was now full on sobbing.

"Mia this wasn't your fault, this was that man's fault. We've always talked about this. You are the survivor."

"The crazy thing is no one knows, he told no one because he knew it was wrong. He knew that no one was going to be okay with him raping a thirteen year old, they all just think he got this cool offer to play football at a college halfway across the country."

Mia wanted all of this to be over, she hated the feeling of the scratchy couch she sat on and the cold feeling of the air conditioning on, the disgusting smell of mint.

"How is all this making you feel?"

Mia let out a dry laugh, she knew this was a therapist trap that would lead her to inpatient if she answered wrong, "I hate him, but I'm fine."

"You're not eating though."

"Did my mom tell you that? I eat shes just never home to see it." Mia rolled her eyes. One thing was true, her mom was never home. She always had to work late when Mia had her episodes.

"Mia, I know things are rough but you need to let yourself heal. Remember when we first met and you told me that was your ultimate goal, to let yourself heal."

Mia scratched at her leggings, her throat starting to close up as her eyes began to water again. Truth was she didn't think she deserved to heal, she was someone who ruined everything good she had. She was the problem, she was always going to be the problem. She was only valuable for a short amount of time before she was tossed to the side.

"I can only ask you to try Mia, you have to do the rest."

Mia promised herself that she was going to heal, that she wasn't going to let her past haunt her for the rest of her life. She wasn't going to let heartbreak ruin her. She wanted to be better, she wanted to do better. She wanted to feel love within herself and not from someone else.

"I want to try." Mia nodded.

"I'm glad you do Mia, let's get your prescriptions refilled after this session okay."

Maybe this time things would be different, at least she hoped.

hiii, long time since i've updated! after watching the newest episode of euphoria it really touched me because we got to really know rue and just rue and it inspired me to write this messy chapter just so you could know mia and everything that was left unanswered throughout the first act of the story! it was really hard to write this because it touched on a lot of heavy subjects that can be really triggering.

i wanted you all to really get to know mia, like all of her. you got to see most of her good in the first act and this is sort of an introduction to what's to come in the second act of cinderella. it's definitely going to revolve more around just mia instead of the relationship aspect of fez and mia because they aren't together anymore.

i'm not saying that mia and fez won't be together or not talk ever again i just don't know what's to come with fez's plot line. as for mia a lot of self growth and a lot of heavy subjects will be touched on when act two does come out! i hope you all enjoyed this and it holds you off till the next season comes out. i also might take down the book for a while in the coming months so i can rewrite some stuff and make sure it's just the best it can be!

lastly THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE READS... we are literally almost at 100 THOUSAND reads... it seemed like just yesterday i was thanking you all for 100 reads!

until next season...

see you all soon! 💌