"partying by yourself?" rue sat on the couch next to me. the bottle i had been drinking since earlier was nearly gone.

taking the few sips remaining, i dropped the bottle letting the glass fly everywhere. "whoa, fez. what got you all rowdy?"

"she's been gone all day, rue. she- she had messages from nate while she was gone." my words came out as a drunk person, but it was the truth.

rue looked confused, "so you think she was cheating? y'all aren't even together. i don't see why it would bother you."

i stood up with the help of jules.

"she's mine. i don't give a fuck if she's my girlfriend or friend s-she's mine." i stuttered more and more.

i felt a hand on my shoulder and the voice that i am in love with.

"my fezco, baby, what're you doing?" ryder's sound made me feel at home. "what a coincidence, you show up at nate's!" i yelled.

i saw rue stand up whispering into ryder's ear.

"let's go, now." ryder took ahold of my hand as i yanked it away. "no, fuck that and most of all fuck you."

rather than admitting my feelings were hurt and that i had been assuming this entire time i showed anger.

i didn't want to cross ryder's mind for her to think i'm some overbearing asshole. this is why i couldn't make things official with her.

"fezco, you're drunk. let's go, please." she begged obviously not in the mood to fight, so i went with her.

she placed me in the passenger seat buckling me in making sure i couldn't go anywhere. it made me laugh.

ry drove without saying anything. i felt my eyes get heavy. i closed them for a little it won't hurt anything.

"get up, come on."

my heart felt as if it skipped a beat and i woke up in a panic. "oh, shit.." i mumbled seeing ryder and ashtray both waiting on me to get out of the vehicle.

ashtray made sure i was sitting down before handing me a water. "i'm going to fix a grilled cheese for fez, you want one?" ashtray smiled saying yes.

"go finish playing your game and i'll bring it to you when it's done." she started placing the ingredients on the counter.

he hugged her before rushing upstairs to his playstation. we've been with her for almost two months now and he's back to being a kid i'd say.

he loves her and she spoils him.

she refused to speak to me the entire time but i didn't want to. i had my head on the table watching her cook.

i wanted to be that perfect boyfriend for her, but i couldn't.

she placed the food in front of me and took the other plate to my brother. by the time she made it downstairs i was already done.

"you're finished?" she asked quietly. "yeah, that shit hit the spot." i hadn't eaten at all so that was the highlight of my drunken day.

"want another one?" she took my plate from in front of me. "actually, yeah if you don't mind."

"i started the shower for you in your bathroom. i'll have it ready by then." she said before going back silent.

i don't know what i did to deserve her wonderfulness, but i was thankful.

•

"ryder please open the door." my heart felt like it was beating slow. "ry, come on."

i heard her bed move and the door unlock.

"what's wrong?" her eyes widen once she saw me. i laid in her bed as she went to the bathroom grabbing a cold wet towel.

"here take your shirt off and lay on the pillow." she helped remove my shirt and repositioned her fan toward me turning it up to a higher speed.

the lights turned off and she continued to cool me down by the towel.

"i- i feel li-like i'm dying. my dream was so real." i was never scared of anything, but the dream i had scared the living shit out of me.

"shh, you're okay. i'm right here."

her touch soothed me allowing me to forget my nightmare and sleep comfortable with ry.

there was a couple deep knocks on the door causing ryder to shoot up out of nervousness. she opened the door looking down at ashtray.

"michael's back he said family meeting tonight."

she groaned, "fuck man."

i felt her presence was disturbed by everything and everyone. i stood up to walk out not wanting to make things worse. "leaving?" her bothered voice spoke.

i silently just shook my head.

ryder rubber her temples in frustration, taking her necklace off she looked at me. "if michael asks, we're nothing and if you ask, it's the same answer okay? we're nothing."

her words felt as if i had been cut repeatedly.

"what?" i believe i was still in shock despite the fact that i heard her loud and clear.

"i need- i need for you to get out, and forget we had a thing. also, nate was asking for sex in those messages you saw, but i told him never again because i was with you. i'm not saying to regret anything you did with maddy and cassie but it's a good thing i'm not worthy enough to be official with you."

ry pushed me out so she could lock her door.

my face felt hot as if it was turning red, "please ryder! you have to let me make this right!" i shouted banging on her door.

her music was louder than my yells so i left it alone.

i was a jackass who literally just lost everything i ever wanted.