i always had a thing for ryder. i knew her before i dropped out soon after her mom passed she stopped going too.

i had seen her a few times, but only with mike near so that would of been weird if i tried to spit game at her.

he was protective over her it was no shocker. it was nice because she needed it, she needed someone.

i knocked on her door the minute i heard rumbling and moving around. she opened it and looked barely awake.

she had a white crop top with no bra and boxers on. her hair was in a messy bun it was actually really cute.

i walked passed her into the room. i looked around everything was so clean, modern and white.

"what if i would of had a guy in here?"

i rolled my eyes, "you know damn well you wouldn't have a guy in here with michael still in town. you're not stupid." i told her walking to the balcony.

this shit has a beautiful view.

"you wanna go get breakfast?" i asked her turning around to see an empty room. a few seconds later she peaked her head out of the restroom with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, "sure."

i welcomed myself in there too.

her shit was super nice even the fucking closet. she had just about everything you could think of. "how'd you get all of this?" i asked.

"work." she simply replied.

i knew she sold, but i wasn't sure what she was selling but it's some weight by the looks of it.

she pulled out her makeup bag when i stopped her dead in her tracks, "nah, none of that today. get dressed and i'll be waiting for you downstairs mamas."

ryder came down quickly dressed in some shorts and a tube top yo she looked fucking amazing. "about time, let's go." i complained but it was all jokes.

the restaurant i took her to was this diner my pops used to take me to when i was little.

"this is so cute and vintage. i wonder why i've never been here." ryder explained while taking selfies on her phone.

i slid in next to her on her side of the booth and made myself comfortable. she looked at me crazy, but i just smiled.

"come on, you taking pictures lemme get in." i requested. ryder gave me a smile that was out of this world.

i moved back to my seat once we got our food, but she begged for me to sit with her. "i noticed you have a lot of tattoos. what happens when you get pregnant? you're tattoos are gonna stretch, you know that right?"

i thought it was pretty badass how she had tattoos in places most girls don't.

"i don't plan on having children, yet alone a husband." her answer was straight forward. i knew she was talking from hurt but it is expected.

"my grandmother always told me to have a family of my own to show all my love to. you hold a lot of feelings back that you don't have to."

"ooh wow, fezco being a therapist or whatever. look, i don't want my child or husband to be around the type of work that i'm in or go through pain that i have." ry continued looking down.

i gently placed my hand on her chin bringing her up to look at me directly in the eyes, "your mother's death isn't your fault. just because she passed doesn't mean you will,"

her eyes begin to fill with tears ready to fall.

"love someone and see how it feels before you give up completely. it might be something you're missing out on." i finished telling ryder before removing my hand from her face and focusing back on my food.

i wanted her.

i needed her.

all her pain can be love, but she doesn't know that. i could be her everything. it was going to be hard, but so fucking worth it.

•

we spent the day out in the streets like sight seeing, buying stuff and fucking with random people.

i placed her bags on top of her bed giving her one good smile before attempting to leave the room. she quickly stopped me with a disturbed look on her face.

"what's your intentions?" she whispered.

i felt her hand still linger on my chest. i knew she felt my heart rate rise because i surely did.

"ry, i'm not here to hurt you. i'm also not here to make you fall head over heels for me. yeah, i like you okay? you're a cool girl, but you're also a damaged soul. that's something too precious to take advantage of."

i kissed her forehead and she gave me a weak smile.

i went to my room and laid on the bed. i was mentally exhausted, but it was only because i had been avoiding grieving for my grandmother.

mike told me that it was normal. apparently everyone griefs differently and to just give it time.