"ryder, sweetheart you're special. please remember that. i love you with all of my heart and i'm always going to be with you." were my mother's last words before she never returned back home.

"you're now her guardian, michael. please protect her and stay safe yourself. i love you more than words can express." my brother gave her a kiss on the forehead.

he shed one tear and one tear only.

"we'll come out to the waiting room to update you on her status." the nurse gave us a hopeful smile little did we all know that news would be the worst news to us.

our fathers death happened years before that. he was drunk driving and crashed.

i had always felt like it was suicide because he wanted to die. his addiction was too strong and he didn't want to get any better.

we were now young and parentless.

"we shouldn't have left michael. what if- what if they had the wrong perso-" "she's gone, ry. all we have is each other now. face it." michael stopped me.

heartless and cold described our hearts.

emotionless described our feelings.

a month later michael was now a drug supplier and i was home schooled now to help him sell. my speciality was cocaine.

i didn't mind because we did what we had to do to survive.

from time to time, mike goes to different cities and states for a decent amount of time to make more money.

also to keep things in check.

i knew my brother was missing my mom, but like he told me life goes on.

i became more developed, smarter and trust me, cuter. i wouldn't say i was an ugly duckling, but back then i was.

one day i came across a bunch of letters, jewelry and pictures all from my mom. mike stored his away, but i decided to read mine on the days they said to be read on.

my mom wouldn't be proud of the choices we made as soon as she passed.

but we had to do something.

we had nothing.

we had no one.

"you're a rider, ryder. i won't let anything happen to you." michael handed over the cocaine for me to distribute.

i shook my head and went to my room.