3 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days later

Wednesday, December 11th

Marcel's Birthday

11am

Today was Marcel's birthday and we decided to just enjoy each other. We completely shut the world out today. I was still grieving heavy over my sons but I was just happy to no longer be under 24 hour watch in my own house. Everyone constantly came to check on Marcel and I but they knew today we wanted to just be with each other.

Marcel hasn't been taking the twins death too well either but he was stronger than I was. He was still able to function on the daily. He also got the case dropped. I'm not sure how but I didn't ask any questions. He found out what happened with me shortly after the case was dropped. No one really told him anything since he already had the cops and the charge to worry about. Ever since he's heard he's been watching me and checking on me but it wasn't as bad as a nurse living in our house for three months watching my every move.

But back to his birthday, we decided to stay in the house all day and go out in the back patio for some fresh air later tonight.

I was in the bed sitting up and just staring at the wall. I was doing that a lot since what happened but honestly it kept me sane.

"You ok baby?" Marcel woke up asking me.

"Yes I'm ok. Happy Birthday." I said to him, giving him a weak smiling.

"I don't know about the happy part but thank you ma." He said and he sat up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"What are we ordering for breakfast?" He asked me. I haven't been cooking either we've just been ordering food or Marcel would cook sometimes.

"Whatever you want. I don't mind." I said. It honestly didn't matter. I still wasn't eating much anyway. Maybe like once a day and I still wouldn't even finish the food I had.

He nodded and ordered the breakfast.

"30 to 45 minutes." He said and I nodded.

He pulled out my laptop and signed in with my password. He started to look for houses in Beverly Hills, California and some houses in Las Vegas, Nevada. Those were the two places we decided to start our new life.

Ever since what happened, Marcel and his boys don't go to the trap anymore. They gave it to some other guy for all I know. When we moved I was going to get my Marcel a decent job or I'd just have him work with me on my business.

"How about this one?" He asked me. It was a big house in Beverly Hills.

"What would we do with a big house? It's just us." I asked confused.

"Not for long. I know it's not the time to bring up kids but we're going to start a family again but this time in a new environment and without me in the drug game. We're going to do it right this time. No drama." He said to me and I gave him a weak smile.

"Ok." Was all I said and I looked down.

"Hey.." he started and grabbed my chin. "I love you. I miss them too." He said and kissed my cheek.

"I love you too." I said.

"Come on." He said getting up. I was confused but followed him.

We went into the bathroom and he stared at me for a second.

"You know what I want for my birthday?" He asked me.

"What?" I asked him.

"This. Right here. You and me." He said and we shared a kiss.

His phone vibrated and he looked at it.

"Food here. Stay here I'll be right back." He said and I nodded.

I looked around the bathroom and sighed.

I'm going to miss this place. I thought to myself.

Moments later, Marcel came back with the food.

He had it set up on these two trays we had and he sat it on the bathroom sink.

He turn the water on in the tub and threw the hemp seed soap we had in there to calm us. When the water got to the level we wanted it, he told me to get in.

I got in and then he handed me the tray. He closed the bathroom door and turned on the speaker. He connected my phone to it and he got his tray and sat across from me in the tub.

We ate and enjoyed each other company.

W.A.Y.S by Jhene Aiko played. This is just the song we needed at a time like this.

At forty-four minutes to four

An angel walked up to my door

Opened the windows to my soul

Told me he thinks that I should know

That there's no slowing down

As the globe spins 'round and 'round

You gotta keep going, gotta keep going

Gotta keep going, you gotta keep going

Gotta keep going, you gotta keep going

You gotta keep going, you gotta keep going

You gotta keep going

If there's one thing that I learned

While in those county lines

It's that everything takes time

You have gotta lose your pride

You have gotta lose your mind

Just to find your peace of mind

You have got to trust the signs

Everything will turn out fine

So why aren't you smiling? Why aren't you smiling?

Life can get wild when, you caught in the whirl wind

Lost in the whirl wind, your chasing the wind

You gotta understand

There's really no end, there's really no beginning

There's really no real, there's really no pretending

There's really no fail, there's really no winning

'Cause nothing really isn't, everything really isn't

I closed my eyes and let the lyrics speak to me. I hardly ate. Marcel began to rub my feet.

"Why are you rubbing my feet. You shouldn't be doing all this for me it's your birthday." I said to him.

"But you're grieving. You're not ok. Let me take care of you." He said as he was chewing he pancakes we got from ihop.

I closed my eyes again and listened to the lyrics.

At forty-four minutes to four

An angel walked up to my door

Opened the windows to my soul

Told me he thinks that I should know

Life only gets harder but you gotta get stronger

This is for my brother, I do this for my daughter

That's why I keep going, that's why I keep going

That's why I keep going

That's why I keep going, I gotta keep going

I gotta keep going, I gotta keep going

I gotta keep going, gotta keep going

Gotta keep going

I gotta show them, that I can keep going

I gotta keep going, I gotta keep going

I gotta keep going

Why aren't you smiling? Why aren't you smiling?

Life can get wild when, you caught in the whirl wind

Lost in the whirl wind, your chasing the wind

You gotta understand

There's really no end, there's really no beginning

There's really no real, there's really no pretending

There's really no fail, there's really no winning

'Cause nothing really isn't, everything really isn't

That's why I keep going

As the song finished, I opened my eyes. I was coming down from my meditative state.

I opened my eyes to Marcel staring at me. I shed at few tears and he moved the trays and put them on the floor.

He adjusted himself in the tub to wear he was now sitting behind me.

He started to massage my head as I cried on his chest.

"I know baby I know. I miss those boys a lot too. We'll get through this." He said.

He let me have my crying session as he just held me and the music played.

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7pm

Basically all day Marcel and I just looked for houses and ate and watched movies.. At one point we went in the twins room and of course I started to cry again.

We were now in the back patio with our sweaters and sweats on.

The cool Florida night air actually calmed me down even more.

Marcel and I were just staring at the sky.

"How was your birthday?" I asked him as if we weren't in the house together all day.

"It was amazing. I spent it with one of the strongest women I know." He said to me and I gave a weak smile.

He looked at the sky then looked back at me.

"Our sons are up there." He blurted out and his tears started to come down. I felt shocked. I look at him and wiped away his tears.

"Yeah they are." I said and he look at me. We shared a deep kiss and for the rest of the night we continued to enjoy each other's company and watch movies and eat.

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