Monday, August 26th

Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center

12pm

My eyes fluttered open when I notice Bria standing over me along with my mama.

"Oh my god you're awake! Thank god." Bria said to me and my mama shed a few tears.

"Jada baby what were to you thinking? I would've gone crazy if you would've died. You were asleep for a whole day the doctors and nurses got all that sand and water out of you but they said you wouldn't open your eyes you wouldn't wake up." My mama said talking fast.

I didn't say anything I just looked to my arm and saw it was bandaged.

"Yeah they fixed that up properly for you." Bria said to me.

I looked around the room. I still remember the conversation I had with my dad. I saw my boys and that was the best thing that happened to me in that moment.

"I saw daddy." I blurted out. My mama gasped and so did Bria.

"I'll leave you two alone." Bria said then walked out.

"You saw your father? What do you mean J?" She asked me.

"I saw him ma. I was in a black room with two doors and he was there. He even brought my sons out so I can see them for a while. I was dead for some time mama." I said to her. She looked at me like I head five heads.

"Baby you sure it's not just in your head?" She asked.

"I saw him! I saw Jaylen! I saw Kayden! I saw all three of them mama!" I said yelling.

"Ok ok shhh shh." She said shushing me and calming me down.

"You don't believe me." I said to her.

"Honey I wasn't there so it's just confusing, but whatever you say you saw then it happened." She said to be adjusting my blanket.

"You don't believe me! Mama I'm telling you I saw them. I had to choose between to doors either to come back here or two go to the judgement with God." I said to her and she just sighed.

"Not right now Jada. Baby I love you but you're just still in shock." She said shedding tears.

"Mama! I'm telling you it happened." I yelled and started moving around trying to get her to believe me. She looked at me as if I were some random crazy person she saw on the street. She didn't see her daughter... she didn't see me.

The nurses then came rushing in and gave me a sedative shot as I put up a fight.

Seconds later I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

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4pm

I was conscious of what was going on around me but my eyes were still closed, I was waking up.

I heard a nurse talking to someone in my room.

"She'll either need to go to a mental institution for a couple of months until she's better or she'll need to be under 24 hour watch at home for the next 2 to 3 months." She said to the person.

"The 24 hour watch is fine. I'm not putting her in an institution." I heard my mama say.

A tear fell as I heard the nurse walk out the room.

I then opened my eyes and turned to my mom.

"You think I'm crazy?" I asked her. "You think I'm crazy mama? I tell you something important that happened to me... and you think I'm crazy?" I asked her hurt.

"Baby I think you're grieving. And you tried to kill yourself this is only for the best." She said to me sounded sympathetic.

"Mama I was dead! I'm telling you the truth! That's not grieving that's truth! I saw daddy! I saw Jay and KayKay! I wanted to be with them!" I said to her. Tears started to fall down her face as she stared at me.

"I hate seeing you like this. Baby this isn't you." She said and I started to cry.

"Maybe I shouldn't have chosen this door." I said lowly but she heard me.

"Jada! You won't sit here and regret living after a suicide attempt." She said to me.

"Obviously no one would've cared! Where is everyone?! Huh?!" I yelled at her.

"Honey calm down. Please. Marcel and the boys are still being held until this case blows over. They each have a lawyer coming in to help them. Bria is getting Mia and Mina so they could come see you. Jazlyn and Destiny had to go back home but they check in constantly." She said and I just sighed.

I didn't say anything I just sobbed. I was missing my sons. I just wanted them here. It should've been me that took the bullets if it meant saving my boys.

My mom sighed at me having no response.

Shortly after, a nurse came in with some food.

"Hi Jada, I have some food for you. You have to eat something." She said. I just shook my head.

She sighed and set the food down on the table next to me.

"Well it's here if you get hungry ok?" She said and gave me a weak smile and walked back out.

"I'm not going under no 24 hour watch." I said to my mom.

"Yes you are Jada. You're grieving, you tried to kill yourself, who knows what you'll do next. It's either that or an institution and I refuse to put you in an institution." She said to me and crossed her arms.

"I'm not a little ass kid I'm not going under no damn 24 hour watch." I snapped at her.

"You better watch that tone. You're going under 25 hour watch and that's final." She snapped back and I rolled my eyes.

I turned my back to her and thought about what happened in that black room. I shed a few tears again thinking about it.

Moments later, I heard my door open.

"Is she asleep?" I heard Mina's voice ask.

"Not yet I don't think so. She's just upset right now." My mom said.

"Jada?" Mina said.

I didn't answer.

"Jada girlie you have to talk to us." I heard Mia say.

I still didn't answer them.

I heard sighs as I just stared at the window.

"You didn't eat? Jada you're killing yourself. You haven't eaten since Saturday." Bria said.

"Good." Was all I said, still staring at the window.

"Jada come on... please eat. For your boys." Bria said walking over to me and sitting on my bed and grabbed the plate of food. I sighed and sat up.

She put the spoon of mash potatoes in my mouth and I scrunched at how cold it was.

"Well what did you expect? A hot meal? You won't eat." She said and I rolled my eyes.

I swallowed and as soon as I did I felt ready to regurgitate it.

Bria moves as I threw up all over my blanket. My mom sighed and called in a nurse to get me a new blanket.

When the nurse switched my blanket I just changed my robe and laid back down.

Bria, Mia, my mom, and Mina just looked at me with full sympathy in their eyes.

"You're going to be ok Jada. It'll get better." Mina said to me.

"Well right now all I know is I feel like shit. My boys are gone. And they're never coming back." I said and started to cry again.

"Talk about it, face it so that you can get better Jada please don't isolate yourself." Mia said to me and Bria nodded in agreement.

"I don't want to talk right now I just want to cry." I said and let tears fall.

They all sat there in silence as I cried.

Bria's phone vibrated and she checked it.

"This is about Q and the boys. I'm gonna go down to the station. Momma J can you take Mina and Mia home?" She said and asked my mom.

"No I'm gonna stay here with Jada." Mia said.

"Ok. Jada please get through this. Be the strong Jada that I know." Bria said and walked out.

I started to cry even harder. My mama came to me and sat on the bed hugging me and Mina came with her.

"I love you princess. You're going to be ok. Your mama loves you." My mom said to me and kissed my forehead as I cried. "Mia call me if anything happens." She said.

Mina also said her goodbye and they left. Now it was just Mia and I.

"Jada.... cousin you know you can talk to me right? I'm here whenever you're ready." She said. I just continued to stare at the window and cry.

I wanted to talk about it but I wasn't ready right now. At this moment, I just wanted to grieve. I wanted to cry until my heart ached, until my head started to hurt, I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to feel the pain of knowing that Jay and KayKay weren't coming back. I wanted to feel the pain of my happiness from a bad situation getting ripped away from me in just a few seconds.

I didn't even care that I didn't get married. I wasn't even mad at Marcel anymore. I just hoped he was ok. I know he felt pain like I did over the boys, he treated them like they were his, they grew a tight bond.

I knew in my heart that when we got passed this, we were going to have to move out of Florida. I couldn't take the life here any longer and I needed a fresh start.

Mia just sat there comforting me for the rest of the day and all night as nurses walked in and out bringing me food and checking on me.

Mia hardly said much. She just let me grieve. I appreciated that. She'd occasionally try and speak to me and I'd respond dryly not wanting to talk, but she understood.

That night she ended up sleeping with me on my hospital bed. She hasn't left my side all night unless it was to go to the bathroom.

At one point I started to cry again and she just held me until we fell asleep.

I was so grateful to have a cousin like Mia.

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