Susan's P.O.V.

You can't get everything you want for example, I want a tension free life easy going without any fear of losing my reputation and power. Where my every decision is not judged no one looking at my past experiences and failures because one thing I hate with my whole heart is a failure.

I like to have control. Control over everything related to me except Xavier I don't know why, but I never wanted him to be controlled I want him to lead me whatever he does, wherever he wants because he in spite of being what is labelled as he is deep down a man who I wished Adrian was.

Yes, I'm comparing the two and why not I would be certified a fool if I choose gold over platinum. I'm not going to say I find Xavier Better because he is rich, my parents approved him. In fact, I think he is better because he is not perfect he do things I'm afraid to do he says words I will never be able to say.

He is not coward , he mean it when I told he will be my side forever. He cares, he observes, he is not hiding himself, most importantly, he puts his efforts to make it work between us. Whatever it is he is so curious about me real me he gives me space he knows how to approach me right.

And that is what scares me most, what if he gets to know the real me and didn't like the result. Where will that lead us I don't know.

"Ma'am, your hair stylist is here should I send her upstairs" oh my god she is here already I'm not even dressed in my gown.

"Yes! Send her just wait for 5 minutes. First help me with the gown." I hurriedly ran inside my closet and changed into this freaking gown with corset which is hella tight fitted I don't think I would be able to breath.

"Stop it Rita I can't even breathe properly. I cannot believe this I literally brought it last week it was comfortable and now it's so not" I feel like I have put on a few pounds weight.

"I think you have gained some pounds this week, perhaps" Speaking words of my mind.

"I'm going to look so bad" Oh my god I feel like crying, I have only 2 hours left in my hand what I am going to do now?

"Susan I'm... Hey, why are you crying?" Worst time Xavier why did you came so early I hate my luck

"Nothing I am just getting ready for the ball" I told him and awkwardly went outside the closet to go to the bathroom and wash my tears stained face. Between this time I haven't even noticed Rita exiting the room.

"Susan why are you crying there must be something" Can't he just leave me alone. First of all yes I'm PMSing I am angry, I'm upset, I'm emotional and all of that I'm hungry since I'm trying to manipulate my weight from the last two days.

"I told you it nothing don't bother me. No you are not bothering me but just don't bother asking me what's wrong because I don't know what's wrong actually I do know, but, I'm already annoyed..." After that I shut my mouth since he started looking at me like I had grown two heads or something.

"I so can't understand whatever you just said, but, I'll not ask again" I'm feeling guilty now.

"What do you mean don't you care about me" Susan you are making it worse.I know, why did I say that shoot me please.

"What is the matter with you?" Oh, so now he is getting annoyed with me.

" You will never get it, I hate it" After that I did what I usually do at my home, I went straight to the bed, in that freaking gown laid down on my stomach and started crying.

"I'm so sorry Susan please don't cry. I'm sorry baby" He sat beside.

"I don't have a dress to wear" There I said it.

"But you are wearing one," He is making it worse

"It's uncomfortable, I can't breathe properly if I wore it, I'm going to look so bad"

"I seriously doubt that you look fine to me"

"You are biased"

"I'm not, but, if it is uncomfortable wear something from your collection of gowns I'm sure you are not liable to follow dress code. My mom will say you are beautiful even if you wear a t shirt and jeans."

"It does make me feel better" I told him.

"C'mon, get up I'll help you choose" yeah, like that would make me feel better. Still, I left my comfortable bed and went inside the our walk in closet.

"I really think you should wear this red gown." He is holding a bloody red gown enough to make me attractive enough to grab attention of bull even its pretty expensive I can't wear it since I wore that gown already twice.

"I already wear that gown twice, I can't go wearing that" He turn around and continue going through gowns I have in my closet.

"Susan I really think you should try this gown I am sure its untouched" He told me and came outside the closet with most pretty gown I have ever witnessed which unfortunately I own. It's peach coloured with floral design and sure looks better than what I was going to wear.

"Xavier seriously, you the are best," I'll surely rock the ball if I wore that gown. I took the gown from him and the best part is its flared skirt type.

"I know babe, but it feel good to hear from you" Awe I went to him throw my arms around him, probably creasing my gown, but hey, he deserves it and he being lovely he hugged me back I wish I could stay like. But no, I can't ditch this ball not when we are going to centre of attention.

Though we surely made it to gossip headlines today certain someone did click our pictures at the ice cream shop kissing and hugging. Note how shocked I was when I reached office and attacked by paparazzi. It's worse for him I'm sure because I have team to handle all these and they did a great job in clearing the crowd in a maximum of 3 minutes.

I was so afraid that I ate a whole tub of very berry strawberry in my chamber while reading all those articles, but that's the whole other level showing all the pictures of us together holding hands, during pre wedding preparations, official dinners and so on.

During lunch time he came to pick me up and after that I didn't went back, I came to home straight from there.

"If you are going to hug me like this always I might drop the idea of going out you know?" Awe he is so matching with my thoughts. I wish the same. I didn't say anything to him just went to closet to grab necessities for this gown and my jewellery to got with.

After a record time of 1 hour I'm ready for the damn ball. Inside the limo with Xavier he did choose nice masks for us, we have matching ones.

"Please don't leave alone there I'm bad at recognizing people with their voice only" it's just way too difficult for me since I'm sure I won't be knowing anyone there other than our parents and few of family friends.

"You have nothing to worry about I'll be your side whole time" That's what I all need to know.

But night is still young and no one know what might come next but together we might handle it. What I can I say Xavier is good at role of knight in shining armour.

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Love you all I might update another chapter today.