Petra was already preparing the ingredients for his nightly tea when Tornas walked over. She gestured with her head to the copper kettle and Tor dutifully, routinely, picked it up and went to fill it with water. He returned and Petra balanced the kettle on her fingertips to boil the water before pouring it over the tea leaves in the little clay pot. Tonight she had set out two cups.

“Do you need some as well?” Tor asked

“Yes tonight I think I do.” She answered.

“May I ask why?” Tor knew better by now than to pry without permission.

“You may ask. I had a letter from my mother at the messenger.” Petrianna answered.

“What's wrong?” Tor asked concerned.

“Nothing is wrong she just wants me to come home.” she answered.

“If your family wants you to come home why can't you go home?” Tor asked perplexed.

“It is complicated, but I left home for a reason.” She answered and poured the tea into the waiting cups.

“I mean I left 'home' because my life was a literal waking nightmare, everyday. Hence” Tor gestured to the tea. He didn't mention the second home he had left, the one he would do anything to run back to.

“It really does make my problems seem petty.” Petra picked up her teacup and held it in her hands.

“Oh no sorry Petra I didn't mean –damn.” Tor burned his tongue on the tea.

“No I understand. I have figured that out by now. You say bluntly terrible things about yourself to try to deflect and hide from your past.” Petra said. Tor did not feel so much seen by her comment as he did on display.

“I doubt your reasons for leaving home seem petty to you Petra. Why did you go?” Tor asked gently.

Petra took a deep breath and a sip of her tea. “I cannot be what my mother wants me to be. She keeps saying that she loves me and we will find a way to make this vision of hers work. That we will find a way for her to get her dream and for me to still be happy and thriving but, it is impossible. A seed can not be planted in the frozen ground, and the ground she wants to plant me in is frozen to me.”

“Could the ground ever thaw?” Tor offered

“No, it is metaphorical ground, it cannot thaw.” Petra responded

“I think what I mean is between you and your mother could you ever come to a compromise. Find new metaphorical ground, maybe.”

“I want to. I want to so badly. There is so much I miss about home. I miss my babushkas, I miss the field and the forest, I miss the cobblestones in Torivda outside She Bear's cathedral.” Petra said.

“You miss the rock in the pond with the frogs.” Tornas cut in.

“You have read my list.” Petra smiled.

“It is an honestly delightful image.” he said.

“It is an honestly delightful place.” she agreed.

“So go back, not immediately but after the voyage, go home.” Tor said.

“Maybe it will be that simple once the voyage is over. I may have something to return home with.” Petra said.

“Or someone?” Tornas prodded.

“Or someone.” Petra blushed. “It would have its own challenges but it would certainly make my mother happy. She has never said it out loud to me but I saw the way she looked at the other women with their grand babies.”

Tor almost spit out his tea. “aren't you a bit young for that?”

“The other girls my age are marrying and having their first children. My mother is a half elf, she knows she will outlive me. She has never said it in so many words but I know she'll need something, someone when I'm gone.” Petra finished,

“Fuck that's bleak.” Tor said.

“As midwinter snow, and dark as the polar night.” Petra was familiar with this thought and the feeling it brought.

“I am beginning to piece together why you left.” Tor said.

“I still miss it though, “ Petra said “I miss her. Its all just so complicated. Everyone at home thinks they know what is best for me and its true I needed more help for longer than the other kids when I was younger but I am an adult I should be allowed to make my own decisions without being reminded of all the little things that I have ever needed help with or done wrong in the past.”

“Then just don't think about them” Tor offered.

“That something you can do?” Petra asked.

“Just turn off the thoughts, you've got your happy list just focus on that and block out the bad.” He said.

“Don't feel the pain, don't feel the feelings. You advice all sounds very similar Tornas.” Petra said.

“I do not claim to know more than one trick.” Tor said with his hands up. “But circling back to someone to come home with...Dimitri?”

Petra blushed “Dimitri” she affirmed.

“You need to say more about that immediately” Tor prompted.

“He is Northern like me, so we have talked very much and he is so nice to me and also a bit handsome I think” a blush crept up Petra's neck and face.

“You like him.” Tor said.

“I like him.” Petra smiled

“It's always good to have someone you like, who likes you too. When you find the right one, never let them go.” Tor frowned for a moment at the last.

“No sad thoughts before bed.” Petra chided.

“Of course,” Tor forced a laugh “goodnight Petra” he said finishing his tea. “Thank you, as always”

“Of course Tornas, goodnight” Petra gathered the tea things and put them away. She was glad she had found a friend.