The Sixth Strain:

“Even after you yourself forgot the word sorry for whom, now you are actually trying to go home for a word of thanks.”

In the past, dad often blamed himself for my mother's feelings, who now turned to someone else… I'm not saying they are a mismatched couple, but back then, sometimes their faces really did show nothing but a forced smile for us their daughters.

Maybe it's the mother's way of wanting to be loved that's a little different from people in general… Or this is all the fault of that man, who until now I still have never seen what his face looks like. But… Talking about blaming each other, huh?

“I just want everyone to stop looking for someone to blame for whatever happened. Yet if it's not like that, then everyone will do bad things, right?”

I thought about that stupid notion when I was just a child…

But apart from blaming each other, sometimes I also think about how pitiful it is for people to blame themselves, like too much…

Just like how dad had always felt all these years.

Unfortunately I don't deserve to say that…

Because I also often cried apologizing to my little sister at that time, back when she was almost kidnapped by someone…

Everyone told me not to blame myself. They defended me, but I was just too sure that it was a hundred percent on my negligence in paying attention to her who at that time was still very small…

Apart from that problem...

There were these words that said, “Is that all you can do? Apologize?”

I heard those from my mother, when I accidentally exposed her secret lover, right in front of my father…

All I know is that what she did was a bad thing, and I don't want that to happen to anyone let alone to myself. It's not because I've always been closer to my father, nor is it because I hate my mother…

I've always been careless and stupid.

And last… About regrets?

I don't think much of it, but I do deserve to feel guilty about a lot of things that have happened to those around me. In fact, so much more has happened in my life besides everything I just said.

More important things, both good and bad, have happened, apart from something to do with forgiveness…

I'm just asking myself, why was I chosen to have this kind of power? I don't really feel like there's anything I should forgive, or someone asking for forgiveness from me…

As for the other two authorities that I have, it may be because at that time, on the day of The Arrival, I was pushed by many people who were in a state of panic at the port…

Just as we were waiting for the ferry to dock.

But I wasn't the only person who had fallen into the sea and was wedged between the concrete and iron walls of the ship… There were dozens of us.

We also did not know the situation that was befalling us, The situation where we should have drowned after being crushed by a giant flotsam because at that time the sky was covered by something very dark.

somehow I didn't feel bothered by the memory that should have been quite gruesome… Traumatic for people in the same position I was in at that time…

Well… It's not that I'm proud…

But I think Niel will like a story where it's me who looks cool…

Unfortunately I don't have any stories that I feel are suitable for me to tell him. Silent without a story, alone with him already feels warm enough for me.

I'm not the type of person who likes to be proud of my own past.

Or… Maybe I'm just forcing myself not to cling to the past.

I'd rather hear about prophecies, or destiny about the future.

Even… I mean… Maybe my weakness is to depend too much on it…

By the way… Seeing how Niel suffers, I think it’s true that the person who is trying too hard to forget the past and trying not to think about it, is the person who will always be consumed by his own vision of things that he can no longer change.

If I'm allowed to, I want to teach him to get up from it…

Heh… I hear men love to hear those words come out of a woman's mouth.

The truth is, I understand the thinking of many people who feel that everyone must love themselves… Also solve their own problems first, before loving others without bringing those problems to someone they will love…

But when someone comes along at our worst to help, and somehow they manage to help, doesn't that kind of love story sound more… Beautiful?

Yet the people in this world are unique, right?

Everyone has expectations that are different from one another…

Although sometimes each of them is contradictory, it will be considered as a relative understanding depending on the perspective and everything can be justified…

There is a person who is looking for peace in a relationship without any problems he has to face… But there are also people who are willing to fight for what they find beautiful in their own relationship…

Wait…

Did I just sound like I was criticizing?

Am I being too one-sided?

Well… I don't really want to, but I'm just talking to myself, so what's the harm?

I'm free to say anything here…

Eh?

“What about me?” You ask?

I'm more towards the artistic.

So I will keep looking forward to the beauty that will come later…

~~~~~

Now…

Talk about love…

I've been on a date once…

With a school star boy, a senior when he confessed his feelings to me in front of everyone's eyes at my old high school.

But I never thought about anything related to love before… Yet I said yes…

It's not that I don't want to, but I've never really thought about what the hell is happening right at that time when I said yes.

I thought dating was just a further friendship or something, or…

I really don't know…

I didn't know that accepting someone's feelings when we didn't feel the same way only made us feel annoyed and guilty the longer the relationship lasted.

Or maybe not that long?

Just a month later I asked for a break up to him, because it took me that long to realize that the date he wanted wasn't the close friendship I'd been misinterpreting all along…

To realize that I didn't really want the relationship from the start…

I thought everyone who said that I was clumsy and couldn't grow up to understand love was just a joke, so I just laughed.

It turned out that they were serious, and intended to lecture me.

Even after a year I went to college, maybe at that time sometimes I really wished to fall in love with someone… Or anyone, I don’t care.

I just wanted to feel in love.

If my feelings later will be rejected by the person I like, I think that's fine.

I also accept the broken heart flag one…

Though it doesn't mean that I want to feel heartbroken by a one-sided love, what I mean is that I just want to feel falling in love with someone.

Yes, I know that this is going to sound bad for someone to hear, but everyone comes to me to be a friend, so I have no problem getting one.

I also have a family that now after so much has happened, now this little family I think is warm enough to make me feel like going home is a joy in itself for me. My mother is no longer here, but Dad is still the same every day…

I also have Lucia, my little sister who is now in her middle school…

There are no problems, no burdens of any thoughts.

My biggest wish, back at The Arrival day, was nothing but just to feel what it's like to be in love… So come to think of it, I neither want nor need nor have experienced anything worthy of gaining the authority of ruling this forgiveness…

At least, I managed to save a lot of people at that time.

Somehow I suddenly understood how to control the water and teleport…

Returning the people who had fallen into the sea back to the harbor, also healed so many people who were injured.

I think my life would be the most ordinary life if only that day never came…

~~~~~

The weirdest thing and that still gives me goosebumps is, I don't feel anything strange at all with my body and all that power. It's like they've been there since I was born, and I just suddenly want to use them…

Several days passed with tension in the world, some organization suddenly took an interest in what I had, they said someone with three god’s powers at once was something that until now had never been discovered apart from myself.

At first they only intended to protect me from anyone with bad intentions with this power, myself included.

A month passed… The name of the organization changed three times, suddenly there were already several people who also had the unique power of their respective gods that I met…

I met Edward before I knew that he was also a great carrier, Albert, Valleria, as well as the great carrier of earth, Vincent.

Besides Edward and Vincent, we were given the task of finding people who are the same as us, with predetermined locations.

Perhaps the reason why they assigned me to find Daniel, was because they already knew that every great carrier had connections with another great carrier.

So using me to find someone related to my powers would be a lot easier than something random… That is Forgiveness and Suffering.

The first time I saw that boy's photo, he really looked like someone smiling with something behind his back. Something I had seen before appeared on my father's face.

His smile seemed to say for anyone not to think anything about him…

He’s hiding something… Like he had killed someone in the past.

Anyway… He's not that handsome…

Well… Okay you could say he’s handsome, but… Not really…

He's more toward really wanting to look cool…

It's not that he's my type, but I don't really have any type of guy that I like… Or… Maybe…

The point is, It's like looking at something on a log that looks like a face, sometimes our eyes can't help but to see it again, right?

Something that we find by chance, but cannot be unseen again…

Then I just studied the photo for weeks…

~~~~~

And sure enough, he was a very mysterious man…

Either he did it on purpose, or it was the world itself that erased his own existence for anyone to find out…

Then on the last remaining day of so much time the elders gave me just to look for him, when I was already feeling cheated by the world, he suddenly appeared out of nowhere, said ridiculous things about fourteen toothbrushes right beside me.

He's exactly the same as the one in the photo.

I finally saw him in person.

Although the situation didn't really feel that way, in my heart I asked, "Did the world just purposely bring us together?!" You know? 'cause the timing just feels so right, so…

Yeah… That’s just it…

And as long as I was walking with him that day, I just said to myself, "I found him! I found the man! After so long I finally found him."

Then I asked myself, "Who is this guy that I just found again?"

But the next thing I know after hearing the words of that man, Edward, about Niel who had killed many people before… I actually troubled myself instead, just to find so many excuses for myself not to see it as a problem.

Like I knew it was all bad but I suddenly just wanted to side with him…

Thankfully, I later found out that there was indeed an incident behind it all, he was just defending his own life… But even had it not been, I could see that I would still find excuses, however stupid as they may be, to side with this guy…

The reason for it all still intrigued me, but I wanted to feel it more…

Since I can't go back in time to feel the same feeling for the second time, I'm looking for something that is at least similar to that feeling from trusting this man…

I helped him in many ways that one day, and I was pleased with the face he put on, as if to say that he had to pay me something for all this I had done to him.

Yet I want those smiles more…

The farthest thing I did, was where I had to beg Edward to make a special strength restraint bracelet for Niel only… At least, something that doesn't look like a handcuff…

~~~~~

The weeks we were together in training, fighting him was something completely different when compared to Novita and the others…

He was just always fighting as if he was experimenting with something at the same time.

He had never used the technique we had been taught before… Fighting as if dependent on chance, and coming up with the unexpected every time the move went wrong.

He's strong... But always in a way that's too reckless.

Yet Niel always wins over me with so many mistakes he's ever made, and that makes me feel really annoyed.

I don't know what all of this actually is for whatever reason, but so far I am much more relieved when he is the one who needs my help, even later on in the real fight. I don't know if this dominant trait of mine is a bad thing for a woman, but Niel’s victory always makes me feel annoyed and angry.

Until… At the time of the fight that day, I still had absolutely no idea what the magic power of that man really was... So I thought there would be a different outcome in a fight where we both use magic in battle.

Using all the resources without exception between the two of us, would probably give me an answer that pleased me… Well, at least that's what I thought.

It turned out that the only thing his divine magic could do was to hurt himself.

~~~~~

Because of that childish nature of mine, Niel's existence and usefulness in Sins Taker has been questioned a lot by everyone.

Many wanted him to serve as the main weapon for this organization, or even for the sake of the world itself. He will only be given a lot of lives to take, I'm afraid he will change from the one I've always liked.

The smile would disappear from his face.

And by the time that happened, I would never again have the chance to help him. He won't ask for any more help.

I'm about to lose something I've been looking for so long…

I even thought that… Maybe... At that moment…

When his back was facing me, the moment he asked for help without himself even knowing it, would be the last time he would ask…

So I ventured to take that gaze of him, back to me, but I was too scared in front of those people… Edward and the elders… Or not? Maybe that’s not the thing…

Maybe I'm only afraid of one, which is to make things difficult for Niel himself in this matter, where it will be determined whether he is more worthy of being seen as an enemy or an ally… In front of these people, who are representing the eyes of the world we currently live in.

That's when I started to learn about priorities, which even until the last moment where Niel would feel trapped by the same thing, I still didn't understand how to explain it to myself…

As someone who was given the responsibility as much authority as we had over this magical ability, priority was the most complicated thing that ever crossed each of our minds.

Because it's not that I don't know what it actually is, but rather how I want to make sure what may indeed be true…

That’s right…

It's just a matter of letting go of the doubt…

But for the sake of enlightenment to myself, I searched for many things about all things related, that shackled Niel and I in it… Something that had been a problem from the start, something that had forced me to immediately determine my own priorities.

That is the organization itself, The Sins Taker.

~~~~~

I told Niel to rest and spend as much time as possible with people who would be able to calm him down, while I did what I could at the time, where we still didn't know anything about this world and its ruler…

For that, this teleportation ability is something that I've used to the fullest in many ways possible… I want to know a lot of things, and I want to see what my own choice will be, as my own top priority.

First, which became the main problem, was Edward who couldn't possibly be that easy to let Niel free from his clutches after refusing his orders with his quite harsh words at that time.

So I crept into many Sins Taker’s rooms around the world for anything, since I don't really know what I'm looking for either…

But I still managed to find many files in many headquarters, containing the same, namely about an unnamed terrorist organization.

While in Edward's own office room, I found a locker filled with so many folders containing sequential numbers, showing so much data about several great carriers with their respective powers similar to one another.

They’re just like distinguishing between groups of one great carrier with any of the rest… Or rather, they care only about the most useful authorities for their own selves.

The very front side of the locker, folder in the first order, contained all information about this one female great carrier, Aisha, the ruler of dimension.

Someone who can use portals, the much needed power to send so many troops from one corner of the world to another. Similar to teleportation abilities like mine, but it's a lot more efficient for such a large number, like a group of people.

Contained all personal data, and a section entitled "Experience that may be the requirement" as the vessel… No exception with the list of names of people out there, who have been prepared to be her successor…

Compared to anyone… Sins Taker has been way ahead with all these scheming plans, I figured.

So… Anyway… I think it’s not only Niel, but Edward also knew about some dangerous things like the vessel’s specifications for each great carrier’s authority…

But of course, right?

They literally have someone in control of every knowledge in this world.

And…

“The takeover of her authority has been completed…”

Although there was no further explanation for that sentence, for days I was a little disturbed by the one possibility that they had actually taken over the power of this great carrier…

Aisha…

~~~~~

It was at the time that I began to understand that rejection was not something Edward was worried about. I don't know how, but he really will take over our power if he thinks he has to.

Unfortunately... The folder with number two in the title, is… Evelina…

No wonder… With all the power at my disposal, if their plan is successful, then they will control three authorities at once. Though it says here that it's my teleportation ability that should take priority… Therefore, the moment that I was nearly crushed and drowned in the harbor is recorded on this sheet of paper.

While Niel with his abnormal offensive magic was third in the sequence…

It turned out that Niel himself did not fully explain how he got that cursed power.

He shortened and hid many details about the death of his parents, what he had seen with his own eyes, how he fought those people before the power of the magic even came, and how he died his own way… Burning himself alive, thrusting the sword into his own heart.

Just a person with the most insane and inhumane thoughts, care nothing even of what pain he would suffer himself for his own actions…

Then… With that feeling of anxiety I had in my chest, it was finally clear what my priorities were… No matter what, I have to save Niel…

Unfortunately at that time I didn't realize that I didn't have to save Niel from Edward's hands, but rather from someone who was currently holding him in chains to keep him suffering…

That was someone he was still trying to protect from this world that had turned into hell already… The two candidates who are currently on the list of people who will be his successors after Niel is successfully killed.

His own friends…

Fanya and Deo…

~~~~~