But it's funny, isn't it?

I am such a complex person. Where is it complicated? It’s complicated because I don't like being noticed by someone under certain conditions.

I don't like birthday parties, all the congrats, condolences or anything like that. I don't want anyone to talk about it. I don't want anything about my condition to be brought up by anyone else. That's why I kept everything about my past a secret…

Here’s the thing...

I don't really like the way Fanya always brings up something about me. But apart from that, I like her a lot as a friend.

On the other hand, I like Deo's way of not talking too much about the same thing, because I thought he actually understood what I meant earlier.

Turns out this was all just a misunderstanding…

He doesn't care about me at all and he purposely shows it directly, while he doesn't realize that it's that kind of nature that makes me feel even calmer than ever.

Uwa… So embarrassing…

“Now, what's the worst thing that could possibly come out of being Fanya herself?”

I muttered that in my mind, while standing right in front of the girl's door.

But now that I think about it, maybe today is enough for today… Right, Elis?

There could be no more clichés like this door a second time being accidentally opened by the same person on the same day… Like…

Like this one…

“Daniel?”

Just like what I was imagining in my mind, Fanya suddenly opened the door to her own room and saw me as the first thing she saw here on the outside.

She looks annoyed... Or sad... Or... I don't know.

Suddenly she lowered her face so that I could no longer see it freely.

“What do you want?”

What should I say?

“Uh…”

“Nothing? Then just let me close this door. Bye.”

“No, wait! Fanya… I want to hear everything!”

“Hah?”

“I… I want to understand everything that I didn't want to understand in the past… I know you know what I mean, right Fanya?”

“Sorry. But I don’t get it.”

“I've talked to Deo about his feelings. And I hate myself every second of it... All the things about my ignorance, how much I actually do not understand the feelings of the two of you… So now, just please let me know yours, Fanya.”

“You’ve talked to Deo?”

“Yes…”

“What did he say?”

“All that is enough to make me understand…?”

“Is it painful?”

“More than I ever imagined.”

“I see…”

Eh?

So that's it?

Won't she at least let me listen to her?

“Fanya…”

“I've already said everything I wanted to say to you at that time... Everything! But it's over. You rejected me, didn't you? Then, nothing more needs to be explained. You should have just dumped me from the start before I had that hope of my own, but... How could you possibly dump me if you yourself up to this day didn't even realize my feelings for you, did you?”

She slammed the door shut until it gave me goosebumps.

“This delusional egotistical girl...”

Elis!? What the fuck did you just say?!

“Fanya cares only about her own feelings, Daniel. Just leave that girl there alone if that’s what she really wants!”

You think that I will ever do that!?

No!

No, I won't let that happen!

I pierced through the gaps in the door again using the mist form. Appearing right in front of Fanya who was crying, she fell down in disbelief at what she had just witnessed.

“What was that?!”

“I have some kind of special power... But that's not the problem now. I don't want any more problems hanging around without you guys ever giving me any chance to fix it myself! So just tell me everything already!”

Fanya’s still sitting quietly on the cold floor, looking up as if she was looking at a demon.

“Sorry… I just…”

I decided to sit down with her to ease some of the fear she had. Where then I could only scratch my head in confusion.

I still haven't forgotten what Deo just told me a few minutes ago. I did force myself to sort out all these feelings about at once so I could wake up tomorrow feeling relieved, but...

I don’t know why…

This head...

My head hurts more and more…

And…

More...

“I just always feel that you actually never care about me, Daniel...”

“No! I mean… Yes, I know I've always looked that way... I admit it. Like seriously... But in fact, I really care about you two more than...”

“The two of us? Stop saying the two of us this… The two of us that. Deo and me, Deo and that! You said you've spoken to Deo, so you should have a little understanding of the three of us' problems right? So stop using those annoying words ever again. We’re talking just about You and me here. That's why you came here, isn't it?! So I want you to talk only about us at this time. Stop linking Deo whenever we're talking, you idiot!”

“Oh… Okay… I will stop...”

“I'm sure Deo said that he likes me, right? I've rejected him many times but he's always sticking with you. Like he was mocking me... Or as if he was forcing me not to have feelings for you anymore. That's right, I have feelings for you Daniel... Long ago. Even since the first time we met, either you still haven't or you're aware of it yet. But out of nowhere, now you already have someone, don't you? That girl… Evelina? Don’t say that… Daniel, you... Like that girl?”

“Yes… I love her.”

“Ah… See?”

Fanya laughed while crying which made me even more confused about what she actually meant by that.

“But that's okay... If after all these years it turns out that you still don't have any feelings for me, then we are not meant to be…”

Fanya started crying again while burying her head in her own folds.

“Even you always care more about Deo than me, the girl who always cares for your own self. You two always played together and always left me behind. You smile the same to everyone without exception and it makes me feel nothing special in your eyes. Whenever you're sad because you're fighting with Deo, I'm the one who always persuades that guy to make up with you again. That’s because of me, Daniel… If it wasn't for me, Deo would never want to be friends with you anymore. I know you will never care about me as much as you care about that gloomy person and… And… That’s...”

“Fanya...”

“That's why I hate Deo so much! I also don't care to take advantage of his feelings for me, all the time using him as a tool to keep you smiling as usual. I am willing to do all of that just for you, while you're not even aware of it at all!”

“Daniel, she did it all just for her own sake. For the sake of her own happiness! Now you know how selfish she actually is, so let's just get over it now, okay? Let’s just go home already…”

Shut… Up… Okay Elis?

~~~~~

“So what do you think, Daniel? Are you satisfied? After you heard everything… Now can you finally leave me alone?”

She forced herself to get up, walking slowly right in front of a window of her own.

Stared at something that was far across the glass frame, I'm just curious about what was that as well.

Just as the reason why I decided to follow her to stand up and move over... At least until this position was close enough to be able to see what she was actually looking at right now.

With that body of her suddenly jerking to a halt as if she was seeing something she didn't want, of course I'm curious too, right?

There I realized that Fanya was just drying her clothes out there... We can’t even see the sun at dusk as there is no view of anything because it is blocked by a lot of wet cloth.

Her back towards me, Fanya lowered her head and remained silent again until a few awkward seconds passed in this increasingly dark room…

Does this mean she's getting better?

Then, may I also feel a little more relieved now?

~~~~~

“Daniel?”

This girl's eyes briefly peeked at me, before then calling my name as if to confirm that I was still here. “Can’t you just love me?”

“Huh?”

I don't know why I suddenly have the ability to read minds at a time like this.

Whether it's because of my instincts as a man, or Fanya just feels too readable with what she really wants to do…

My guess turned out to be right, when I saw her own hands move quickly trying to undress herself right before my eyes.

“Fanya!” I don't want this to continue, or else I'll just hate both of us.

So I stepped up and held this girl’s hand while I still looked at her face with such an angry expression… Where She had lifted the cloth of her own clothes up to her neck, I could even see part of her body if I wanted to.

Even after I bridle her hands, she still tries to do stupid things. So I forced her to give up and said, “Stop trying to really make me hate you.”

“Please… I just want… You...”

Looking back with eyes that were increasingly flowing with tears, Fanya then gave up and hugged me while apologizing dozens of times for her own ugliness.

“I was just trying... I've been trying until this very second! How could it be wrong as it is now? Why didn't you ever choose me, Daniel? It's always someone else... Always with other people! It's only been a few days since you've been missing and now you're completely in love with the girl you just met?! Why not me? Why!?”

“Just stop it...”

I sat back down on the floor as well, following Fanya's fallen legs while still crying on my shoulders... It seems that it is actually easier to deal with Deo than this girl herself.

Like… I just don't get it...

I never expected that I would be overwhelmed by something like this one.

So I just don't know what to do even if it’s for myself…

~~~~~

Am I satisfied with all the facts that I just swallowed?

“Maybe?”

Is there any problem solved?

“I actually feel like it's getting bigger…”

Or…

Instead of solving any problems, I feel like I've just taken all those things to the highest peak until they themselves fall and shatter to pieces.

Either Deo will die by Edward's hands, or whoever it is, now I don't care anymore… Whether the World is destroyed or whatever nonsense is going to happen, I don't really care either… Being chased to the ends of the world? Maybe it will get me in a bit of trouble…

But just like what Fanya had said back then, I will no longer pursue the impossible…

I will never be able to create a paradise where we can live in peace forever and ever, so better I face this hell as I enjoy all its pleasures with misery at the same time…

That's the only thing you all want to explain to me isn't it?

Then it’s fine…

Now I understand... Maybe a little bit too late, but don't worry.

Now I completely understand…

~~~~~

“How do you answer Deo's words, before coming here?”

Why is this girl suddenly speaking so lightly? After all of those things that have just happened…

She still hasn't even taken her wrists off from around my neck yet. The crying may have died down... But this place is getting even darker.

Who will turn on the lights?

Wait...

What exactly am I still here for?

“Daniel?”

“About Deo? I don’t know…. I didn't tell him anything. I even patiently watched him leave while still insulting me.”

Do I really need to answer her question though?

“You're not angry?”

“What for?”

“You've never been angry even once before, have you? Anger matters, Daniel. You better have to spit out the embers from your heart. So it will keep your sanity at its own limit.”

“I've never been taught to feel anger. So I don't need to vent anything at all.”

“You sure? But I could feel it. Deep in the depths of your heart... An outburst of anger…”

“Whatever… Just let me go now.”

Fanya looked surprised after I pushed her hard enough that her back hit the side of her own bed. Then I stood up to look for the light switch in the room.

She’s silent, so am I…

“Is that enough?” I asked.

“Huh?”

“My anger.”

“Your… Anger?”

“You told me to be angry, didn't you? So… I just did…”

After this place was lit up with that imitation light, the face of Fanya, whose eyes were puffy after crying, smiled warmly at me. Laughing with such a pure expression, she then shakes her head looking back into my eyes.

“What’s so funny?”

“You call that anger?”

“Well, you asked for it. And I already said that I don't know how to be angry…”

“You really never get angry beyond my sight then?”

“Never… Or…. Maybe once? While taking revenge for Saskia. But I don't think it's an outrage though. It's simply just a feeling of sadness that I have for the killer.”

“I see…” Cleaning up the cloth of her own shirt, Fanya was silent as if she was preparing to say something...

She said, “We've never had a fight like this... But we've also never been this close before. It’s just that I feel a little happier now, Daniel... So… From here on out, what will happen... Between us?”

“Do you have something that you really want to do in this town that I might still be able to fulfill?”

“Eh?”

“We should enjoy all the things in this place before running away, right?”

“You mean…”

“We will return to our hometown. Hang in there as far as we can, then leave again looking for a much safer place.”

Fanya looked excited by my words, stood up to tidy herself up, nodded enthusiastically.

Where then I tell her to rest and think about all the things she wants to do, while I will also rest in my own room for now.

Until finally here I sat quietly in front of the window of my room alone.

“You know I don’t like this…”

“This is my own choice, Elis.”

“No, this is not your own choice. We're supposed to be of the same mind, so there's no way you can evade these words of mine. Come on, Daniel... You can't give up now! We may still be able to change things…”

“Before that happened, no one could guarantee that Fanya would be able to survive even until tomorrow. You see that disgusting place where we found Deo? And how are they freely swinging their own swords in the middle of the road to seek us out?”

What can we really do to fight the Sins takers? An organization that can even now be said to be the power of the entire earth itself?

Ellie also wanted to run away, right?

Although she didn't say it out of fear that I would worry and reject her plan, that wouldn't change her state of being who would always be forced to work beyond her own limits, no matter whether Edward was defeated or not in the future... My own words were the reason why she didn't run away even though she wanted so badly.

“But those two girls wouldn't like this, you moron! Especially Ellie… We're both still the same type of person. Someone who is very easy to feel jealous. So you're just going to hurt someone's heart again. And also personally, I still have the same desire as you, Daniel... The greatest wish belongs to both of us... That strange feeling in your heart right now, is the impact of your own previous actions of giving up and choosing a way of life that you don't like so much. We still can do it, Daniel! We can still think of a way!”

“Then Ellie could just wait. We are both immortal after all… It’s just… I don't want to feel regret, Elis. I don't want to regret my decision to fight for the impossible, while the life of someone I really care about could be lost any moment from now on.”

For that reason, I apologize. My decision is final.

But I can't hear the response from the little girl's voice…

As I also don't want to force her to give an answer, until...

“Ellie would definitely be feeling really, really upset about all of this, but fine… You do whatever you really want to do even though we both understand very well how much you hate that in yourself, while I will go and not bother you as you wish!”

“Will go? What do you mean? Where?”

“Since we can't possibly fight in the same body, I'll be borrowing more of your brain function to have my own way of dealing with this matter. And when I figured out a way, Daniel... You... You know what? Ugh... If I find a way, you're going to owe the real me a lot in this world… Yeah! That girl! Ellie! You even have to swear to become her slave and obey all of her orders!”

“What the fuck?”

“Bye!”

“Elis? What do you mean? Huh? Where are you!?”

So she really could just walk away like that?

Wait… Is this the same as the one she was unconscious at that time? Or is she just turning off her hearing function for my voice…

Well, don't get me wrong, I still won't change my mind… But after hearing Elis's words just now, this self... Actually couldn't deny even just a speck.

~~~~~

This is all because everyone's wishes feel right but also very contradictory…

And of course I'm just forced to choose what is most likely to come true, that up to this moment, Fanya's words are the most correct and logical for me to accept.

If I remember how Ellie is, even though her request is similar to Fanya's, Elis sounds right about it. Just as she didn't like Fanya interfering, surely Ellie would have the same response like her. Especially after I realized that Fanya's feelings towards me were different from what I thought for years…

“Heh…”

Even though I still and will still think of Fanya as a friend and family and will never be more than that, but am I being a jerk to Ellie?

How will she react when I ask her to include Fanya in our escape plan?

When only recently did she realize the oddity of the relationship that Deo, Fanya and I had from the start...

Fuck… I feel like Elis really has used up more percentage of my… Our own brain usage. That I'm starting to get tired without doing anything heavy that I did all day.

But I also don't have the heart to scold her…

“Ugh… Of course she will side with Ellie.”

Nagging alone, I walked right to the side of the bed.

“That's not even wrong though... Because Ellie only wants to save me… And Elis only wants to save… Wait… Who?”

~~~~~