The Fourth Strain:

“Whether it is a desire or a need for them. You don't care, while putting on those two very different faces you wish you could grant both...”

The capital city of Indonesia. Bonadia.

A city full of pollution and false hopes. A place that was perfectly suited to have your own death, but it also had all the top three national university rankings within it.

A fatal mistake in the past, which became the forerunner to the creation of Guinaian City that was built specifically for students with their own future.

I've only come to this place once... Right the last time when I saw my big sister. And I remember all the numbers on the street sign. I followed the increasing order of it and shifted to the position the boarding house was in.

Before entering the magnificent and expensive building, I sat quietly in a food stall just across the street. Seeing this small road, I was confused about what I was actually looking for. Either I'm really thinking hard, or I'm just looking for an excuse not to go into my old sister's room... The shop owner asked to make sure all of a sudden. “You wanna buy something, kid?”

“No. But I want to ask you about something…”

“You have to buy something then. Oh… That uniform…” So he recognizes the sins taker uniform? “You guys hang around this town quite a bit, eh? Why are you struggling to repair a city that has been destroyed? Better protect other cities if you really want to hear the voices of the people like me.”

This old man has a point. I've never even seen a Sins Taker on duty in Guinaian or in another city before.

Bought something, then received the change, I was finally allowed to ask. “It's about Saskia Umaga.”

“Oh that quiet girl who was always smiling when she was alive? You guys sure want to solve the case now? After a few months have passed?”

You better watch the way you talk, old man.

“Her body was found at night. I had forgotten who had been in and out of that gate ahead from morning till evening, about two months ago. What do you expect anyway? Even without this bullshit like carriers or anything like that, no one in this city could possibly care about such a murder case. Know where you are... This is Bonadia, kid.” It seemed that he didn't really care about my question even from the start.

“If so... Thanks for the information, sir. I really really appreciate it.” With a friendly smile as usual, I said goodbye before crossing the street. But for a second I took my eyes off his face, he actually looked a little guilty about something from his own words.

You guys are just pretending to be tough, because the place where you live forces each and every one of you to be so. Grumble that this world is no longer worthy of being helped, but your hypocritical heart still selfishly desires to be saved.

well... I sounded like I was talking to myself after hearing Ellie's words back there though. At that time she said I wanted to be saved as if I was screaming inside.

But now I doubt if what she said is true or not. Because now I don't feel like that way.

What the heck am I actually just saying all of a sudden?

~~~~~

“We've been throwing mattresses and all the murder marks from this room a long time ago... Because everything has been photographed by the police, so I'm also a little confused about what to do with all the evidence. After all, two months have passed since the incident… The police said that all cases related to carriers are better handled by other parties who are in charge of that matter. After that I never heard any more news from them.”

I stood in silence in front of the door to the empty room. A little disappointed and also a little relieved, I quite understand all the words of the owner of this boarding house who sat on a chair in the hallway where we met.

A police officer who dares to intervene in a case like this sounds as if he were committing suicide. Even ordinary bullets wouldn't work against carriers with more than two souls in it. The killer isn't afraid to be found either…

Sounds similar to the fire case that hit me back in the past.

“You're still too young to be a law enforcement officer…” This madam is concerned about my own status.

“Well... I was actually planning to not wear this uniform.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“No, I’m sorry… You don't have to think about it. So... Is there any information that madam has about the killer?”

“Several people who met me said some of the same things. A tall and burly man, wearing a helmet, seemed to be in a bit of a rush out of the compound. Some of them thought he had short hair... or was he bald? I don't remember too much, but he was never again seen by anyone. Oh! They also said that the man was carrying some sort of weapon in his left hand... Or a coat. Sorry... People who come here give me a lot of different information which I myself am confused about which one is correct.”

“I see… Do you still have Saskia's clothes left here?”

“Well, everything that is not evidence is still stored in the back warehouse... Let me get the keys for a second. You wait here.”

The madam left me alone in front of this empty room that for some reason feels so painful for me to look at. Closing my eyes, I mumbled a spiritual song that always calmed me down a little bit each time…

But because I've been muttering that song too many times every time I've had something really bad happen, sometimes this habit actually reminds me of all that suffering…

~~~~~

Looking back on the past…

If I think about it, many people say that hate and love are actually not two opposite things. Just like how I hated it at that time…

The older I got, the more I had reason not to like my older sister.

The more my older sister cares about my suffering, the more I hate everything about her… Maybe my hatred is a little unfounded, or maybe it just feels a little unfair?

For even so I still, fully aware of my own hypocrisy, cried out for her to help me escape from that suffering…

There was a time when my father accused me of stealing so much money from the closet… None of my words were believed, that old guy just always shouts out questions with unbreakable conviction. He was very sure that I had bought drugs with that money.

I mean, I was never taught to steal. I've never been taught to lie, I've never smoked, I don't have free and wrong associations… Or society?

I was never allowed to own anything, so I had to work to buy necessities and also to buy time for myself to feel free. I don't commit crimes like stealing not because I was taught not to, but because I know it will only lead to more trouble and anxiety.

I don't even have to think of a reason why dad should accuse me, because I'm sure he was just enjoying the way he tortured and isolated me at the time.

Really just feels the same as usual…

It wasn't even the worst torture my father had ever done to me. I just remembered random things that I thought I had managed to forget.

As all of that had passed, my sister could only stand in silence at a distance, knowing it would never happen to herself.

Usually I would stay in my room every time my torture was over, knowing the same person would always be knocking on the door…

And without the slightest word, the girl would approach and always hug me without saying anything.

Well…

Back when that girl was still alive, she had always been such a very quiet person tho...

In my own mind usually I would ask "For what?"

I've already suffered.

I've been hurt.

What exactly are all these hugs for? This girl's own redeemer? Did she do that so her feelings wouldn't turn around hurting herself?

She never thought about the feelings of anyone other than herself!

She would just always smile… Smiling and always smiling….

Even while she was crying and hugging me, she would always smile until I felt sick and hated that smile even more. I would always push the girl's body away, even until she fell with her own puffy eyes.

I just don't understand why she always smiled like that…

Only after she was far away to study in this city did I began to feel one thing…

One thing that I had never felt before even since I was born into this world.

I felt lonely…

Since then I began to understand the hug and the smile… Her fear of everything that might just be made worse by her own words and actions.

The girl who was clumsy and stupid in speech, thought that a smile… The only thing she thought she was good at, would make my sadness subside…

Also… Unknowingly since when, I have imitated the way she smiled…

Well…

Do I have anything else that I should remember and tell you guys about?

Okay… I think that's far from enough… Right?

~~~~~

Footsteps were heard approaching, I was currently leaning against the corridor wall, being watched closely by this strange unfamiliar girl.

She was silent for a moment before then trying to guess.

“You… Daniel. You are Daniel, right?” Covering her mouth with both hands, she backed away almost losing her balance.

“Yes?”

“Oh my god. Is this really you? You're Saskia's little brother, aren't you?”

“Good afternoon... So you know about my sister?”

“Wait… Just wait for a second...” She fell, allowing herself to calm her tears down. Again on her feet, walking closer to me. I backed away and refused both of her hands that came to hug. But she insisted.

“I’m sorry…” She said.

“Saskia used to talk about you more than anything, you know that? She really loves her only brother. She’s always sad for what she couldn't do while you were just a kid. She knows how you are treated, but is afraid of making things worse and you will hate her for it. She always regrets letting you go through all those bad things. She will always smile every time she shows your photo… And… And…”

“I know…” Pushing her off the hug, I nodded, understanding her meaning.

“Thank you for being my sister's friend until the end. You don't have to worry, I don't hate my sister at all. That's the reason why I'm here.” When I looked back, the boarding lady was silent there far enough, waiting for the atmosphere to subside a bit.

The three of us then opened the door of a dark room filled with cardboard boxes, searched one after another until we found which box belonged to my sister Saskia.

“So you're her younger brother... Sorry I didn't realize that earlier.”

“Ah, it's okay madam. It's my fault I didn't introduce myself either.”

“Should I leave you two here for a while? I have a little business up ahead.”

“I will return the key later, ma'am.” This girl smiled nodding, while still helping me lift and move the box out from our way.

Then a few minutes passed until we found a box full of clothes and books of Saskia’s. That's when I dare to hold a roll of bandages and a bottle of betadine.

“My sister... Oh... She’s majoring in medicine, right?”

“Yeah, they are using the bandage wrap only for practical exams and video making assignments. Unfortunately she did not have any group even at the end of time and did everything by herself.”

“Ah… My sister is a very quiet person, isn’t she?”

“She was very beautiful though... But she even more often answered yes with just a smile. And that has become a characteristic that only belongs to her.” This girl laughed as she recalled the past… She’s crying...

“Sorry. I got carried away by the atmosphere… But Saskia talks too much about you, I'm not even joking. So after seeing her little brother in person, my heart feels like…”

It seemed like she wanted to take some time to calm herself down. So I try to be silent to let the atmosphere flow.

But maybe I'm the only one who misread the situation… Because this girl went on and on to tell me so much about things I already knew and understood. So after so much time has been wasted, I ventured to ask what I think she was alluding to from her own story…

As I said… “You know who the real culprit is, don't you? The one who killed my sister.”

She suddenly went silent…

“I know... But I’m confused about what to say. I'm not sure if this is what Saskia wants, and anything could happen to you…”

“Take it easy. I didn't come here to die. That's what Saskia was afraid of, wasn't it?”

She was surprised by my immediate answer. “Yes…” She said.

As I thought, my older sister also leaked something about that other incident… She must have thought that I was still thinking that life didn't feel that important to me at all…

Even until she died…

“I'm no longer the same person I used to be when I was just a child. Now I have people I really care about. I will not make them grieve for my loss, believe me. Now just tell me who, and I'll work this whole thing down to the root. You know who he is… So please...”

“Okay… Yes, I know. I know the guy.” Nodding, wiping away her own tears, she looked at me with all seriousness. “Her boyfriend. Riksan. Riksan’s the killer.”

I lowered my head, breathing a little easier. After thinking quite a bit, I stood up straight. then I asked again. “You know where he usually is at this hour?”

“He’s always with his flock at a simple rice stall in the back area of the campus. If he's not there, you can ask any of them, they’ll know. I'm sure about that.” Before I thanked her, she remembered something and showed me her phone screen. Riksan’s face is clearly visible in a photo. After seeing that, I can even remember his face if I force myself to do so.

“Okay I get it. Thank you… So much.”

“What will you do? What's your plan? You need help?”

“Nah… I can do this alone. I've got a plan.” Said so in such a low tone, I looked at the bandage and betadine thoughtfully. “I'll bring some of sist’s stuff.”

With my sister's black hoodie, as well as the black sweatpants that I used to see her wearing often from the same box.

Saying goodbye, I smiled leaving the girl slowly getting further and further away from where she was standing alone.

~~~~~

“So this is the place?” Elis asked with her form floating around me.

I didn't expect there would be this many people hanging out in such a slum like this one.

“Strange…”

What now?

“I don't feel even just a single carrier aura around here.”

So he's not here?

“Dunno… Try asking someone with this disguise of yours then.”

This little girl looked at me with a face holding back her own laughter... Which I also agree with, because right now I'm wearing a homely black hoodie and pants as if I've just gotten out of bed. Also around my arm and wrist I wrapped it in a bandage and a few drops of betadine, I tried to make this thing very clear to everyone's eyes.

A boy covered in wounds, unprepared, without hope, walked into the wolves' quarters…

Humans tend to be willing to lie and are more adept at using deception when being threatened by a person much stronger than themselves… They are willing to give anything that is not even real, in order to keep the wrath of predators of their own kind away from themselves.

But for a predator to meet a defenseless rabbit, who knows who will soon die...

Who understands that everything could easily end up in the wolf's fangs…

Seeing his own prey suffer from a harsh reality…

Dying from the bitter truth, is a pleasure in itself…

I knew that, because I would have done the same thing if I had been such a disgusting predator as the one who killed my sister.

That's what all these disguises are for…

“Excuse me, do you know Riksan?” Hmm... Perhaps the question was too innocent even with my fake expression.

“Are you here for the goods? He's there yo…” This college kid who seemed to be a little older than myself pointed to a long chair inside the rice stall… Wait…

He’s here?! Elis, you said there weren't any carriers around here.

“Yes. And until now there is still nothing.”

Did the girl suspect the wrong person?

“Just go in first.”

~~~~~