In a warehouse, workers kept their hands busy by sorting new arrival items and packaging items into boxes. 4 workers looked especially soulless as they performed their monotonous job of picking and packing.

“Hey Jim. Your falling behind on your rate. I’m not going to warn you again.” A supervisor said as they passed by berating one of the soulless employees.

The soulless employee nodded but a faint flash of red could be seen in his eyes. But quickly suppress.

“Damn. Imagine leaving hell for this.” Victor narrowed his eyes.

“Yup. Easy employment hard to come by with no education of any sort.” Mars said as he walked near one of the soulless employee and took a sniff.

“You are acting as barbaric as you look, have some decorum please.” Victor said facepalming.

“Well, can’t very well ask em what species they are now can I?”

“Why bother anyways. We are going to murder them all the same anyways.”

“Demons ain’t the only thing fireproof round here.”

“Are these boys fireproof boy?” Victor spoke to Mars as if he was talking to a dog.

“As a matter of fact they are not, but hard to keep them on fire.”

Victor exhaled audibly. “On with it then. What’s the plan.”

“Easy enough just shove em in the sun 15 seconds each side and bam cooked to perfection.” Mars said as he did the motions of flipping patties on a BBQ.

“I suppose now we wait to figure out if they are ‘righteous souls’.” Victor walked over to an unrelated employee and broke one of their legs and the unfortunate employee let loose a loud scream. The 4 soulless employees didn’t even glance up from their work and only occasionally glanced at a monitor that showed a pixel truck driving at a speed tied to their work pace.

“I think you gotta wait until they are outta their induced work coma first.” Mars suggested.

Victor sighed and grabbed a book from a passing shelf that was being pushed around by a robot. And Mars pulled a tablet out of think air and started playing a video game. The two waited while James roamed the warehouse occasionally chewing on things as frustrated shouts and belittlement could be heard along with the beeps of robots and machines.

It was not until six hours later the 4 soulless employees shuffled out of the warehouse and got into a heavily tinted vehicle together. Victor conjured his motorcycle to follow and Mars did the same except also having tied James to his back. The 4 soulless employees got to their shared home which was a beaten down apartment that smelled of mold and water damage. The four wordlessly got onto their beds and fell asleep.

“Now what?” Victor asked as he watched the 4 soulless employees slept like corpses.

Mars looked at Victor with one suggestive eyebrow raised and Victor frowned hard.

“No no. Why do I have to do it. Why don’t you play the part instead?”

“You know me. Barbaric, not as convincing as ol’Vicky would be.” Mars puffed his chest out exaggeratedly and stomped around like a caveman. Victor sighed and teleported behind the door.

*Knock* *Knock*

“Can someone help me I’m lost and I can’t find mommy.” Victor said while mimicking a 5 year old girl. “I can’t find mommy, please help please.”

Only one of the soulless employee stirred and dragged himself out of bed and answered the door. The employee opened the door and saw a 5 year old girl there crying.

“Hey princess, you lost your mommy?” The employee said in a soft voice.

*sniffle* “Yes. I can’t find her, can you help me?”

“Sure sure, come in while I call your mommy.” The employee said as he pulled the girl inside and closed the door. “Did you see anyone else on your way here?”

“No, I just picked this place randomly.” The little girl sniffled and kept crying.

“Good. Good.” The employee said as his fangs started to protrude and mouth salivated. The employee was about to grab the girl when a hand suddenly grabbed the employees shoulder and he turned around seeing Mars. The employee hissed in anger before a white wooden stake drove into his heart and the employee turned into ash.

“Looks like James might not have his meal.” Victor said as he reverted back into his original self and tidied up his gold coloured suit.

“Maybe not.”

Victor and Mars waited until a reaper showed up. And this time Victor and Mars greeted the reaper warmly. Much to the reaper’s surprise.

“Help us out a little bud. Can ya just tell us a lil’bit bout those 3 blokes sleeping there.” Mars smiled politely.

“Come on it doesn’t hurt to help out a fellow coworker. We all work for Mort anyways right?” Victor said with a charming smile.

The reaper sighed and replied. “I suppose I could. These guys are off the book anyways. What do you two want to know?”

“If the three were to die, where would their souls be inclined to go?” Victor asked.

The reaper examined the three closely and replied. “That one right there is purgatory bound. The other two — well. Straight to hell.”

Victor shrugged. “Eh good enough” and was about to grab the one employee that was purgatory bound when Mars stopped him. “What are we going to pick prime grade for the cannibal now?” Victor asked in annoyance.

“No. But there ain’t no sun shinning.”

“Fuck.” Victor said as he sat on the dead employee’s bed and took out a book he stole from the warehouse.

***

It was in the morning when an alarm went off and the purgatory bound employee stirred awake to a very impatient look Victor lording over him.

“Awake?” Victor spoke in a harsh tone.

The employee gulped and nodded feeling the oppressive power of Victor.

Victor threw the employee hard through the apartment wall to outside and the employee screamed in pain as the sun slowly burned him. The employee tried to shift into smoke to escape but the sun prevented him from doing so. The employee could only scream as the sun slowly cooked him. After 30 seconds of being flipped on each side naked Victor snapped his finger and the employee who was mid air flew back in.

“He needs more time to cook. Early morning sun ain’t that strong.” Mars said as he threw the employee back outside into the sunlight followed by more screaming. The employee was left to cook for 30 more seconds each side before being brought back inside.

Mars untied James from his back and James quickly crawled over to the burnt employee and started eating. The employee was still alive and kept screaming, albeit hoarsely, as James ate him. Sounds of pounding from anger adjacent tenants could be heard and shouts that were variations of ‘shut the fuck up man’ could be heard through the walls. It took two short minutes (or painfully long depending on perspective) before the screaming stopped. Nothing was left of the man after James was done.

“Well. That’s at least one neutral soul.” Victor said.

James was looking calmer and less savage now. This proved Mars theory on the importance of diet. Mars nodded in satisfaction as he asked James some questions and although there wasn’t any coherent sentences yet there was some words that sort of made sense in the replies from James.

“How many more of these do we have to feed him.” Victor asked.

“Ain’t sure, but does look hopeful at least.”

“Now we know the key to success. Find a few of them, kill one and ask the reaper about the rest.”

Mars nodded. “Aye. Slightly wasteful, but faster.”

The three of them then left the building leaving the two employees who were pretending to be asleep shivering under their blankets.

Outside, Victor had to scan through multiple pages before finding a group of lost souls again. This time they all lived in a luxurious mansion and Victor saw them in the middle of a party.

“Slightly far, but at least it’s not going to be a long flight.” Victor said then started looked up flights on his phone.

“Lemme see.” Mars took the red book from Victor and observed the souls prospect. Mars frowned. “This will be slightly troublesome.”

“Why? Recognize some friends?” Victor snorted as he started booking a flight.

“Sort of. One of them is an OG. In his hay day he could give you a run for your money.”

Victor scoffed. “And what, you know jujitsu so you can handle him no problem?”

“I’m just better equipped to handle these things. I don’t reckon you got the holy lance ready.”

“Ah yes, collecting absolute tons of garbage and maybe one day in an obscure scenario they might prove useful in helping me defend against all of 5 living relics that ‘might’ still be on earth.” Victor spoke with sarcasm then paused for a moment. “Wait you have the holy lance?”

“Sure do, one of the few Swiss army knives of killing.” Mars then took out the holy lance.

Victor touched the tip of the lance and it poked a wound in his finger. Blood started seeping out of the wound. “You think we can use this to…well you know?”

Mars looked at Victor like he was dumber than bricks. “I ain’t dumb enough to try, but you can be my guest.”