《The Final Cosmos》4 | The White Candle

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"Vaija'Sinaya you call it.

Do you truly experience the Cosmos?

Do you people breath it in?"

-quote from the ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ Manifesto

It was noon, and the Sun was blazing brighter than ever. One of those hot, dry days, that feel even the more exhausting as the last time it rained was almost 3 weeks ago. Marko took refuge on a bench half covered by the shade of the nearby trees.

"How much do you need?"

His old high school friend, Alexia, had invited Marko to come to her birthday party, and asked if he could bring any weed. Of course he couldn't refuse, if only just to show out. Marko wasn't one to pose usually, but he could find enjoyment in flaunting his knowledge of obscure subjects or things that could be considered 'counter-culture'. As far as drugs go, it was mostly shallow stuff that he knew, or from what he'd hear from his friends or read online, but it didn't matter with those nerdy kids that were going to be at the party. He asked one of those friends, they call him San, if he knew anyone who was selling weed.

Short, skinny, curly brown hair. He didn't know the name of the guy sitting next to him, but he knew people call him "Bobby". Why or since when didn't really matter for Marko. He was here simply to discuss the details with Bobby.

"Eh, i don't know. I need around, what, 22 grams? "

"That's gonna be 15 a piece. So in total 330."

Marko was sitting with his legs stretched in front of him, arms crossed, staring at the ground talking to the man next to him.

"You know what? Make it 25 grams, round it up to 350. Fair?"

The man gave him a short look before responding.

"Bet. I need to run some shit right now but i can bring it later, 2 hours?"

"Meet me by the Star Bridge, I can wait for you there."

With that Bobby got up, shook his hand and left off. Marko sat for a couple more minutes, enjoying his little rest. He didn't get any of the summer internships, so this was a pretty heavy blow to his already thin wallet. He told himself it's worth it, then got up and walked in the opposite direction. He was heading towards this pharmacy close to downtown he heard was selling codeine syrup without prescription. Of course if he was to get these people at the party high, he might as well show them some more stuff. He himself didn't really have much experience with it, but they most likely won't notice.

He put his worn out headphones on. He needed a new pair. At least these ones lasted for almost 2 years, worth the money.

"What the fuck should I listen to?" the ever elusive question Marko would ask himself whenever he went out, or worked on college papers, whenever he cooked for himself or did pretty much anything. He always needed something to match the mood.

It was incredibly hot outside. God knows Marko hated summer. He decided he'd take the river bank, hoping for some breeze or wind, and headed downtown. On his way back he would stop by the Star Bridge and meet with Bobby. It's name isn't really the Star Bridge. Actually, no one really knows what it's name is, and if someone knows, Marko never met that person. They call it this way because of the Star sculpted on it's otherwise dull sides.

"Kill Jay-Z, they'll never love you

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You'll never be enough, let's just keep it real, Jay-Z

Fuck Jay-Z, I mean you..."

*

It's been almost 2 months since that day. Marko never quite figured out what happened, he doesn't even know if it really happened or was indeed just a weird dream. After he woke up he checked his phone and saw it was the next day when he woke up. Tuned in to local news to see anything related or similar to what happened to him was reported.

Nothing.

He started searching online for answers. Obviously he couldn't talk to anyone about any of it, they'd think he went crazy. Anything from weird, obscure 3 hours videos about "magic" to conspiracy videos or unsolved crime. Internet boards, blogs, articles. Looking for things like monster sightings, cults, the esoteric. He quickly figured out it's mostly made-up stuff and larping. Pretty much what he expected. Most of all he wanted to find the people that had "saved" him, or someone related to them. Get their attention somehow, or get ahold of some information on where they hide or don't hide, anything. Even if there was something remotely true or accurate in between, it was too vague and unverifiable to be noticed in the pool of stupidity.

He eventually gave up.

Still, he could never forget that day. That evening. Nowadays when he walks home sometimes the paranoia gets the better of him and he avoids the area where "the thing attacked him". Other times he tells himself that it didn't happen and there's nothing weird or to be afraid of there. Even so, he could never shake off the feeling of unease. He was afraid. Either something incredible happened to him, or he was going insane.

"Where should I stop?"

"There is fine", Marko had pointed the cab driver to a small alleyway on the left, gate was open. "How much?"

The driver looked down at the taximeter.

"Gonna be 18."

Marko handed the man a 20 bill, thanked him for the fare and got out of the car. Finally some fresh air, most cabs were pretty smelly. It was fully dark outside, a soft air currents brushing against his skin. It felt chilly and relaxing, a stark contrast from the hellfire that was today.

yo im here

He decided to message Alexia and let her know to come out instead of just barging inside or knocking on the door. He could give her the stuff like this, and he preferred these more intimate greetings. After a short moment the girl finally came out. She was as he remembered her: short and slender with a brown-ish, dyed red hair that fell straight to her waist. Though she wasn't wearing her usual glasses this time. There wasn't anything particularly beautiful about her face or body, but there was something about her that Marko would call "weirdly pretty". She didn't really look like a 20 year old, but she had this air of maturity. Her thin, smoky voice finally broke the calming silence around them.

"Finally, I'm so happy you got here." She rushed to hug him. "Did you bring it?"

Marko reached in the inner pockets of the slim jacket he was wearing. He had to hide them somehow. He started smiling. Of course there was a good reason for all the trouble he went through to get here.

"Happy birthday!"

*

"I'm so fucking lost bro."

Marko was staring at the ceiling and started laughing to himself. He stopped seeing pyramids shaping up and disappearing back into the ground, but everything was still hazy. His vision kept switching between blurry and clear. Shaking around, always finding new things to focus on. He forgot how much time had passed since he got here. He kind of forgot most of everything that happened in-between too, and what he took or drank. There was still a harsh aftertaste he felt that he usually associates with vodka.

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The dim lights warmed the room.

"I need to get up and drink some juice, get rid of this horrible taste. What is in my mouth?"

"But I don't want to", and he burst into laughter again.

The atmosphere in the room started to die down, or maybe it could've been like this for quite some time now. He couldn't tell. Handful of guys playing cards at the table behind them, some other people sitting next to the wall on the left just talking, music playing quietly in the background. Marko recognized the song, obviously, as he was the one who picked the playlist for the party - he loved being the music guy – but he couldn't tell specifically which one it was. He was too far gone.

He looked to his right and saw another guy sitting on a large recliner, making out with a girl sitting in his lap. Then he turned around and remembered that Alexia was slumped next to him. Head on his shoulder, she was delicately dragging her nails across his forearm which was apparently extended. It was like a game she liked to play, and he liked to let her do it. It did fell nice too.

She was wearing a lean, black summer dress, dropping to her knees and leaving her shoulders and parts of her chest and back exposed. No matter how many times he'd see them, Marko would always be amazed by how small her shoulders looked. They're smaller than my fists, he'd often think to himself. They looked so fragile and vulnerable, especially when covered by Alexia's pale skin. Another thing he found oddly attracted about her. And this time he wasn't too inhibited to comment on it.

"You have nice shoulders."

She finally raised her head up, her glistening green eyes looking at him. They too, were very pretty.

Then she burst into laughter. He followed suit. She clenched her small hand around part of his forearm, and stood up.

"C'mon, i wanna show you something. Upstairs."

Marko knew where this was leading, or at least where he was hoping it would lead. He got up and let her lead the way. As they were heading up, he looked at the group seating next to the wall again. Mella, tall, slightly chubby with black curls falling on her shoulders, gave him a weird wink. That and her flustered cheeks gave it away. She was wasted too. Marko couldn't help but laugh again.

They finally stumbled their way into Alexia's room. A small lamp was shimmering at the corner of her bed, revealing a burgundy cover rustled over a sheet of the same color. He thought it to be velvet at first, but after the girl pushed him on the bed he felt a much thinner, silkier fabric. She went on to work something on the desk across the room from where the bed was. On the right wall there was a huge closet, probably filled to the brim with clothes, a huge mirror sitting on it's door. On the other side, a huge window was covering almost the entire wall. The door to the balcony was open, curtains making way for the chilly air of the night to come in, almost guiding it. There was something soothing about it.

Fuck, my breath probably stinks. Marko panicked for a second, aware of the state they were both in, but quickly brushed it off. They were both drunk and high, small stuff like that will go unnoticed. Hopefully. He was getting pretty worked up anticipating what was to come though.

"Turn off the light, turn off the light!" Alexia urged him almost whispering. He reached behind him to turn it off, and when he turned back the girl had come on the bed, sitting in front of him. A lit white candle was sitting between them, flickering undisturbed in the dark room. She had brought other strange things, but he couldn't make out exactly what they were, just vague, familiar shapes.

"Remember how i told you about my great grandmother. How my grandma would tell me stories about how she was seen like a witch by people in her village."

Marko remembered the vague stories the girl would tell him from time to time, especially with how much she would talk about her grandma. She really admired her and loved her. Alexia's parents have gotten divorced earlier this year, and she says her mother had cursed her grandma for 'filling her father's head with stupid things' and such, and a couple of months later her grandmother died. Alexia knew it was kind of irrational to think this way, not that curses could mean much, but she still hated her mother for it. He didn't blame her for it though, he knew very well how hard it can be to deal with losing someone close to you.

"Last week, me and dad visited grandpa, and i went in the attic to look through grandma's things, maybe i could bring some home so i can always have something to remember her." She stood silence for a second, staring at the little flame burning down the candle. There was visible sadness in her eyes. "Anyway, i found this old book. Super old, dusty, looked more like a diary than a book really. All kinds of stuff that apparently my great grandma wrote in, but i can't understand all of it, it has weird languages written in."

She picked up a little piece of what looked like charcoal. She held it over the candle fire, streaks of red were showing throughout the rod, looking like veins.

This was a weird development. Oh, what is this bitch going on about. Marko was expecting her to jump in the bed with him, 2 hot teenagers without inhibitions. It was especially exciting for him since he actually liked this girl. But now it's all so weird and confusing.

Alexia opened a little glass jar, like one of those that you hold ink in. A muffled, smoky, floral scent filled the room and Marko's airways. It was a strange smell, nothing he had ever smelled before, yet there was something oddly familiar to it. She dipped the charcoal in whatever was in the jar, like dipping the tip of a feather in ink, then drew something on the back of her hands. On the left one, she drew a spiral, like a snake coiling around itself. On the other hand, she drew weird shapes, looked like glyphs or symbols but he couldn't tell what they were. They looked so haunting on her soft, pale skin.

"What does it mean?"

"I don't know honestly", she responded with a chuckle full of uncertainty, like someone who's about to go into a dark tunnel. "Though it said in the book next to it that it's supposed to represent like a prayer of sorts, i guess."

After she was done, she picked up what looked like a really strange knife. The handle was curved a lot, like the branch of a crooked of tree, and the red blade was incredibly short and curved too, with weird protrusions and waves shaped into it's edge, leading up to a sharp tip.

She grabbed Marko's hand and reached it with the knife. He jerked it back, knowing what she was about to do. The girl looked at him with wide eyes.

"Please, trust me."

He was hesitant at first, but eventually gave in. No way he could refuse her.

She pricked his thumb with the tip of the blade; a quick sharp pain, like an injection, and drops of blood starting dripping out. She did the same to her thumb on the left hand, then put the knife down.

"Hold it like this." She clenched her fist, with her thumb pointing upwards. Marko did the same, and then she reached forward, pressing their bleeding fingers together. It was a strange sensation. The meager pain, like the smallest needle in the world barely pushing against his skin, quickly faded away. He couldn't stop staring at their thumbs. Her delicate touch felt weird. A shiver shook Marko's chest. It was almost arousal, but not quite that... an indescribable feeling.

Alexia then took her thumb and drew it across the milky white candle, leaving behind a small trail of blood. She whispered something but he couldn't really understand.

"Come here. Come, come down" she said hunching over the flame, getting her hands over it, almost as if to wrap it around. Marko followed through and got closer.

"Look."

Her ghostly little hands were cupped around the fire. Weird. It was starting to grow, as if someone was giving it more oxygen or oil or something. The girl was staring at it with curious eyes. It felt very intimate, like 2 kids sitting under a blanket looking at something they've never seen before. Weird. The fire was getting bigger and bigger, but always in length. As if it was getting stretched. And it started taking shape, coiling around itself like the spiral that she drew on her left hand.

Was he really that high that he started seeing things again like the pyramids earlier? Was he hallucinating? Was he seeing things again, like 2 months ago, did her really go crazy? All kinds of questions storming in Marko's head, his heart started beating faster with confusion and fear.

It all went away when she raised her head, looking at him with amazement and fulfillment, as if to say "Look! I did this! Isn't it pretty? Look, what do you think?" How could he be troubled? He told himself he would never forget this moment. He would never forget the white candle, and Alexia smiling behind it looking at him, her beautiful green eyes glistening behind the little flame.

This book of hers, this thing she's doing. Maybe she could know something. Maybe she could help him. For the first time in 2 months, Marko felt like he wasn't crazy. Like he could finally talk to someone about it.

"Wanna hear something crazy?"

"Hmm?" she responded with her thin voice, raising her head like a puppy.

"Something incredible happened to me a couple of months ago..."

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