《Let the Fates Decide...?》Chapter 8: Without You
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Time seemed to move faster in the valley. After the night I had found Raydir injured in our cabin, he promised me he would be more careful in training. But as the days moved forward, I spent my evenings playing nurse, tending to his bruises.
“Why do you have to keep training like this, Ray?” I asked one night.
“Because.” He winced, sitting up straighter on the sofa. “It’s part of the process.”
“So says Bennett.” I set aside the bowl of salve and pulled his shirt back down over his chest. “He’s working you too hard, Raydir. This can’t be normal.”
Raydir reached out to brush his fingers across my face. “Thank you for tending to my injuries. What can I do to make it up to you?”
I swatted his hand away and smirked. “Rest, Ray. That’s what you can do. Because you’re not getting any of this”—I gestured to myself—“until you’re better.”
The next Alignment slowly approached, and Raydir’s nightmares had slowly returned. They seemed to be worse than before, taking at least 2 cups of ibisco tea to calm him down at night. Even though we slept in the same bed now, we were so close yet so far away. Despite lessening his training hours, there was something else going on with him that he refused to share.
Caesaria and I had grown closer, spending the days exploring the valley and competing against each other with our archery skills. We found that we were very closely matched, and I ached for the days that Arabella and I would challenge each other to archery contests.
Today, we caught rainbow macrou, which turned out to be a rare find in the lake. Nevertheless, the cooks were very pleased with the catch, and thanked us for our contribution.
As we headed back in the direction of our cabins, Caesaria stopped abruptly.
“What is it?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. But something is going on near your cabin.”
With that comment, I took off at a run with Caesaria following closely behind. Voices drifted through the wind over to us in a clear argument. Once my cabin came into view, I could see Raydir arguing with someone whose back was to us.
“Hey!” I yelled. “Leave him alone!”
The stranger turned towards me, and I stumbled forward on the uneven ground.
“Darius,“ I whispered. “Wh-what are you doing here? Wh-why do you—” I turned to Raydir. “How do you know each other?”
“Ar,” Raydir said, coming to my aid. Caesaria stepped between the two of us.
“Don’t,” she growled. “I think you have some serious explaining to do.” A fire ignited in her blue eyes as her gaze landed hard on Darius.
“It’s ok, Caesaria. I can handle this.”
She nodded and took off in the other direction. I glared at the two men in front of me. “Someone better start talking.”
“Arwyn, there is something important that you need to know,” Raydir said slowly. He opened his mouth to continue.
“The next Alignment is coming soon,” Darius jumped in. “You need to be prepared. Both of you.” He looked pointedly at me when he said this.
“Why are you so convinced this is when I’ll shift?” I asked, although I hoped it was true. The sooner it was over, the better.
Darius opened his mouth to speak but Raydir cut him off.
“Don’t.” Raydir’s voice came out as a deep growl.
I whirled to face him. “Someone tell me what’s going on because clearly you both know more than I do.”
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“It’s complicated,” Darius said.
“Let’s go inside,” Raydir cut in. “What we need to talk about…we should just go inside.” He turned away without another word.
I glared at Darius, storming past him. What did you say to him?
It’s not what I said. The last thing I expected was hearing Darius’ voice in my head.
My head whipped around to face him. “What? What did you do? Why can I—”
“Not now. We’ll get to that later.” His gaze softened when he noticed how I visibly shook. “Arwyn, please trust me.”
“Trust you? Trust you? Darius, you can’t just show up out of nowhere, in my new home, arguing with my boyfriend!”
“Fiance, isn’t he?”
I walked straight past him, not answering. Once inside the cabin, Raydir instructed me to sit on the couch while he and Darius stood to address me.
“So what is this about?” I asked again.
Raydir ran a hand through his hair. “There is something about the wolf spirit—curse, whatever you wanna call it—that we haven’t told you.” The black obsidian praesidium crystal now hung on a thick cord around his neck catching the light every so often. He tugged at it nervously.
We? I raised my eyebrows. “Go on.”
“Do you remember that day we met for lunch?” he continued. “I told you we’d figure something out so that we could be together. I knew I wanted to protect you, so this was the only way I knew how. Darius…he has a way to keep the wolf spirit suppressed, but it’s only on a temporary basis. And it comes with a cost.”
My glare deepened then softened as I processed what he was saying. “What cost? Is that why your nightmares have been so bad?”
Raydir shifted his weight, looking uncomfortable. “Darius, care to explain?”
Darius cleared his throat. “The suppression is the result of a pact between the two parties—that would be us”—he gestured between himself and Raydir—“and basically it means that Raydir carries not only his own wolf, but your wolf as well.”
“And you just let this happen?” It didn’t sound like a good thing to take on the burden of two wolves.
“I chose to do this, Ar,” he replied. “For you. To protect you.”
“Protect me from what?”
“From the harsh wolf spirit. I…what you saw on the first Alignment—the softer of the two wolf types—we don’t know whose wolf that was coming through. The reason I’ve had such bad nightmares is just part of the burden of holding two conflicting wolf spirits.”
“Burden?” The words felt like a knife twisting in my heart. My gaze shifted. “And you just…what? Agreed to this?”
“It wasn’t my choice, Arwyn,” Darius tried to reason. “Raydir is who you chose—who you always were going to choose. There is nothing I could’ve done to stop him.”
“You could’ve refused!” I cried out, standing up abruptly from the couch and pacing the floor. “You could’ve told me!”
“You wouldn’t have agreed if I told you, Arwyn,” Raydir argued.
“Plus, that’s not really a choice in this sort of arrangement,” Darius added, which didn’t help matters.
My mind reeled. “You could’ve told me that you were concealing my wolf, that you were carrying the burden.” I hated that word. “Because watching you before the last alignment and then again these last few days has been…heart wrenching. Every time you cry out at night, I hate myself for making you choose me—”
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“Arwyn, you didn’t make me do anything. This—us—we are a mutual agreement.”
“I didn’t agree to this! What makes you think I couldn’t handle my wolf spirit no matter which one it was?” My voice broke in anger. “And you. What gave you the power—what gave you the right to interfere like this?!”
“Arwyn, please. Raydir was only doing what he thought was best for you.” Darius tried to pacify me.
“I’m talking about you,” I said through gritted teeth. “Is that why you ran into me in town? Was it all part of your elaborate plan? Cozy up to me? Pretend to teach me archery just to get close to me?”
Darius shook his head. “Listen, when Raydir came to me, I wasn’t entirely sure who you were besides a classmate. Then when we sat in the gardens together, I realized you were the girl he spoke so fondly of. What you felt the day we practiced archery together when I touched your shoulder…”
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I recalled the moment he talked about.
He continued, “That was the start of the pact. It helped me to draw away some of the wolf spirit that I would later transfer onto Raydir. All he wanted to do was protect you from shifting.”
“I still don’t understand how this was supposed to protect me.” I slumped back down to the couch. “If it’s still inevitable that my wolf spirit will come out.”
“Because we still don’t know our wolf types!” Raydir said, exasperated. “I could lose you, Arwyn. You could lose me. And you heard the story Rosie told about the history of the valley. Randel went mad and lost his cousin and his true love. I can’t even think about losing you in the same way.” He stormed out of the cabin without another word.
I got up to chase after him. “Ray! Raydir!”
“Give him a minute,” Darius said. “If it’s any consolation, Raydir made me promise that I would protect you at all costs.”
There was that word again: protect. “I don’t need protection. And I certainly don’t need you to protect me.”
He thrust his hand out in front of me as I started to walk away. “Arwyn, please think about this. You don’t know what the harsh wolf is like.”
“And you do?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He swallowed, a look of pain washing over his face. “I do. I know that Caesaria told you how we know each other. Did she also tell you which wolf she is?”
I shook my head. “No. Why?”
“She also possesses the less favorable wolf.” He lifted his shirt to show a scar running along his left side. “I’ve had this scar since Cae and I were ten years old. When she decided to leave Gwyniar, I chased after her. It was the night of an Alignment and when she shifted, she attacked me. The injury released my wolf spirit at the same time.”
My heart twinged with guilt for how I reacted to Raydir. Then I thought about something else. “You and Caesaria have the same gift. Does that mean that you…” I trailed off.
Darius nodded painfully. “We both have the harsh wolf. It doesn’t always happen like that, but it did for us. Every pairing has a soft wolf and a harsh wolf, and Raydir…he’s just delaying the inevitable because one of you has the harsh wolf. And what he said about the First Wolf…rogues are dangerous. We don’t want that to happen.”
“Of course not. But he can’t hold both wolf spirits forever.”
Darius reached out a hand toward me. “Do you wanna go talk to him? Together?”
I let out a shaky breath. “No. I have to do this alone. I have to accept this fate.”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Have you seen Raydir?” I asked Caesaria after I had searched for him for an hour with no luck.
She pointed in the direction of the lake. “I saw him go toward the falls a while ago.” Her nostrils flared.
“Thank you.” I laid a hand gently on Caesaria’s arm before heading in the direction of the lake. Once there, I dove into the water not thinking about anything else until I could talk with Raydir. He sat on one of the rocks behind the falls, head in his hands. He only looked up after I cleared my throat.
“Ray.” My voice came out soft. “I am so sorry. I had no idea—”
“I didn’t expect you to.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, too. I should’ve told you. I just wanted what I thought was best for you, Arwyn. And withholding your wolf seemed like the way to go.”
“But it’s my wolf, Ray. Don’t you think I should have a say in that? We’ve been through so much together.” I cupped his face in my hands. “Please don’t make me lose you. I love you too much.”
“It’s more than that, Ar. When I approached Darius for the pact, he said there are…consequences. For both of us.”
“What sort of consequences?”
He gave me a strained look before sending me a message through our mate link: the kind of consequences that involve letting you pursue him.
“What if I don’t want to pursue him?” I asked out loud.
“I was hoping you would say that.” He brightened but there was still a twinge of sadness in his voice. “But I saw the way you look at him.”
“What?! I don’t look at him in any special way! You are mine, Ray. And you always will be. I made a promise to you.” I held up my left hand where the Alexandrite stone glimmered even in the shade of the falls. “Together. No matter the cost.”
He inhaled sharply, standing up, and for a second I thought he was going to leave me here alone. Within an instant, his lips were on mine, a flash of lust evident in his green eyes. My hands entangled their way into his hair as our breathing became heavier. He lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his soaked torso and pushing me lightly against the wall of rocks behind us. A moan escaped my lips as his mouth traveled down to that sweet spot on my neck.
“Ray,” I breathed.
He let out a low rumble from his throat, his hands roaming over my back as we moved in a rhythm together. Slowly, the pain and strain washed away as if the falls baptized us with a chance of a new beginning. One hand slipped under my shirt, warmth against my cold skin, grazing my breasts. He peeled the fabric away from my body, tossing it to the rocks with a splat. I cursed myself for not changing out of it sooner, as the wet cotton was sure to stick later on.
My fingers fumbled at the hem of his shirt, running them over his visible muscles. As our mouths found each other again, he tasted like the saltiness of the lake, a zing that left my tongue tingling. Finally, the shirt released its hold on Raydir’s body, allowing me to run my hands along his bare skin as he kissed me, this time nipping at my ear. I curled my fingers in his hair, letting out small gasps as he pressed his body against mine.
Water from the falls rose up and flowed backwards, swirling around us and engulfing us in our own little bubble.
“What the—” Raydir pulled away and nearly dropped me, causing the water to come crashing down on top of us. “What just happened?”
“I-I don’t know.” I ran a hand through my wet hair. “The water just sort of…I don’t even know. You seem concerned about that.”
Raydir shook his head. “I’m not concerned, just surprised. Your wolf is still concealed, so how is your power showing up? But you don’t seem bothered by it—has this happened before?”
“Not exactly. There was this one time where the water seemed to sort of blend around me so I was able to see underwater, but it wasn’t a big deal.”
“Interesting.” He licked his lips. “We should get back. It’s been some time and I think it’ll be dinner soon.”
I took his hand and we disappeared back through the falls, swimming to dry land. Darius was there waiting for us when we arrived.
“I see you two have made up,” he commented.
“It’s just been a lot to process.” I smiled up at Raydir. “But he’s worth all of it. So, have you just been waiting for us out here this whole time?”
“Um, well, Bennett gave me a cabin, and I took advantage of the Swap Shop at the Grand Cabin and…why are you looking at me like that?”
“What?”
“I get that I’m not your favorite person, but I should be here for this next Alignment.”
“To what? Babysit? I appreciate you telling me that I’m gonna shift on the Alignment, but your services are no longer needed. We can handle it from here.”
Darius glanced at Raydir with raised eyebrows. “Look, Ar—”
“You don’t get to call me that, Darius.”
“Fine. Arwyn, I told you that the pact sort of makes us a package deal. I have to stay and—”
“Babysit.”
“Monitor the situation. And because there is more to the curse than just the shift.”
“We already know her gift,” Raydir piped up.
I whacked his arm. “And apparently we’re just gonna tell Darius now?”
“First of all, ow. And second—”
“Raydir thinks my power has something to do with water because when we were, uh, behind the falls, there was a moment where the water sort of embraced us. It wasn’t a big deal, except that this doofus almost dropped me.”
“Why would—you know what, I don’t wanna know.” He smirked. “But that does sound like it’s your power."
The dinner bell tolled in the distance.
“We should head back to the Grand Cabin,” Raydir said. “We can talk about this more later."
“You go ahead,” I said, kissing his cheek. “We’ll catch up.”
Once Raydir was out of view, Darius turned to address me. “So you obviously didn’t want to say this in front of Raydir, so can you tell me now. What are you really feeling about this water bending?”
I sighed. “Honestly, it was just surprising at the moment. And it’s not a big deal. I mean, we know it’s my gift so that’s something, right?”
Darius nodded. “It is. But it also means that the pact will only last until the Alignment.”
“Can I ask you something?” We started walking back toward the Grand Cabin.
“Sure.”
“When you arrived here and Raydir wanted us to go inside, you linked me. I thought only…mates could do that?”
Darius scratched the back of his neck. “That is true, only mates have a secure link bond. But that link becomes more established after the, er, marking. Which you have yet to endure.”
My fingers flew to the spot on my neck where Raydir had teased just minutes before, the same spot from after the first Alignment when he marked—or I thought he marked me. “So what does it mean if he hasn’t…um, marked me? Since we’re going into the second Alignment?”
“It doesn’t mean much,” he said. “You’re still his. But you are still eligible in the eyes of wolf law.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Wolf law? Is that something else I should know about?”
“In due time. For now—” he paused, suddenly on alert.
“What?”
Don’t say anything. Just trust me.
Trust you?! Why should I tru—
He pushed me behind a tree, our bodies closer than they had ever been before. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest.
“What was that about?” I hissed.
Don’t say anything.
“Stop doing that! For the love of—” he cut me off by pressing his lips against mine. My body fought to resist him at first but slowly melted at his touch. He tasted like honey, which was a contrast from the saltiness on Raydir’s lips from earlier. The air smelled musty, as if it were going to rain, and I wondered just how much my emotions could control water—or weather. My hands fell awkwardly at my sides, as he wrapped his around my waist, pulling me against him. Did it feel…good…to kiss him? What was I even doing?!
I pushed away from him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! You can’t just go around kissing people like that!”
“I heard something. And it didn’t sound…safe.” He peeked out from behind the tree. “We should be clear now.”
I brushed my finger lightly over my lips. They gave off a slight tingle from the kiss. “So can we go back now?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Everyone was already gathered outside of the Grand Cabin, seated at wooden picnic tables, when we arrived. Several servers came around with plates of rainbow macrou that Caesaria and I had caught earlier in the day.
Caesaria waved me over, but when she caught sight of me standing awkwardly next to Darius, her eyes changed to a stormy grey from their usual blue.
“I…Later,” I said to Darius, rushing over to my friend.
She glared at me, stabbing forcefully at her fish.
“Ok what did I do?” I asked her, keeping my voice low as I accepted a plate from one of the servers. Tonight we were having green beans, grown in one of the Darqua valley gardens, served with the macrou.
Caesaria pursed her lips in thought before answering. “You know how I can sense things about you—or anyone else—with just a glance?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, the desire you have for Darius is pulsating off the charts right now.” Another stab at the fish.
I looked down at my plate. Pulsating sounded intense. And it had only been one little kiss. Because he was trying to shut you up, moron. Then why did it feel so good?
Looking through the crowd, Raydir caught my eye from across the fire, giving me a small nod before turning back to Bennett and Darius. They were all deep in conversation, most likely about the next Alignment. I turned back to Caesaria. “One kiss doesn’t mean anything, Cae.”
“Wait a minute. You kissed him?”
Crap. “Um, yeah? I thought you said you sensed desire? And to be fair, he kissed me.”
“A kiss is still a kiss, Ar. And it’s worse that you even felt something with it.”
“How do you know that was me and not him? And are you sure you aren’t letting your own feelings cloud your judgement? I know you’re still in love with him—”
“Let’s get one thing clear.” Her voice burned as deadly as the fire. “I am not in love with him. I have never been in love with him. But you…you have Raydir. Why the hell do you need Darius too?”
“I never said I wanted him!” I protested, my voice rising higher than I wanted it to.
“Well, actions certainly speak louder than words, don’t they?” She abruptly stood up and went to dump her half-eaten meal into the fire. When she returned, her next words turned my heart to ice. “Just remember who it is that gave up everything to be with you, nearly sacrificed himself so that you wouldn’t shift right away. Think about that for a change, hmm?”
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