The one good thing about deciding to join the crew out for a night on the town at the last possible second was the fact that with one nod and salute, I bypassed the entire line into the ridiculously popular club. I heard girls ‘whisper’ about me in line as I walked past. Like I somehow couldn’t hear them or knew they existed. Others just murmured about ‘the captain’. It all just made me want to drink that much more.

I mean, I had originally declined Uhura’s enthusiastic offer to go out with her and some of the crew tonight, purely for the fact that crowds and drinking hadn’t exactly been my jam for the past couple of months. Something clicked that night six months ago. I couldn’t put a finger on exactly what that ‘click’ was, but it had driven me away from my usually ambitious social life and into a lot of long chats with Bones, Spock and Uhura. Me. Talking. At length. About my thoughts and feelings. I might as well have morphed into a completely different person.

But tonight, sitting in my uncomfortable and sterile apartment alone had driven me crazy. Near deep-space crazy. So as the clock on my wrist beeped 11:00 PM, I hauled my ass off my couch, ran my hand through my slightly greasy hair, dabbed on a bit of cologne for a lazy refresh, threw on my worn leather jacket over the same dirty white T-shirt I had been wearing all week, and headed out the door.

It took a lot of willpower to not turn around and leave as the thumping of the music grated into my ears. I blinked quickly, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dark, intermittently strobe-lit room as I navigated my way through the very crowded club. I could’ve sworn the humidity was nearing 100% with all the body heat and sweat hanging in the air. My nose crinkled and forehead creased as I finally pushed my way up to the bar. The bartender was being mobbed by drunk cadets and an odd combination of silver foxes who were without a doubt looking for some pretty young thing to take home.

I waited, as patiently as I could, while being constantly jostled by inebriated cadets, for the bartender to make his way around the massive circular bar to where I was leaning. Scanning the room proved to be useless. Groups of girls eyeing up guys, groups of guys eyeing up girls, and then the small group of crew members from the Enterprise holed up in one of the corners. Spock and Bones were chatting at one of the comically small high top tables. A few other clusters of crew members took up other tables, while a large group danced just feet away.

“Captain! What can I get ya?”

“Yeah, I’ll take a — ”

As I was swiveling my head back over my shoulder towards the bartender, a flash of white-gold hair caught my eye as my gaze flicked over the crowd. Aria. That was Aria dancing … intimately with Uhura in the middle of the dance floor. Regret mixed with dread flooded up from the pit of my stomach to my head. I should’ve been home. This was supposed to be a night in. One stupid decision and I thrust myself into the middle of something that had been slowly picking away at me for months.

“Captain? What will ya be havin’?”

Breaking myself away from my pissed off thoughts, I ran a hand over my face and responded to the bartender. I kept my eyes locked on Aria, afraid she might spot me first.

“I’ll take a whiskey. Neat.”

I could leave. It was an option. A weak option, but still an option nonetheless. But I had already dragged myself out. Spock and Bones were here. The least I could do was say hi and chat them up for a bit. God knows they had been putting up with my weird mood for the past few months as best they could. I hadn’t exactly been a ball of sunshine. I owed it to them to make an appearance. Granted it would be a bit half-assed, but an appearance nonetheless.

“Your whiskey, captain. Also the ladies across the bar wanted to buy you a few drinks. They are … fruity, sir.”

A sigh escaped through my parted lips as I eyed the bartender with a weary expression.

“Can you make those whiskeys please? I’ll pay the difference.”

With a crooked smirk the bartender nodded once and was off to fetch two more whiskeys that I no doubt didn’t need, but accepted regardless. Slam three whiskeys. Talk to Bones and Spock. Exit quickly. All accomplishable in 30 minutes. I could do this. I quickly shot the first whiskey in my hands and then looked up to offer the group of women across the bar a nod a hand wave. It was the least I could do. I knew they expected me to make my way over to them. I knew that’s what anyone expected of me when I was drinking in a bar or club. But that Kirk had been fading over the past few months. Fading into something unknown to me.

“Your whiskeys, captain.”

I nodded in silent thanks and quickly slammed the second drink. That one burned. All the way down. My lips curled over my teeth slightly as I exhaled some of the fire from my throat. Sliding the third whiskey to the silver-haired man to my left, I gave him a clap on the back and wished him luck on his endeavors. He gave me a quizzical and irritated stare, but gladly took my drink.

I carefully slid off my stool and started working my way towards Spock and Bones. The whiskey was hitting me harder than I anticipated. I honestly couldn’t remember when I had eaten last. There was a smile creeping onto my face and a lightness I hadn’t felt in weeks. This was an empty stomach buzz.

After several awkward bumps and ‘sorrys’ as I made my way through the jam-packed club, I sidled up to Bones, who now stood alone at the uselessly small table that was only good for holding a few drinks.

“Bones!”

He turned his gaze from the dance floor and threw me a genuinely surprised look, brows arched high with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Jim! How the hell are you? I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”

“That makes two of us. Don’t worry, I regretted it instantly.”

A crease formed in his brows as he shifted his eyes from me to the dance floor — to Aria. Then back to me with a questioning look.

“This was Uhura’s brilliant idea. We drank a little at her place before heading out. She intercepted Aria on our way. Trust me, she wasn’t looking to go out either. Uhura is …”

“Undeniable.”

“Yeah. Exactly. You gonna stay long?”

I shook my head and leaned onto the table slightly, my hands gripping the edge. My eyes flickered back to Aria. Whipping her hair around wildly. A smile spread on her face from ear to ear.

“Nah, just wanted to pop over and say hi. I see Spock has abandoned you for Uhura.”

Bones rolled his eyes dramatically without needing to look over his shoulder at the couple who were hanging on each other, with Uhura giggling just a few feet behind him.

“You get one drink in that Vulcan and suddenly all that damn logic of his goes right out the window.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the grimace that slid across Bones’ face as he spoke. The tension that had coiled into my body was slowly beginning to dissipate. Mostly thanks to the two whiskeys, but also partially due to Bones’ natural way of just making me feel a little less awful.

We settled into an easy conversation reminiscing about our party antics over the years. Bones and I had certainly found our way into a healthy amount of excitement during our friendship. Whether it was keeping me from unnecessary bar fights or stopping Bones from making an ass of himself in front of large groups of women. If there was trouble, we would find it.

Just as we were sharing a laugh about how we both almost got arrested for public indecency, Bones suddenly slid his half finished drink across the table to me. I barely caught it as it neared the edge.

“Bones I really don’t — ”

“You’re gonna wanna drink that. Fast.”

I followed the nod of Bones’ head towards the dance floor to our left. The Enterprise crew was making their way towards us, everyone covered in sweat and beaming from ear to ear. And that included Aria. I mumbled a few colorful swear words under my breath and quickly slung back the rest of Bones … White Russian? Shaking my head fiercely from the shock of the disgusting drink, I clapped Bones on the back and headed for the outside patio.

“Thanks for that, buddy.”

“You leavin’?”

“I think so, yeah. Gonna grab some air first.”

“Alright. You know where to find me.”

Offering Bones a toothless grin, I patted him on the back again and then headed for the patio exit. Hopefully, she had never even spotted me in the club. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to think I was being some psycho stalker. I wanted nothing more than to journey back into the depths of space without having to talk with her again. Mostly because I had no idea what I would actually say.

The whoosh of air that hit my face as I stepped onto the empty patio was a welcome relief. My ears rang in the empty quietness of the small patio. Yorktown was glowing with all its nighttime activities. People bustled past in the street, laughing loudly while stumbling to the next bar.

I took up a spot at the railing that overlooked a small, scenic park with small trees and a large patch of grass. I drew in a deep breath through my mouth and cleared my lungs of the sweaty, thick air of the club. Tilting my head up towards the sprawling night sky, my eyes immediately fell and rested on Earth.

Home. Iowa. Corn fields. Family. The memories rushed into my mind before I could even attempt to slow them down. As I tried to sort through the overwhelming surge of feelings that suddenly surfaced inside myself, I heard someone else push through the door behind me and step out onto the patio.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

Her voice was too loud. The time she had spent inside clearly had her ears ringing, too. I shook my head as I kept my gaze locked on Earth. Aria. Of course.