Angelina

It wasn’t meant to happen.

I'd repressed my desires for twenty years and prevented the worst from happening. I’d learned to manage it, my secret, and the forces within me.

I’d been warned many times that something dangerous would happen if I fell in love and tried to be with the man. My mother had warned. In her story, she had tried to fall in love and lost.

Everything started with my grandmother and her hubby, my grandfather. She lost her husband, and then my mother followed in her steps and lost her husband too, and now I was in their shoes.

I shook my head as I stared at Collins; how could I avoid this, the tremors that erupted in my heart anytime we met. How intensifying it always was, even though we had been separated for a year? He had moved to London and I went to California to start my career. How could I tell him we couldn’t be together because of a 50-year-old spell?

I squirmed on his lap, and, as his hand reached for my back, I stared into his eyes.

I should stop after this one kiss, but the more taste of his lip I had, the more I wanted him, the more I wanted to lose my senses and replace that with pleasure. What's life without fun? What's life without being held by the one you loved on the night of Christmas, with the room dimly lit like a cinema? It felt like the moment was designed for us. Like it was the two of us, and we had the whole world to ourselves.

But there were consequences if we pushed too hard and I lost control of my power.

I’d learned this since childhood. And I knew how to act like I was like humans. I could control the other half of me, the best part of me.

I was meant to spend the holiday with him. When I arrived about an hour ago, the house smelled of too much citrus scent. He must have added more of it after cleaning the rooms, even after I told him many times that all that mattered was his presence, voice, and jokes about how neat my fingernails were. Yes, wolves cherished their nails.

I dipped my hands into his boxers. For a long time, I had been worried. Maybe, just maybe, he had finally found someone in London. And one day, he would tell me about it. I feared that day would come, the dreaded moment when he would tell me about a girl that captured his attention and his preparations to propose to her.

We were sitting on the couch and talking about holidays when he held my hands and asked me to be part of the rest of his life. "I want you, Angie," he had said. Then I let caution fly away and embraced the pleasure of the moment. I sat on his lap, holding his face in my palm. We hadn't done this before, and I had been waiting for it.

My heart beat harder as I remembered what Grandma told me. You can't be with the one you love because of the spell.

But the urge was strong that I let go of everything. I heard and obeyed the voice in my head that kept saying I should forget precaution and take what I had always dreamed of. I had longed for this to happen, on those lonely nights when I sent messages to him in London, asking for a video call on my way home sitting in Uber.

So, we kissed.

I had taken a risk, but, at the moment, the only thing that mattered was the yearnings in my heart. The movements of my hands towards every corner of his body.

I kissed him, eyes closed at first. Shutting my eyes wasn't deliberate. There was little I could do differently when his hands were on my sides, and the waves of desire traveled through my body. I teased his ears with my fingernails and pushed my body closer as if I wanted us to merge and become one.

He grabbed my face at one point and forced me to keep still. Then I opened my eyes slowly; my breathing was intense, my mind wasn’t mine, my strength to resist failed me. So I stared into his green eyes and held them for a second too long, and when I let go, I was gasping for breath. The worst had happened. My head pounded like my skull was being hit repeatedly, or some wires had disconnected. Some strange noise happened in my brain, like a faulty speaker, guitar strings, and the sound of a boy scout band. And I winced in pain.

Now I had more strength than before, and I stepped away from his lap.

I was doing things. I was walking, but my mind was far away. I was transforming. Collins was in front of me, frightened. He hid behind a chair, trying to protect himself from me. I shouted at him, but it came out as a howl. Fear was written on his face.

He raised the chair. I wouldn't let him attack me, so when he flung the chair in my direction, I roared and charged at him, grabbed him, and bit him on the neck. He gaped at me frighteningly, and I stared back the same because I didn't want to do that. I just did. Collin watched me with pleading eyes as if I was his mother, and he needed me to forgive him for his sins.

I let go of him. He ran away from me but not as far. He stood behind the door and watched me, eyes red, tears pouring, and head shaking. He placed his left hand on his neck, which was now heavily covered in his blood.

I tried to snatch myself back into a calm state, but my mind resisted. I shook my head, but I was suppressed, controlled by something more powerful. I stared at my hands and legs too. It wasn't my body either. I had nails and hairy hands, tough palms, and hard punches that could crack a rock. I closed my eyes.

I’d fully transformed into a wolf.

I wanted to wake from the nightmares, the worst of them. I could control when to transform and what I do, but not this moment. It was as if someone had hacked and gained access to what I could and should not do.

I had bitten Collins now. My crush. I was in a place where I didn't know what to do. My energy grew, bringing the urge to attack something, to run, to jump, to pounce on something and show how mighty and strengthened I’d become.

“What have you become?” Collins asked.

I wanted to shout that he shouldn't look at me like that, as if I was a monster. I was more powerful, and I could rip him apart, but the voice only came out as a snare, a wild howl that made Collins step back from the window. I walked around the house and headed to one of the windows. Placing my front paws on the windowpane, I watched the street.

It was Christmas, after all, and people were making loud noises. I could hear the sound of the firecrackers, and there were lots of fireworks in the sky. The road that led down the street was familiar. I snared as a car drove past, and two kids popped their heads out of the car's open roof and screamed hoo-hoo. I growled when too many lights shone in the sky. I should have gone after those boys and pounced on them, but the door opened behind me. I turned around, snarling at the intruder. It was Collins. I squinted at him, then stepped back, ready to jump on him, but something changed. I felt cold as if I'd stepped into winter.

He sang. His song was smooth, and it made me cry. The bite on his neck had caused blood to cover him to the toes. And with his voice in the air, I began to lose my strength. He sang and sang louder, and the world became silent; the noise of the firecrackers dropped to the background. His voice grew louder, as if he wasn't singing alone. Yet, his voice was the only one I heard. I saw only him standing by the door, singing through serious pain. I felt relieved soon, so I closed my eyes as my legs finally surrendered and collapsed to the floor. I lay down, and he ran towards me after that.

I must have slept for a while after that. When I opened my eyes again, my head was on his lap. I saw the damage I had caused. He was still bleeding, and from what I knew about werewolves, he would become like me soon. I had gone too far, and the worst had happened. I got up.

"What happened? Oh my God. I did this." They were obvious answers, and I understood what had happened perfectly well. I hadn't lost control like this before. It had never happened without my grandmother watching and helping me. From her, I learned how to control my secret abilities. I had hidden it from the world enough, but it chose twenty-six years to ruin the only love I ever had.

“Okay, okay, let’s stop the blood,” I said. I looked around the house. “Collins, do you have first aid? Anything?”

“About what happened. It is the reason you didn’t want to date me, right?” he asked.

I nodded as though it wasn't time for questions. We would find a way to solve this, and I wouldn't let him become a wolf.

"I will be back," I said, and I walked to his bedroom and returned with a bowl of water, alcohol, and a piece of cloth. Those were the things I could find. "I didn't want this to happen," I said as I began to attend to the wound.

“You need to tell me everything. Even if I die, I deserve to know everything.”

“You won't die,” I said and began to cry.

“Then tell me,” he insisted.

There was no point hiding anything from him anymore. I had bitten him already.

So, I began to talk.