《Only You Always》Chapter Twelve
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One hour, Lucas thought to himself as he tugged uncomfortably at his collar. He would give Lady Danbury only one hour at her ball. And, in his opinion, one hour should be more than enough to please the obstinate woman. When she had turned up at Blakeley House with the invitation in hand, Lucas had to suppress the urge to throw her out on her ass. But, good breeding from long ago reminded himself that first, Lady Danbury was exactly thus–a lady, and second, quite an old one in fact (though she leaned on her cane quite heavily, Lucas suspected the object was more for show than of any practical use).
Lucas fidgeted uncomfortably in the evening suit he dug out from William's dressing room. William, though similar in height with Lucas, was not similar in build. His cousin was a slighter man and the waistcoat and evening jacket stretched tightly across Lucas's chest and back. He imagined this is what it felt like to wear a corset. Awkward and painful. He needed to be careful to not tear a seam.
Lucas hadn't the time to visit a tailor before the ball. After Lady Danbury's visit, Lucas spent the rest of the afternoon ignoring the invitation that seemed to burn a hole through his desk. He visited his patients in Whitechapel and went to his office at the college to work. Anything to distract him from the new role that disrupted his life.
He had no intention of attending the ball up until the very last minute.
Perhaps, Lady Danbury and Constance were right. Maybe he needed a wife. When Lucas went to check on Constance, she restated her plans to retire to the countryside as soon as possible. This would leave Greymoor House without a lady in charge. Lucas did not plan to be home enough to answer all the tedious questions the butler or housekeeper would surely pepper him with, such as which fish to purchase for dinner or which carpet needed to be refreshed. He had so little time as it was.
No, Greymoor House needed a lady to manage it.
There would also be the added benefit of having a wife warm his bed whenever he felt the need arise. Since meeting Edwina, he felt the desperate desire daily. His last liaison ended several months ago when Marianne, a widow who lived in a small cottage just outside of London, decided it was time for her remarry. As Lucas could not offer her what she wished, he left. From what he heard, Marianne married a prosperous farmer and he wished them both well.
It'd been months since he had any release. He never frequented brothels as he could not use a woman as a piece of flesh for his pleasure nor, as a surgeon, taking the chance of catching a disease. In the past, he sought out widows or other women willing to enter into a mutually satisfactory arrangement-simple companionship with no emotional obligations. He could not and did not love them.
But a wife would solve many of his current problems. A woman that he did not love, but would provide for. One that could live a life independent from his–for her own safety.
He looked down at his pocket watch. It was a quarter after eleven. One hour and then he can return back to reviewing the treatise Dorset asked him to review.
Lucas walked up the main entrance of Lady Danbury's manor where two footmen in powdered wigs awaited to open the doors for him. The last time he entered the house of the gentry through the front door was over a decade ago, if he did not count two days prior when he barged through the front entrance of Bridgerton House. He resisted the urge to turn and seek out the service entrance. Or, pivot entirely and flee the scene.
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Instead he nodded to the men and stepped into the main hall of Danbury House.
***
Edwina hid a yawn behind her hand. The ball was well underway and Edwina was bored. She recalled how she felt last Season when she first entered the conservatory at Lady Danbury's ball. It was her first official ball in England and she was instantly enthralled by the magic of the evening. The air was thick with the sweet scent of flowers. Candlelight reflected off the glass walls making it appear as if they were all standing within a diamond.
Lady Danbury's conservatory ball was the first night she caught sight of Anthony. She was not foolish enough to have believed that she fell in love with him at first sight, but he intrigued her. What she didn't know at the time was that Anthony also intrigued Kate as well. Kate later confessed, that was also that night that she overheard Anthony proclaim loudly to his friends that he did not plan to marry for love, only duty. Kate was incensed for all the young ladies of the ton , including Edwina. Of course, Edwina knew none of this and could not understand why Kate was against Anthony's suit for the weeks that followed.
As fate would have it, Anthony did end up marrying for love after all-to Kate. He confessed that he loved her ever since the first moment they met, during an illicit ride at Rotten Row early in the morning (something Edwina also did not find out about until after Kate and Anthony married). And it tore at his honor every moment they were near one another. A love so consuming that he was willing to marry Edwina because Kate begged him to.
Edwina shook her head ruefully at the memory of their disastrous wedding. She’d welcome a disastrous wedding to a catastrophically loveless marriage–a lifetime of shackling oneself to the wrong man.
Edwina wanted the love that Kate and Anthony shared. She wanted the longing glances, the secret smiles, the lingering touches.
She accused Kate once of filling her head with fairy tales of true love and happily ever afters. Of princesses. Of Prince Charmings.
Edwina truly believed that Anthony was her prince and she the princess of their story. Not in her wildest dreams, did she think she was the spiteful, ugly stepsister.
She sighed inwardly. True love existed. It was no fantasy. Kate and Anthony proved it to be true.
If she was to marry at all, it would be for the deepest, abiding love and nothing else.
The magic still hung in the air tonight, but the flowers no longer smelled as sweet and the room did not dazzle as brightly as the year before.
"Good evening, Edwina." Edwina looked up from her glass of lemonade and found Penelope Featherington standing next to her. Penelope dressed in a soft pink gown covered in tasteful rosettes. The color was becoming with her red hair.
They both were pressed up against the edges of the ballroom watching couples dance the quadrille. Edwina purposely sat it out as she needed her rest. The evening was young and Edwina learned early on that if she participated in every dance, her feet would feel like walking on sharp pieces of glass the next day.
Penelope looked wistfully at the dancers and turned away suddenly when Colin led his partner down the line. The girl, a Lady Regina, and daughter of a duke, smiled brightly up at him. He smiled down at her in return.
"Are you enjoying your evening?" Edwina asked.
Edwina was surprised to see the Featheringtons in attendance. A few days ago, an issue of Lady Whistledown detailed the ruby mine scheme conducted by Lord Jack Featherington, Penelope’s cousin who made a splash in town last Season. Though Lady Featherington declared complete ignorance of the scam, insisting that she also lost her investment when Lord Featherington vanished overnight, the family had been blacklisted from every ton event for the last two days.
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Lady Danbury would not be so cruel as to punish Penelope or her sister, Prudence, for Lord Featherington's wickedness, but it was clear she held reservations for Lady Featherington, who was likely only invited as she was the girls' mother.
Penelope forced a smile on her face. "As well as any others." Her eyes landed on Eloise, who was across the room shooting daggers in their direction. Penelope’s smile faded away.
"If you do not mind, what happened between you and Eloise? You two were thick as thieves last Season and Colin mentioned that you were the best of friends."
Penelope shook her head slowly, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "I...cannot say. But, I miss Eloise every day."
"Perhaps, you should speak with her. Clear up the misunderstanding."
"I wish it were that simple." A silence fell between the two women.
Edwina noticed the change in the room before the name was announced by the majordomo. It was as if a ripple went through the crowd and all eyes turned toward the top of the staircase where a man stood for a moment waiting to be announced. Edwina recognized him instantly.
Lucas .
"The Earl of Greymoor."
Silence fell on the room. The earl looked down at the crowd below him as if assessing the situation. His eyes scanned the different parties. He was dressed all in black, as he had done before when Edwina saw him last, only this time the material was made of silk instead of wool. And, even from where she stood, Edwina noted that the suit was a size too small.
He reminded her of a dark panther stalking his prey of a large gathering of brightly colored birds. It made her feel ridiculous in her gold ballroom gown.
The earl's black eyes kept roaming and Edwina wondered who he was looking for before his gaze met hers. His eyes widened in surprise for a moment before he began his descent down the stairs and onto the ballroom floor, cutting directly through the dancers, his gaze not breaking from hers.
Oh, God, what is he doing? Edwina thought as she frantically looked about her. To be singled out like this–the gossip would be tremendous.
Lucas stopped in front of her and gave her a short bow. "Miss Edwina Sharma, I believe?"
"My lord," she replied with a curtsey. It was impossible to avoid him now. Lady Cowper and Cressida twittered behind their fans as they watched with undisguised interest. Penelope quickly stepped aside, disappearing into the planted ferns situated along the walls of the conservatory. Edwina was about to call her back when Lucas interrupted her.
"May I have this dance?" he asked, holding out his hand. It was only then that Edwina noticed that the music was starting up again and new dancers were making their way onto the floor.
"No," she replied. He raised one dark brow in question. Edwina lifted the small card on her wrist. "This dance has already been spoken for. Lord Lumley."
Lord Lumley was making his way towards her and Lucas followed her gaze. He frowned at the darkly handsome younger man before turning his attention to the paper card.
"How efficient," he whispered to himself. "Certainly saves time." Edwina gasped as he took her wrist in his hand and withdrew a pencil from the inside of his coat. He crossed out Lumley's name and wrote his in. Greymoor .
"Now there is no problem," he said as he took her hand firmly in his and started towards the dance floor.
"My lord, that is not how it is done–"
"I do not know this dance," Lucas said as he stopped abruptly, causing Edwina to stumble into his back. People turned to stare at them. Edwina watched the dancers pair up in twos.
Thank God, Edwina thought. Perhaps now she can extricate herself from the situation. She cleared her throat. "It's the waltz. New from Austria. Perhaps, you can escort me to my family instead?" Edwina's eyes searched the room for Kate. Both Benedict and Colin were already on the floor with partners, Benedict with a young lady who recently made her come-out and Colin with Penelope. Kate and Anthony were nowhere to be seen but Edwina sighed with inward relief when she saw her mother, Violet, and Lady Danbury on the other side of the room.
"You can take me to my mother," Edwina began. "She is the woman dressed in the light green gown with Lady Danbury."
"Hush," Lucas said as he took in the couples who had begun dancing. His eyes jumped from couple to couple, taking in their form and the movement of their feet. He closed his eyes for a second, humming to the tempo of the music, before opening them and looking down at Edwina. "It seems simple enough."
Before Edwina could reply, he wrapped an arm around her and swept her onto the dance floor. Edwina braced herself for a moment expecting to collide into one of the whirling couples, but Lucas neatly sidestepped right into the fray.
Edwina gasped out loud as Lucas's arm, which was wrapped around her waist, pulled her close until there wasn't a sliver of space between their bodies. She tried to pull back, but he held her firm.
"This is not how it's done," she repeated harshly.
"What is?" he replied with a smile.
"You should not have asked me to dance. We do not know one another."
"What do you mean?" Lucas asked, puzzled. "We do know one another. You spent half the night in my–"
Edwina shushed him loudly, her face turning pink as she looked around the dance floor to ensure that no one else heard what Lucas said. Benedict, who danced the closest to them, turned his head, his eyes questioning. Edwina gave a tiny shake of her head and Benedict returned his focus onto his partner.
Edwina cleared her throat and Lucas looked down at her with amusement. "In the eyes of the ton , we do not know one another. We have not been properly introduced."
Lucas rolled his eyes. "Ridiculous."
"Ridiculous or not. You are causing a scandal."
"Me?" Lucas asked in all mocking innocence, his eyes never leaving her face.
"Yes! We are also dancing too close. There should be at least several inches of space between us. We need to keep at arm's length, and as my dancing master once said, we must leave room for the Holy Ghost in order to resist temptation."
Lucas barked out a laugh and several heads turned towards them. Edwina smiled at his reaction. She felt him relax where her hand touched him at the shoulder. He looked years younger and she was suddenly glad she was the one to put the smile on his face. "It is ridiculous, all of it, but they are the rules."
"As you wish." He loosened his grip on her waist and distanced the space between them.
As the warmth of his body disappeared, Edwina regretted telling him of their impropriety.
"Lord Greymoor," Edwina began.
The earl's face pinched at the name. "Please, call me Lucas. Or Dr. Blakeley if you must."
Edwina wetted her lips, drawing his eyes. She cleared her throat. "Lucas. It is fortunate that you are present tonight. I've been wracking my mind for the best way to contact you again."
Lucas raised a single dark brow. "No more fainting spells?"
Edwina smiled ruefully and shook her head. "I could not put the dowager viscountess through that experience again. I fear that I traumatized her. Not, saying anything about my own mother. They tried to persuade me to stay in tonight–to recover my strength."
"A wasted effort."
Edwina tilted her head to the side and looked up at Lucas. "Yes, and I am glad I did not stay in. I did not know you would attend, though now that you are Greymoor–"
He winced again at the title. It was obvious he was not comfortable with it, though most men that Edwina knew would be rejoicing at their good fortune if they discovered themselves to be a wealthy earl overnight.
"What is it you wish to ask me?"
Edwina cast a look about the crowded ballroom. "Not here," she said, dropping her voice. Lucas raised both eyebrows and before Edwina could say more, he swung her expertly off the dance floor and out the opened terrace doors.
***
Lucas waltzed Edwina towards the open French doors and out into the garden. With a quick glance, he saw that they were alone. He slowed their dance into a stop, but his hands held her still. She felt deliciously warm, her silk gown smooth under his fingers. He closed the distance between them again until her body was pressed up against his. She gasped in surprise, but did not pull away.
He could no longer deny the attraction between them. Lucas knew Edwina felt it too. When he leaned in towards her in her bedroom, she tilted her head up towards him as if expecting his kiss. Welcomed it. Desired his lips on hers.
Even now, her eyes, half-lidded, fell to his lips. If he wished, Lucas could kiss her now. Taste her.
However, Edwina was a lady of the ton . And a kiss did not simply mean a kiss, but courtship and matrimony. Love and happily ever after.
With a sigh of regret, he released her.
“What is it you wish to ask me?” he asked. Without thought, they both began walking towards the far end of the garden, leaving the brightness of the ball behind them. The path was only lit by a pale moon.
"I want to do what you do," she began.
Lucas looked at her puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Be a surgeon." There was a hesitancy in the way she spoke as if she knew her request sounded absurd. Edwina squared her shoulders and looked up at him, her eyes flinty with determination, as if daring him to laugh at her.
He didn't laugh. He just stood silently, assessing her, waiting for her to speak.
"I want you to teach me how."
"You do know that women are not allowed to attend university, much less study medicine," he replied.
"Yes, of course, which is why I am asking you." When he did not respond, she continued impatiently, "You said that I would make a good surgeon."
"I do not recall–"
She pushed forward. "And, I find the study engaging." Much more so than the watercolors and embroidery that ladies of the ton were supposed to busy themselves with.
Lucas shook his head slowly. "This is just a passing fancy. Even if I could teach you, what would be the point? Edwina, you are a lady. If people found out about your intent to practice medicine, they will throw you into an asylum."
She frowned as bitter disappointment filled her. She shouldn't be surprised that this was his reaction– a man's reaction . Women were just an extra appendage to a man. They were merely property to be bought or bartered. They did not belong to themselves.
First they were owned by their fathers then their husbands. When a woman married, all their possessions became their husband's property including their bodies. Their sole reason for existing is for a man's pleasure, to serve as a broodmare, mere chattel. Eloise was right, Edwina thought. An intelligent woman was seen as a threat, as hysterical. Someone to lock away in an asylum lest she spread her virulent progressive ideas to the masses.
"You do not believe I can do it."
Lucas narrowed his eyes. "I did not say that. Do not put words in my mouth."
Edwina rose her chin up a notch, defiant. "Well, what is your hesitation? I can pay you."
Even as the words left her mouth, she realized how ridiculous they sounded. Perhaps when Lucas was simply Dr. Blakeley he would welcome the extra funds, but now as the Earl of Greymoor...
The same thought must have passed through his mind as he smiled arrogantly back down at her. "I don't need your pin money."
Edwina's face flushed at the truth of his words.
"Well, if you will not, I will find another. Perhaps, Mr. Dorset will be more amiable to my offer." Mr. Dorset, from what Edwina recalled from last Season, was a physician and had briefly courted Kate. He seemed a nice enough gentleman, much more than the one that stood before her now.
Lucas took a step forward, his eyes glittering dangerously in the dark. Edwina held her ground. If he thought he could intimidate her to change her mind, well, he had another thing coming.
"Dorset? You want Dorset?"
Edwina nodded jerkily as Lucas stopped just an inch away from her. She felt the heat and anger radiating off his body.
"He's a second rate surgeon at best," Lucas said vehemently.
"And you are the best, I take it?" Edwina sniffed, looking him up and down as if she found him wanting. A muscle ticked erratically in his clenched jaw. She could practically see the hot blood pumping through his veins.
Lucas grasped her arm and she winced at the tightness of his grip. She refused to pull away. She was not frightened of him, she knew Lucas would never hurt her, even though he appeared to be trying very hard right now to force her to change her mind.
"I am the best," he said before his lips came crashing down onto hers.
***
What was he doing? Lucas thought as he pulled Edwina into him, his lips collided with hers, hard. He was surprised at the intensity of his anger. To think that Edwina could so easily replace him with Dorset–
The sweet smell of lavender filled his senses. He shuddered in pleasure.
This was pure madness.
But, it didn't feel like madness. It felt right as if she was the piece of himself that he never knew was missing. A realization that made her dangerous, forbidden to him.
Edwina reached up and gripped the lapels of his evening coat and pulled him down closer to her. Faraway, he heard fabric tear.
His hands began moving on their own accord until they found the tender swells of her breasts. Her hands tore against his body, pulling at his clothes. She moaned against his lips, opening her mouth briefly, and Lucas seized the moment. His tongue pushed past her lips. He felt her freeze with uncertainty, before her tongue flickered timidly against his.
He didn't need more of an invitation. As one of his hands squeezed her breast, his thumb brushing against the peak of her nipple, the other went south clutching at the gown, raising the hem. He could almost feel the soft satin of her thighs under his fingertips.
Just a few more inches and he could finally touch her there. Feel her wrapped around him.
"Edwina?" a male voice called out in the dark.
Lucas snapped back to reality. Gasping for breath, he removed his hands from Edwina's body and stepped away even as she swayed dangerously towards him. All he wanted to do was push her deeper into the shadows of the garden to finish what they started, but the footsteps were closing in.
With a quick look, he assessed Edwina's appearance. She looked deliciously mussed, but her hair was still in place, and her gown did not reveal any more skin than it had when he saw her in the ballroom. Only her lips were swollen and her eyes glazed from their heated kisses. He reassured himself that in the dark, no one would assume anything salacious happened between them.
Before either of them could speak, Benedict Bridgerton rounded the corner of the hedge and stopped short when he spotted them. His eyes flew to Edwina first, quickly ensuring that she was fine, before turning to Lucas. His mouth was pressed in a grim line, but upon seeing Lucas, it dropped open with astonishment.
"What happened to you?"
Lucas looked down at his suit to discover that the jacket that was too tight had burst at the seams, his cravat loose, and several buttons of his waistcoat and shirt were undone. He looked as if he had been ravished while Edwina stood by, neat with every pin in her hair in place, smiling calmly as if nothing happened at all.
Lucas cleared his throat, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt.
"I fell."
***
"Good Lord, Edwina, what did you do to the man?" Benedict asked as they both watched Lucas hurry away back towards the ballroom. He took a sharp left towards the entrance of Danbury House and Edwina knew Lucas was leaving. He could not stay even if he wished with the disastrous state of his clothes.
"Nothing. As he said, he fell." Edwina smoothed out her skirts before taking Benedict's arm.
Benedict shook his head ruefully. "To think, I thought I was rushing out here to save you ."
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