《The Grey.》Part XIII: Sabrina
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"Here, you need to eat something," Red placed the warm cup of soup in Sabrina's shaking hands, "Careful. It's still hot."
Sabrina carefully blew on the spoon before letting the warm broth down her throat. She didn't remember the last time she had something to eat. She tried to enjoy it but she was struggling to calm her nerves.
It had been about an hour since Ami left and Sabrina's mind was still racing.
Someone like me.
It was bittersweet and difficult for Sabrina to sort her thoughts after the visit. Ami brought with her a wave of cold, painful memories. But she also reminded Sabrina that she wasn't alone and didn't have to go through this by herself.
Sabrina looked up to see Red intently staring at her as she took another spoonful to her mouth. He looked tired, and the dark circles under his eyes rivaled her own. Her chest panged with guilt at what she must have put him through. But there was something else behind his eyes when he quickly looked away that worried her.
"Red... are you scared of me?"
Sabrina watched as Red's face contorted - first from surprise, then anger, then back to the still same melancholy expression as before. He turned to her and took the soup from her hands, carefully placing it on the table beside them. She began to fidget with the hem of her dress, scared of what could come out of his mouth.
Red carefully took both of her hands in his and carefully rested them on her lap. He leaned towards her.
"No," he started softly, "I am not scared of you."
She watched as his mouth opened again, then shut. She could tell that he wanted to say more but was stopping himself.
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She wished he would say more. She wished he would yell, scream at her for what she had done. She saw the aftermath in that alley, standing there with a bag full of evidence before she collapsed. She knew it was her. She was the one who gave in. She was the one who let the voice take over.
Red dropped her hands and stood up in silence, making his way to the window. Sabrina wanted him to come back, comfort her, hold her in his arms again like when he rescued her Downtown.
Selfish, selfish.
She shook her head. No more crying.
–
Red walked Sabrina to her room as the light outside began to fade, and she was grateful. He showed her the new functions on her door before awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets and looking around.
As the door opened with her wrist, she turned to Red, but he was avoiding her eyes.
"Come in. Please. Just for a moment."
She felt guilty as soon as the words left her mouth. Selfish. But to her surprise, he quietly nodded then walked through the doorway.
It was odd seeing Red in her home. He was wearing the same tight black cutoff shirt and chained tight pants as when she had last seen him and she wondered the last time he had slept himself. He looked so out of place as he awkwardly looked around, slightly straightening loose papers on her table and looking under the cups beside her sink. She couldn't help but let out a laugh.
Red looked up with a coy smile, "Sorry... yer place is so clean. It's weird."
She watched as his eyes dropped towards the little metallic canister on her bedside table. It was one of the sage sticks he had given her when they first met. He carefully picked it up with his long slender fingers and rolled it gently between his palms.
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"I thought you were out," Red said, the sadness returning to his eyes.
"I was saving that one... For emergencies... Since it's special."
Red let out a single cough-laugh then shook his head. "You know you can't do this anymore. Neither of us can. We have to be as clear-minded as possible if we are going to figure all this out."
She watched as he set the canister back down but noticed his fingers hesitating before letting it go. She knew he wanted to escape just as much as she did. She bit her lip.
Sabrina walked to him, picking up the lone canister herself and examining it before turning her eyes to him. She watched his eyes linger around the room avoidantly before they landed on hers. His neck muscle twitches as she watches him swallow hard.
"One last time, Red?"
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