《I Still am a Spy》It’s the Naked, Naked West

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Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Enzo was still staring at the only window in the room, as if hypnotized by the surroundings, which frightened Ana. When she noticed that he wouldn't react, she had to call him to bring him out of his trance.

- Did something happen, dear?

- Maybe. - Enzo answered, unsure. - I don't know what happened, if I did, I don't know.

What?

- What?

- Nothing, nothing. I just need to take a look downstairs.

As soon as Enzo left, he ran into Vini, who was waiting outside in the hallway.

- Oh, fuck! What are you still doing here?

- Hey, I wasn't going to miss my chance. - Vini replied.

- You're a douchebag. And where the fuck is Belgium?

- Warming up the engine. If you know any better.

- Oh, my dear God. I am officially in the House of Fools.

Enzo got tired of Vini's foolishness and handed him a key. The very key that Suzane had given him to profit from.

- Want to have sex? Take it! Just stop bothering me!

- But isn't Ana in the room?

- Vini, stop talking shit!

Oh, it wasn't gibberish. But who said Enzo gave a damn? Because what he saw seemed even more bizarre. He went to the same abandoned lot again and found a child, standing there, looking up. He was wearing clothes considered childish, had blond hair and a frighteningly centered gaze.

- Kid? - Enzo asked. - What are you doing here? And where is the other child that you were with?

- They took him away. - was the answer.

- Who is "they"?

The boy pointed up at the vastness of the sky, which was filled with stars.

- What the heck.

Enzo went back to the room, but got an unpleasant surprise. As he turned the doorknob, he noticed that it was stuck. Or simply locked.

- Who's there?

- Enzo?

- Vini? You moron, what are you doing there?

- What do you mean, you stupid idiot! You gave me the key!

- Why would I do that? Ana's in there!

Oh, boy.

- Enzo, I'm busy at the moment. Could you come back later? Or maybe not come at all?

- Oh, I have no time for that!

Enzo took five steps back. He looked at the door. He gained even more distance and ran as fast as he could. Before the imminent impact, he turned his body to collide laterally with the door, which unfortunately didn't open, but caused a huge noise, scaring Vini and Belgium.

- What the fuck? - Vini shouted.

- Who is it?

- It's that motherfucking Enzo, of course! What do you want, you imbecile!

- Open the fucking door!

- I can't even have sex in peace, dammit! All right!

Vini had no choice. He got out of bed and opened the door for Enzo to step in.

- Enzo, this better be fucking important. I was coming up on the third act.

Enzo stared at Belgium. The look on his face didn't give that impression.

- Is it the third act of that Star Wars? Because that movie was awful.

- Very funny. What do you want?

- I don't know how to say this, but I think a child has just been abducted by aliens!

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Vini didn't say a word. He just stared at him, without any reaction, waiting for a better explanation. As it wasn't the case, he turned around and went back to the bed next to Belgium.

- What are you doing?

- After what I have just heard, I will go back to what I was doing. If you want to watch, be my guest. I don't charge a ticket.

- So whatever! - Enzo walked to the door. - I don't need your help!

And in the small hallway he finally caught up with Ana, who didn't look very pleased.

- Hi, sweetheart. Is everything alright?

- No, you ass! You better have an important reason for leaving me in bed and allowing Vini to see me naked!

- Baby, just now I saw him and Belgium naked. If you want to stick around, you'd better get used to it. It's the Naked, Naked West.

- But then what do you want to tell me?

- Vini didn't listen to me, but a child has been abducted by aliens.

- I'm not surprised that he didn't take much notice of what I said.

- Good. I have proof!

Enzo brought the little lost boy into the club, next to a couple having sex. Yes, the parental rules were thrown in the trash that night.

- Little boy, tell your name to Auntie Ana.

- Charlie. - He replied.

- Oh. A kid! - She wasn't convinced. - Is that your proof?

- Ha! Wait a minute! Go on, Charlie.

- I was with my brother, then the lights took him away.

- The lights? - Ana remained skeptical.

- Let him talk, dammit! Has this turned into a presidential debate?

- The lights took him away. - Charlie reiterated.

- Enzo, what's the plan? - Ana wondered.

- Getting him out of here is a good start.

- What about Vini and Belgium?

Enzo looked at the door.

- As a team we have to think about what's best for the team. And as a team I decide that we will leave them behind.

- That doesn't sound like a team attitude.

- How could it not be? If we stay, Charlie is left without his brother. If we leave, we have a better chance of finding him.

- That's fine. But I do not agree.

After leaving them behind as a team, Enzo and Ana went to the condo of houses behind the club. Ana looked at her wristwatch. Very late at night. She found it very strange that two children were out wandering alone. Enzo went to the guardhouse and tried to negotiate with the porter.

- Good night, I would like to see a child.

As it turned out, the doorman stared at Enzo for a few seconds. Then he turned his attention to Ana and, a bit disturbed, answered him back:

- Look, pal, you've got a very beautiful friend, you don't need to enjoy right at a child.

- What? No, it's not what you think! I have a lost child here.

- Do you know the name of his parents?

- Let me see. If I did, do you think I'd be here talking to you and being mistaken by Danny Masterson?

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- Couldn't you call the residents here to see if there is a lost child in the condo? - Ana proposed.

- Honey, it's almost 1:00 AM. There are thirty residences here. No way.

- There is gotta be a desperate mother looking for her children!

- Have you ever seen Family Cases?

- No!

- Still, I'm sorry, but I can't help you. And I can't leave the boy here either.

- That stinks ass. - Enzo complained.

Well, that mission had been a total failure, because in addition to not finding out anything about the child's parents, there was the sudden disappearance of his brother. Enzo had no other option. He went after Suzane, the only adult who could help him. At least that's what Enzo thought. But before he could find her, Pacifier called him once more, approaching dangerously close, like a car backing out of a crowded parking lot.

- Oh, no. What a disgrace! - Enzo whined.

- Enzo, where is your friend Vini? - Pacifier asked.

- The last time I saw him he was in the third act.

- Star Wars?

- That's right!

- Pacifier, where is your mother?

- Upstairs.

Oh, no.

- Doing what? - Enzo asked a rather obvious question.

- She didn't tell me. I think she's entertaining guests.

Ana looked at Enzo, who nodded. The less he knew, the better.

- All right, thank you.

- And who is this boy?

- That's Charlie.

- My brother was abducted by aliens.

- No, he wasn't! - Enzo yelled. - It's just a prank.

Enzo grabbed Charlie's arm and ran to the stairs. The boy didn't understand the abrupt change in his behavior.

- Enzo, darling, you didn't have to yell at him. - Ana was upset.

- Ana, he can't go around saying that his brother has turned into ET chow!

- But you told Vini exactly that.

Maybe not in those exact words.

- So what? Vini is an idiot!

When Enzo arrived, he knocked twice on the door. As soon as it opened, he got another nasty surprise. Suzane was wearing a very short vodka-scented dress and a red wig. Enzo's eyes almost popped out of his face.

- My God in heaven! Is this place the Playboy Mansion? There's nothing but whoring here!

- Hi there, sweetheart. - said Suzane, clearly under the influence of alcohol. Only alcohol, apparently. - How are you?

- I don't know. I feel like I'm going to have a coronary.

- You need to relax more. You're too tense. Why don't you go into the next room? Take your girlfriend.

It was the second time that night that she proposed this. Still, it could be worse.

- But you can't take the boy. They say it's against the law for children to watch their parents at work.

- I am this close to having a meltdown. - Enzo said.

- Suzane, we have found a lost boy standing behind the club.

- This is not good. Just keep him away from booze and cigarettes.

- What the fuck is going on in there?

- Just a little get-together among friends.

Enzo looked at the room. Dark walls, a bunch of drunk men lying around and neon lights on the ceiling.

- I feel like I'm in the Lady Gaga's Pokerface clip.

- Good idea, Enzo. Too bad I had a son, because if Pacifier were a girl, I'd really want her to get fucked by you and give me a granddaughter.

Enzo's eyes widened. And he said something that made perfect sense for the occasion:

- I think I need to lie down.

Finally, Vini and Ana appeared in the corner of the hall.

- Enzo, Ana, what a surprise! - he said, happy. - What's the good of the night?

- A child. - Ana replied.

- Wow, so soon? Belgium, how long did we stay in the room?

- Vini, you stupid animal!

- Well, considering the amount of women I've seen you date, I'm not surprised to have about twenty of these.

- What's the matter, Ana?

- We found Charlie lost behind the club.

- Wait a minute. Behind where?

- I don't know. In that empty field over there. Behind the club.

- Vini, we saw him. Do you remember him?

- I don't remember anything.

- What's wrong with him?

Enzo made an up and down movement with his hands.

- No, no, no. It was not a handjob. It was just a job with his mouth.

- Vini! - Belgium was embarrassed.

- Belgium, we have more urgent problems than .... Where you stick your lips. - said Ana. - What are we going to do with him?

- Who is he? - Vini asked.

- Charlie!

- Sheen?

- Somebody punch Vini, please.

- I got it. - Enzo elbowed him in the ribs.

- What can we do, Belgium? He says his brother was abducted by aliens.

- Not very probable. - Belgium commented.

- Not very probable? Not very likely is winning the lottery or having sex upside down without passing out.

- I already gave it a try. - Enzo said. - It's a bitch.

Curiously, that wasn't the strangest phrase of the night.

After a while, they finally made a wise decision. Almost two in the morning, Ana called her father and asked him to come to the club to pick her up. But even this was cause for some concern.

- How long will it take? - Enzo asked.

- I don't know. Half an hour. - Ana replied.

- Oh, that's not nice. The pheromones of the guys here are so high, I'll be having sex with the lampshade in no time.

- Thanks for the disturbing mental image, Enzo. - Vini complained.

- Shut up, you giant tongue! You shouldn't say anything else until the end of the chapter!

Finally, Ana's father arrived with his Porsche at the entrance of the club. She, of course, sat in the front. Then Enzo, Belgium, Vini sat in the back. Lastly, Charlie sat on Belgium's lap and soon fell asleep. The facial expressions of all the people in the car freaked out Ana's father, who was about to ask why they were so concerned, but his daughter quickly replied:

- You don't want to know, Dad.

- I get it. - He said.

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