My brother spent weeks in the hospital, and there appeared to be no significant recovery. If he showed a few days of progress, it quickly disappeared, and he was once more in a state of severe sickness.

Both of my parents didn’t want me to miss any school, so the only time I was able to see my brother was on the weekends. Lawrence also joined me in visiting him, but he wasn’t always able to make it whenever I went. If Michael was conscious and having a good health day, we’d play a couple rounds of Elite Crushers, but as the days went on and the weekends came, we played less and less.

I couldn’t bring myself to play at my full ability unless we were on a team playing against the computer. Michael would always insist we play one-on-one, and I’d let him win, even though I could have beat him.

His face was sunken in, his lips still lacked color, and his eyes were dark red and puffy. Talking was becoming more difficult for him. His voice was weaker, and he couldn’t always form complete sentences.

My parents took turns staying with him in the hospital, so he was never truly alone. It was taking a toll on my mom and dad. They were hardly sleeping and they never smiled.

I woke up on a Friday morning and checked my phone first thing. Usually, there was nothing, but I had a voicemail from my mom. Part of me didn’t want to listen to the message, but I had no other choice.

“Gordie… p-p-please come to the hospital. Dad will be here. Call Lawrence… if not, call Aunt Edith. I can’t leave. Love you.” My mom’s voicemail ended. Her voice was quivering, and it sounded like she had been crying hysterically just a moment before.

I felt empty and on auto-pilot.

As I called Lawrence, he answered right away.

“Hey man, I was just getting ready to go to school. What’s up?”

“My mom told me to call you. Can you take me to the hospital?” I asked.

“Oh... Yeah, I’ll be over in just a few.”

Lawrence dropped me off at the front of the hospital, and he said he’d catch up after school. I thought it was a good idea. I wanted to see my parents and only them. As much as Lawrence felt like family, it was a moment for just the three of us.

I went to the waiting room, and my mom and dad were there, sobbing incoherently. My dad noticed I walked in, and he shot up out of his seat and took me out to the hallway as my mom cried so hard she was practically screaming. I’d never seen them like that.

Out in the hall, he wiped his tears and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this, Gordie, but it doesn’t make sense. Michael…” his face contorted, and his lips quivered. “Michael passed away last night.”

No. He couldn’t have. This is a joke. An elaborate and cruel prank. Michael is just fine. He’s just sleeping or something.

“I’m so sorry.” My dad pulled me in for a binding hug.

After a couple of hours, my parents composed themselves and had to fill out paperwork. When they finished, we returned home, and they were mute. Part of me wanted to say something to try and console them, but I hadn’t spoken since I arrived at the hospital. My eyes felt like a destroyed river dam. The only thing I knew how to do was cry. Everything was numb, and everything was filled with thoughts of Michael.

Even when we arrived home, I walked into Michael’s room to check if he was there, but he wasn’t. A strange empty feeling stirred in my mind and body. All I wanted to do was lay down in my bed, and isolate myself from the world.

I missed a whole week of school and traveled with my parents for all the errands they had to run for the funeral. My parents told me they didn’t want me to miss school, but I refused their request. I spent that week in bed and at my desk focusing on the work from class. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed schoolwork because it took me away from my reality. The thought of playing video games crossed my mind a few times, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn on the Arakan Sphere.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. The whole period felt like a blur. My memory seemed to delete all that I did during that time. I certainly wasn’t doing much, but before I knew what hit me, it was already summertime, which I was dreading. As much as I didn’t look forward to school, it provided me an escape.

My house felt like a dreary nightmare.

My mom and dad were never the same after Michael passed away, and to be fair, I didn’t expect them to be normal. At times it seemed like they feigned happiness around me. When I tried to talk about music or video games, they smiled and nodded, but they didn’t listen or respond. They also didn’t have the same jolly look as they used to. Their spirit was gone, and they barely talked. To add to my misery, I didn’t have close friends, nor did I play video games anymore.

There were times I felt like playing Elite Crushers, like a primal desire. Still, I knew I would feel emotionally overwhelmed if I turned on the Arakan Sphere, so I didn’t play anything. Life for me was school, lying in bed, walking around my neighborhood aimlessly, and watching TV.

Lawrence called me a few times to check in on how I was doing, but we didn’t hang out. He offered to come over, but every time I would tell him I wasn’t feeling up for company. I had never felt so lousy in my whole life. Besides, I knew he didn’t want to come over. It was more of a sympathy thing… but maybe I was wrong. After all, Lawrence would contact me to make sure I was holding up alright.

After my summer of nothing, Lawrence went on to attend school at Northwestern University. My family felt very proud of him, and we ended up going to graduation to support him. We even sat with his family.

I couldn’t stop crying during the ceremony because they did a tribute for Michael. They showed a video presentation with pictures of him and all of his friends. It was like Michael had a picture with every kid in his class, and he graduated with five hundred of them. His smile was so infectious that it even made me smile to look at those old photos.

The school also included a family photo of Michael, myself, and my parents. The band kids played his all-time favorite song during the presentation, which Lawrence knew and told them to play. It was “Strangers” by The Kinks. Damn him for picking such an emotional song because it only made me cry harder. But I wasn’t alone. It felt like everyone else in the arena was crying as well.

I never even got to say goodbye, Michael. I’m sorry, man. I’m so so so sorry. What I would give to play video games with you again.

Two years later...

I turned sixteen in November 2022. I was in my sophomore year of high school. The time that went by was relatively uneventful and unimpressive. While I focused on school more, I still wasn’t the best student. My grades were average at best, and I still managed to avoid playing Elite Crushers.

It still reigned supreme as the top fighting game globally, and it only seemed to grow in popularity. Still, I was no longer part of the tournament scene, nor was I following it. Just thinking about playing the game made me choke up.

My parents were still in a state of depressive shock. Part of me believed that it would never change, but another wanted to give them a chance. I never said anything to them though. I was lost and had no idea what I wanted to do or where to go in life.

As soon as I turned sixteen, I got my license, and my parents helped get me a cheap, used car. They had sold Michael’s, which I was okay with since it wasn’t the most reliable and would only sit in the driveway collecting more rust.

Fortunately, I was able to get a job at a grocery store, Stella’s, as soon as I turned sixteen. It gave me a moment of happiness, something I hadn’t felt in ages. After school, I now had something to do. I played a part in the world, even if it was as simple as stocking grocery shelves.

I felt very fortunate, my aunt Edith knew the store owner, and she made it all possible. It would easy work: grabbing grocery carts from the parking lot, bagging people’s groceries, and stacking shelves during the later shift hours.

My first day did not go well. It was a Saturday at 2:30, I received a call from Linda, the store manager, “Hey, where are you?”

“Oh, uh, hello. I’m at home right now.”

“Did you know your shift started at 2:00?”

“Wait. What? Are you serious?”

“Uh-huh. Check the schedule, Gordon, and put it in your calendar. You were supposed to start at 2:00 today.”

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”

“...Can you make it to work still or...?”

“Yes I can! I’ll be right there!”

I read the schedule in my email a thousand times, and I was not on for Saturday. I even double checked after the call... and I was on for 2:00.

Damn.

Stella’s was a smaller market store, indeed a ma’ and pa’ operation. An old woman and her husband owned the place, but they never went there except to buy groceries.

So there I was, bright-eyed but not bushy-tailed because I came in so late, but I was excited to work the first shift of my first ever job. As soon as I walked into the break room to clock in, two people were at a long table. One tall handsome guy was rummaging through a bag, and a woman eating lunch.

“Hey, you must be the new guy, Gordon?” the guy said, approaching me. He looked like he could’ve belonged in a 50’s greaser group.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” I said.

“That’s quite alright. You’re the new guy here. I don’t expect you to know anyone’s name.” He paused. “Except for Linda, you should know her name, but I digress. My name is Darren. I’m the other helper on the shift. Normally there are three or four, but the other guy called in sick, so it’s just you and me today, pal.”

I came to a realization, and I shook my head, mortified. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for coming in late. I swear, though, my name was not on the schedule for today. Linda told me that my first day would be Sunday, but I guess I was on for Saturday on her email. I’m really sorry if I screwed you over.”

Darren waved his hand at me and laughed. “No need to apologize. We’ve all been there. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Anyway, we should really head out there. I had to come in here to grab my gloves and annoy Jane on her lunch break.” Darren winked at the woman eating her lunch. “Sorry, Jane, duty calls.”

“Good riddance,” Jane said, hiding a smile.