“So operation Catch Baltazar,” Scott said as we finished breakfast. “What’s our first step?”

“I have no idea…” I admitted with a sigh. “It’s not like we can just kidnap him and demand answers. I guess we could try sneaking into their lair and try to find some clues?”

“Yeah because last time when we sneaked into the vampire territory it went so well,” Yuri said, giving me a look.

“We could ask Daniel for help?” I tried. That earned me a growl.

“God not Daniel again. You already owe him way too much, let’s not add to it,” Yuri grumbled.

“Well we might not have a choice unless we think of something,” Scott said, though he himself didn’t look happy with the idea.

Before Yuri could growl at him too, someone knocked on the door. We all went silent and listened. A single heartbeat, a quick and nervous one. I raised an eyebrow curiously and went to open the door.

I was quite surprised to find Ricky standing there. He was looking at his feet, obviously very nervous. “Ricky, hey, what are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?” I asked in confusion.

“I asked the Dead Dog manager,” he said. “Can I… Can I talk to you?” he asked, worrying his bottom lip.

“Yeah of course.” I nodded and moved so he could come in. Ricky took a step in, then noticed Yuri and Scott and froze. “It’s alright, that’s Yuri and Scott, they’re my friends and… my pack,” I said.

“So you’re not even a loner…” he whispered.

“I was after I got kicked out of the Ghealach pack, but then I came back and… Well me, Yuri, and Scott became a pack. It took us a long time to admit it to ourselves, but it’s just us,” I tried to explain.

“So you’re Ricky?” Scott smiled and offered him his hand. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

Ricky shook his hand gingerly, then eyed Yuri who just smiled but said nothing. “So…” I said and motioned for him to sit on the couch, “what do you want to talk about?”

Before he could say anything a loud banging sounded on the door. This time two heartbeats awaited behind it. I could very well guess who it was. I opened the door and stepped away to let Toby and Clay inside.

“I thought I told you not to come here!” Clay growled and grabbed Ricky’s arm harshly. “We’re not talking to this asshole.”

“At least let me explain myself,” I said, closing the door.

“Explain yourself?” Clay scoffed, glaring at me. “We don’t need more lies.”

“You lied to us and used us, there is nothing to explain,” Toby said coldly. “You knew what Elliot was planning. You knew he just wanted loners to use for war and you still send us right to our deaths.”

“Not to your deaths!” I argued. “I was never going to allow Elliot to actually attack.”

“Let’s go, Ricky. He never cared about us; he just cared for the information we could give him on the Silver Hearts pack,” Toby said and turned to leave. Clay followed, dragging Ricky behind him.

“No it’s not like that,” I said, stepping in front of the door. “I admit that I wanted info on the Silver Hearts pack, but I do care. I might not be a loner anymore but I know all too well what it’s like to be one.” I sighed in defeat as they just stared at me, Clay in anger, Toby in a cold disappointment, and Ricky with the saddest doe eyes. “I’m sorry, I truly am. I had to make sure the Silver Heart pack wouldn’t attack the Ghealach pack. Such a war would destroy the whole city.”

“How noble,” Clay growled mockingly.

“See? He wasn’t just using us,” Ricky said and wrangled his arm out of Clay’s grasp. “It wasn’t just…”

“What’s going on here?” Matt’s sleepy voice said, cutting Ricky off. I wanted to let him sleep in, guess we were making too much of a ruckus. He was still in his pajamas, marks from the pillow on his face and still smelling of me and our pleasure.

Damn it… I winced inwardly as Ricky’s face fell, his eyes going dark. “Ricky, I…” can explain. But what was I supposed to say? When my mouth simply closed he pushed me aside and left, quickly followed by Toby and Clay. “Shit!” I cursed and let my head fall against the door. I guess I deserved that…

“You really are an idiot,” Yuri sighed and I felt his hand run through my hair before he disappeared out the door as well.

“Did I do something wrong?” Matt asked quietly.

“No, no you didn’t. It’s my fault. They have all the right to be mad,” I said and looked back at him with a small smile. “Go back to sleep, you still look dead.” He hesitated but when Scott gave him a reassuring smile he went back up.

“It was necessary, Reid, we had to stop Elliot and it worked out,” Scott tried to reason with me, but the guilt was already sitting like a heavy stone in my stomach.

I did remember very clearly what it was like to live as a loner since I have been one less than a month ago. Wandering through the world without being welcome anywhere. Packs hated loners, considered them vermin on their territory. And they hated them especially if that vermin was dominant enough to be an alpha themself. Being hated and always driven away without a friendly face to see, while our wolves cried for the contact of others that simply could not be satisfied by humans. Meeting a friendly face was like finding the holy grail. I was a friendly face to them, one that guided them to a pack, one that seemed to care and then I destroyed everything. Elliot was probably going to send them away now, so not only was I a liar and manipulator I also destroyed their chance at a pack. They had all the right to be mad.

As yet another knock sounded at the door I quickly ran for it, but found only Colwyn waiting behind it. He looked quite startled by my quick appearance.

“Um… Hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Oh hey, Colwyn,” I said, trying not to be rude and show the disappointment on my face. “You here to train?” I guessed.

“W-well I wasn’t sure if our agreement was still on after… the thing with Trystan…” he said, looking at his feet.

“That has nothing to do with you. I’m just mad at Trystan and Father, not at the rest of you,” I said, shaking my head and leaving the house to lead him around to the back. “Though you’ll probably not get any popularity points with the pack if they find out you visited me.”

“Probably.” He gave me a wry smile.

“Alright so let’s work on your defense,” I said. Colwyn took his stance, I walked around him, inspecting him. “Your stance needs to be wider. You need to be as stable as a mountain,” I told him, then moved his hands a bit higher. Good. That was good. I took my own stance and attacked. Colwyn was still quite nervous but he managed to block, though I did go a bit slower on him. As I punched and he blocked I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering. I had to go and apologize properly to Ricky, Toby, and Clay. Maybe I could get the Ghealach pack to keep them? Maybe I could talk to Elliot to keep at least them… They deserved to be happy in a pack that would love them. I had to do something. I winced on the inside as I remembered Ricky’s face when he saw Matt. Did I lead him on so much? I wasn’t actually flirting with Ricky was I? Would Matt be mad about my conversations with Ricky?

I stepped aside in surprise when Colwyn kicked at my stomach, then grabbed his hand and spun him around, pushing him down to his knees. “What are you doing?” I asked in surprise.

“Sorry, I was just making sure you were actually here with me,” he said. I let him go and ran a hand through my hair. He got up, rubbing his arm. “Your eyes seem miles away,” he said.

“Yeah, just a lot going on right now,” I told him, giving him a small smile.

“I suppose you’re still going after the one who paid the mercenaries? Even without Alpha’s support…” he said and looked back in the direction of the pack house.

“It’s not a pack thing, it’s personal,” I said steadily and coldly. Colwyn looked into my eyes for a second, but not with any dominance or challenge. He was simply looking, almost searching for something. Then he grimaced and lowered his eyes. “Everyone says Trystan is a copy of Alistair, but you have much more of him in your eyes,” he whispered.

I was startled for a second by his words, then I felt both a bit offended and… proud. I shook my head over myself. I seriously needed to grow up. “First you say I remind you of Bran, then you compare me to Alistair. I think you’ll have to choose one.”

“Well, they both raised you. Is it so unbelievable you have grown up to become a mix of the two?” he said with a smile. “I’ll let you think for today. We can train some time else,” he said, squeezed my shoulder, and left. A mix of Bran and Alistair huh? Maybe a mix of their worst traits. I sighed. I needed time to think.