„Birth can be a blessing or a stuffy burden”

Even if Eva had a skillful midwife next to her and a doctor who Stan brought from London, she could give birth only on the second morning, around 9 o’clock. But the difficult and long labor and the fact she was too skinny and too emotional, made her ask to be left alone right after the birth, and she even refused to see the child.

„How could she refuse to see the child?” Brian wondered, preoccupied. „She just gave birth to this baby, she carried her in her womb for nine long months, she felt her moving under her heart, growing from a simple embryo to the beauty she’s today, how can she just simply refuse to see the girl?” he kept murmuring, crazy, for Brian considered Eva’s refuse as a madness, for she was a mother now and she had to see the girl.

„There's something normal for some women,” the doctor tried to calm him down. „Especially in her condition, for she’s very young and powerless. Give her some space and she’ll want to see the girl later. Meanwhile, find a nursemaid to take care of the baby and don’t try to force the mother, for, in her condition, we don’t know what she’ll be able to do.

And Brian listened to the doctor's advice, and, as soon as possible, he found a young mother with a small child in the village to take care of his baby too, for even if she had her baby, the nursemaid was more than able to take care of two babies. But what Brian couldn’t do was to give a name to the girl, for he considered that Eva had to agree with that name, for being the girl’s mother.

But the hours passed, the days passed, but Eva didn’t want to see either him or the girl. Only the midwife had access to her room, and this drove Brian completely crazy, for he knew that her denial of seeing them had to have a reason, a real one, and that reason had something to do with that mysterious visit to the village, the day before Eva gave birth. But who those people were or what could have they told Eva if she ran to the field despite that she felt the first contractions announcing her about approaching birth and that she had to stay in bed or look for someone’s company, he couldn’t find out, for each time he was trying to enter her room, Eva had a nervous breakdown and she was yelling at him to get lost from her eyes and to never dare to enter there again.

And this hurt him so much. Especially, he felt bad that his child lived her first days on earth without her mother next to her, feeling that cruel burden of life in her innocent soul. But… he couldn’t do anything to change that. He could only spend hours and hours next to his girl, watching her sleep and looking into her still pale eyes when she was awake.

Eventually, Brian remembered about Mrs. Huntington and about Beth and sent Stan to ask them to come, having the hope in his soul that their presence will help Eva to shake out of her depression, for he could think only of this as an acceptable reason for a young mother to refuse to see her child.

And Stan rushed to London to send Brian’s word to Mrs. Huntington, leaving him alone with his sadness while holding his little girl into his arms, next to the window and watching in silence the carriage that was hurrying away of those places and, for the first time since they had started to live there, Brian felt that he wanted to leave that house and to go away.

But hearing the baby’s whimper, who suddenly started to move in his arms, Brian winced and looked at her. The girl, however, quickly calmed down and sweetly yawned, and this made Brian smile, too, that it has probably been his first smile in a long while.

„As beautiful as your mother, Laura. So beautiful!” said Brian, even if he didn’t decide how to name her, but he preferred to call her by his dead mother’s name, for he didn’t want to call her just the „baby” or the „girl.” Then, he caressed her cheeks, and that sweet caress of the father, through which he sent all his love to her, made the little Laura move in her sleep and, very soon, she grabbed his finger, with her little hand, and this surprised him so much, for Brian hadn't expected that she’ll understand him.

And Brian smiled again and sweetly kissed her forehead, whispering to her later: „it’ll be alright, Laura! It’ll be alright eventually. For the three of us!”

***

„Poor child!” Alice Huntington murmured, hearing the news from Stan that Eva gave birth, but she refuses to see Brian and the girl.

But that „poor child” wasn’t for Eva’s little girl, but for Eva, for the old lady understood very well what was into the young mother’s soul, who lived a life without someone next to her to teach her, to guide her, to tell her what maternal love means. That’s why it wasn’t weird for her, at all, that Eva reacted like that, eventually.

„What to tell to mister Beneath?” Stan asked, standing right in the middle of the living room and rubbing palm from palm to warm them up while Beth was not that far from him, staring thunderstruck at a blind spot on the wall, not knowing what to feel, what to tell or what to do.

Only Moon knew what to do and she kept hovering between Beth’s legs, trying to give her some comfort, to show her that she was there and that if Moon was there, Beth wasn’t alone. But Beth didn’t feel her, for her entire body was like a huge numbness, with her thought sent somewhere, without being aware of anything that was happening in her head, and all that perplexity and weird feelings were due to that she couldn’t understand what could have eventually happened to Eva, for she heard her saying, not only once actually, that that child was the entire Universe for her. Yet, it seemed that she had forgotten about her promise, right after she gave birth, and it was weird, even for Beth.

„We’ll also come to Image. Soon,” Mrs. Huntington told Stan and stood up from her chair, helped by him, for the old lady stretched her arm to be helped by Beth, but that one wasn’t mentally there and wasn’t seeing and hearing anything around.

But even if Beth didn’t keep her promise to help Mrs. Huntington all the time, Alice didn’t scold her and also didn’t tell her anything, knowing very well what could have been in Beth’s soul, too, at that moment, for she knew Beth and Eva’s story well, that they had been so close and that, in time, they got somehow to feel the same.

Mrs. Huntington, however, was also aware of one important thing: that in contrast to Eva, who could be cold, cruel sometimes and this was only due to her opposite feelings and due to the hatred of being abandoned first by her mother when she has been born, then by her father who sold her, and eventually by Brian, Beth instead was like the hotcakes, that kind of woman that could be everybody’s mother, and the first sign of that huge maternal love that Beth was carrying on her soul, Alice saw in Beth’s care for Moon, who she practically took out of the death’s claws, along with Stan.

„Now go and help Mister Beneath, boy, and don’t even think about leaving him alone, for that man needs help, especially now when Eva seems to have lost completely her mind. We’ll come tomorrow, along with Beth, because there are some things we should solve before leaving London! Now, you can go!” she said, but when she spotted Stan’s glance focused on Beth and she saw concern in his eyes, Alice smiled and put a hand on the boy’s arm, murmuring: „don’t stay here for long and go as soon as you say goodbye to Beth.”

Stan slowly nodded that he understood. Then the old lady rubbed up her steps on that cement floor toward the door, for there were so many things to do till leaving town, and she had also to think about what should be done, for that news took her by surprise, even if she had expected such a turnabout of the things. But… the issue has been totally unexpected, for she thought that Eva will throw Brian for a loss. But Eva gave up on the child, and this was really weird, for Alice felt in that child so much pain, especially because she lost her mother so young, without even knowing her. But even so, she never thought that Eva’ll be capable to abandon her own child too. But Eva did this, against all odds, and Alice Huntington knew that there must be something else than a fit of simple anger or resentfulness: she was sure that Eva was hiding something. What she was hiding, Alice didn’t know, but she was more than convinced to find out.

„Beth, are you alright?” murmured Stan, approaching the girl, after the door closed behind Mrs. Huntington, and Moon also sneaked out of the room, between the lady’s legs, as if she felt that the two kids had to talk, in private, about something known only by them and which wasn’t for the ears of a cat like Moon, for sure.

„No, Stan. I’m not ok,” Beth told him in a whisper. „It hurts. It breaks my heart to know that Miss Stonebridge did something like that, eventually. She’s denying her baby’s right to feel her love.”

„Maybe it’s not all lost. Maybe she’ll eventually change her opinion, for I’ve heard the doctor saying to Mister Beneath that this happens to the young mothers.”

„But why Eva? Why did this happen to Miss Stonebridge? She wanted that child, Stan! She loved that child!” and Beth burst into tears. „That girl is her baby! Why does she act like that?”

„What do I know?!” Stan sadly murmured and approached her more, touching her arms with his calloused, grizzled palms, which became harsh before time, much earlier than it had to be so. „And yet, Beth, you don’t have why to be sad, for…”

„Not to be sad, Stan? I’m her friend. I’m her…”

„You are just a stranger for her, Beth,” the boy told her, and this amazed Beth so much, and she stared thunderstruck at him: „we all are just strangers for her, no matter how close we wouldn't be to her and the only one who knows what’s in her heart is your feisty Miss and she’s also the only one who can decide what to do next.”

„But…”

„No „but,” Beth. I think we are unable to judge her or to force her to do as we want, for what for others can be a true fact, it can be wrong for someone else. That’s why we should let her make decisions alone and we’ll do the same, if necessary.”

„To also make decisions? What do you mean? What can we do in such cases, Stan?! I don’t think there is anything we can do, nothing except to convince her that what she wants to do is madness, that’s not right.”

Stan sadly smiled instead: „maybe our role isn’t to convince Miss Stonebridge of the contrary.”

„No? Then”

„Simply: to be there, for her, no matter what she decides that it’s right for her,” and the boy’s arm wrapped around the girl’s body, trying to calm her down, at least listening to the calm rhythm of his heart.

Behind the door, Mrs. Stonebridge smiled, but that was a smile that had traces of sadness and bitterness, even if it was a smile born from the innocence of her heart, a feeling she had hearing the talk of the two children, especially listening to what Stan said. „I’ve been right about Stan,” Alice murmured, looking at Moon who was meowing and staring at her. „Sometimes, the love of the beggar can be much more real than the fake feelings from our hearts.”

After that, she headed toward her room, with the sac of her thought filled to the brim with memories and with her heart weirdly beating in her chest, as if a bad feeling would have pressed her heart.

***

„Ho, boy! Stay calm!” Mrs. Huntigton told Bachaco, saddling him, for Stan wasn’t around to do that job, and the rest of her workers were in town, with business. That’s why she had to saddle the horse, for, despite her age and despite the weakness in her arms, Alice still knew how to saddle a horse, how to treat an animal, how to take care of her own life, for she lived a whole life in solitude, without a man next to her to do such things, and, because of this, she learned to do everything by herself.

„I didn’t know you can saddle a horse,” Beth mumbled, entering the stable. She came there when she saw that Alice went somewhere and wasn’t turning back.

„There’s not such a big deal saddling a horse. But making him listen to you, it is,” Alice murmured, caressing Bachaco’s neck, which was shaking his head all the time, feeling the hand of a stranger saddling him.

„Yet, not everybody can do this.”

„And you are right. It’s necessary only to learn to do that or at least to try to understand the animal’s soul. Anyway, now isn’t the moment to teach you that. But later, if we have time, ask Stan to show you how to saddle a horse, for you never know when it’s necessary to do that, for the man can’t be always by your side.”

Beth sadly smiled: „I don’t think that I’ll need this.”

„The same thing I said to the one who wanted once to teach me. And… I regretted this later.”

„Why?” Beth asked, even more amazed.

„Because I thought that that person will always be by my side and that I can count on him forever. Life instead taught me that it wasn’t like I thought and that one should take advantage of each lesson someone is able to teach him, for there is a saying that each man that comes into one’s life has been sent by fate with a purpose - generally, to teach him a lesson, and when he hasn't what else to teach that person, he simply walks away. For example, there are Stan and Eva in your life: Eva taught you what friendship means, and Stan - what life means.”

„What does life mean? What… do you mean?”

„That you don’t have anything for free in this life and that you should pay for everything you got, and if you want to survive, then you should get to grips with life itself and even teach it some manners, from time to time, if necessary.”

„What about you, Mrs. Huntington, did you come to grips with life?” said Beth, also caressing Bachaco’s mane.

The girl’s question made Alice wonder. Then, she sadly smiled: „not just once, Beth! It has been necessary to show my fangs to life not only once and life to show its teeth to me. Yet, I managed to survive, thank God!”

„Due to someone’s love? Due to someone’s care for you?”

„No, Beth. It happened because I loved myself a lot, even if I learned to love myself after so many years of life. But even if it has been probably late, it has also been useful. That’s why I say this to you: to learn now when it isn’t too late yet.”

„And… how do you think, will it be too late for Miss Stonebridge to turn back and to love her baby? Till it won’t be too late?”

„I think here is the real dilemma, Beth: I don’t think that Eva doesn’t love her child. Simply, she doesn’t love herself enough, and this makes her undecided and distrustful of her own strength. Yet: there is a new chance for everyone in this life - to change something or yourself. Related to Eva: I think that there’s not everything lost. Not yet.”

„And do you also think as Stan does: that we shouldn’t intervene in her decisions?”

„Here I only partially agree, for people need, sometimes, to be pushed from behind to finish what they have to do. Yet, Stan is also right when he says that people should make their own decisions in life.”

„Did you hear our yesterday talk?”

„Mmm, I did. But… I decided to allow you to make your own decisions, for… you are also intelligent and you can also see the true essence of things. I’m not who to hold your hand and to show you what to do. I think that I’ve made enough mistakes in my life to teach others about how they should act in life. I don’t think that I have that right.”

„Yet, I feel sometimes that I need that - to be taken by the hand by someone who'll show me what to do,” said Beth with a bitter smile sketched on her face.

Mrs. Huntington said nothing instead: she only grabbed Bachaco by the bridle and spurred him to follow her.

Beth also got out of the stable, shortly after Mrs. Huntington and when they were both out, she rushed to grab Bachaco by the bridle till Mrs. Huntington managed to saddle him at the carriage. Then, they both climbed in the driving box, after Beth had put the few luggage that they took with them in the cargo space and, in the gallop of the horse, they left London, heading toward the center of the storm: the Stonebridge’s house, to Image.

***

„Where is Eva?” Mrs. Huntington asked, descending from the driving box, helped by Stan.

„In her room. Actually, she didn’t leave that room for days, already,” said the boy. „Mister Beneath is in the office. He asked you to stop by him when you come.”

„Alright then. I’ll pass first to see Mister Beneath. You… help Beth with the luggage.”

After she took a few steps, Mrs. Huntington stopped and looked toward Stan and Beth, who were at the back of the carriage, forcing with the few luggage. But she said nothing. She only looked past them, at the rider that followed her and Beth from London till there, a rider that she saw already for a few days spying on her house.

Seeing that Alice stopped and that she was looking somewhere at a blind spot behind them, Stan also looked over there and recognized Colby in that ridder.

„The bulldog! What is he doing here?” Stan asked in a murmur. He winced, however, and, frightened, looked at Beth when she asked him: „The bulldog? Who is he?”

„Nobody important!” Stan rushed to answer. „Let’s go inside!” and, grabbing the handle of two bags, he rushed to the entrance.

Beth followed him right away, taking the remained bag at her legs, for being not heavy. Yet, she stopped next to Alice and she looked in the same direction as Mrs. Huntington was doing, and both saw Colby leaving. „Do you know him?” she asked Alice.

„No, but it seems that he knows us if he’s here! Let’s go now!” said Alice when Colby was already far enough to turn back. Then, supporting her hand on Beth’s arm, both headed toward the door.

***

„If I saw Bardain?” Mrs. Huntington asked in amazement, staring both at Brian and at Keen, for the detective was with Brian at the moment she entered the office to talk to him. „Yes, I saw him a few evenings ago. He passed by and told me that someone will bring Mister Beneath’s carriage and that someone else will take it from my house, later if he can’t do that.”

„If he can’t do that? Do you know what exactly did he mean?” Keen asked in amazement.

„To be honest, I don’t know. Anyway, we didn’t talk too much: he only stopped by, to inform me about this and that he has some important job outside London and if someone asks for him, to tell that person that he’ll turn soon.”

„An important job outside London,” Brian murmured, confused. „Interesting. What could be so important that he left without even telling me about this? Especially to leave Eva alone, knowing that I was out of town.”

„I think that it was because of what he left me,” Keen said, and the detective’s words amazed Mrs. Huntington. Seeing her piercing him with her curious glance, Keen smiled: „nothing important. Only documents.”

„What worries me and interests me at the same time is why didn’t he take the box with him?” Brian said, slowly tapping with his fingers on the desk, as he used to do each time thought was tormenting him.

Hearing about the box, Mrs. Huntington winced, but that barely noticed jerk of her shoulders has been noticed by Keen, who kept staring at her. „The box?” she asked eventually. „What box? Can I see it?”

„It’s next to you. On the coffee table from your left. I asked Stan to bring it, for when I realized that something goes wrong, the first thing I thought about has been about the box. But there’s nothing important inside it: only photos and an embroidered kerchief,” said Brian.

Seeing Alice slowly turning toward the small box, wrapped in that bright-golden material, Brian has been so amazed, especially after he saw the slight shake of her hands and lips. Then, he analyzed how Alice’s hands untied the knot of the ragbag, how she carefully opened the box, firstly caressing, with the top of her fingers, the engravement from its lid, to finally hold the photos in her hand and to watch them. „Memories,” she eventually murmured, taking the kerchief in her hand and her eyes filled with tears.

„Is it something familiar to you?” Keen asked in amazement.

„I embroidered this handkerchief,” Mrs. Huntington sadly murmured. „And Bardain made the boxes, for he is good at woodworking. But fate separated our destinies long ago, and each of us lived his life as he could.”

„But there’s still the past left,” Keen said, smiling.

„It’s true. That past is still here, like the nail from the heart,” and Alice squeezed the kerchief, then she put it on her lap and smoothed it with her palm. „It's been almost 5 decades since we broke up. Yet, I still feel those times so alive, as if it just happened.”

Brian smiled: „He never talked about this. Not even after you met again.”

„It’s because it’s hard for him to talk about this. Just as it’s hard for me to talk. Yet, what worries me is that he isn’t back yet and this is something that isn’t in his nature to disappear without a word about where he went.”

„I totally agree with you, Mrs. Huntington,” Brian said. „Since he’s working for me, he had never disappeared more than for 2-3 days. Now is more than a week, and he didn’t even send a word about his location. Keen, do you think that you can organize your people to investigate this? At least to know for sure where did he go.”

„I’ll do my best, but… if he wanted to disappear with no trace, it would be difficult to find out. More after that night when it has been heavy rain and there are so few that were probably outside on such weather to have been witnessed something.”

„Yet, I don’t think that earth swallowed him. If he went somewhere, there must be at least a trace or something: an inn where he entered to have some rest and warm, or maybe he met somebody after that,” Brian insisted.

„Then… count on me! And now, please excuse me! I have things to do!” and Keen stood up, to go.

„I think you should start your investigation with the one who follows me for days already, detective,” Alice murmured and fixed her glance on the two men that were staring at her. „I have the feeling that there are after Bardain and not after me. Why so?! I can’t tell you.”

Keen and Brian stared at each other and swallowed hard, for they knew what Colby was looking for, but that was a secret that should be known only by them, and about this were talking their eyes only.

„I think we should have an ear to the ground, Mister Beneath,” Keen eventually murmured, taking a few steps toward him. „And it would be nice to hire more people to guard this house. If it’s like I think, they won’t be late to enter the house while you are here just to get what they are looking for and what they think that you have in your hands!”

„I also think so! That’s why I suggest you not see each other for a while! Let them think that you simply came to visit me to compliment me for being a father now. Other than that… just do your job!”

„I’ll do as you said! And… I’ll ask one of my men to investigate about Bardain, for as you said, Brian, I don’t think that earth swallowed him and he must be somewhere. Now, please excuse me!”

After he bowed a little bit in front of them, Keen rushed to leave the office.

„Where’s the girl?” Mrs. Huntington asked when she was only with Brian, and this amazed him so much.

„Don’t you want to see Eva first?”

„I’ll see her later. Now I want to see the girl first, for… I feel that she needs us more, even more than her mother needs us, who seems to need more to think about something than to see others.”

Brian sat down on the sofa, next to Alice. „This is what I’m so afraid of, Mrs. Huntington: of Eva’s choice, for… I’m so afraid that she’ll leave us soon.”

„If she eventually does this, there’s nothing you can do, Mister Beneath, for it’ll be your punishment, for all the pain you caused her. And I think that it’ll be fair,” and the old lady’s eyes fixed on Brian’s, and that glance of the woman deeply entered Brian’s soul, tormenting him so much and making him feel so vulnerable in front of fate and of humans.