„We are all captives of the whim of life: that’s all”

A sad piano song was heard all over the house while little fingers, but soft, were running back and forth on the ivories, trying to put all the passion and pain her soul was capable of in that song, a piece of music so intensely relived by her heart that was so eager for love and comfort, but at the same time, it was forgotten by the world and by its own master in that darkness called the inner world.

And… along with that amalgam of feelings sunken into deep darkness, moved by the monotone waves of the music awkwardly sung by her hands, Eva felt so lost and so alone, as she has never felt herself before. But… she couldn’t feel differently while she was rejecting Brian’s love, who even if he demonstrated to her that he was ready to change his manner of acting with her, to redeem himself for every single sin made in the past, and to make her happy, Eva didn’t feel certain that it was going on the right way: not at that moment.

But… her state of mind was also comprehensible, more after everything that happened to her and, memory after memory, each of them outlined on its own sheet of Eva’s soul, were moving with such a speed in her being, just as the young woman’s fingers were moving on the ivories, pressing them fervently and outlining, even more, the difference: both of her feelings and thoughts and of the ivories in black and white.

Eva shuddered when she realized this and, unwillingly, her hands stopped at a few centimeters above the ivories as if she was a mystic creature made from water which a polar gust of wind had frozen, the same gust of cold and harshly air that Brian spotted at her earlier but in the outside of her being only, while Eva’s inner world was like a sea in the time of the storm, with turbulent waters moved by the hurricane of her own inner feelings that she couldn’t control anymore.

First, that strange coldness, which had been also felt by Brian at her and which was only a mask that the young woman used to wear to hide from the world, has suddenly transformed into displeasure when her lips started to move in a slight shake, similar to the kids’habit of showing their annoyance when they had been scolded by their parents for some mischief. Then, Eva felt how thousand and thousands of electric currents, that were taking form in her chest, suddenly pressed her from inside and she felt a harsh pain in it, giving the electric currents a kind of impulse to cross throughout her body. In the end, her sad and empty eyes, that were watching the world as if she was a kind of mystic creature that didn’t know in what kind of strange world did she get in or how to turn back to her world, suddenly filled with tears and it made her sight shake as if it was a kind of strange dance of the melancholic drops of the soul. Later, the same tears, that were burning her white and soft skin, started to run on her cheek, gathering for a moment at the base of her chin, and, in the end, they bathed her neck in a cold shiver, that had also white skin which could be easily mistaken with precious porcelain.

That tremble of Eva’s soul lasted for minutes, whilst she had felt that she got at the back of beyond and that there wasn’t any way to return to the start point. Then, deep sighs have been heard floating around her while her tears were gathering more and more at the gate of her inner world, pushed there by sadness, tiredness, misunderstanding, and … fear.

Yes… Eva was afraid: of people, of time, of betrayal, even of herself, for not only once she woke up alone in front of the fate, left in the lurch namely by those people who she has trusted the most.

And… the young woman was right: first, she was an orphan because fate has decided so, to leave her alone in that big world when she was just an innocent soul who neither saw the face of the beloved being that brought her into this world nor she could smile to her mother with her sweet smile. And… so soon, she saw the unknown instead of the maternal glance: thousands and thousands of new faces while she was carried by them into their arms. But, even if those strangers were telling her something unknown and even were smiling at her, the poor kid didn’t find out in those monotone and varied voices that unique voice she has heard right from the beginning since she was just an embryo. So, she transformed in time, from a cheerful and innocent child to a lonely soul that was always looking for something while walking throughout the world. However, even if she was looking for that something, she wasn’t aware of what she was in fact looking for because that was her mother’s voice she was missing so much, but she couldn’t remember its sweet melody.

Then, came the second betrayal when she has been taken from her home, the only universe her childish’s mind knew, and, at the age of 5, she has been taken from a kingdom of passing dreams and brought to another one, called Image, into the home of Stonebridge's, a house that her father was calling „home,” but which for Eva was so strange.

And… how couldn’t that house seem so strange for her if a short time after that, when she was just starting to know life in the body of the teenager, she has been again thrown into the tormented waves of life which sent her as a prey to the unknown?! Yes, that unknown that slowly killed her inside since the first moment when Albert pulled the reins, and the carriage inside of which Eva was with Emily rushed to leave those places which eventually got to be for her so dear.

But… even if the unknown was grinning so relentless at her, Eva thought that she can bear up with it eventually while being in Brian’s arms, to whom she had given herself wholeheartedly, but who also betrayed her eventually, preferring the sweet kiss of another woman, older than her, but much more experienced if she could chase her away from her love nest and so being forced to wander through an unknown world of which she has always been afraid of.

Then, followed Emily’s betrayal and it has been so painful because Eva had trusted that woman, but Emily instead only wanted her child and because of this Eva has been again forced to run away. But yet… she didn’t feel so alone and unprotected with Albert by her side. Actually, she was aware that Albert has been also the person who took her away from her father’s house and brought her into a world full of pain, but she didn’t hate him for this because she knew that it wasn’t his fault: he was only fulfilling orders. That’s why, when Eva has decided to turn back into the arms of happiness, he helped her to run away, even if he was aware that it might be too late for both of them.

After that, Albert paid too dear for his whistle, or better to say for his moment of weakness with Eva whom he considered a sister or a daughter, and helped her, betraying this way the woman whom he loved so much. And, his death stabbed Eva’s heart, provoking her such an unbearable pain because it was the first loss of a dear friend, a loss that even the fact that she met again Beth didn’t help her forget about it.

And the pain in Eva’s heart started to be sharper and sharper every day and even if Mrs. Huntington tried to show her love and unconditional support, the young woman felt how the emptiness in her heart was growing and growing, and that she was incapable to make it stop growing.

Namely that incapability of being again happy made Eva realize that she was so weak in front of life and in front of that emptiness from inside her that she hadn’t been able to fill either with the sudden love felt for her child or with the dreams that started to return to her once she saw Brian again.

That emptiness, left to itself, suddenly became so big, having the size of a huge abyss at the moment Eva found out about her father’s death, of Alfred Stonebridge and, so forced and unexpected, she understood that she was completely alone in that world, despite those people that were surrounding her and were trying to show her all their love.

And there was something more that wasn’t allowing Eva to breathe with all her heart: the loneliness felt everywhere, a loneliness that was all the time holding hands with the fear, with the doubt, with the grief, and … with the stubbornness.

Yes, with the stubbornness that so suddenly and unnoticed took over her and was all the time whispering into her ear: „yeah, don’t be stupid! Don’t fall in love again! Don’t give in to temptation or you’ll suffer again!”

And Eva listened to that stubbornness and not to the people that were surrounding her, and she trusted it, calling it instinct, considering it a dear friend, a soulmate after whom she had been longing for so long and who eventually came to her and was trying to give her some comfort, to offer her some trust, and Eva blindly believed in all that instinct was telling her to do, not realizing that it was in fact only an illusion - a destructive one.

But… Eva was believing in illusions and she wanted to be trustworthy to the end. That’s why she was so against Brian’s idea of marriage, even if her heart jerked inside her chest when she first heard him telling her about marriage, for each woman dreams about being a bride, especially being the bride of the beloved man. But if the hesitance it’s a better friend than your own intelligence, then there’s nothing you can do to impede yourself from falling into the gulf, an abyss toward which Eva was heading so fast, but whose edges she wasn’t seeing, being blinded by the illusion of her own pain.

A sudden hug, from behind, woke her up from that huge nightmare in which she has sunken when she left herself prey to the cry. And… moved again by fear and by surprise, Eva tried to turn to watch the face of that person that was trying to give her comfort even if only for a few moments, but her eyes, bathed in so many sharp and bitter tears, remained to look in front, at those black and white ivories while her soul was tormented by doubt, by fear, and by mistrust, and her mind again started to whisper something in her head: „yeah, don’t be stupid! Take advantage of all this while others are offering something to you! Take everything you can, and when it won’t be anything left to take, leave and look for your happiness somewhere else.”

She winced again, hearing an unknown voice talking to her: „Listen, Eva, maybe it’s time to look in front too and not only in your past, aaa? What do you say? Isn’t it the time to be happy too?”

„Who…?!” the young woman eventually murmured, but that „who are you?!” hadn't been told by her loudly because of the fear to end the illusion. And… she found that man’s voice that was talking to her so weird, so strange, and so unfamiliar at the time. But… Eva couldn’t remember where did she hear that voice before.

Suddenly, her soul jerked again in her chest and her lips whispered in a shiver: „papa?! You… why… now?” but what she tried to say instead was „why now? Why are you talking to me now and trying to give me comfort when for so long in the past you have only ignored me, confounding me with an object, with a kind of decor, with one of the so many women you knew in life.

But there wasn't anyone to whom to ask him that question that took a final form in her head because the pleasant and warm touch of her father’s arms so suddenly vanished, and her skin, which had been touched by Alfred’s arms before, felt for long after that longing of being again loved. And… Eva suddenly woke up, realizing that she was in fact alone in the living room, just as she has always been. And… she also realized that she had dreamt, sleeping with her head supported on her arms that were lying on the ivories, on the same ivories that she hated for seconds and which she adored later also for seconds when she realized that their music is the perfect personation of her own feelings. Then, when she finally realized that she fell prey to her own madness, even if it had been for a short time and that raving made her wish again to be loved and to dream of the impossible, Eva understood that she was also longing not only to hear one more time her mother’s voice but also to know how it feels to be hugged by your father because she has been never hugged before by Alfred.

„Did you wake up?” she heard Brian’s voice and she again winced, for she hasn’t expected that there was someone else with her in the room.

Only when she looked to her left, did Eva notice Brian sitting in front of the big window that was overlooking the garden, a roses garden that had been deserted at that moment by the love of the cold and ephemeral autumn, even if a few blossoms, which didn’t manage to become a beautiful flower, which didn’t get to open their petals and reveal its splendor on that frail body surrounded by colored rose leaves, could be noticed here and there, but they weren’t alive anymore because their soul withered as their bodies.

„Since when… are you there?” Eva finally muttered, hiding her eyes, swollen from so much crying, and she also quickly wiped her cheeks to hide the traces of her pain that has been bathed in tears earlier. But she hadn't what to wipe anymore because the soft skin of her face was already dried, a hint that she had been asleep for a while.

„Since you started to cry,” the man’s answer was, who kept looking outside and not at the beloved woman who, even if she wanted to push him even further of her, was also longing to know him closer. „But… I didn’t dare to get closer to you.”

„Why?” Eva asked in amazement.

„I wanted to give you time,” the man lied to her because he didn’t approach her, thinking that she was crying because he was there and, from his own experience, after he also cried in front of that jasmine flowers’field, he knew that the cry will release her chest and maybe she’ll have time to think about their situation, maybe she’ll wish to think about a future together, eventually.

„Time?!” said the young woman, bitterly smiling. „That's not what I need.”

„But… what do you need then, Eva?” the man asked in a strangled voice, being afraid of the answer he could hear from her.

„I also don’t know it, but… for a start… I would need a hug. Do you think you can give me at least that, Brian?”

Brian froze, for he had waited for any other reckless and unexpected answer, but a hug begged by Eva, namely from him, the one she wanted away from her and she had made it clear to him so many times, was something completely unexpected.

But Eva didn’t wait for his answer. She got closer to him in a hurry and she snuggled to his chest, hugging him with both arms while she was looking in that hug for the same warmth she had felt while sleeping: the love of a father.

***

A step up, then another climbed stair, and one more, made Brian feel that he was struggling against time and against love whilst Eva’s asleep body, in his arms, seemed so light and heavy simultaneously.

The woman’s body was easy for him because he was loving her. It was heavy instead because of the pain felt by both of them in all that time and against which they didn’t know how to stand, not knowing what weapons they could have used to chase it away from next to them. But… even so, even with the pain next to them, there was also love there and it was felt in the warm and delicate touch of the woman that snuggled to his chest in a simple hug and she fell asleep this way, hugging him while standing to her feet. And him, being afraid to chase the romance away put her arms around his neck and lifted her in his arms, heading toward the stairs that were leading up, to the second floor, to the paradise of their own home improvised inside of a strange house, inside of a home that was loved and hated by both of them at the same time.

Brian suddenly stopped, being halfway the stairs, and looked at Eva’s asleep face, with dried traces of fleeing tears on her cheeks, and again his eyes had been bathed by a few tears. But the man didn’t let them pass the door of his soul, into the real world, and he forced them to quietly stay in his chest, making him slowly vibrate and feel that alive sensation of pleasure with all his body while feeling at the same time Eva’s scent next to him.

Then, he held her even tighter to his chest, afraid not to drop her down, even if she wasn’t heavy and it wasn’t a problem for him to stay there with her in his arms for an entire night. But when Eva moved in her sleep and wrapped her arms around his warm, strong neck, he felt that it was the time to allow her to be calm and to recover powers in the sweet embracement of the night. So, he continued his slow movement up the stairs.

Arrived in Eva’s room, he first carefully closed the door behind him, even if his first intention has been to leave it half open and not to awake her when he will go. But… a weird sensation, unknown and unfamiliar for him at the same time, that suddenly ran throughout his body, whispered to him to close it well, even if he didn’t understand the message of all this. And he did well to close that door because when he left Eva on the bed and covered her with the blanket, caressing her hair and kissing her forehead as a goodnight wish, she grabbed his arm when he wanted to leave the room and she told him in a whisper: „stay!”

Brian watched her for long, not understanding what that „stay” could have meant. However, when Eva sat on the bed, pulled him to her, and kissed his lips, he understood the huge message hidden in a single word. But… he has been afraid not to scare her. So, he stood for a few minutes in the place, allowing that kiss to torment them both, to deeply enter their souls and to make them feel thousands and thousands of electric currents running their skin, and then, when their arms wrapped around their bodies, they understood that they had been so hungry of the other for so long.

Then, through the kisses, Brian asked her shyly: „are you sure, Eva? Maybe we shouldn’t rush?”

Eva instead smiled because his question reminded her of the first time when they spent the night together and when Brian asked her the same question and she also smiled then. „I’m sure!” she told him and she again stuck her lips on his while the sweet touch of the man and of his lips, which were hotly kissing her lips, made her forget, even for a short time, about her fear, about her hesitance while he was giving her, for a short time, the relief she needed.

And, while the man’s palms grabbed her face between them, pulling her closer to him, Eva closed her eyes for a moment, hearing again the same strange voice inside her: „take advantage of all this! Take everything you can and when it won’t be anything left to be taken, leave and look for your happiness somewhere else.”

„Is it right what I’m doing?!” Eva thought, watching Brian’s face, so calm and so beautiful at the same time while he was with his eyes closed and deeply living those moments of romance they had and when he was hungrily and delicately kissing her at the same time. „Maybe not, but yet… why not to feel again the passion of the moments I’ve felt once?!” she told herself and, closing again her eyes, she stuck more to the man’s chest that eventually put her to sleep on the soft pillows, in foreign bedding to him and to her, and both fell prey, eventually, to their own dreams, to their own desires, but having a different aim in mind: one… the love, and the other one… the revenge or maybe just … the survival.