„If I have to die, I’ll be at least fulfilled, for being killed by the love’s venom”

Beth couldn’t get asleep, at all. She was continuously moving in her bed, for about an hour already, but she couldn’t find a comfortable position for her, for the emotions of seeing Eva again, took over her completely and were tormenting her. And she felt being again a stranger in that house, even if she lived there for a month already, but this feeling of weird was due to the cold walls, to the silent environment, and to the old lady who had been so kind with her and Stan, but she wasn’t her family as she considered Eva being.

Now instead, with Eva in that house, she felt life again pulsating in her chest. And, she suddenly got out of bed, lighted the candle, and left her room, on her fingertips, being careful to make the less possible noise with the door.

But she was sneaking around like a cat lurking for sweets for nothing because everybody in that house was already sleeping and the hall was completely empty and badly illuminated, a sign of her being the only awakened ghost walking around.

And she smiled when she caught that thought, but suddenly she became silent seeing the door of Eva’s room, at the end of the corridor. Arriving in front of the door, Beth slowly knocked, but for a few minutes, nobody answered. She decided that probably Eva sleeps and it’s better to turn back to her room, but a strange feeling took over her and as if being afraid that Eva escaped again, she half-opened the door and looked through it.

Eva wasn’t asleep. She was standing in front of the closed window, lurking the outside night, with her arms crossed on her chest and completely immersed in thoughts. Because of this, she didn’t hear when Beth opened the door. Only when the darkness of the room had been pierced by the light of the small candle, she had turned her head and looked at the door, seeing Beth standing next to it and not knowing if to enter or to go. „Come in, Beth!” Eva said and smiled. „But, turn off the candle. There’s not necessary to waste it only to watch the night.”

Beth listened to her, in silence, and blew air over the light of the candle. Then she put the candlestick on the small table next to the door and, with shy steps, she approached Eva and also looked through the window.

Outside was a black night, with no stars or moon, because even if the storm already passed, the sky was still covered with black clouds, full of heavy rain, still waiting on the sky for a new opportunity to shed tears over the world. But even so, the tree, that was towering in front of the window, could be seen clearly: its thick branches, its even thicker trunk, but what was the most splendid at this tree was the fact that it was slowly moving in the sweet embracement of the wind, but what really was making one to dream was the slow shake of the branches which reminded somehow of a boat rocked by the small waves of a lake when everything around it is sunken in silence and when is heard only the sweet chirp of birds and the deaf hit of shovels, moved by the beloved man that is standing in front of you.

Actually, Eva lived such an experience. In the past spring, a few days before breaking up with Brian. He invited her to a walk, but she asked him to take her to the lake. She knew that it was only March and that nature wasn’t fully alive, but something inside her was telling her to go there, closer to nature.

„At the lake? In such wheatear?” Brian said, smiling confused.

„Yes. I think that it’d be a wonderful experience to be closer to nature. Only the two of us,” Eva answered and, smiling, grabbed his arm and pulled him after her. „I don’t think you will deny me such a pleasure, Mister Beneath. Not after our little bet we had. You ow me a behest.”

Brian smiled again when he remembered about the innocent bet, he had with Eva when the two had been at a horse race he loved to see each time he had the possibility. He wanted then to bet on another horse, but the girl insisted to bet instead on a beautiful grey Arabian mare. „I feel that she’ll have today the worth success,” Eva insisted when the man looked at her not so confident in that luck. „If she loses, then I’ll do whatever you ask me to do,” she said, staring into his eyes. „But if she wins, then you’ll ow me a command, Mister Beneath and this won’t be something you can discuss with me.”

They spent on the lake about two hours, while Brian was silently moving the shovels, looking as if being completely charmed by the nature and especially by Eva, who was sitting in front of him and totally amazed by that small piece of Heavens on Earth. „Eva, do you think that will be a good idea to go to live in another country?” Brian asked her and his question took her by surprise.

„In another country? Why are you asking this so suddenly? I thought that you love England and especially London, with its alive rhythm.”

„And you are right, but … I feel that I must move further and start something far away from here because while we are here happiness will be away from us and… namely that happiness I need so much now.”

The girl didn’t answer him that day: it was too unexpected his wish and too weird. Now instead, standing in front of the closed window and watching the slow rocking of the branches she remembered that question, but even at that moment of her life, after she lived a lot, she couldn’t understand the real meaning of Brian’s words. Actually, when she found out of Emily that he left England, she thought that he went with that lady she saw at his arm that day, but now, finding out about Emily’s plans with her and with her baby, she wasn’t that sure anymore about what was true and what was a lie.

„What are you thinking of, Miss Stonebridge?” Beth asked in a whisper, after watching in silence Eva’s hardened face since she had entered the room, but Eva’s face wasn’t revealing anything, as if her soul was incapable of feeling something.

„Probably, at everything and at nothing in particular at the same time,” Eva said. „You know, since I’ve left Image, I never felt so much its absence, as I feel it now. And … in a kind of strange way, I miss dad too - even if he betrayed me and I don't know what I did to deserve it.”

„Sometimes … it’s better not to know the truth,” Beth said and this made Eva turn her head to the girl and stare at her. But the one who was now staring at the rocking of the tree was Beth, as Eva did before, completely immersed in thoughts. „I have the feeling that this life is playing a prank on us, often and even if those pranks seem childish, in the end, we feel their burden on our shoulders.”

„Do you mean the fact that I’m expecting a baby without a father?” Eva asked, but in her voice wasn’t felt anger or remorse and not even the fear of being judged.

„No. Simply, I mean how’s life. A year go, when you left Image and left me too, we were two innocent girls who had no idea about how this life is. Now instead, after passing through many hard times, we are here: I understand that we changed, maybe more than we’ve changed in an entire life if we’ve stayed in that small village, surrounded by jasmine flowers.”

„Maybe you are right, Beth, but … I don’t regret that I left Image. It was too unknown my future there, in that house.”

„And now … is that future clearer?

„Maybe not, but still … I can decide alone where to go. Even if I know that I can stumble and fall down, on my knees in front of life, I prefer so. I won’t give up, Beth. Not this time.”

Again, silence took over them. Then, Beth asked again, in a whisper. „Do you still love him, Miss Stonebridge? I mean, do you still love Misted Beneath?” and her small and round eyes focused again on Eva, but what Beth didn’t know was the story between those two and the great sufferance Eva had felt in the past and that she was feeling at that moment.

„Let’s go better to bed,” Eva said, in the end, and she was the first to enter the bed, turning her back to the window.

„Of course, Miss Stonebridge. Good night!” Beth said, with a kind of childish upset in her voice, for she had wanted to spend more time in that room, talking to her young mistress and thus to recover the time that she couldn’t spend with Eva.

Turning her back to the bed, heading toward the door to leave, she heard Eva’s voice, whispering to her: „Beth, stay with me this night. I don’t want to feel again alone.”

Beth said nothing. She took off her shoulders the warm shawl which left on a chair and entered the bed, lying face up and shyly touching her fingers: she didn’t know why, but she was feeling weird lying next to Eva when in the past they’ve been so close friends and not only once slept on the same bed, even if Alfred Stonebridge hated this and scolded them because for him was unbelievable that the servant and a young lady to sleep one next to the other.

Eva instead never cared about her father’s beliefs, thinking that this can’t be and she was doing always the opposite of what he was asking her to do. Now instead, with Beth lying next to her, she felt again being a child and she moved closer to her friend, sticking her forehead of Beth’s shoulder.

„Had it been hard for you, all this time, without me?” she heard Beth’s voice.

„Of course, because I couldn't find elsewhere such a good and old friend as you are, Beth. But … I don't regret that I haven’t taken you with me then.”

„Why, Miss Stonebridge?”

„Because … sometimes life is cruel, much crueler than in the stories I used to read to you.”

„Even much crueler than Allia’s destiny?”

Eva winced. It had been so long without remembering the story of that novel: „The love of the Beauty Beast,” but … she felt that those lived by her could be even more interesting to read than what Allia lived. „You are right, Beth. What I lived cannot be compared with Allia’s life… or maybe yes. I’m not that sure anymore.”

Beth wanted to ask more about Eva’s last year, but, in the end, she decided not to do that, feeling a huge sadness taking over Eva’s heart, whose eyes filled up with tears suddenly and also got wet the thin cloth of Beth’s dress, on the same shoulder on which Eva was lying her head.

„Beth,” Eva eventually said and Beth only mumbled something, that she was listening to. „This child is Brian Beneath’s child,” and Eva’s confession made Beth turn suddenly her head toward Eva and stare at her. „But he doesn’t know about this. Or at least this is what I think. I left a message for him, the day we and Miss Davis left Christine Bircham’s house, but I’m not that sure that Brian got that message I wrote for him.”

Eva kept silent and, her silence, hurt Beth more, and, for the first time, Beth regretted that she told Brian about Eva’s leaving from Image. It seems that he looked for Eva and that he found her, but he never told Beth about this, despite that she asked him to tell her. But he preferred to keep it secret and Beth hates him for this now.

The two fell asleep only at dawns, but not because they spent the night talking, but because both had a troubled night because both fell prey to their own feelings, regrets and dreams, long time ago forgotten and which seemed lost now.

***

„Mister Beneath?” Albert called Brian, seeing him coming out from the house and heading toward the carriage that was waiting for him not that far from the door.

Turning to see the one who called him, Brian had been amazed to see Albert. Actually, in the first moments, he didn’t recognize him as being the ex-teamster who worked for Christine, but after staring at him for a few moments he remembered who was that man because he saw him several times when he had been in that house, looking for Eva.

Bardain, seeing a stranger talking to his master, quickly descended from his place and, practically running, approached them. For him, this unexpected visit was weird and also dangerous, because only a few people knew where Brian was living after he left the house he shared with Sophie. Also, he considered Albert being dangerous for not seeing him all morning outside, but now he approached Brian as if he lurked for him for a long time.

„It’s alright, Bardain,” Brian told his teamster, seeing him approaching in a hurry, intending to chase Albert away.

„But, mister Beneath, this man…”

„I know, Bardain. I know very well who … this gentleman is and what role he plays inside the „Red Ants.” But even so, I don’t think he came here to hurt me. Or, maybe I am wrong, mister…”

„…Albert. My name is Albert Shin.”

Brian took a few steps toward him, piercing him with his glance. „And … where did you say you went a few months ago: you, Emily Davis and … Eva?”

„I didn’t say this. Actually, I don’t think that I've mentioned at all that I’ve been with them,” but his words sketched an ironical smile on Brian’s face. „I see that you don’t believe me and you have the right to think so, because … you are right.”

Brian nodded in approval. „Of course, I’m right, because I know very well that you are such a faithful dog of Emily Davis. Don’t think that if I didn’t show too much interest in you, I didn’t know … the rest.”

„Did Ms. Bircham tell you about this?”

„No. Let’s say I have my sources of information.”

Albert smiled. „Victor Keen!”

„And here you are wrong, mister Shin, because I hired Keen long after I found out about your feelings for Miss Davis. I think that it was even earlier than to meet Eva. But I must accept that I didn’t pay too much attention to this: about how you look like or what you do or maybe I saw you before, I heard your name and … I’m also sure that I was aware of the fact that before working for Christine, you worked for Luis Chesterman, Miss Davis’lover…”

The word „lover” enraged Albert who right away grabbed Brian by the coat collar. Bardain instead again had been prevented to approach the two men when Brian made him a sign to leave them alone. Then, Brian grabbed Albert by the wrists and squeezed it, trying to release himself from the trap.

„Even if you dislike what you hear, it’s the truth and you must accept it because Emily Davis was the one to choose her own destiny,” Brian said, staring into Albert’s eyes with his glance full of hatred and he also didn’t know why he has hated this man who didn’t do anything against him.

„You are lying! That’s what others think … Emily, I mean Miss Davis had been forced to enter that man’s bed. She … had no choice because of Christine Bircham…”

„It seems that she deceived you all,” Brian said with reproach in his voice and pushed Albert away from him, who was shaking like a leaf in the wind. „Do you know why am I so sure about this?” and, Brian’s words made Albert stare at him. „Because twenty years ago, another man wanted to have her, but not as a mistress, but as a wife. Emily Davis instead denied his proposal. For her was more important to be part of the „Red Ants” then and to have power than to be someone’s wife.”

Albert suddenly closed his eyes as if bothered by the sunlight and in his mind came memories a long time forgot: John Evans hanging around Emily and it happened before to meet Chesterman at his famous party and before Evans' marriage with Beatrice. „It can’t be,” Albert whispered. „She wouldn’t have…”

„Allow me to correct you, mister Shin because it seems to me that you don’t know a lot of things about Emily Davis. But … I don’t think I am the one who should tell you everything and I don’t have also a reason to do this. Well, not other except the one that she took Eva away from me.”

„Eva … I think that this time you are wrong, mister Beneath. You lost Eva at the moment you showed up, walking in the street, at Beatrice Evans’arm and then left the country, probably accompanied also by her.”

Brian stared at him thunderstruck. „What the hell are you talking about?” then he remembered that Eva saw him one day with Beatrice. „I … I never had anything to do with Beatrice Evans. Not in a romantic way and … I never left the country, abandoning Eva as you said. If I did this was to protect her and while she was away from me to find a way to make her my wife.”

Albert shuddered, listening to Brian’s words. „And … did Miss Davis know about this?”

„Personally … I never told her about this, but I’m sure she knew because those who helped me to ask for my divorce are people who had been always close to her and I mean here John Evans who continues to dream about her, despite those years of denial from her part and despite all the humiliations he received from her.”

„Stop it!” Albert yelled. „That’s enough! I don’t want to hear a word more from you,” and, turning his back to Brian, he took a few steps forward, intending to go.

„At least tell me where to find Eva. I think that’s enough for us to be away from each other.”

Albert stopped and suddenly squeezed his fists because even if he didn’t want to tell Brian about Eva’s location, he hadn’t any other solution to protect her. That’s why he came here, to tell Brian where she is and … he doesn’t know why but he felt that there are a lot of secrets rounding them and he couldn’t face them alone. „You’ll find her at Ms. Alice Huntington’house. But … mister Beneath, think twice before going there because … it’s possible not to have any other chance to run away from what is coming.

Saying this, Albert approached his horse, who he left not that far from the house, climbed on his back, and left Brian’s property galloping away.

Bardain approached Brian who was still in the same place where Albert left him and staring at the black point that was moving toward the horizon. Even if he found where Eva was, the woman he missed the most all those months, he was also afraid of her reaction because from Albert’s words he understood that Emily Davis spilled all her venom over Eva, and he didn’t know what reaction should he wait from her now.

***

In the horse gallop, whose hooves were deeply digging the mud seen all around after the last night's rain, Albert felt lost because he realized the fact that he had a life of a ghost.

He had been always by and on Emily’s side, he knew each step she had taken, or at least he thought that he had known everything, but in the end, he realized that everything had been an illusion and that she knew to hide very well her feelings, how to manipulate him and to make things work for her.

Suddenly, he had been thrown off the horse: out of his own inattention because he weakened the reins and the horse, who didn’t know him at all, rose on his rear feet and threw away the burden off his back. But the horse didn’t run when Albert fell, but moved a few meters further, looking for some fresh herbs to eat.

After the fall, Albert kept sitting on the cold and wet ground, not being at all bothered by the mud, that was sticking on clothes, and neither by the cold wind that was cutting to the bones. Actually, he was feeling as that mud: cold and dirty because for the first time he understood that Emily had manipulated him all this time. Even if he knew this, he had preferred to be blind.

Then, in the ears, he heard again words a long time ago spoken by John Evans, who passed by Emily’s carriage one day, when she was climbing on it, helped by Albert: „don’t forget about our pact, Miss Davis. You know very well what profit you may have if to accept my proposal.”

When Albert closed the door and took a few steps aside, at Emily’s command, he barely heard a fragment of what she had told Evans: „Of course, I know that I can take advantage of … our pact. Especially if am to use my body for this. More than this, it seems to me that you never knew me: I’m always hanging around profitable businesses, no matter the price I must pay for this.”

„Why did I never think about this?” Albert whispered. „Was I really that blind?” Yes, he had been and this was due to his unconditional love for Emily, for whom he gave up on her idea to get married, to meet another woman, to have children because he wanted to be a father, but he also knew that if he does it, he’ll lose Emily and he couldn’t have lived without her.

„I’ve been an idiot,” Albert mumbled and passed his fingers, stained with mud, through his hair. „I’ve been so idiot. I’ve ruined my life for this love that is only mine. It seems that my love was something convenient for her because she had always an idiot by her side, ready to fulfill each of her commands.” But even so, he had been happy to make her smile. So happy.

Raising his glance, he saw the horse approaching and for a moment he confused the animal with Bachaco. „Do you also think so, my friend?” he said, but the neigh of the foreign animal brought him back to reality and reminded him about the fact that Bachaco was someone else’s horse now and he had been the one deciding so.

When the black snout of the animal touched his hand, Albert understood that this animal had also been someone’s friend once and probably his master also used to feed him with sugar because the horse’s wet lips slowly moved on the man’s palm and they felt so warm and so much they reminded Albert about Bachaco, swallowing the sugar cube, as if being afraid that Albert could have changed his mind and take it from him.

Albert grabbed the bridle and, helped by the horse, who suddenly moved his head up, he stood up. Then, he searched through his pocket for a piece of sugar, but there were only a few tobacco threads, which he let be blown away by the wind from his palm. Albert stretched his hand and caressed the horse’s neck and told him in a whisper. „Don’t worry, new friend. I’ll give you a reward as soon as we arrive home.”

He climbed again on the horse’s back and spurred him, crossing the muddy field, galloping, because he had decided something while talking to his new friend and even if he considered it as being unfair for him, he decided at least not to betray himself. So, he decided to stay by Emily’s side for how long she’ll allow this and he’ll protect her because his heart is still pure, despite the sins that are felt so heavy on his shoulders and if he must die then he’ll die with easy heart, knowing that at least he died for love.