„If my birth means to die, I better never feel this sweet taste of life”

„When I was still a dream of my mother when she was still in love with the man who betrayed her by choosing another woman instead of her the day he found out about my coming into this world … I was happy then - floating into a world of fulfillment, into a magic world, into a parallel universe where everything is possible and where children are still happy, loved and hugged by both parents, and where they still can dream.

But a whimper made me realize that my dream was gone because my coming into this world was already destined and fulfilled - I was part of this universe already and I hadn’t anymore the right to oppose it.

Even so, I never understood why my coming into this world meant losing my mother who chose to leave this beautiful story called life only to see me happy: smiling, and full of life while she has taken with her when she died, only beautiful memories about my innocent glance, my little fingers, and my sweet voice, mewling at her chest.

But, did I am happy, finding out about her sacrifice? Did I experience this how it was intended? I never knew and I probably won’t ever know this. But still, the fact that I’m in this world and that somebody gave up on his life to give birth to me will chase me always, like a ghost, and, feeling its presence, inside me, will make me shudder like a hither and thither and it won’t ever allow me to be happy, because…”

„Eva! Where are you?"

Beth’s voice awoke me from my daydream and I was so surprised to see that I was again in front of the jasmine flowers field, staring at the insects that were flying above it, trying to build their own world up there, but it was what I was always doing when the melancholy was taking over me: to feel the pleasant scent of jasmine while staring at its beautiful flowers.

„I’m here, Beth. Next to jasmine field.”

Beth is approaching me in a hurry. I see her hurrying up from the house and I understood that something happened for sure, because this 15-year-old chubby kid, with red hair and a lot of freckles of the same color on her face, runs only when she must tell me „Urgent news”. Her awkwardness suddenly made me smile while watching how she’s trying to catch up with her breath, two steps from me, after a short way of running.

My good friend actually hates to rush. She’s more about thinking calmly and deciding something even slower than she uses to walk and, even if we are the same age, we are totally different: as we look and as we think because while she’s slow and thinks a lot, I’m hurrying all the time and this rush always makes me decide wrong.

„Master is calling you!”

„Master,” I thought, smiling because even if Beth calls my father „Master” all the time, I can’t get used to this „nickname” of his because I know him very well: he’s just a simple jasmine flowers farmer, full of debts, clumsy and who barely knows how to manage his fortune, his life, and income.

„What for?”

„I don’t know, but it seems to be very important. He even sent after the big carriage: the red one. You must hurry up, Miss Stonebridge or he’ll be mad,” Beth said while piercing me with her eyes.

I avoided her glance instead because even if she waits for an answer from me, I didn’t know it either and the fact that I have to leave her in this „foggy state,” with a lot of questions spinning up in her head, makes me suffer a lot because I also feel sadness seeing her like this. But … I’ll answer her, eventually, when I find out that answer that I’m looking for, about my father’s sudden rush.

Actually, my first thought, hearing Beth telling me that my father was looking for me, was that he was going to bring a new wife into our house. But I chased that thought away very soon … it was too soon because his last wife with whom he married five months ago, died only two weeks ago and, even if my father isn’t a loyal man, he hates to be the others' subject of discussion. So, he won’t rush. But … what can be his…???

„Are you going or…?” Beth insisted.

„Do I have any other choice?”

„I don’t think so. You know that…”

„I know that I don’t know anything, Beth. I just feel that the world is about to collapse over my shoulders and that I don’t figure out why: a hunch? Too much fresh air breathed in or maybe this jasmine scent that is floating around me, like…”

„Like?” Beth insisted while looking insistently at me with her little, black, deer eyes.

„That something unexpected will happen. Something that will change my life completely and forever.”

„A hunch?”

„Just a feeling, Beth. Don’t worry. Let’s go home better or your „master” will be absolutely mad with us if we come late.”

Before leaving, I gave Beth the jasmine bouquet I’d picked for the living room. Then, I hurried up home, with sure steps, even if a storm started to blow inside me and this happened each time my father decided to have a sudden discussion with me: I never knew what to expect from him, but I’m sure to find out this by myself or nobody will tell me this ever.