《WTF》13 -Weapon Test Fire
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It all started 4000 years ago:
“Destiny Fish!!!!” World Fish screamed through the glass of the operating theatre at the lifeless fish on the autopsy table, Its golden scales unmistakeable. The Possum People scientists cutting into the body stopped and looked over, disturbed by the sudden shouting.
World Fish’s eyes went red. His gaze moved from the body to the scientists, “You! You son’s of…. I’ll never forgive you!” spitting out his wand, he touched the ground, “SHATTERED EGG!” He roared the magic words as tears streamed down his face.
Possum Planet shook.
On the third moon of the planet, the real Destiny fish packed his favourite sculptures into a bubble, “It’s too bad they never succeeded in cloning me hey, Jonesy,” The sentient sock puppet floating alongside him wriggled in agreement, “Would of been sweet to have a twin brother. Oh well, can’t win them all.”
Destiny’s attention was drawn away from his work when the sky lit up. Where Possum Planet once filled the horizon, now only shattered rock and magma remained, “Dude!, What?!”
The same thing happened to the first moon soon after, then the second, “Uhhh, maybe we should, like, get out of here, Jonesy.” Said Destiny. He grabbed his stuff and flew up.
All through the solar system, there was a scream. One filled with pain and fury. As Destiny swam away, another fish swam down and smashed into the third moon.
“Shattered Egg!” World Fish cast the spell again. Without stopping, he got up off the ground and swam out into space searching for something else to destroy. His eyes roved over the stars in the sky looking for the closest.
From behind, a voice called out, “World Fish? Is that you, Dude”
World fish turned, looking back and saw the source of the voice. Destiny fish and a sock puppet. Behind Destiny, the moon exploded, framing him in beautiful magma. Red strings of destiny magic exploded out from both of them and the spell [Destined to meet again] finally ended.
World Fish blinked away tears as the gears in his head spun. Last time he had seen Destiny Fish alive, he had convinced his golden brother to expand his horizons and test destiny magic by casting the destined to meet you spell. World had even offered to be the target. Nothing had happened at the time and they couldn’t figure out why. They eventually gave up and went their separate ways. That was over 30 years ago. Now here they were, floating in space together when all seemed lost, and it all clicked into place.
The Disappearance of Goddess Fish, the infinity maze, the post office mafia, the zombie goose armies: all destiny magic manipulating them towards this moment.
World Fish giggled, trying to hold it in. Then let out a loud, “HAHA,” before slamming his mouth shut. He held it as long as he could before breaking into uncontrollable laughter. What a brilliant spell! He loved the grand scale of it all!
A full minute later he calmed down enough to talk, “Good to see you, Destiny!” his voice was gravelly from having shouted so loud for so long, “I guess that that explains what your spell does. Let’s go home.”
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Destiny Fish was confused, he hadn’t figured it out at all yet. He was very glad to see World Fish after so long, however. The wide range of emotions on display was understandable because he was feeling quite emotional too, “Hey! Good to see you too! Home sounds good, dude! Can Jonesy come along?” Destiny gestured to his sock puppet friend.
World eyed the puppet, “No, Jonesy isn’t real,”
Destiny watched as his buddy unwound into destiny strings and vanished, “Duuude… I’m so confused right now!”
Millennia later, at the Hungry Hippo University:
Two fitful hours of sleep was all Fred managed before his door was kicked open by the loudest ten-year-old he’d ever met. Her space karate lessons were really showing results.
In his over-exhausted state, he might have been able to sleep through the sound of his door breaking against his wall. However, he could not ignore the pain of previously mentioned 10-year-old performing a perfectly executed, lung-crushing, somersault, bomb dive onto his guts.
“Fred get up! There's no time for sleep! Guess what?! We’ve been invited to the invention convention! Get up! It’s only in a month and we don’t have anything prepared!” Einstein shouted into his face.
Fred replied by gasping for breath.
Edison’s robotic limbs whirred far too loudly to be unintentional as he strolled in through Fred’s busted door, “What should we invent? I have a few schematics for a cyborg tongue that I think we can get working in time.” He sat down at Fred’s work chair on the opposite side of the room and rested his feet up on the table, knocking over some stationary.
Einstein fake gagged, “Gross, no tongues. No, we need something big! Something to really make a splash for our team’s debut. Something world changing!”
“If we make the tongue big enough…”
“NO TONGUES! Fred, why are you still in bed?! Did you stay up late last night? What were you doing?” Einstein shook him with every question.
“Hehe, at Fred’s age, probably watching naughty videos about tongues.” laughed Edison, pulling out his smarty phone and playing with it.
Fred’s voice was muffled by his pillow “...same age..”
“Whassat?” asked Edison, staring at his phone, drawing a figure eight with his finger.
“RRAAAAAGGHH!” Einstein shrieked as she was thrown off Fred’s body, onto the floor. Fred sat up, “I said we’re the same age, Idiot,” Fred tried to glare at his team, but his eyes were too unfocused, “I wasn’t watching tongue videos; I was… researching World Fish.”
“World Fish? Why?” Asked Einstein, picking herself up off the floor.
“Oh! Didn’t you hear? World fish got moved up to number three now on the…” Edison looked around the room conspiratorially before whispering, “Secret list,” He winked and continued at normal volume, “They found an old satellite from some extinct race with footage of World Fish making them extinct. Hold on,” he typed on his phone a bit, then spun it around so that Einstein could see, “check it out!”
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As Einstein watched the footage with her mouth open and eyes wide, Fred threw his covers off and got out of bed. He had lied to his team, he hadn't been studying World Fish last night. The truth was he had been too scared to fall asleep after watching the video Einstein was now watching and had spent the night worrying. Now Edison was making him relive that fear.
It was one thing after another. His anger had been steadily rising from the moment they busted into his room and now his powers were in full effect.
He marched over to Edison and slapped his legs off the table, “Off my chair,” he scowled. Edison relinquished the chair, too shocked for words, “You want ‘world changing’?” he growled, grabbing a paper and a pencil. His pencil almost ripped the paper as he began inventing.
Both Einstein and Edison watched over his shoulder in awe. When Einstein realised what Fred was designing she turned to Edison and whispered, “That could work!”
As Fred’s anger faded, Einstein took over, filling in the blanks in the design and Edison got to work constructing. Scientific process was thrown out the window and the creation was never tested. Instead, it was decided that any use should be reserved only for the most desperate of times, against the most evil of enemies.
Although they eventually missed the invention convention, their machine generated a storm of interest. The Smarty military and space Illuminati picked it up and hid it away in a secret vault, plans already forming on how to use it against their new enemy, the magic fish.
The machine in front of Destiny and Time fish powered down having successfully launched its payload. Destiny Fish screeched his next words in a full panic, “No, Dude, No! It’s Shattered egg! World Fish’s Shattered egg!”
Time fish froze, “You’re joking. The Smarties managed to copy THAT spell?”
“Yes, dude! That spell! We gotta run!” Destiny flew up and urged Time to follow.
Time Fish didn’t move. Now that he knew what was happening, [Time Sense] was feeding him information on the timing of it, "We can't escape in time…” He tilted his head considering, “We can’t both escape,” He looked up at Destiny, “Bro, I can buy you enough time. Run!"
"What are you talking about dude? C'mon…"
"GO NOW DESTINY!!!" Time shouted.
Destiny had never seen Time raise his voice like that. He moved. With one last pleading look behind, He began swimming up as fast as he could. Time Fish, on the other hand, swam down to the ground. Upon making contact, he screamed the magic words, “Frozen Moment!”.
A bubble of time surrounded the entire planet. Outside of [Frozen Moment]’s bubble, time would proceed normally. On the inside, however, it remained still. With a small bubble the size of a Smarty soldier, he could freeze it for weeks. On an entire planet, his [Time Sense] told him the magic would drain in one minute, thirteen seconds.
Time smiled, confident this would be enough time for his friend to escape.
All over Siren magical fish were panicked by the sudden retreat of their enemies, the subsequent world tremors and finally by the global activation of Time Fish's spell. Something bad was happening.
Gate Fish opened a portal to where he had left Dream and Music fish, neither were there anymore. Cursing, he opened a portal to space where Divination and Laser Fish were, “Divination! You gotta tell me where everyone is! We gotta get them out of there!”
Divination went to work, first, she located Mental Fish. She was hiding deep in the ocean. A portal opened beside her.
“Mental, come through! Where’s Narcissist?” Gate fish called through the portal.
Mental fish startled at the sudden voice. She rushed through the portal and hid behind Laser Fish. One word appeared in their minds, “Dead.”
Everyone was silent in shock for a moment before returning to the task at hand.
Next, Divination found Sky and Gravity Fish. They swam through the portal, severely damaged, but alive.
Yeti Fish was recovered next, he informed them that DNA and Pain Fish had chased after the Smarties into the sky. As there are no flying Yetis, he stayed behind.
“Oh no… I found Normal and Virus,” Divination informed them and relayed the location to Gate Fish.
“Why ‘Oh no’?” Gate asked, opening the portal.
Deep underground, surrounded by soil that was frozen in time, Normal Crawfish shook Virus Fish, “Don’t play around Virus, talk to me!” Virus Fish’s one remaining eye had gone blank, “Quit it, Virus!”
The portal opened beside them, Gate peeked through, “Normal, Virus? Oh, Goddess.”
Normal looked up with teary eyes, “Gate Fish? Virus won’t wake up. Help!”
Gate Fish cast a bubble around them and gently pulled them through his portal. The gathered fish inspected Virus, but it was too late, he had succumbed to his wounds.
Virus magic exploded out of his body into the universe. In Wuhan, China, Covid-19 was created.
Divination Fish snapped back to her senses and began searching for the others on Siren within her light. She jerked her head back and closed her eyes. A sudden light blinded her, “What was that?!” she demanded.
One minute, thirteen seconds after being cast, Time Fish's spell ended. The time bubble burst and the shaking began again.
Hidden in a canyon, Music Fish sang to calm the shivering Dream Fish. Fire consumed them.
Elsewhere, Time Fish relaxed and looked up, "Live well, bro." Fire consumed him.
From space where the Magic Fish had gathered and watched, it was silent and beautiful. The world cracked and split apart everywhere all at once. Blooming into a flower of fire and death.
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