Chapter 0

Learning How to Kill

Bile crept up against the back of my throat, trying to escape. It was easy to push it down, but it crawled back up every time my finger brushed against the trigger.

‘Can I do this?’

Of course, I can. I’m already here. I’ve already waited for hours. All I need to do is pull the trigger, and I could go back. I’ve done it a thousand times already…

But… to aim it a person. This is a first.

Buried under an inch-thick blanket of snow, my lungs ached from the icy winds, while my fingers gradually grew stiff. The sun had begun to set, and the only thing that fended off the frigid frost was the black coat on my back. Hidden under a mountain from the Winter Corporation’s private villa, the only backup I had was via radio transmissions.

This was my first assignment: To eliminate a spy that had infiltrated the villa of one of the twelve agencies’ executives.

As Professor Tetsuya’s “masterpiece,” the board held high expectations of me. And this was a simple mission… it was too easy to do, but…

I had a few days to steel myself, but it might not have mattered how much time I was given. In a way, I felt scared, like I was about to cross a line I couldn’t return to.

‘This is a bother,’ I repeated in my head.

Through the scope of the rifle, I was barely able to make out what was going on, the night vision was basically useless from such a distance. My stiff fingers continued to clutch the gun while I laid near to the edge of the cliff, every second that passed made me feel like I was coming closer and closer to sliding off the mountain.

“Khh, how am I supposed to take the shot when all of this snow keeps blocking my view? I’ve been here for hours but we still don’t even know who the spy is.”

“Determine who— by watching. You’ll figure it out, 201.” Was a blurry, broken, cracked response that I didn’t expect nor want to receive.

“How helpful.”

But as I watched, the pale lights and silhouettes from the window gave me a rough idea of what was going on. It looked like the chairman’s daughter was in the middle of a violin performance. From what I could tell, the little girl was probably the company heiress.

During the performance, the man who stood behind the heiress suddenly grabbed her and put a gun against her head. I was ordered only to survey the situation until direct actions were necessary, but it became clear who the target was as it quickly became a hostage situation.

“The situation has changed: I’ve determined the suspect, and he has secured a hostage. I repeat, the suspect has secured a hostage.”

“Copy— — I repeat— — —” Static crackled from the other end until there was nothing left to make out.

Looking at the situation, I decided to act, with or without their command. I banked on the thought of using the radio interference as an excuse.

Whose brilliant idea was it to make my first mission out in the mountains anyway?

Through the rifle’s scope, I watched the man pinned against a wall, still holding the girl captive. I couldn’t get a good aim as the snow flickered through the scope, and the weight of the snow on my back made it difficult to even move.

As I watched her struggle and fight back, my heart began to race.

My breathing got heavier as thoughts began to cloud my mind. There was no guarantee that I would hit the target.

What if I missed?

There was no time to think about this.

My vision started to blur, and my body began to heat up, to the point where I felt as if I was set on fire. It was a strangely familiar sensation.

I felt the trigger press against my fingertip. For an instant, my mind went blank, and my vision cleared, focusing on that single sight. In that brief clarity, my finger pulled the trigger on its own.

Snow, wind resistance, trajectory, all of those lost meaning the moment the bullet was fired. With a faint blue glow in its sparks, the bullet acted the way I needed it to, the way that I hoped that it would.

A quick shot from the rifle. In less than a second, the scent of gunpowder was immediately blown away.

Through the scope was the sight of silenced faces who stood in shock as the spy’s blood splattered.

After a second’s notice, shock turned into confused panic — and the only one who remained silent was the heiress, who had fallen on to her knees.

I couldn’t see it properly through the scope, but I caught a glimpse of her face. Heartbroken, someone quickly came to her side, helping her get back up, even as her legs trembled.

The dusk turned to night.

The burning sensation dissipated, leaving nothing but the coat to fight off the cold. As I stood up, I still felt the trigger pressing on the tip of my finger. In front of me, was a vast expanse of cold and darkness, with only a flickering orange glow of a home in the distance.

When I headed back to the car, something didn’t feel right… My feet refused to take another step further in that direction.

Maybe… maybe I needed to wait for the thorn in my chest to ease, so I stayed a little while longer.

The snow fell on top of my head as I threw my back against the tree. My stomach churned as I slipped to the ground, I couldn’t hold back the bile anymore — and it all went out of me as I hid behind the tree.

The pure white was stained with something vile.

Even after I chewed on the snow, there was a bitter taste left in my mouth that I couldn’t get rid of.

And I glanced over to the rifle that rested in the snow as if it wasn’t just used to take a life.

Why?

Why was it so easy?

All it took was a pull of a trigger.

I did what I needed to, but… I don’t know. The agency would tell me I did well… but… I really don’t know.

My stomach continued to churn, while my throat continued to heave, but there was nothing left in my stomach to spit out.

The numbness of the cold started to get to me, it was probably the signal that I had to go back.

But as a cold breeze swept through the forest, my body suddenly collapsed.

The snow started to pile up above my body and buried my left side, the frigid air was hard to take into my lungs, and I couldn’t even feel my fingers. The worst part was that I could still taste the bile in my throat.

The last sight I saw was my rifle being buried, like its sins were being erased, and the last sound I heard besides the freezing winds were footsteps trudging towards me.

*

When I opened my eyes, my entire body felt heavy and my breath was cold. In front of me sat a lady who had a bit of snow on her ashen white hair, and a green clover necklace dangling on her black suit. In her hand was a pale mug, steam rising in wisps.

“You’re awake.” She said, I recognized the voice, she was the lady who assisted me from the radio.

“Take this.” The lady said as she handed me the mug full of a dark… brown… thing.

The steam was clearly visible, and its warmth was soothing. I guess this is what happens when you sit too long in the middle of the snow.

My fingers shakily hold onto the mug, feeling its warmth before taking a sip. But as I did, it was very bitter.

“… Uhm, what’s this?”

“It’s coffee. You should warm up after what happened.” She answered with a kind tone that was different from her stoic expression.

“It’s… bitter.” Sticking out my tongue, I answered timidly. So this is coffee…

“Is that all you have to say?” She replied sternly.

“What?” My voice quivered slightly as I shivered from the cold.

“Acting on your own accord, pretending not to hear orders, and not returning immediately after the mission—”

My voice wavered and shook as she raised her arm, “I-I didn’t.”

“… and saving a life... I’m glad.” She placed her hand on my head.

I closed my mouth as she ruffled my hair, and as I turned to look up to her. Her eyes had shined with a soft, fiery glow, like embers that radiated against the snowy-white everything.

“You’re a good, kind person, aren’t you?” She said softly.

“U-um…”

“That being said, I’d prefer it if you followed orders. But good job, nonetheless.”

“Th-thank you, miss…”

“Nocturne... is my codename. Call me Luna, Luna Aster.”

“I’m—”

“Felix, right?”

“Ah, that’s right.”

“It’s nice to properly meet you.”

“Um…likewise.”

“You’re lucky I found you when I did, otherwise, you would have frozen to death.”

“Right… I’m sorry.” I absent-mindedly took a nip, but it was still too bitter for my taste and I accidentally spat it out.

She giggled softly and reached out her hand, “Let me fix that.”

She said as I handed her back the mug, she headed back to the car for a brief moment. I took a sip. It was much sweeter than before.

“You added sugar?”

“Two creams and three sugars, to be exact... It’s my favorite.” She answered warmly.

“It’s… nice. Thank you...”

My fingers still shook, but the tightness in my chest softened slightly.

“It was tough, wasn’t it? Taking a life, and the feelings that come with it…” She spoke in an understanding manner.”

“Ah… mhm…”

“You have a long journey ahead, but don’t worry. I’ll teach you.” She smiled as she turned her head to the winter sky. Her ember eyes contrasted with the pale snow and dark skies that she stared into the distance.

I realized through her glowing eyes… that she was just like me.

I discovered a few things this day. The guilt of having taken a life... and the sweet coffee to wash it away. It wasn’t a fair exchange, but I had to accept it.

In the car, lights flashed through the window, there were bumps on the road, and the heaters let out a calm heat after being buried in the snow.

I lost myself into the darks and grays of the outside. As I grew bored of the monochromatic light outside, I noticed my hands shivering still. I look at the lady sitting in front of me, typing on her computer with a frustrated look. But as she noticed my stare, she returned my gaze. The light of her ember eyes were warm, a very comforting warm. I couldn’t help but feel at ease, and I fell asleep on the way back.

It wasn’t until a month later that the company owner visited me and expressed his gratitude for saving his daughter. Something I only vaguely understood at the time. Missions like this continued, and in many different times and in many different ways, I was repaid.

A number of mistakes were made. Luckily, someone was there to guide me. But this wasn’t going to last forever, and the vast world would reveal itself. I would learn of the world’s cruelties and unfairness.

But for now, in this very brief moment, I had someone to watch over me.

As the years passed, the day of the implementation had become a painful, hazy blur in the back of my memories. I couldn’t even remember hearing my own screams. The only thing left that I could remember from that day was the anxiety and sense of guilt that I carried in my chest.

But unlike these ephemeral lights from the window that left as soon as they came, I will always remember this taste. The coffee was sweet… and so was her smile.