______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

- "You kissed Granger?" -

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Apparently the whole school found out about my kiss with Granger. In the halls, they would look at her with disgust, because how could the beautiful good girl that she is kiss such a greasy weasel like me. I knew Weaselbee was furious. After class one day he tried to chase me down, shouting, and I quote, "I'll rip your face off," if I ever touch Granger again.

Unfortunately for my face, I wasn't planning on doing that. There were things that someone as dim as Weaselbee couldn't understand even if I told him. He had the rest of his life to woo and love Granger, I only had a few months. Once I murdered Professor Dumbledore, she wouldn't want anything to do with me.

What I hadn't expected was that Granger was avoiding me. I didn't know why, if it was because I had hurt her, or other people's words did. I wanted to go up to her, caress her cheek, and tell her that it didn't matter what other people think. That I loved her, and that is all that mattered, but I knew that it was better for her to not grow attached to me.

I should be protecting her, but instead I'm taking her down a suicide path with me. Every time I see her face, smell her perfume, or hear her voice, I'm a little kid again. We are rolling around in the grass at dawn, reading each other's letters at dusk. It gets harder and harder every day to stay away from her.

Professor Snape was furious. His anger towards me kept building and building, and I could tell that one more mistake of mine, he would erupt.

"I told you to stay away from Granger," he growled, pointing his long, crooked finger at me.

"It's part of the plan sir!" I exclaimed, "That's the only reason, I'm... I'm just u-using h-her."

"Oh? How so?" he was skeptical.

"She's close with Slughorn sir. If I can get into his party, then I could gain his trust and he wouldn't doubt a thing."

He pondered for a moment, "Well done Draco. I'm enthused to see that you have cast your feeling aside and are solely focused on the task in your hands," he smiled mischievously at me.

His words were chosen to reveal what I had concealed. That the plan wasn't the only reason for Granger taking me to the party, it was my love for her as well. I held my mask on my face with all my might as I said, "I won't disappoint you sir."

"Good."

For the next hour, Professor Snape assisted me in brewing on of the poisons I had read about in the book I found in the restricted section. I chose one that could be disguised as wine, but, if drunk, caused death in seconds. It was the perfect plot. Slughorn would give the wine to Professor Dumbledore, and when he desired a drink, no one would be around to help him. Even if people, like Potter, suspected me of poisoning the wine, it would be too late. My task would already be done.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There was only a week until the Christmas Party, but I haven't gotten so much as a smile from Granger. She would glance up when I walked into class, but that would be the end of it. In the Great Hall, Weasley would catch my eye and protectively put himself in front of her.

My fellow Slytherins weren't much better. "You kissed Granger? That know-it-all mudblood?" Blaise pried.

"Shut it Zabini, it was- it was a mistake." As painful as it was to say, I knew that I had to make him believe it. If he thought that I was in love with Granger, then he could mention it to his parents, who are close to mine. I shuddered, trying not to imagine how Father would react when he heard about me kissing a mudblood. "She had me under a love potion," I remembered the potion from the first day of potions class this year. The potion Granger had identified. The potion that revealed her true feelings for me. "Amortentia."

"Whatever you say Malfoy," he shrugged, walking away, not believing my lie.

I stood up, not allowing him to leave, "If my father hears about this," I threatened him.

A look of terror crossed his face. "He won't."

When I looked around the room, there were others staring at me. I had caused more of a scene than I had thought. Granger was staring, mouth open. How much had she heard? By the look on Weasley's face, everything. He put a caring arm around her, still giving me the death glare as she cried into his shoulder.

My own eyes started to tear up, seeing how much I had hurt her, but I couldn't show that weakness. I hurriedly left the Great Hall and went to my dormitory where I rampantly searched for a spare piece of parchment. Pain was searing through me. I was truly a monster. Only monsters hurt people like that. Only monsters break hearts in front of crowds. I had to make up for this.

I am sorry that you overheard my conversation with Zabini. I didn't mean what I said. Meet me outside the Room of Requirement at 8 pm tonight and I'll explain.

Please, Your Christmas Date

I rolled the parchment and conjured a short string to tie it, then I went to the owlry and sent it with my eagle owl to the Gryffindor common room, "Drop this on her bed, alright?" My owl nodded, honored to serve such a prestigious family, and flew out of the window. I hoped that Granger would understand. I bet she would, she was logical.

Hoping that my note arrived to her at the right time, I went back to my dormitory and sprawled out on my bed, hating every bit of my wiry, cowardly self. Why couldn't I just admit to everyone that I had feelings for her. I thought of us holding hands and drinking butterbeer on a snowy afternoon. Potter and Weasley laughing along at my stories, a truce between us. I thought of Granger and I kissing on our balcony in the Room of Requirement, casting away everything that could stop us.

But then I thought of my father. He almost killed Potter when he freed the family house-elf, and that was before is renewed obsession to The Dark Lord. What would happen to Granger if he found out about us? I thought of what Professor Snape told me to do. "If you truly care for her, let her go."

He was right. I wasn't right for her. Hell, even Longbottom is better for her than me. She should end up with Weasley, and I need to stop interfering. I thought about what life would have been like if I hadn't befriended Granger.

I would have meant it when I called her mudblood, never doubting my father's values. I would not have regretted messing with Potter and Weasley, as I wouldn't be affected when I hurt Granger as well. Potters secret organization would have never gotten past their first meeting and because of that, Father wouldn't be in Azkaban. If Father wasn't sent to Azkaban, I wouldn't be here, laying in my bed, trying to find a way to make amends with the girl I love, as well as plot a murder.

I truly am a selfish brat.