Prologue:

It was nine-thirty AM when I entered the den of crazy.

“Hi! Welcome to Joe Doughs! I’ll be right there!” A voice called from the back of the kitchen. “What can I get-”

The man stopped as he walked out of the kitchen, a slow smile curling up his rugged face.

“Hale!” he boomed. “Good to see ya’!”

He wore a “In Soviet Russia, the cook kisses you!” apron, which he used to wipe spots of flour on his pinkish, bald head. He clapped his hands on my shoulders, my knees buckled slightly.

“Son,” he said. “I think my daughter is crazy.”

I paused for a moment, opening my mouth and closing it once, looking away. I looked back and stared him in the eye, placing my hand on his shoulder.

“You’ve promoted me to ‘son’ status already?”I asked solemnly. “Even though I’ve only been dating Lucy for six months?”

“Of course!” he roared. “I've got to get rid- ahem- I liked you the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were a great- hold on... This can wait for later!" His voice dropped to a whisper. "You wouldn’t believe what Lucy-”

He stopped, looking furtively left and right, then over his shoulder. I copied his actions, ready for Lucy to pop out the woodwork or crash through the chandelier.

Mr. Derringer, I mean, Dad-who-didn’t-give-me-chromosomes leaned in, beckoning for me to do the same.

“You see, she’s been…” he faded away.

“Been what?”

“Well, I’ve been a little worried about her ever since her mother passed away four years ago but…”

“What has she been doing?”

“Last night, she was swimming.”

“Really?"I asked. “ I thought the pool was closed down last week."

“No! She it wasn't at the pool but on her bed!”He cried “She was swimming with no water."

"Well... that's fine right? She just wanted to imagine..."

"That's what I thought at first. So I called out to her, but she freaked out and started drowning."

"Wait, wha- just don't worry! No matter what she goes through, I’ll make her the happiest woman since sliced bread!”

“As expected of my favorite and only son! Although you mixed your metaphors a little too much, I’ll hold you to your-”

“Umm… guys?”

Dad and I jumped at least six inches off the ground. A dark brunette, about an inch too short to be called petite, gave the two of us a lopsided smile.

“What were you just talking abou-”

“Nothing. The weather. Anything.” Dad #2 sputtered.

“Yes, the weather. Wait-”

“Anyhoo,” he said a little too loudly.“Now that you two are both here, you can take her on that surprise date you were talking about!”

“Date!?!?” Lucy exclaimed. “But I’m not ready! Oh… stupid...uhm...five minutes!” she said dashing up the stairs.

“A date?” I silently mouthed to Dad. He grinned at me before shooing me away.

A customer walked in and Dad #2 patted my shoulder before walking back behind the counter.

“Welcome to Joe’s Doughs!”

I sat down at a leaning wooden table flanked by sleek metal chairs, smiling. I could never get used to the absurdity of this place. I suppose it’s to be expected when a retired Army Ranger declares he wants to bake. But seriously, this place looks like the neighborhood park moved indoors for slam poetry night.

“Admiring my decor?” Dad #2 sat down across from me.

"It... has it's charm."

"Young hopsters, punks, urbanites... they eat this shit up."

"Yes they do."

He got up to holler at Lucy, then muttering something about “could suit up ready to deploy in three minutes flat and yet this girl...”. He disappeared back into the kitchen. But I didn’t pay attention to that. Peddleboats, window-shopping, street performances, duck feeding and a few other things- I was too focused on the upcoming date, so much so I bolted straight out of my chair when a plate clattered onto the table. I wouldn’t care if Dad #2 had just slaughtered a puppy at that moment. My plate was loaded with penne pasta doused in a parsley and cinnamon pesto and on top of it all: three cheese-chocolate eclairs.

“A man needs to keep up his strength if he’s going to challenge the world.”

I nodded as hard I could without letting the beautiful food he created fly out of my mouth. He grinned ear to ear. Dad #2 would be a huge asset to the Zephyr 8 or any revolution anywhere, he’d just need a little convincing...

“By- the way, have your-capsules come -in -yet?” I said through mouthfuls.

“You mean, capsule. I’ve had enough exploits in the Army, and I already have enough to deal with here in reality.”

I sighed. I was wondering what kind of trickery I’d need to mislead Lucy into not starting with me, but every scenario I ran through my head ended very badly for me. I swallowed, and yanked my trembling hands away from the plate in front of me. I shook my head, snapping out of my food trance, slightly dazed. Dad #2 looked a little surprised, maybe even a little disappointed.

“That’s a shame,”I said. “It would’ve been my pleasure to fight alongside a grizzled veteran like yourself. I could learn some tricks of the trade.”

“It’d be your pleasure, you say?”

“Of course. Someone with as much training and experience would do very well.”

Dad #2 looked over his shoulder again. Lucy skittered down the stairs, catching herself on a counter the local elementary school kids painted. All for the cost of a few dozen cookies too…

“Well, maybe... one condition."

“Yes?”

“You’re too good just to sit pore over dusty papers in some vault of a library. Spearhead my marketing campaign!”

“Uhh, sure.”

“Excellent. In six months, I’ll be in a position to go head to head with the cupcake woman down the block. It’ll be a great day for Joe’s Doughs when I get that conniving, flower munching, soulless hippy by the throat and-”

He mimed a diagonal throttling motion and launched a flurry of knees and hammerfists.

“Do that!” he finished, panting slightly.

“That’s the spirit, Daddy’o!” Lucy chirped, patting his shoulder.

“There’s my Lucy!” he cried. “You two enjoy yourselves!”

Lucy- now wearing a simple yellow sundress, a floppy straw hat and a light dusting of blush and mascara- grabbed my hand and pulled me onward. I stumbled a little running out the door trying to match her pace. She slowed down.

“So…?” she said expectantly.

“Hmm?” I said as blase as I could manage.

“What’s the surprise?”

I bumped her with my shoulder. “There’s your surprise.” I said. She giggled, moving with my push and pulled me into her.

“I see. My sweet Hale just wanted to surprise me!”

“O-Of course!” I said.

“And that’s it?” she said, a little quieter.

Our arms were linked right now, so I could feel her squeezing a little tighter and fidgeting more. I locked my arms closer with hers. I looked at her face, it was turned up at mine with the same smile she showed me earlier but with cooler eyes.

“That’s right!” I said.

“Mhmm. Okay…” she said. “Did you think I was going to forgive you with just this?”

“Uhh...”

Something tickled my chest. I kept walking in silence with her, she would hum a few bars of some tune and I would whistle to myself. The tickling came back. I looked down. It was her fingers tracing over me. I smiled, that was rather nice, she was unexpectedly calm today.

This couldn’t be right. I looked over where she was tracing. Liver, heart, spleen… she was tracing my vital areas over and over... I gulped, looking at her slightly stony, trembling face, mouthing words beneath her breath.

“Lucy?” I asked.

“What?” she snapped

"I'm bored. Let's go somewhere fun."

“Wha-”

“I smelt another woman’s perfume on you! Don’t try to lie! I know what I smelt!”

I laughed a little, sobering up with the sight of her livid face.

“You mean, a perfume like this?” I pulled out an expensive looking glass container filled with clear liquid. She walked over to me and when she was close enough, I sprayed her.

“Eek!” she squealed.

“Smell it. Does it seem familiar?”

She nodded slowly not looking in my eye.

“Funny story… I liked this smell so much, I even let myself be sprayed by it in the department store. And I couldn’t help but want my girlfriend to smell this nice, so I bought a bottle, hoping she’d like it too…”

“Okay, I’m sorry-”

“But she was so cold to me after everything I’d done for her. Maybe she just doesn’t love me like-”

“I get it! I get it!” she burst out. “I’m sorry. It just looked like…”

“I see… you don’t even trust me either. Despite the fact that I trust you so much. Let’s just leave and-”

“No!”

“Why not?”I asked, dejectedly. “Let’s just leave now that you understand…”

Lucy’s face was bright red as she walked over to me. She stood less than a foot away. I sniffed the air. Man, I have good taste in perfume. She exhaled loudly trying to look me in the eye but kept averting her gaze. I turned halfway to leave the store, watching her reaction.

“Come on. There’s no use wasting our-”

Lucy grabbed the lingerie I carried and ran into the changing station.

“-time.”

“Lucy?” I asked. “Could it be that you’re…”

“Just shut up, you pint sized horn dog!”

I sighed. I wish I was better with women, I thought to myself. Then again, maybe inexperience was better for dealing with this overly pure and violent girl. Three pairs of skimpy lace later, I had finally come to a decision: inexperience was not better. We walked out of the store without purchasing anything, hands clasped tightly, her’s shaking and mine slick with sweat. I had a big goofy grin on my face-I’d seen something good today.

“What’re you smiling at?” she grumbled.

“I’m just looking forward to the rest of our date,” I said. “Oh, and also the release of World Sprawl Online.”

At those words, she started frowning.

“It’s a shame you won’t be there with me,” I continued. “Your dad told me your capsule hadn’t arrived yet.” I said in response to her surprised face.

“Oh, I see…” she nodded. “You’re going to go have fun when the old ball-and-chain isn’t around…”

“Why are you calling yourself a ball-and-chain?”

“Lucy isn’t calling Lucy anything.”She said. “Lucy knows that Hale thinks Lucy is a pain.”

“You are a pain. Easily the biggest pain in my life. And stop referring to yourself in the third person.” I said.

“I knew it! You’re going to ditch me for the first warm, wet hole you come-”

“You’re such a pessimist.” I clucked my tongue. Lucy seemed startled.

“Lean a little closer.” I said. “Let me tell you what I want to do to my little ball-and-chain when we meet in-game.”

I whispered every fetish I’ve ever had -and a few more for good measure- into her ear for a solid five minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her blush so much. Not even the time when she downed a whole can of ghost chili pepper salsa.

“Lucy? Are you okay?”

“I don’t think my heart is strong enough to be with you,”she whimpered.

What? The girl who drugged and kidnapped me just to stop me from flirting with other women was intimidated? Maybe I did go too far with the swings and honey-coating… but still! I nodded slowly, patting her head. She looked up at me smiling weakly.

“Well… there’s no real need to rush.”

“Okay…”

“But how about wearing bunny ears and stockings on our next date?”

She nodded without meeting my eyes. Some guys might wonder why I would still date a violent, mentally unstable girl. To them, I would simply say: ‘Because reasons.’

When she doesn’t getting on my case for every wayward( and occasionally intentional...) glance in the general direction of a female… oh man. Call me the Jellymaker because people get jelly when they see me! Jokes aside, I think she was too busy processing how to deal with all my fetishes, real and otherwise, instead of scrutinizing the women walking down the street, so the date was very nice, even though all I got at the end was a quick peck on my cheek.

After dropping her back home, I returned to my flat a few blocks down. It was 6:43 on my wall clock, making the actual time 6:33. I showered, brushed my teeth, and let my adopted alleycat out into the street. As I stepped back out of the door, watching the grey Shorthair pad into the silence of the night, I could hear my beautiful capsule beeping at me: the download had finished, and just in time too. The wall clock now showed 7:03, (6:53 for those of you who dislike basic subtraction) seven minutes before character creation was opened and thirty-seven minutes before the game world was ready for players to ‘sprawl’, as the developers termed it. I popped the screenhood open, doing some final checks on my headrest and some long stretches before laying down in the capsule. I wiped off the neurodes, spraying a little extra solution on them this time before attaching them to my head

World Sprawl Online has finished downloading. Character Creation available in 3:12 minutes.

I swiped the window away, smiling before another one appeared and disappeared shortly after.

World Sprawl Online available in 3 minutes.

A countdown, huh? Damn bastards are getting my blood boilin’ already no need for a countdown. I took a few deep breaths, closing my eyes.

World Sprawl Online available in 2 minutes.

My mind was blank, the excitement still pounding in my veins.

World Sprawl Online available in 59 seconds.

I let my thoughts free. I wonder what the NPCs will be like? What about the weather? They better have a good combat system. They’d better have an intriguing but realistic world. And most of all, they better give me the training I need, the training I could only grab bit by bit. The training that help me become the The Face of Revolution.

Welcome. Character Creation will begin immediately. The game will open in 29:59 minutes. Sprawl on!

I chuckled into the cool dark of the capsule. The usual pull of VR focused my mind to a single small point then expanded it and with a subtle jerk, whisked it away.

“I hope you’re ready, my dear Zephyr 8,”I whispered into the nothingness.