I slowly climb back from the abyss of unconsciousness. ‘(What no Water Elementals with a face? I’m losing interest in the Abyss. Now what the hell did that bitch do to me, us, we… yeah we that’s the word.)’

I stare as my aching head absorbs the scene before me. “I am a shiny Bubba Fet.” ‘(Not to get confused with the other guy. I look sleek in a round kind of way unlike the other guy I don’t have a rocket pack. Hell I don’t even have a 6 pack. Then again, I’ve never understood the good of a 6 pack I mean really. Who goes to 6 pack party. No one. Everyone goes to kegger though. And that’s what my stomach looks like, instead of my stomach bringing a 6 pack it brought the kegger party. Who’s the man now huh?’) “Did you hear all that L.I.V.E.?” I ask meekly.

“That you are a shiny Bubba Fet. Then yes I heard that and if bubba is a representation of a gross analogy of southern american men.. Wait no it’s North American men who are from the south not South American latin men, in the time period from your primitive perspective. Then yes you are definitely Bubba. At least I don’t have to wonder about you and your siblings… Or do I?” L.I.V.E. responds so succinctly.

“Well aren’t you Beautifully bitchy today?” I say slightly grouchy. ‘(... Hey didn’t We just talk?)’ Then I blink slowly as I notice my head is in fact out of the ooze and the rest of me is still in the see through gel. I travel the length of my body and notice it is exactly what it looked like before I died. My head was even still sporting the friar tuck haircut and my devilish goatee. ‘(Hey just because I am a fat man does not mean I can’t have a devilishly sexy goatee. If a fat woman can get a exclamation mark brazilian wax job and call that sexy, then so is my goatee. Just saying…. Why do I feel like I’m losing this statement with myself.)’ I finally finish giving myself the once over ignoring my micro penis yet again. I call out to L.I.V.E “What happened? Why do I look like me?”

“I am always beautiful and I only sound bitch to someone who has yet to reach a higher education. It’s hard not to sound bitchy when your talking to a human who has barely left the cave.” She responds almost venomously.

‘(I’m really starting to wonder if she isn’t getting more bitchy the more we interact with her.)’ I comment to myself.

“As for your last question. You were so slow taking a full primitive minute or over 100 seconds. Do you know how many processes I can perform in that length of time? Huh? Do YOU? I didn’t think so. So quit laliga gin and start customizing before I go ahead and confirm your choice of a default setting.” She responds ruthlessly.

“I really do think she’s getting more bitch by the moment Id.” I state to myself. ‘(I concur perhaps we should hurry up and get out of the customization and see if we can’t change her settings as soon as possible.)’ I concur.

“Id isn’t here but I am.” L.I.V.E. Responds coldly as I realize I spoke out loud the first part.

“SOooooo. How do I go about customizing myself?” I ask trying to deflect my own idiot comment away.

“Very simple state what changes you wish to make and I will proceed with the changes.” L.I.V.E states a little to smoothly… almost like my primitive intelligence is missing something.

‘(Regardless of what she may be planning. Like any good red blooded male. We need to make some adjustments.)’ I give my first physical change into a wish. One wish to rule them all. “I will have an 8 inch long dick with a 2 inch diameter.” I state proudly like a man making the wisest decision in all manhooddom.

“Understood injecting stimulants to ensure you don’t pass out this time. Beginning alteration” She says way to smoothly.

Before I can even begin to countermand my idiosyncratic wish that is full of my idiotic dreams and wishes. A sound escapes my lips. It is not a gentle sound. It is not a whisper. It is anything and I mean anything other than a pleasant sound. I scream not like a little bitch. But exactly as a little bitch. No soprano here this is pure Alto. Almost leaving behind the realm of the audible range for human standards and escaping to the realm for which dog whistles reside. As lazers slice and dice my penis into equal separate chunks then tractor beams take the pieces and float them exactly 8 inches long as a long arm looking thing seems to turn the ooze in the gaps between the pieces into my new penis flesh. Starting from the base headed towards the tip as I feel each new layers nerve endings activated over and over again as it fills in the entire 8 inches connecting each piece.

‘(Now I know what you woman who are reading this are thinking. It doesn’t sound that bad…. So I will give an apt analogy for you to comprehend. Imagine your clit stretched out and then diced into little pieces then glued back together with other pieces till it reaches 8 inches long. That is the closest thing you will feel to this level of pain…. Or maybe childbirth… Hmm probably should have just gone with the childbirth thing. Yeah next time. So now you men know what it’s like to give childbirth just see above.)’ ‘((What do you think? Equally sexist statements. Yes? Good.))’ I digress into my own whirl of thoughts as the pain slowly comes to an end.

“L.I.V.E. dear?” I squeak out.

“What is it primate?” She clicks her tongue at me.

“Is there a way to shut off the pain receptors in my body?” (Knowledge of pain receptors brought to you by a sherlock holmes like doctor who walks with a cane and takes a lot of drugs. We love you.)’ I ask in as meek a voice as I can.

“Of Course.” She responds.

I pass out… either from the shock or the inhumane torture I just went through you take your pick.