《Surviving the Dead》Chapter 13: Guilt
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No matter how much he willed himself to jump, his body stubbornly resisted. No matter how much he ached to reach out and capture him, he couldn't save his father. No matter how much he needed this to be just another twisted dream, he knew it wasn't.
Forest watched as his father fell and, still, he watched as nearby walkers greedily dug into his flesh. But the moment he began to cry out, the boy couldn't bear it any longer and cringed away. Just jump. You don't deserve to live. Only, he didn't jump. If he committed suicide, then his father's sacrifice would be entirely meaningless.
"Run!" Hearing his father, the man's screams of agony soon came to an end. And Forest realized something. He had just uttered his last word.
Eyes squinted tight, Forest hated the seconds that followed. He hated that time still worked. He hated that the world would continue as though nothing had happened; as though a great man didn't just die. He hated everything.
But when something suddenly touched his arm, his eyes snapped open. Winter.
"We need to go."
Forest shook his head as he desperately clawed at her fingers. They wouldn't budge. "Let go of my arm!"
It was Winter's turn to shake her head. "No, we gotta go!" And she jumped, her hand still wrapped willfully around his arm. Determined to not go with her, he tried with the last of his energy to peel her grip away, but it was of no use.
After meeting the earth's solid surface, instant pain rushed through Forest's body. Pulling himself to his feet, the boy heard an abrupt thud from behind him; and, glancing over his shoulder, found it to be Autumn. An object lay beside her, he noticed, and he identified his backpack. But he didn't grab it. Forcing his legs to function, they begged him for mercy as he hustled forward. But he couldn't allow himself to stop. That would be a death sentence.
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With each step he managed, it was just another step that separated him from his father. The aching of his heart hurt more than his body ever could. There was no comparison to the death of a loved more. There was no greater pain. As much as he begged himself to focus on the present, he couldn't. The walkers, no matter how close they got, couldn't earn his attention. Nothing could.
Every inch of his body stung with fresh pain, yet he couldn't feel it. He was just... numb.
The soft footsteps of his sisters vibrated behind him, their breaths likewise to his own: rough.
The boy drew out his knife as he halfheartedly dodged a couple of pursuing walkers. You don't deserve to live. Just let them bite you. Looking ahead, the boy's eyes stung with tears, but he didn't care to blink them away. Give up. Shaking his head profusely, he confronted a lone walker and engraved his knife into its head. And, after it fell, the boy stabbed it again. And again. Jaw set, the boy suddenly yelled out in frustration, no longer able to contain himself.
"Hey! Quiet!" Autumn took her brother by his free hand and pulled him to his feet. She locked eyes with him. "I understand you're mad, and I know you're hurting. But right now that doesn't matter. What matters it that we survive, okay? So come on." She chased after her twin, never letting go of her brother's hand.
And Forest let her.
Whether they'd find a safe place anytime soon, the boy didn't know. But he did know this: he didn't care. If he were to die that very day, Forest wouldn't feel it to be unfair; in fact, he'd consider it a blessing. After all these years, he was more than sick of this nightmare of a world; the dead killing the living. He was just tired of it. Of everything.
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It would be a long while before the siblings allowed themselves to take a break. By that time, only a few walkers were in sight, and they were not close enough to be a real threat. Each collapsed to the ground as they wheezed for lost air.
"Guys..." Winter struggled.
There was a pause.
"What?" Autumn asked.
"How long do you think we ran?"
"Maybe half an hour," Autumn said, whipping a layer of sweat from her forehead. "I don't know."
"Who cares." Forest's words faint, they still earned the twins' attention. "Dad... just died. Who cares how long we ran."
There was another pause.
"Why didn't we run this much to begin with? His death - it wouldn't have happened!" Autumn said, throwing her hands in the air. "Why could we do it now, but not then?"
"Dad sacrificed himself. He used himself as a distraction so that we could escape. Without Dad... doing that, we wouldn't have lost the walkers." Winter's tone was grave. Biting her lip, she avoided the looks of her siblings. "I'm really sorry."
"For what?" Autumn asked, puzzled.
"You know what. Mom's diary - I kept that from you guys for all these years. And... I never told you about Dad's brother. If he's still out there, Dad won't ever see him. He died before he could see his brother. And you know how much he wanted to. After Forest's medicine, we were gonna look for him."
"Shut it," Forest demanded, his eyes hard. "It's your fault. An apology isn't going to make up for anything!"
"Hey," Autumn said, giving him a gentle nudge, "no one knew those walkers were there. It's not her fault that Dad died."
"Stop talking about his death so casually!" Shaking his head, Forest closed his eyes, and began to sob. "You don't get it. None of you do."
"No, we do, okay? It's-" Autumn said, but stopped when a sudden series of footsteps presented themselves close by. "I've got 'em."
Forest watched his sister as she sought out the infected, knife in hand. "I see two." Expecting her to go forward, he narrowed his eyes when she didn't.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"No, no, no," she said, briefly meeting her brother's gaze, "they're not walkers. I see people!"
Without missing a beat, Forest and Winter found their feet, and hurried beside Autumn.
"Is that Holly?" Forest asked, mouth agape.
"It is," Winter confirmed, nodding. "But who's that man she's with?"
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