We came back home, the lights turned on per command.

“Go put your clothes to wash.”

“Okay.”

I went to take another shower, throwing the dirtied shirt into the clothes bin.

After that I went upstairs, to my room to change into my night clothes. I came back down to return the towel..

“Pu’er!! How many times do I have to tell you?! Check to make sure the door is locked if you’re the last person!! It’s not that I don't trust you, but your actions make me lose trust in you.”

“U-Uh..”

I walked over timidly and locked the door– why couldn’t mom have just locked it? She’s standing right next to it. Did she have to yell at me?

“I was the last one,” aei said, in an irked tone, “Sorry Pu’er..”

I was silent. Repressing the anger in my heart. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. Blaming me for something I didn’t do.

And I could feel it. It was coming back.

The cycle was repeating itself once again.

Mom just stormed off to the bathroom.

You could hear the rough handling of the washing machine.

Aei got up from hirs seat and gave chase.

“What?!”

“Why are you so angry? What did Pu’er ever do to you?”

“I cannot be angry? Is that what you're saying? There’s so much work to do, why do you have to wait for me to do it all the time?”

“If you don’t want to do it then just don’t do the work! Have I never done any work? I do the clothes all the time!”

I trembled.. still standing frozen in front of the door.

“Shout some more! Shout! Shout! Shout! You’re very good at making me sound like the bad guy!”

“Get out!”

“Why? I'm doing my work midway. You want to use this chance to claim that I don’t do housework all the time?”

Shaky steps, one at a time, tears in my eyes, I made my way to the stairs.

“Did I ever say that? DID I EVER SAY THAT?!”

The shouting continued.

I reached my room.

I locked the door behind me.

I leaned against the wall.

Why?

Why do they always argue?

Did I do anything wrong?

Should I have not been born?

Maybe if I die.. then everything will be resolved?

Maybe if I die.. then they’ll realize their mistake?

Right. If I die then I wouldn’t need to suffer like this.

My heart hurts. Sinking.

Everything feels cold. Numb.

Queasy. Dizzy. I could barely breathe.

Hahaha..

What kind of shitty family is this..

I want peace.

I only wanted peace.

They told me that you shouldn’t talk bad about someone.

They told me that I don’t listen to them.

They told me that I’m irresponsible.

They told me that I’m a nuisance– a burden–

Ah–

So this is why people think of suicide.

===

[“Sir, if you had to one thing, what do you attribute your success to?”]

[“My success? I believe there is no one reason to success. For one, it isn’t like hitting a jackpot. Instead, it’s the accumulation of hard work day over day, year over year. Though, if I were to say what one of the critical ingredients is that allowed me to stand where I am now, it would be grit. And for that, I have my parents to thank. The way they brought me up had really impacted the way I act and think.”]

[“Could you elaborate further?”]

[“As some may know, my two late parents, passed away just last year due to an accident.”]

“Yeah.. so what? You had a good life.”

[“I’m grateful for what they’ve done, but I’m also ashamed to admit that I prefer my life now that they are no longer here.”]

[“Why is that?”]

[“You see, as a child, my parents didn’t support me in my dreams. Them mocking me was my fuel. There was one previous question on how I managed to find the motivation to push through all the challenges and climb the mountain of pain? This is the other reason. I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted revenge. As the adage goes, the greatest revenge is massive success. Though indirectly, my parents taught me what it means to persevere. This sort of grit and determination can only be forged when you have people that go against you. Some people think that not having your parent’s support is a disadvantage. The way I see it, it’s a chance to forge your will.”]

…

[“Of course, I’m not saying that being in a warm family is a bad thing. Rather, take advantage of your situation. Your adversity can become your strength. To those children out there feeling stuck or depressed, let me tell you this. There is light at the end of the tunnel, contrary to what you may think. You don’t know that because you haven’t lived. Believe me when I say this. It’s only when you fight, that you’ll eventually find your true worth.”]

I paused the video.

He had good parents?

Who was I joking.. there’s no such thing.

Stuart Asgard.

No.

Most people.

No one is without problems in their lives.

Fight.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

What light exactly? It’s not like I can save my family. I only see darkness.

I was surprised that he admitted to enjoying a life without his parents. All those threats my parents told me, saying how bad life the outside world is.. I’m beginning to doubt their claims.

Problems are what bring rise to the strong.

I resumed the interview.

[“There are many questions coming in. Most are wondering what kind of person your parents were. You have many young fans don’t you?”]

[“My parents? They were good people with good intentions. I don’t think my parents were different from any other. Everyone is human. Sometimes I don’t see things the way they do, I still get scolded when I do something wrong. Worry about yourself more than you do about your parents. I find that young people make the mistake of trying to please other people. Don’t live for them, live for you. Trust me, they’ll be proud of it. They may not show it now, but when you achieve your dreams, they’ll definitely be delighted. And even if the contrary is true, at least you come out a winner.”]

Worry about myself. Stop trying to please my parents.

Easy for you to say. If I don’t follow what they say I’ll be scolded for sure.

[“It’s important that each person follows themselves. You might not become the next model like I am, but that doesn’t mean you won’t become successful in some other field where you excel. Each person is different. Look within yourself, find your strengths and double down on it. Don’t listen to your family or friends. Life is too precious spent on achieving other people’s wishes.”]

[“Yes, I will have to agree with you, Stuart. For the young ones out there, it’s very important they pursue something that best suits them. Don’t try to copy Stuart just because he’s a model yeah? May he inspire you, but ultimately, do it for yourself. Next question, oh, this one is important. The viral news. Why did you decide to go back to school? You’ve completed a few years of formal education, then decided to quit for your career today. Now that you’ve reached this level of success, is there any need to go back?”]

[“There is no need to.”]

[“Oh? So why?”]

[“That’s simple. Because I want to spend more time with her.”]

Hm? Brunette was right. He’s going to Saint High so that he can spend time with his girlfriend. Eh? He has a girlfriend?

[“Okay.. this might be a sensitive question, your fans are dying to know who that person is. We don’t want to endanger your privacy, and risk her safety, so maybe you could give a little hint about the kind of person she is?”]

[“Well.. how should I put it. The first time I met her, I thought she was just your average normal girl. She just dropped by one of the studios I was having a photoshoot at one day and talked with one of the directors. I was curious so I approached them. I learnt that she’s a writer, won’t spoil what series she’s writing, but she’s a pro at her work, I’ll at least say that much. From then on, we’d bump into each other during gatherings a couple times and have a chat. For someone her age, you’d be surprised by her composure. It’s as if you’re talking to a sage who had lived numerous lives. As beautiful of a person she is, it’s her knowledge, wisdom and poise that I find attractive.”]

[“That’s wonderful to hear. Ab..]

The snippet ends there.

I pulled up the messaging window.

[“Brunette, where’s the full interview?”]

[“It was taken down.”]

[“Seriously?”]

No wonder he’s got so many followers.

A thorn among the roses..

Had I ever come across a girl in school like that? I don’t think I’ve actually ever really gone to meet many of the juniors. I have no idea. He also said that she’s a writer.

Bleh.

It’s pointless to think about it.

I’ll know who it is by next year.

Stuart Asgard, I think I’m going to follow your ShareWiw account. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with this pitiful me.

===

dotturndot: I’m an avid eater of self-help content (that’s why you’re seeing these ‘annoying motivational talk rants’ stuff by Stuart). That said, the danger of digging into self help is that you can stumble upon some ineffective advice. Like.. vision boarding and how to manifest your dreams and stuff…

Another example of bad self help advice is this thing I’m typing here. I’m not qualified to talk about it even though I’m currently doing so. Many people can misunderstand my advice for something else. That’s the problem with perspective you see. So don’t take my word for it.

That asides.. Shit! Stuart already found N.. ufph?!

{Dotturndot has been kicked from the server}

{Charge of offense: giving spoilers}