《Elani》26. No Pressure
Hale twisted her shirt between his fingers and pulled her closer. He stared into her eyes hoping to see her longing for him, as he was for her. He believed he saw what he desired, despite her being very nervous. He could tell by the way she trembled when he moved to touch her and that she continually bit her bottom lip. Every time she pulled on her own lip with her teeth, he leaned in more. Still holding onto her shirt, he pressed a kiss to her lips.
She grasped the back of his neck, and he thought he felt her grow more comfortable with the situation as the kiss continued. When he released her from his kiss, he looked into her eyes once again. She met his gaze, fear still lingering upon her face. He let go of her shirt, trying to forget how he wanted to tear it off of her. She was hesitant and even afraid. That wasn’t what he wanted their first experience together to start with.
Sure, he wished he could continue undressing her and show her that there wasn’t anything to be afraid of when she was with him. But he felt like he would be taking advantage of her in a vulnerable moment. He could never be that cruel to her. She was gentle to him through times when he wasn’t that way to her. He knew she needed him to return the favor because of her trembling hands. He pulled her arms away from his shoulders and held her hands in front of her body. He rubbed her hands for a long time until they stopped shaking. Hale leaned down slightly and rested his forehead against hers. He wish he could think of comforting words to say to let her know he understood and that she shouldn’t feel pressured. He knew he had to say something to her.
His voice was hoarse and quiet. “Pandora—”
“I’m so sorry.” Her head fell to her shoulder, and he felt her wet tears drip down his skin.
He squeezed her hands and squinted his eyelids shut. What in the galaxy did she have to apologize for. If anyone should be apologizing, it should have been him because he needed to more sensitive towards her when they were at the library. “Please, stop apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I feel like I have. I got your hopes up and then pulled back. I’m not— I don’t want you to think I’m— playing with your emotions.” She drew away from him and collapsed on the bed. “I didn’t mean to.”
He sat down beside her and placed a hand on her back. “You didn’t. I shouldn’t have pushed you. You shouldn’t feel bad for being nervous. It’s completely fine.” As more tears fell down her face, his mind raced faster than his heartbeat to determine what he could do to stop them. She was already enough pressure trying to save her planet. He decided he wouldn’t attempt to prevent her from crying. He hated seeing her cry, but she probably needed to express her emotions.
Pandora gripped the sheets and tried to hold in her tears, which was more difficult for him to watch.
* * * *
Pandora cried for much longer than she intended. The stress had become too intense for her to handle. She had tried to hold it back, until she couldn’t. And once the first few tears leaked from her eyes, the rest followed. She wasn’t quite sobbing, but she was self-conscious over how loud her sniffling was.
Hale sat up with her and rubbed her back only to comfort her. He said nothing, but his touch let her know that he wasn’t upset with her denying him. If anything, he was concerned about her.
Pandora’s tears streamed down her face and legs. She hoped Hale knew that it wasn’t his fault that she was suffering. She wanted to be with him truly. She wanted to love and know him more intimately than she did now. And they were so close to taking the next step. Hale was almost hers, and she would have been his completely.
It was the stress of everything that had finally made her crack. Even as lovely as his affections were, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Elani. With every passing moment, the central crystal, the life source of
Elani, was withering in strength. Even from here, lightyears away from the planet, she could feel it. The book sitting in Hale’s backpack most likely held the secrets to saving her world, and it was in the very room they were in. And instead of reading it, she had been with Hale, allowing herself to get distracted. She felt guilty because she was so close to her end goal. She had the book finally. But here she was wasting time with him.
Wasting time with him was so tempting though. She cared for him deeply. He was strikingly beautiful. Her dream. But the guilt was ruining the moment for her by digging into her heart. She felt like she was forgetting about what she was here for. And unfortunately, that wasn’t him. She was afraid she would forget about her home for too long if they went further. She needed focus.
But the stress wasn’t entirely from her plans to save Elani. Pandora was nervous about something else too. She wanted to please Hale. Desperately. She wanted to make him happy, to make him smile because of her. Only, she didn’t have much experience with pleasing men at all. Back home, her purity was of great importance, considering her royal status as a princess, and it was required of her if she wanted to honor her family. But she wasn’t on Elani, and her parents would never know what happened here between her and Hale. That, however, didn’t fix her lack of experience.
Hale intimidated her. He seemed to know exactly where to touch her to make her want him more. And maybe she worried that he would compare her to other women he had been with. But she never saw judgement in his eyes. And his actions repeatedly reminded her that the only woman on his mind was she.
Although this situation was supposed to be for her pleasure, she was feeling more stress than anything pleasurable.
“Pandora, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just please, tell me what you want,” he whispered, still rubbing her back gently.
“There’s so many things I feel like I have to do. And right now—” she paused, struggling to hold in her sobs.
“Well,” he began, “There is plenty of time for you and me, that is, if you still want me. You should give your attention to whatever is bothering you most.”
Pandora rested her head on top of her knees and faced him. “I do want you. But you’re right, I think I need to focus. I need to finish saving Elani before it’s too late. Every second that passes by, I feel worse because I’m thinking of how much time I’m wasting.” She began crying again, much harder than before.
Hale shifted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. He rested his chin on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck. “You’re doing fine. Don’t worry about me.” He paused to wipe her tears. “You’re doing better than you think. Look, we have the book. I can’t believe we made it this far, honestly. I’m thankful for that.”
“You’re right,” She leaned on his chest as the tears continued to stream down her face.
She remained in his arms for the next few minutes. He wiped her tears and kissed the top of her head. She found him much more affectionate than usual. She had never had an opportunity to feel so much of his warmth. His muscular body felt strong beneath her, and she couldn’t help herself when she lightly inched her fingers up his abdomen, in awe of him. He didn’t seem to mind. He kept his hands around her waist; he didn’t move them lower or higher though she was in nothing more than her undergarments.
“Are you doing better?” Hale asked.
She nodded. “Thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry this didn’t work out like you wanted it to.”
“Stop apologizing. It’s fine. Besides, it could be better this way… actually,” he mused.
“What do you mean?”
“We can wait for the right time to move forwards.”
Before she could say a single word in response, he turned her over onto her back and lowered himself onto her, stopping when they touched. Pandora held her breath as he dropped lower to kiss her neck. Then he moved to kiss her cheek and the tip of her nose. He smiled brightly and got off of her to leave the bed.
She felt… suddenly cold; she liked being touched by him. But also, she was relieved at the same time. Like he said, it was for the best.
She watched him him put his pants back on. Pandora sighed as she watched his perfectly formed thighs being covered by his pants.
“What? Disappointed?” Hale asked, smirking.
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”
He grabbed a clean white shirt from the closet. Pandora sighed again, thinking he would cover up the rest of himself in clothes. It was a shame because she knew he looked better without them. Not that she had seen him completely naked. Not yet anyway….
But she never doubted that every piece of his form was beautiful.
She shamelessly admired his chest as if it would be the last time she would see him that way.
“Like what you see?” He started flexing his biceps and abs.
She thought it was attractive even though he was only trying to tease her. As he approached her, he continued. And she laughed. But she still had to check her mouth to make sure she wasn’t drooling.
“Catch,” he said.
He tossed his shirt in the air towards her. She didn’t attempt to catch it and watched it fall onto her lap. She held it up to her small frame.
“What is this for?” Pandora asked.
“Put it on. I thought it would be more comfortable.” He scratched his neck while blushing. “Also, I just wanted to see something.”
She slipped the shirt over her head and stuck her arms into the wide sleeves. She pulled it down over her lacy underwear. His shirt fit her like dress. When she looked up at him, she found him staring at her with his mouth open. She was so confused by his expression. She couldn’t imagine that she looked good in his clothes.
“Why are you looking me like that?”
Hale closed his mouth and met her eyes. “Because… you’re so beautiful.”
She covered her face with her hands. “Oh gosh.”
“I mean… I preferred seeing what you have on underneath my shirt… but I don’t know. I like how you look in my clothes.”
Pandora flattened the wrinkles on the shirt with her hands and smiled widely. “Well, it’s comfortable. I don’t know if I look good in it. But it’s better than my dress.”
Hale opened his backpack and pulled out the book. His eyes sparkled as he looked at the crystal on the front cover. Still staring at the crystal, he walked over to the bed and sat down beside her again. He set the book in her lap.
“I guess you’d better get started. That’s a lot of reading,” he said. “I can leave so you can focus.”
Pandora grasped his hand. “No, don’t leave!” She didn’t intend for her tone to be so aggressive.
“Okay, I’ll stay,” he said, laying his head on the pillow. “I just didn’t think you’d want me here. I might distract you.”
“I’ll manage,” she said with a wide smile.
Pandora tapped the crystal on the book with her hand. She lifted the book slightly to feel its weight on her hands. She couldn’t quite believe she was holding it in real life. Slowly, she opened it and flipped through the pages. The language it was written in was her own, which further assured her that the stories about the book and Garra, were absolutely true.
Hale sat up for a moment to look at the pages. He seemed confused as he tried to decipher what the words meant. This book was written in Elani, his native language too. Pandora was saddened by the fact that he couldn’t understand his own language. He hadn’t been able to grow up on Elani like she had so that opportunity was withheld from him. But she didn’t bother to point it out to him.
“Can you read that?” Hale asked.
“Yes, it’s written in the Elani language,” she replied.
Hale laid back down and stared at the ceiling. “Interesting.”
Pandora slipped her fingers between his. “I’ll let you know if I find anything important in it.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” He seemed a little disappointed. But Pandora wasn’t going to press the issue.
Pandora looked through the table of contents. No wonder the book was large. The woman who wrote the book seemed to have listed every known gift ever wielded by an Elani. She moved down the list within the table of contents. She stopped when she saw the chapter about the gift of healing and quickly flipped to it. Healing was her gift after all.
The first few paragraphs described her gift in perfect detail. It explained how someone could manipulate life but also the limits of such an ability. Healing someone after their spirit had left their body was impossible. Healing inanimate things such as plants was also impossible. Everything so far only reminded her of what she already knew about her gift.
She was looking for a reason to believe that she could heal a planet. While most planets would qualify as inanimate, Elani didn’t. Her home was more than a planet. It could die, and that meant that it was very much alive. It had a life to lose. But not only that, Elani had a spirit of sorts. Pandora never bothered trying to perfectly understand how all this was possible. She simply believed.
The second section of the chapter was far more interesting to her. It spoke of a way to strengthen one’s powers. She trembled as she read the words. This is what she had been searching for: a way to make herself stronger. She couldn’t begin to heal something as immense as a planet in her current state. She was too weak.
Here, the book clearly outlined the steps to solve this problem. She leaned her head back and took a deep breath, needing to calm down before she read on. Her heart was beating quickly from her anxiousness. She closed her eyes and took a few more slow breaths.
The key to saving her planet was on a page before her.
She just had to read it.
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