《Elani》21. Invisible Cuffs
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Hale had yet to feel as close to her as he did now. With her head on his chest, he breathed in the sweet, floral scent of her lavender hair. Pandora was nestled up against his entire body, her slender, tan legs interlocked with his. He hugged her once again, thankful that he could hold her. He didn’t know how long they had been like this, and he didn’t care. Her eyes were shut. She must have fallen a sleep at some point while they lay on the couch. Her peaceful beauty moved his soul as much as any kiss she could give him would. He couldn’t fathom how she trusted him enough to be this vulnerable around him even after what they had been through together. How did she treat him with such unparalleled kindness? How did she forgive easily? Every loving kiss she shared with him washed away his feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
Hale wanted to know what he did to make her love him. He was sure it had nothing to do with him. It was all her. She had broken down the barriers he protected his heart with and reached out to him. Though he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from falling. When she looked at him with her violet eyes, vibrant with light, he felt… wanted. She wanted him not only for sexual gratification, like women usually did, but also for his friendship and his love.
Pandora didn’t have to say it; he knew she loved him. And he had done nothing to deserve the gifts she freely offered him.
He slid his hands across her back, still covered by the satin robe, and held her tighter. The couch in the suite fit the two of them perfectly. But he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to wake up next to her every day in a bed they shared. He had never wanted that with someone before. She was the very first who awakened that desire within him.
Pandora shifted and curled her fingers on his chest. He shortened his breaths, not wanting to wake her. She looked perfectly content and relaxed. Why would he want to disturb her? He also found himself enjoying their current position, her lying on top of him.
He hadn’t expected her to be quite so light. He would let her stay there forever and almost wished she would. Without a warning, she started to laugh.
“Oh, you are awake,” he whispered.
She nodded, running her soft cheek over his bare skin. “I was just closing my eyes.”
“Why were you laughing?”
She propped herself up and hung straight over his face. “I was just thinking about you.”
He furrowed his brow. “And you were laughing at me?”
“It was more of a laugh about myself. And how awkward I must be when I kiss you.”
Hale caressed the underside of her lower lip with his finger. “Maybe you need a little more practice.”
Within the next moment, their lips were together once again. Pandora didn’t like to waste time, he supposed. Hale wasn’t about to complain. Her touch was all he wanted. And he was starting to believe she had caught on to that fact.
Pandora surprised him with the passion in each kiss she rewarded him with. She certainly didn’t need practice. No one could compete with her in his mind because she left him breathless at every slight touch. Hale was clueless why she affected him so, but what he did know was that she was the first who made him feel something more than lust.
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Love? It couldn’t be. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He didn’t want to have anything to do with love, which in the past had only been a source of pain. But what other word could describe what he was feeling for her.
He found himself wishing to hold her forever and wanting to protect her. Protecting those he cared for was in his nature. And though the feeling was instinctive, he hated it... because he knew he would fail. He wasn’t even sure he could protect her from himself. He couldn’t take failing Pandora because, in spite of who he was, she loved him.
He felt her lips drift away from his, and when he opened his eyes, he found her staring pityingly at him. Her sparkling eyes held his attention and left him trembling.
“What’s wrong?” Pandora asked, tracing his shoulder with her fingertips.
Hale sighed. “Nothing.” He drew her back to him. “Please, let’s not talk right now.”
A little smile appeared on her face. “Hey, just want to make sure you’re okay. If something is bothering you, I’m here to listen. You’re doing so much to help me. It’s the least I can do for you.”
“Talking doesn’t help as much as you think,” he muttered.
“It’s just... all of the sudden you were hesitating.”
He was astounded by her ability to read him.“It’s not because of you. It’s other things. Talking about them would ruin the moment.”
“So, something is bothering you?”
Hale clasped her hands between his. “It’s nothing new. And nothing you need to worry about.”
She pouted her lips. “Ok....”
Her lips, so perfect in his eyes, attracted his attention, and enticed him with their fullness. She could offer him another temporary escape from his troubles. So, he moved closer to her lips to indicate what he wanted, waiting for her to fill the space between them.
She nearly did but held back.
“Please,” he whispered.
“Are you sure there’s nothing you want to say? I want you to be more than just ok, Hale. I care about you.”
Hale shivered, though he had never felt warmer. He close his eyes to entrap his tears.
“Hale?” She ran her delicate fingers through his hair.
A sharp pain pounded inside his heart. It was a type pain he knew all too well because it could only be caused by guilt. “Stop!” Hale cried out softly. He pushed her hand back.
She pushed herself up, resting on the lower half of his torso. “I didn’t do anything.” Her voice was cold.
“I don’t deserve it,” he muttered. “Don’t say that you care about me.”
She held each of his hands. “What do you mean?”
He opened his eyes and felt hot tears stream down his face. “You said you care about me. But y-you shouldn’t. Not this much.”
“Of course I should. Why are you saying this? Do you really not want me after all?” Her voice wavered, though she kept a straight face.
“Why do you always go there? You know I want you,” Hale groaned.
She shook her head. “It’s because I don’t know that. You give mixed signals. You say yes, but then you hesitate or push me away, which makes me doubt. And then you told me to stop. How am I supposed to react to that?”
He gripped her hands tighter. “It’s not your fault. It’s all me. I do want this. But I’ve never had such an emotional attachment with any of my other relationships. You’re always reminding me of how much you care about me. And it makes me feel so good.”
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Her smile returned. “It’s supposed to. And you do deserve it. Here, you aren’t doing anything wrong or breaking laws.” She looked up at him and with assuredness said, “I want you too.”
Hale released her hands and slowly maneuvered out from under her. He situated himself at the end of the sofa and pulled her into his arms again. “It’s just I have literally every reason in the galaxy reminding me that you’re too good for me. And that I’m defiling you by just being around you. That’s what I feel sometimes. Especially, when you say nice things to me.”
“I don’t care about any of that. I’m not some pure-minded, delicate flower, Hale!” Pandora exclaimed. “Please don’t see me like that. I make mistakes and hurt people like everyone else does. Don’t put me on a pedestal.”
Hale leaned his head on top of hers. “I can’t help it. You always remind me of everything good, everything I’m not. Everything I’ll never be. How can you want someone like me? It doesn’t even make sense.”
Pandora faced him directly and put both her hands around on the edges of his jawline. “You aren’t perfect. But you helped me when I needed it. And you’ve never ordered me around. You’ve always encouraged me to make my own choices. I’ve never had a man in my life who’s done that for me. Not even my father.” She sniffed as tears collected in her eyes. “And I love the way you look at me. You make me feel so beautiful.”
Hale remained completely silent, with everything he wanted to tell her twisting in his mind. He was so afraid to speak, fearing that he wouldn’t accurately say what was in his heart.
He loved her. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. But he wasn’t ready to tell her. And he didn’t believe she was ready to hear it.
I love you was the only sentence on his tongue. If he were to speak, that’s all he would be able to say. So he decided to keep silent.
And instead... he kissed her. He attempted to reflect everything he was feeling in a slow, passionate kiss. He felt her relax almost instantly. And she released a wispy sigh of satisfaction, motivating him to touch her, every inch of her. But he resisted his impulses because truly what he wanted was her love.
After a few minutes, it seemed to him that Pandora inched her hands down his neck, his chest, and his abs. She stopped when she reached his belt buckle. She sighed and ended the kiss. Hale opened his eyes, and she was staring at him hungrily.
“We can’t,” he said firmly, regaining himself.
Pandora didn’t change her position. “That’s what you always say. But that’s not what you want.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “It’s— it’s not a good idea. Not yet. It wouldn’t be right. It’s way too soon.”
Pandora moved off of him and distanced herself from him. “You’re right.” She covered her face with her hands.
Hale sat up and moved beside her. He reached for her hand and caressed it with his lips. “I’m not ready to take the next step yet. If I hadn’t said something, if we went further, I think I’d be ruining our chances for something less temporary. I’m not in a rush anymore.”
She clenched her fists hard, squeezing his hand. “I don't want to lose you. I guess I need validation.”
“You’re not going to lose me that easily. I hope. But I can’t go there, not with you.”
She looked up at him her eyes filled with tears. “Never? Hale, please, no.”
“No, I didn’t say never. I meant that we need to take our time.”
Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.
“It’s not a no. But you’ll probably be thankful five or more years from now when you look back at your life if you don’t waste your time on me. You deserve a man who lives a good, honest life like you do.”
She frowned. “I don’t want anyone else, Hale.”
“And you’re the only one I want. But we shouldn’t rush. You know that. And I can tell you that rushing us will ruin whatever good we have and will have in the future.”
Pandora rested her head on his shoulder and hugged his neck. “Are you sure we would be rushing things? Haven’t we waited long enough. I’m having trouble caring about doing what’s right in this moment.”
“The physical side of a relationship wears off fast if that’s all there is. And all you’re left with is painful regrets. I don’t want you to know what that’s like.”
Her crying had stopped, and her breathing had returned to a relaxed state. Her head still rested on his shoulder, and her voice was silent.
Hale stroked her back. “Say something, please?”
She sighed slowly. “I feel ashamed for pressuring you.”
“Don’t. That wasn’t my intention.”
“I know. I just let my emotions loose. And that can be a dangerous thing. Other men wouldn’t have said no. But you did. And you protected me. Even from myself. Can’t you see why I want to be with you?”
* * * *
Zaya couldn’t express how thankful she was that Hale had locked her in one of the other rooms inside the suite. She had to admit that was a strange thing to appreciate. But being in a darkened room with her hands and feet bound with unbreakable cuffs was more appealing than being in the same space as them.
Affectionate was an understatement when describing the way Hale interacted with Pandora. And it disgusted her for too many reasons to count. The first was that they hadn’t known each other for that long, not that that ever stopped Hale. The second was that Pandora should have known better than to fall for him that easily.
Was she so mesmerized by Hale’s structure and gorgeous face that she was too blind to see that he was manipulating her? Zaya knew she couldn’t judge Pandora truly, for Zaya too was once drawn to his magnetic force. And Zaya had gone much further with him. Pandora probably didn’t have as many experiences dealing with men like Zaya did. So, she really couldn’t judge Pandora at all.
Having been present when Hale first laid eyes on Pandora, Zaya wasn’t shocked that they were together now. Hale almost always got his way.
While Zaya was lying on the floor, she felt vibrations coming from the other side of the door. The sound of footsteps followed. The lock mechanism released, and the door slid into the wall. She looked up to find Hale standing in the threshold.
“Get out!” Zaya shouted.
Hale laughed. “I don’t think you want me to leave you here. Especially, since I’m about to get off this planet in your ship.”
“If I wasn’t bound up, I would beat you to the ground,” she snarled.
He crossed his arms. “As fun as that sounds, like you said, you’re ‘bound up.’ And your ship is waiting for me. So do you want to come or not?”
She scoffed. “Starvation and isolation. Or you and Pandora in my ship. I need a long time to think about that.”
Hale tapped his foot impatiently. “Very funny.”
“Obviously, I have to go with you. I want to make sure that you take care of my ship because it’s going to be mine again once I break out of these cuffs.”
“Right. Good luck with that.” Hale kneeled on the ground and picked Zaya up in his arms.
“You sure your pretty princess won’t mind you’re carrying me?” Zaya teased, hoping to provoke him. “Are you sure she won’t be jealous?”
“I don’t think she’s the jealous type like you are,” Hale said, grinning.
Zaya squirmed. “You’re not worth jealousy.”
“Says the jealous woman,” Hale replied smugly.
She growled. “Shut up, you bastard! You just think all the worlds revolve around you.”
“I think you’re confusing me with yourself,” Hale muttered.
He carried her into the living room where Pandora was laying out on the sofa. She closed up her robe tighter when she noticed Zaya in Hale’s arms.
“She agreed to come?” Pandora asked.
“Apparently,” he replied.
Pandora stood up from the couch. “Well, I guess I’ll go get dressed.”
Zaya could feel Hale’s heartbeat increasing as he looked over Pandora’s delicate curves.
“Wait,” Hale said. He walked up to her.
Pandora twisted a sliver of her lavender hair between her fingers in anticipation. “What?”
Hale abandoned Zaya on the couch and then fell into Pandora’s arms. He slid his hands slowly around her hips, as he kissed her.
Zaya had never seen him be quite so gentle before. She had never seen or felt him give an innocent kiss out of love. But that’s what she was seeing between him and Pandora.
A minute had passed before they broke away. Hale’s smile was almost as wide as Pandora’s. Zaya couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him smile.
“Can we get a move on!” Zaya seethed.
Pandora started walking towards her bedroom. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Zaya wrinkled her nose. Their flirting was already annoying her.
Hale sat beside her. “What?”
“It’s gross.”
His smile fell immediately. “I don’t care what you think.”
“When are you going to stop leading her on?” Zaya smiled darkly before continuing. “That’s a stupid question. The answer is so obvious because you have a pattern.”
“And that would be?”
“You need me to tell you?” Zaya shook her head. “You’ll make her feel special so that she throws herself under you. And then once you’ve satisfied yourself, you push her away. And it’s onto someone else.”
Hale hung his head, not in anger, in shame. If Zaya could see his eyes, she knew she would have found guilt within them. “Most of the time, yes. But not with her. You wouldn’t get it though.”
“What do you want from her other than the obvious?” Zaya asked.
He looked up at the ceiling. “Something real.”
She broke out laughing. “Real? Are you high?”
“What, Zaya?”
She laughed harder. “You don’t say stuff like that!”
Abruptly, Hale stood to his feet. “Could you just shut up? I don’t have to talk about this with you. We’re not even business partners anymore.”
“What is it about her?”
Zaya saw him shiver and noticed the hairs on his arms rise. Why was Hale, who usually made a point to appear stoic, suddenly afraid to such an extent that it was visible in his eyes? He hid his shaking hands within his pockets. She actually felt sorry for him and was drawn to him so that she could console him with an embrace. But her feet and hands were cuffed so she couldn’t push herself to stand up. And she was thankful because she hated herself for wanting to comfort him, even if for just a moment.
“What is it, Hale?” Zaya demanded.
He looked down at Zaya, as if he needed to answer that question, not for her but for himself. “I—I love... her.”
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