《The book of forever》Chapter 4.1: The path of love is riddled with walls
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If the path was open, and and e'er free; In heart and in mind, both in sanctity, oh how easy would that be, ever free? Oh how easy would that be, unshackled.
The path that binds me to my beating heart, beating confusedly from the ver' start. How far does it plan to take me, how far? The walls traced and built from my very scars.
Obstruction and obstruction block my view. Preventing me from seeing my own self. Contorting my own sense of right or wrong. Telling me that I've been unjustly wronged.
Yet again and again I plead 'not true!', my insecurities ringing me blue.
This path obscured and confusingly dark, no end in sight, security in heart. This path ever so confusing to me, the more I learn, the less I really see.
My heart has posted signs, where not to go. And now every step brings up a red flag. But the biggest flag of all, myself.
I don't see at times how anyone else... can love me? as flawed I currently am.
I am so desperately scared that I am.
'unlovable'
is that all I will be? When they look at me what will they real' see?
A joke? A fool? A jester in a dress?
A bore? A chore? Dry as the very dead?
When I see the mirror, see someone else. When I see the mirror, can't see myself.
My insecurities, they bubble up. Without warning, without provocation, they stab at my very beating heart. Following along from the very start.
The more I learn, the less I really see. Blocking myself up, insecurities. From a wall made to protect my weak heart, to a wall trapping my very blind eyes, to a whisper to myself, all... some... lies.
I dream of a happy time by the light, when we can laugh, sing, smile. None in sight.
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A lantern sent to the sky with prayer, a lantern sent over these self made walls. A lantern set alight by my soft hopes. Hopes I'll hold onto, regardless of all.
All the past worries, all the salty tears, all the time worn fears. I want to hear once... that 'I am still here...'
My past holds me back, will it still be so... If I push on through the walls, where I go...
'who knows?'
Maybe to the meadow of love.
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