It’s raining with bitter tears in SolHi’s soul while she’s sitting on one of the big rocks on the beach and sadness can be read in her eyes while she’s hugging her knees to her chest, looking at the sea that is dancing with its milky waves.

A barely heard sigh suddenly was heard coming out of her chest and this was a good sign because after such a sigh she generally starts to feel again the sweet taste of life. Then she suddenly smiled with sadness and she released her hair from the ponytail because the wind was playful that night and it was doing everything to mess with her hair and the last thing SolHi wanted was to take care of the hair too.

She winced when DooSan put his jacket on her shoulders and he sat down next to her: SolHi didn’t expect to see him there and especially to be found because this place on the rocks is her secret hideout and only a few of the locals know about it and for a stranger as DooSan was for these places it was almost impossible to find out where it is.

„How did you find me?” she asked him amazed and her question made DooSan smile. „Oh, this smile… Don’t tell me that coming here and spending only one day around here you feel like if you are home?”

„Let’s say that this is not the first time I came here,” and these words amazed SolHi so much. „YuSan loved these places! A lot! I came here once: with him. It was probably a few months before his death.”

For a few moments, silence took over them while both were listening to the scream of a lonely seagull that was „caught” by night about the waters. „I didn’t know that prosecutor Han YuSan loved the sea,” SolHi eventually asked without watching at the man that was sitting next to her and who was looking as if he was completely immersed in thoughts.

DooSan didn’t say anything for minutes in a row after listening to SolHi’s words. Then, he took out of his pocket the cellphone and showed her a photo of him and YuSan which they had taken on the same rocks they were sitting on at that moment. „You aren’t the only one who considered these rocks his hideout. YuSan also loved to spend time here. A lot. I remember that he told me that he saw these rocks by chance when he came here for an investigation and that he felt here at home right from the beginning. He also couldn’t explain the reason why he felt like this, but these places and especially the sea were so familiar and so dear for him.”

„What really surprises me is the fact that even if he was here, he never told me about this. Well, not that we were so close or friends, but still…”

„Maybe YuSan didn’t know that this is your hometown.”

„He knew,” and her answer amazed DooSan this time, who watched her confused. „He saw the name of this village in the file we let with the police when my student filed a complaint to the police about the rape she suffered. Actually, prosecutor Han emphasized the name of this village, but when I asked him wherefrom, he knows this place he simply changed the subject of talk.”

„And this is weird. From what I know YuSan hadn’t why to hide the fact that he knows this village.”

„Or, maybe he had a reason, but he never told you about this. Anyway, DooSan, why had you been here then? Did prosecutor Han YuSan look for something in particular here?”

„No. It wasn’t for work when he came. Just: he felt deserted. The matter is that YuSan was about to get married, but a few months before his death his marriage and his engagement just … vanished… like a castle made from playing cards. His fiancee was also working as a prosecutor.”

„Why did they break up?”

„Well, this is an event I don’t want to talk about.” Saying this, DooSan frowned as if bad memories came over him trying to kneel him again. After minutes in a row of silence, he asked: „SolHi, may I ask you a personal question?”

SolHi deeply breathed in. She didn’t know why, but she was afraid of what DooSan could ask: there are things that she prefers not to talk about because there are also memories she wants to forget, to simply erase them as if they never existed, but which were so stubborn and all the time were returning to her and those memories were taking again over her when she was starting to feel a little bit happy, to enjoy life as if they were there the remind her that she hasn’t the right to be happy.

„SolHi?” DooSan called her in half a voice, but even so, she winced again, listening to him and she watched him in silence. Then, she shook nodded, allowing him to ask. „If you don’t want to talk, I won’t insist.”

„No. This is not a problem: to answer. I just … It’s hard for me to talk … sometimes … about what I lived.”

„Don’t worry. I don’t want to ask you about YuSan.”

„No? Then about what?”

„About your mother. Why don’t you put her in a hospital? It’s obvious you can’t handle this anymore and the lady that helps you with her is already old and cannot help you that much.”

„Maybe you are right, but… I’m afraid.”

„Afraid? Of what?”

„Of loneliness,” and her eyes filled again with tears. „Even if those, who hear me saying this, think that I’m crazy to say that I’ll feel even more deserted if my mother isn’t with me, even if she never loved me or showed me that she cares about me, knowing that she’s here and that I still have a place to come back and to call „at home” gives me strength to stand up and to move on. Actually, only for her, I fought to survive 7 years ago and I started my life again: she needs me and I cannot collapse while she’s here.”

„What about you, SolHi? Who’ll take care of you?”

DooSan’s question made her slowly shudder because she never thought about this. She was used, since little kid, to take care of herself and of others, but she never learned to ask somebody else for help: simply she didn't know-how. And now, hearing that she also has the right to be happy and to enjoy when someone takes care of her, was something that her tired mind wasn’t ready to accept as something normal. „I … probably I don’t have the right to be happy,” and she watched again in the distance.

„Is it because of what happened 7 years ago and that it reminds you about …”

„No. Simply, I feel that I don’t deserve more than I have now. Simply this isn’t for me to feel that I can count on somebody else. You know, I’m used to taking care of my mother and of me. I probably couldn’t count on someone’s help. This is something beyond me.”

„It’s a shame you think this way. Sometimes you need freedom and being aware that someone is on your side is something that you can fully enjoy.”

„And … do you think I never tried? To enjoy life… to ask for help” she said in a half a voice while forcing not to burst to cry and her breath was heard like something very weak. „I tried, but this life … again and again … shows up in front of me and reminds me that I don’t have rights … that I must accept be lonely, pointed by other with the finger, humiliated and … with no rights of asking for more. I think this is the reason for what happened to me, 7 years ago: a punishment for feeling then that I can breathe. You know: a few weeks before that incident, I told myself - ya, Ian SolHi, this is how life feels. You also have the right to be happy. But it was just a lie: my past turned back and told me - no, Ian SolHi, you cannot dream about this. Because you dared to be happy, even if it was only for a second, but even so we’ll take more from you and then this life took my…” she suddenly kept silent, understanding that she said much more than she should say because for an unknown reason she doesn’t want DooSan to know about the child she lost that night. And she did this because she was afraid to see pity in his eyes. She doesn’t want this from him, she wants more, but she’s afraid to ask him about this because she feels that she doesn’t deserve him, especially after being the one he hated so much all these years and that he considered her as being the killer of his brother. „I think you should leave,” she said, and, standing up, she intended to go. Suddenly, DooSan grabbed her hand, forcing her to stay.

Standing up, DooSan continued to hold her hand. „And … for how long will you continue to run of this fate?”

„What? To run off? Han DooSan, I’m not running. I just accept and that’s all.”

„Then you deserve what is happening to you,” he said with reproach in his voice, and, taking his jacket from below, he put it again on SolHi’s shoulders and left the beach.

SolHi looked behind him and for the first time since she knows him, she felt that she was afraid of losing him, even if he never was hers.

***

DooSan walks at a slow step onto the country path that leads toward SolHi’s house. This slow walk isn’t due to thoughts that were taking over him after his talk with SolHi, but because he was waiting for her to change her mind and to follow him.

He looked back, but SolHi wasn’t there, coming after him, and he grimaced. „She doesn’t want to follow me, huh? Well, Ian SolHi, you are even more stubborn than a donkey and I think I told you this already. But, it’s up to you if you want to spend your life in this … place.”

Suddenly he stopped and kicked a stone he saw in front. Then, he turned back and looked again toward the beach, but not seeing her coming, made him hiss through the nostrils and he started to walk toward the same place wherefrom he came. After a few steps taken in front, he turned around and lead in the opposite direction, seeing SolHi coming after him. But his steps were slower and slower. Even so, SolHi wasn’t hurrying to approach him and this forced him in the end to stop and to wait for her, even if he didn’t watch her. When she got by his side he started again to walk, but he was pretending to be upset.

However, SolHi said nothing and this silence made him stare at her and wonder what she’s made of. In the end, he whispered: „Don’t get it wrong. I … wasn’t waiting for you. I just … I was enjoying the view.” Her smile instead made him smile too. „Is this that obvious?”

„What exactly?”

„That I can’t lie.”

„And not only this.” DooSan grimaced: he disliked the hint because it wasn’t what he was expecting of her. „Don’t worry,” she said. „I wasn’t trying to seduce you. I just … think that you are a damn good boss if you wait for your employees when is night.”

DooSan stopped. „Does it mean you are back?”

„Who knows?! Maybe yes. Maybe no.” SolHi smiled and she started to walk faster, forcing him to hurry after her.

„And … what can convince you to come back?”

„A payment raise?”

„As if I decide this. You know that…”

„I know. I know. Don’t worry: I was just trying to tease you, nothing more. Oh, God, I forgot you are a turkey that when is upset pipes up.”

DooSan suddenly grimaced. „I didn’t hear this for such a long time. But … anyway, maybe I cannot raise your salary, but … I know something that can convince you to turn back.”

„Something like?”

„Do you remember whose car we took care of when you had been slapped, but you didn’t deserve it?”

„San DuSik? What has he to do in this?”

„Let’s say that I just caught the mouse while looking for cheese and I mean here that you had been his cheese. And what happened to you after this … in front of my flat … after the night when you and me…”

SolHi hissed. „As if a big deal happened then. You are the one who said that we only slept and not even held hands. Actually, it had been probably 2 meters between us even if we were in the same bed.”

„And why did I try to be a saint then?! And I also have the feeling that you are reproaching me this,” DooSan mumbled upset and his hint made SolHi try to hit his ankle, but DooSan was used to such habits from her because not only once, being upset with him, she hit his leg, and he just jumped aside, avoiding her hit this time. „Don’t get me wrong. I meant that I should have spent that night on the sofa and not in the bed with you… and…”

„Ya, forget about this and tell me about San DuSik: how did you find out that he’s the one who ordered my attack?”

„Well, he didn’t do this alone. You also know the other rat: Nam Jin Guk.”

„The journalist? Of course, I know him. As well as you, actually, because you weren’t late to tell him about us. How was there: „what? Did I kiss then a woman or what? I won’t do this again even if my life depends on this.”

„He told you!”

„He told me?! No, honey, he showed me and I heard it: a nice audio record of your voice. You know, I regretted it so much not seeing your face while you said those words. I’m sure you were pretty happy saying this.”

„Me? Happy? When?” DooSan stammered. „I think you…”

„Forget it and move … once… I don’t want to get late at work tomorrow morning because of you!” SolHi turned her back to him and hurried up. Her reaction made DooSan happy.

„If I knew that this can make you turn back that easily I would have told you this right from the beginning,” he mumbled happily and ran after SolHi who was already far away from him.

***

The door of Sinha's room slowly opened and SolHi approached the bed where her mother was sweetly sleeping while holding at her chest a small doll wearing a white dress.

After covering her with the duvet, SolHi sat down next to her and caressed her mother’s hair. Her touch made the woman move in her sleep, but she didn’t awake … she just grabbed SolHi’s hand and laid her head on her palm.

SolHi quickly wiped a running tear on her cheek and smiled and she does this all the time her mother repeats these actions: holding her hand to her chest or laying her head on her palm, but even if this seems so little thing, for SolHi it is a sign that her mother loves her. Then, she stretched the other hand and caressed her mother’s hair, whispering: „mother, please give birth to me, once again, but let me be your mother next time and to show you what love means or if I am your child again … just tell me that you love me and that I am your sweet daughter, at least from time to time.”

Forcing not to burst to cry, SolHi touched her forehead to her mother’s arm and she stood like this for minutes in a row, as if she tried to fill herself with power and maternal love because she has to leave again this house and face life.

When SolHi left the room, SinHa stood in a sitting position and looked at the closed door. Her eyes are sad while her hand is caressing the doll's hair as if she caressed SolHi and she later whispered: „forgive me, SolHi! I wish that I could turn back the wheel of life and change the past, but we both know that this is impossible. Just … forget what you lived by my side and live your life, even if this means you hate me.”

Holding the doll to her chest, SinHa laid again and closed her eyes, forcing to chase away that weird feeling she felt in her chest every time she’s aware because these moments of clearness are fewer and fewer and she’s forced to live in a dark world, even darker than her past was.

***

DooSan is next to his car parked in front of the yard. Looking at the house he sees SolHi exiting SinHa’s room and then she looked in the distance at the sea seen not that far from them. DooSan looked in the same direction, but he saw nothing.

SolHi is fighting with her feelings in fact at that moment because on one side she wants to turn back to Seoul and to continue her work because she started to love what she’s doing as a detective, but on the other: here she feels at home, despite all these bad events that happen to her each time SinHa has a crisis and mistakes SolHi with one of many mistresses her husband had in the past.

But, SolHi decided in the end to follow DooSan and she decided it after talking to Yu Min, still being on the fishing boat: „Don’t even think about it, SolHi! I mean to stay here! Go back! Your entire life is there.”

„But, Yu Min … you know very well what happened there and that…”

„And… will you always run of the past? Do you think that closing yourself in this place forgotten by the world will make you feel better? That you’ll be happy? That your past won’t find you?”

„Maybe not, but… yet, being home…”

„This is not your home, SolHi. It wasn't ever your home. The fact that you were born here and forced to suffer a lot during your childhood does not mean that here is your home.”

„And yet, for me this place is at home as the sea that surrounds us is my friend.”

„You and your great dreams. I am your friend; do you hear me? I and not the sea and only because of this you must listen to me and go back. More than this, the work on this fishing boat is mine and while you are here, I’m not earning anything. So, get lost of here!”

SolHi smiled. „I thought you love to work together.”

„Well, I won’t deny the fact that with you here is funny, but … work is work and friendship is friendship, and … SolHi, you mustn’t burry here, on this fishing boat. Go there where others can see what you can do and recognize how worthy you are. And … you need money. Your mother's illness isn’t cheap and, working here, won’t be enough to pay for everything she breaks or for her medicine. You know this better than me. So, think of what I told you and … make the right choice.”

Yu Min touched her shoulder and, grabbing a box with fish, moved away from her because the boat was quickly approaching the docks and he must work even if there is a big storm in his soul: he wants SolHi here, by his side, for an entire life, but he also knows how much she suffered here and that she has a lot of painful memories while she’s here and … he loves her. Only for this, he’s able to leave her to go, even if it means losing her again.

After Yu Min’s leaving, SolHi supported her hands on the rails and watched the water that was slowly hitting the boat, quickly moved by the boat engine and this made SolHi melancholically and slowly sigh because her life was similar to that boat which was fighting with the sea to keep floating while the time was rushing passing by.

***

DooSan stopped the car not that far from SolHi’s house and looked at her while SolHi was asleep on the side of the passenger. Her face turned to him, seemed so calm at that moment and she looks like an innocent child who hasn’t to think about tomorrow.

The man smiled, watching her. Then he took off his seatbelt and continued to watch her and to be amazed about how beautiful she can be, despite all those bad things that happened to her in time.

Suddenly, SolHi frowned as if she had a nightmare. He stretched his hand and touched her forehead and his slight touch made SolHi sigh again, but she relaxed her forehead and squatted on her chair when she felt DooSan’s hand taking off her safety belt and letting her free. Then, he covered her with his jacket and continued to watch her, but he smiled hearing her murmuring in her sleep: „it smells lavender and … is so warm and pleasant.”