Shawna ran. She kept running, she would die if she didn’t. It was after her, she knew it. Its breath ran down her back, washing her with the smell of her own death. Adlai, pushing Averi, leaped through the hole in the cavern, into safety. Shawna pushed herself again, her legs aching. She leapt, and she fell. Her head slammed against the wet stone, and she lay still, holding back a sob.

It saw her. She knew it. It was there, hovering over her, breathing. Her muscles literally frozen in fear, her mind was blank. She was going to die. A reverberating growl filled the air, and she felt it move in front of her. She looked up to see its eyes, something deeply ecstatic behind unblinking an unblinking stare. She screamed as it bit into her arm, and everything went black.

She wanted to go home.

She woke up in a cave smelling of rot. Her arm woke her up, burning with pain. She bit her tongue as she rose, the pain ripping her thoughts apart. She stood, black spots in her vision, her breathing shallow. The cave was quiet except for the sound of some sort of alien whimpering quietly. Shawna searched the cave for the noise, trying to breathe deeply and not pass out. She realized she was the one whimpering.

The hunter kept trophies. Shawna held a hand over her own mouth, trying to resist the urge to throw up, staring at the mound of human corpses. Her stomach heaved again, a small gurgle escaping her throat. The freshest one was still bleeding, the woman reaching towards light. Not that there was much to reach with, shredded bone erupting out of what remained of her arm. The colonist’s face was set in a permanent grimace, eyes narrowed. Shawna held back another bout of vomiting.

She never knew that you could get used to the smell of blood; push past the expressions of fear, rage, and surprise on a dead person’s face. She pulled another corpse down, its hand coming apart in her grip. The mound reaching to the light was growing. A grotesque tower reaching to freedom, to her escape. Another corpse was dragged down by her.

She saw the badge first.

“Shawna!”

“Shawna, wake up, come on!”

Shawna woke with a start, two faces staring down at her. Averi stared at her with annoyed eyes, Adlai’s were filled with worry.

“Are you okay?” Adlai said.

“You were screaming something about your parents?” Averi pushed a strand of hair out of her face.

“I’m fine.” Adlai took his hands off her shoulders. She found herself somewhere between wanting to rip his arms out of the sockets and wishing he was still touching her. The wound ached as she doggedly pushed herself off the ground.

“Well, since we’re all awake now, let’s keep on moving.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

“Averi.”

“What? I was just asking. I think I have a right to ask someone who was screaming in their sleep what they were dreaming about, especially if that screaming wakes someone up.”

“Not the time.”

Shawna barely had the energy to even get mad at Averi. She felt drained, like her dreams had been sucking out whatever stamina she still had left in her. The nightmares never stopped, not after what had happened. Not after she’d found them. As she helped pack up the camp site, she did her best to hold back the thoughts of them in her head. It didn’t do much but make her think about them more.

“I found the thing!” Averi waved at the other two survivors, a good distance ahead. The caverns were opening up again and growing more lush, signs of abundant food and water. They were steadily getting darker too, less and less light shone from the cracks in the cave ceiling. Shawna found herself staring at an unassuming radio. Averi picked it up as if she was cradling a prized jewel.

Adlai gestured to the radio. “D’ya think it’ll work?”

“I’ve gotta open it up first, then we’ll know.”

Using a flat rock, the red-haired girl slowly unscrewed the durable casing, exposing a mess of electronic guts. Shawna sat down heavily. The lack of sleep was starting to get to her. Her leaden eyelids threatened to close as she tried to focus on the radio.

“Shawna? Shawna. Shawna!” Adlai was shouting.

“Huh?”

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go look for some food, but you look exhausted.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean? You think I can’t find food?”

“No, you look tired. Just rest for a bit.”

“I’ll get the food.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Are you gonna stop me?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll beat your ass a third time.”

Averi looked up from the radio, her eyes flinty. “I will hit you over the head with a rock again. You want me to do it a second time?”

Shawna jabbed a finger into Adlai’s almost painfully thin figure. “Tell him not to get in my way!”

She saw a flash of anger in his eyes, but that quickly gave way to calm. “Shawna, please. You don’t look good, you look sick.”

“I’M NOT SICK! I’M FINE.”

The flicker of annoyance was back. “Alright, prove it. Fight me.”

“What?”

“You heard me, fight me.”

“Are you crazy?”

“You were wanting to do this, weren’t you?”

Shawna raised her fists, a slight smile on her face. “You’re not wrong.”

She wound up on the ground again, the wind completely knocked out of her. Her lip was split, and she was completely exhausted. Adlai stood over her, reaching out a hand. She slapped it away. Averi sat on a rock, still working with the new radio. She raised her fists again, edging closer to Adlai. To her credit, Adlai wasn’t exactly unscathed either; there were the start of bruises forming on his arms. They started to circle each other again. She threw a punch and found herself on the ground again.

At that point, Shawna gave up. Arms flopping to the side, she exhaled heavily, staring at the obscured sky. She just felt empty again.

Adlai stood over her, a look of concern on his face. “Are you okay?”

Shawna didn’t respond.

Averi butted in. “She’s just sad you beat her a bunch.”

“Averi. Seriously.”

“What? Don’t look at me like that! I can say what I want.”

Curiously, she didn’t feel angry. She just felt indifferent. Nothing really mattered anymore. That earlier visceral spurt of rage was a rare flowering of strong emotion. To lay on the ground and just think was all she wanted. It was as if her brain had lagged behind her eyes, her ears, her nose, her mouth. Things were happening, and she couldn’t bring herself to react. Like a swimmer being carried by the current, Shawna felt like she was being dragged around by the universe.

The fire flickered calmly, lapping at the fresh fuel Adlai had tossed in. The momentary rain of glowing embers faded to dark. Averi was asleep, the two gutted radios lying next to her. Shawna stared into the fire, its dull warmth flooding her face. Adlai sat down next to her, out of arm’s reach.

“Do you want to talk?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

She snuck a look at Adlai, his own skin bathed in the dancing light of the fire. His face was indifferent, although she guessed he was feeling anything but. Surprisingly, she didn’t mind him sitting next to her. Despite everything, it was nice to have company. Even from him.

“Can I ask what happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” His voice was gentle.

“I don’t know if I want to talk about it.”

“Alright.”

Her mind fell back to when she was sick. The memories of what happened had intermixed with memories of him. Adlai giving her water, Adlai fighting the fever, Adlai feeding her. She closed her eyes, mind filled with images of them. They were the ones who caused this, and they had been her motivation. Without them, she was nothing.

Shawna reached a shaking hand towards the badge, hanging from a deteriorating coat. “Alexis”. She stepped back, breathing heavily. There was no way. Shawna stared at the corpse, hoping for some sign of life. Gritting her teeth, she stepped forward. Her hands shook as she pulled the other corpses off of the dead researcher. She was sobbing again. The carcass was missing its legs, the lower part of the coat stained a rusty brown.

Shawna put the researcher down in some sort of sitting position. She had stopped crying at this point, tears replaced by tiny breaths. The face was dried, but preserved the poor researcher’s last emotions. A pure expression of shock and fear. She reached a shaking hand towards her mother’s face. Alexis had told her she would come back for her, eventually. She wouldn’t be coming back. The woman she once called mom was dead.

She wasn’t supposed to be dead. For years, Shawna had planned out this moment. She would arrive on the planet her parents had

left her for, and she would revel in their shock and awe at her arrival. They would beg for her forgiveness, apologize for their misdeeds. Shawna had waited so long for this moment, to see her parents again. For them to want her again. The dead wanted for nothing.

Shawna stayed next to her mom for what seemed like an eternity. Her dad was in the corner, or rather what was left of him. She did her best not to look in that corner. Her mothers eyes were dry and lifeless now. The body was cold and held no mass, and more importantly no life. What was the point now? It was his fault, wasn’t it. It was! Adlai had ruined everything. He left her for the hunter. A small part of her knew this wasn’t true, but she grasped at this small hope, something to give her a reason to be. She did her best to ignore that growing feeling of emptiness.

While she was gone, she had stewed in those feelings, her whole being immersed in that hatred. The base of it was weak but it was something she could hold onto, something tangible. Now that she was here with him, that hatred fell to pieces. Now what?

She closed her eyes, shaking away those memories. That sensation of nothing had grown to where it was now. It was like being a puppet, guided only by wanting to eat, drink, and sleep.

“Adlai?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you…keep going?”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess what makes you want to be here. What stops you from just giving up?”

Adlai stared at the fire again. “You and Averi. If I give up, something could happen to you two. When we lost you, I felt horrible. The only thing that kept me from giving up was Averi. I still had her, and I needed to keep her alive.”

Why do you care about me so much? I understand why you’d care about Averi, but I’m no one to you. You barely know me.”

Adlai paused for a second. “You’re worth caring about. I like you- I mean, not like that. Just- I like you.”

Shawna stayed quiet. She wanted to think. Her feelings were confusing as always, but there was a new, exciting strand. That gnawing emptiness she felt was touched by the faintest feeling of substance.