Maybe Edward Linden wasn’t the brightest bulb in the lightshow, but at least He was only moderately lazy throughout his whole life.

His answer to ages old question whether He would like to wake up in a body of a younger himself, was inconclusive. Answer to whether He would like to wake up in a body of a younger random person? That one was furiously negative. Why?

His moderate efforts He poured into most things in his life left him quite satisfied with what He had, and having a headstart over his peers wouldn’t be worth losing everything.

Well, maybe not everything, but the physical strength acquired through training and farm work would vanish, as well as his possessions, and not-so-child-friendly hobbies.

And those wouldn’t even be Ed’s main problem if He woke up as a kid in a 3rd world country, or in a warzone. All his accumulated knowledge would probably only be useful for feeling better quality despair. So no, Ed Linden would rather stay as He was, thank you very much.

But life always finds a way. To screw us over, under and from every possible angle.

*

Edward woke up refreshed. He tried to see something, but it was so dark that he was unable to see his furniture, and even the ceiling looked unusually distant.

Weird. Ed normally either woke up around 10am, or groggy and useless. Never both. He looked down, and discovered He was covered with what seemed like a relatively thin blanket, completely different from his usual featherbed.

‘Am I really in my own house?’ He thought to himself and immediately tried to get up to find some light switch, or at least his phone. That’s when Ed noticed something so terrifying, He physically winced: He was sleeping in an extremely awkward position. He carefully shifted his legs, slowly pulled out his arm from under his back, and attempted to get up.

“Auauauauuaaa” Edward vocalized as was in his habit, but noticed something unusual.

“It… doesn’t hurt?” Following that revelation, hundreds of possibilities started flashing through his unusually refreshed, yet somewhat panicked brain.

‘Am I finally dead?’ ‘Is this afterlife?’ ‘Am I still sleeping?’ ‘Did I go insane?’ ‘Should mental hospital be that dark?’

He silenced his panicked side, and decided to methodically go through possibilities, like a true scientist should. He didn’t get his degree yet, but that would never stop Ed from pretending to have a rational mind.

In a true scientific manner, Edward pinched himself in the cheek. He immediately felt pain, and smoothness of his skin. Pain should rule out slumber, and probably death. ‘This might be bad’ He thought to himself, as all signs pointed to insanity.

‘Then again, if I’m crazy then it’s no longer my problem.’ He counterpointed his own argument, like a true madman should.

‘Wait, smoothness? Of my skin? What about my sexy facial hair?’ Ed jumped up, only then realizing He was lying on something that felt like a large bedroll, with uneven rock underneath.

“I really need that light” He murmured, but as summoning flashlights fell outside of the range of his abilities, He started touching everything around himself as well as different parts of his body instead, to try and feel where He was, and whether the rest was as smooth as the face.

To Ed’s surprise, it was not only smooth and hairless, but also lacking in his prized muscle, and thin.

It was more like a body of a child, a prepubescent boy. Edward paused, cold sweat started dripping off his nose. He had read enough stories about being thrown into some weird place in a body of a kid, to know that large portion of them belong to gender-bender category.

‘ Is it really “boy”?’ The obvious question showed up in his mind. He moved down to check, and sighed with relief.

“At least you haven’t abandoned me, my brave soldier. As long as we are together, everything will be fine”

As if his voiced belief of everything turning out all right was being affirmed by fate, Edward saw a couple of wavering lights drift into what now looked like a cave of unknown shape and size.

On closer inspection, the lights turned out to be a small group of luminous insects that didn’t retaliate against catching them barehanded, doing which might have been a bit reckless (because of potential venom the insects might have contained), but Ed didn’t care.

Walking around some weird cave with unknown wildlife barefoot without being able to see anything is even more risky, and those bugs had it coming for flying within arms’ reach.

On unrelated side, He noticed that the glowworms were either unusually bright, or that He had better eyesight than usual.

That one would be quickly chalked up to the young body Ed now seemingly resided in.

Edward started to look around and noticed a backpack and several articles of clothing. He also noticed the rest of glowworms sitting on something, so He let go of those in his hands, and observed them joining the rest.

Ed wanted to investigate, but as a true almost modern man, He also didn’t want to walk on cold rock with bare ass and feet, so He grabbed the shirt first, and attempted to wear it. To his disappointment, the shirt turned out to be way too big, so unusually little Ed didn’t bother with pants. He arrived at a conclusion that they would just get in the way, as they seemed to be a set with the shirt.

… Big pants are a frustrating thing. As a child Edward was very thin, to the point of some people getting concerned over His apparent lack of anything except skin and bones…

‘And boy, were hand-me-downs from older siblings a pain in the ass’, Edward remembered trying on a pair of trousers, and trying to walk with them on, except they simply fell off, staying in place while He continued strolling.

‘Those aren’t gonna do me any good’ He concluded, and stopped thinking about useless stuff.

Edward walked very slowly and carefully over to glowworm cluster, and noticed a small lump of something smelly sitting on a flat, oval shaped metal box. The insects were gathered near the lump, so He brightly concluded that it’s probably some firefly attracting mixture, and that it was there for no other reason, than providing him with a makeshift lamp.

He set aside the mixture, (thankfully it didn’t fall apart), and picked up the box. It was neither big, nor heavy, but once Ed opened it, He realized how lucky He was to have been mildly interested in bushcraft.

The box turned out to be a tinderbox and inside, He found a piece of flint, steel, what smelled like several kinds of tinder, and a single folded piece of paper.

Edward barely saw some scribbles, so He unfolded the thing, and to his surprise, just his eyesight and the glowworms were enough to read a part of the message which seemed to be written in more clear writing.

It was written such:

Below and on the other side, there are some rules to language of tribes there residing, and samples of their writing. Do learn it, it will be invaluable for a refugee.

So will be that recipe for an insect manipulation salve, if you don’t already know it, written in their language, and some smaller scribbles with it.

If you found this note, there should be some equipment nearby. I permit you use it well.

May your luck be better than mine.>

There was indeed a lot of writing resembling an obese Cyrillic script.

Different language at least explained why He couldn’t read the entire thing.

‘I have several questions’ The stunned man-turned-child couldn’t help but think ‘’ But He quickly reflected on himself.

‘Those can wait, I want to know I’m not dying first’

Following that thought, He grabbed the tinderbox, the lump of glowworm cocaine, rolled and tied the bedroll, and began carefully walking towards the backpack. It had an external wooden frame, and was perfect for packing the bedroll and the rest of junk, which Ed did without delay.

He then begun dragging the backpack behind myself, as He went the way from which the glowworms arrived.

After some stumbling and almost getting lost, our cave crawler felt a breeze from one passage and started following it. He continued to do so and shortly…

‘bingo, bango, banga I can see the exit.’

And so, in order to scout His surroundings, young Ed stuck out his head from the hole. It was night, full moon was shining brightly, and directly over his head. It looked differently somehow. The craters looked different, and the entire moon seemed to be a little bigger.

Yup, either NASA messed up their illusions, Ed was crazy, or this wasn't Earth.

Without a living soul in sight, the rocks around resembled a part of the labyrinth, like in Stołowe Mountains National Park, Maybe a bit taller.

‘Heh, My favorite rock formation in a different world?’

Edward sat down near the exit of the cave He just crawled out of, and begun reviewing His situation and gear.

In the backpack, aside from the bedroll, too large clothing and tinderbox, young man found a large camping knife, a bit similar to the Hudson bay knives, some cord, a bit of cloth, thread, a needle, a leather belt way too big for His waist, metal bottle full of water, some unidentified dried food smelling of honey, a fist sized rock salt crystal, a steel cup and a pot.

‘Not great, not terrible.’

Edward estimated his physique to be that of an eight to ten year old boy, with long, smooth and bright hair of unknown colour. It was, after all, night. All He knew is that his hair, or incredible mane of manliness as He would rather call it, wasn’t dark. As for his facial features and eyes, lack of a mirror prevented Edward from seeing His own face. He cut off a piece of cordage, and tied His hair.

……………………………………

‘Gotta get me some comb, I always wanted to be a shampoo commercial incarnate.’

Linden began his mandatory internal monologue.

‘So… I’m a child, thrown into wilderness with adult sized equipment. My body is already bruised and hurts. It might very well be brand new.’

‘Who am I kidding, it probably is.’ ‘But that’s not good at all.’

‘‘Brand new’ means it’s in a sorry state where the muscles were never used, skin didn’t form calluses or anything, and everything is incredibly vulnerable. Even being in a normal child’s body would be better.’

‘ On the bright side, those newbie gains are gonna be insane. Being new to training gives you a boost in growth. Being new to living?’

Linden was an optimist, as long as he had things he loved. Like lifting and getting results, instead of another plateau.

‘ But then again, I have to stay alive first. And I don’t even know neither where I am, nor what’s edible.’

‘On one hand, English. There is English here. On the other hand? Fog, southern tribes and writing unlike anything I know.’

(And he had to catch some Cyrillic script to read USSR manuals, so that couldn’t be it either.)

‘Either my grasp on geography is amazingly wrong, the writer of this note was a lunatic, or this is a different world.’

Linden boiled each idea in his brain.

‘And if I’m really not on earth anymore, then anything might be different, including navigation and even seasons. Whether I’m thoroughly fucked or not, hinges solely on my luck.’

It was hard to say whether Linden’s luck was good.

Falling off a ladder several meters tall back in elementary school was bad luck.

Getting up and walking away from it, on his own two feet and without any lasting injuries? Quite the opposite.

(And he really couldn’t tell whether he had his mild fear of heights even before that little accident or if it was acquired as it’s result.)

“At least I’m not buck naked. It could be worse, as much as it still sucks.” He said aloud, as to confirm a situation with himself.

‘I wasn’t here even a day, and I already talk to myself. I’ll go crazy before I even reach first human settlement with a mental hospital in it.’

This situation could either suck dick, or not. Kinda like a vacuum cleaner.