People often look to the sky and see the birds. They wish they could fly, to escape the troubles of their lives. That’s what once Ciel told me. I thought he was talking about me, but I now realize he was only talking about himself.

“If flight makes people free, then why don’t we all have wings?” I asked him.

He responded, “Bloodstained wings are too heavy to fly.”

“But ours will be clean.” I protested.

“No one’s ever are for long, Klaus.”

I told him I didn’t understand, and he told me it was better that way. I then asked him another question.

“If you could fly, where would you go?”

I was asking him, but he must’ve thought I was asking myself.

“I don’t think I have an answer to that question,” he said. “Why don’t you ask someone who can fly?”

It seemed like a joke, Ciel never liked to tell the truth about himself after all. What I didn’t know, though, was that I did in fact know of someone who could fly; someone who could spread her wings far across the blue sky. Someone who could make all know of her presence.

But I never did ask her. It’s too late to do so now.

She wouldn’t use her wings to fly away, though. I’m sure of that much. And engulfed in a shadow of red, the world would know her name.

----------------------------------

“Father, I think the boy’s awake.”

A girl’s voice. It sounds close, and familiar. But I know it is someone I’ve never met before.

I stare up at the ceiling. Wood planks run across the beams; a large empty space enclosed beyond. There’s a single lightbulb hanging from the roof, flickering. Dust aimlessly drifts about the glare. It looks like it will collapse any second now.

The room looks nothing like home, like the Conservatory. It’s different in a way that I understand very well, but do not know the name for. One thing is the same, though; the morning sunlight. That is something that will never change.

The bed makes my back itch, so I sit up straight. The girl kneels at the bed’s side, her arms crossed leaning over the sheets. She studies my eyes.

“What’s your name?” She asks.

For a moment, I recognize her face; I know who she is. Black hair, brown eyes, she may as well be wearing that long white skirt. But of course, this girl is not her. She someone else. Only someone who looks a lot like,

“Theresa.”’

The girl suddenly looks at me funny, like I said something strange

“Theresa?” She says. “Isn’t that a girl’s name?”

My neck jolts itself upright.

“Oh, sorry. Did I say that out loud?”

She nods.

“My name is…”

I pause. The girl waits patiently.

“…Harrier. My name is Harrier.”

“Harrier.” She whispers to herself. “Well it’s nice to meet you, Harrier. My name is Claire.”

I know she is not who I wish she was, but I still feel my hopes crushed as she says her name. Reality is more bleak, I guess.

“So, what brings you all the way out here?” She asks. I am not sure how to respond.

“Nothing in particular really, just wanted a change of scenery.”

The girl looks at me, puzzled yet again. A creeping feeling of discomfort lingers under my breath, but it’s not because of the strange look I’m receiving.

“What were you doing laying in our fields, I mean.”

“I was…”

My sentence cuts, slowly, into nothingness. I’m sure the gears of my thought are turning as quickly as possible, but I can only draw blanks. If only I were more like Ciel.

The girl suddenly spouts out, in an innocent panic.

“Oh hold on wait, I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, you must still be tired, I should let you rest.”

She stands up and turns to leave. It makes me sad, but I do not know why.

“Wait.” I call out. “Don’t go.”

The girl turns back. By the look in her eyes, I can tell I have begun to start crying, even if only just a bit. She takes a seat next to my feet and looks through me, like Teri used to.

“Is something the matter? Oh, you must be hungry. I forgot to ask” She asks.

I bashfully shake my head.

“You know what? Seeing that you’re not at all sleepy anymore, why don’t I show you around the fields?”

I remain quiet, but only because I do not know what to say.

“You’ll be bored out of your mind waiting in here. Come on, let’s go!”

The sheets roll to the side as I swing my legs over the tiled floor. My body still itches all over as I stand. The sleeves of my shirt fall above my wrists. It’s much baggier than I remember.

“Sorry about that.” The girl says, with an apologetic smile. “My father and I are the only ones who live here, so my clothes were the only ones that fit you. The things you were wearing should be dry soon, but they’re torn up pretty bad, so father is making you something new.”

I shake my head again, looking slightly downwards.

“Don’t feel bad. I’m thankful for your taking care of me.”

The girl smiles.

“That reminds me, what were you doing with a gun in your pocket.”

I try to process what she said, but the word is unknown to me.

“That is what it is, right? I’ve never seen one that small before, so I’m not actually too sure.”

What she is talking about is clear to me, though the memory is buried deep. The girl walks next to the window and slides it open. A draft enters behind the sunlight. On a table beside, the brightness glares.

“Why don’t we head outside first? Then you can tell me all about it.”

“You don’t mean we’re going out the window, right?” I say.

She raises her finger to her mouth.

“Father said you might be sick so we should keep you inside. I think you look just fine though. I’m going to go out the front door, so I’ll meet you on the other side.”

I timidly shift my gaze towards the ground.

“I’m not too sure about this.” I tell her.

“What’s wrong? Do you need a boost?” She asks.

My teeth pinch the edge of my lip.

“No. It’s fine. I can do it myself.”

“Okay great. Just wait for me right outside then. I’ll bring you some shoes.”

The girl cracks the room’s door open just wide enough for her to slide through. It clicks shut behind her. I stand at the breeze, the opening just under my shoulders. In the next room over, the voices of the girl and her father seep across the boundaries.

“So is the boy awake or not?” A man’s voice.

“No, he’s still sleeping. I’m going to head out for a bit. Just waiting around is kind of boring.” The girl says.

“Where will you be heading?” The man asks.

“Probably just the paddies.”

A door squeaks open, then again as it shuts.

I inhale deeply, placing my palms along the windowsill. The so called, “gun”, still lies on the table next to me. All I see in it is red, but my gaze is drawn to it. When I realize my stare, it feels like I only just looked down.

I turn back to the window. My feet spring upwards. I bring my legs over one at a time. They dangle above the ground; my toes scrape against the wall as I lower myself down. Tucked under the rough pant strap, a hard point jabs into my hip when I land.

The air outside is sweltering. Vast green plains lie swaying amidst the thin morning fog. Sunlight scatters, and dew sparkles, flashing with the pass of my eyes. The land runs flat, disappearing into the burning sky. There are no mountains in the distance. It feels rather odd. For so many years they were always there, solemnly waiting.

The girl gently steps around the corner. She wears a large straw hat; a pair of boots in her hand.

“Your shoes are still drying, so you’ll have to do with these for now.” She says. “It’s fairly muddy out there so they’ll actually be quite useful.”

I look from the boots, to the old sandals on the girl’s feet.

“Will you be alright wearing those?” I ask.

“Don’t worry about me. I work these fields almost every day. I know how to get by.” She replies.

I take the boots and slip them over my bare feet.

“So, what so you want to tell me about first?” The girl asks, shortly after. “I’ve got so many things I want to ask you.”

She begins walking away in the direction she came, slowly, looking back at me over her shoulder. I follow beside her, slightly behind.

“Ask away.”

“Okay, let’s start with that gun then. What were you doing carrying around something like that?”

“I was bringing it to my uncle. He lives in the next town over.”

I feel like I said to much, but I cannot take my words back.

“Really? What does he need it for? You probably wouldn’t know though, am I right?”

My head shakes up and down, barely even moving before changing direction. The back of my neck feels damp. We approach two fields of water, one on either side. Dull green leaves sprout out from the murky lakes, lined up perfectly next to one another. The girl steps onto the narrow path between. I trail after her, but suddenly stop in my tracks.

“Hey, wait.” I call out to her back. Her step swings around; pivoting on her heel, turning to face me. She holds her hands behind her back.

“What is it?” She asks.

“I heard what you told your father. To be honest, I don’t really like the idea of me being out here without telling him.”

The girl takes a step towards me, then she leans forward.

“Oh. Is that so? You don’t like how I lied to him, is that it? I figured you wouldn’t have any problem with it.”

“No, that’s not- I just-”

“We can go back if you want to. I wouldn’t want to force you to do something that you don’t want to do.”

“No, no. it’s fine. We’re already all the way out here so we might as well stay.”

My heartbeat begins to race. Or perhaps it had already, and I only just noticed. The words I spoke were chosen by me, so why does this conversation feel so one sided? Who is this girl? This girl named Claire. It’s like she can hear the blood pumping through my veins.

She responds to my last statement.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“Okay, let’s carry on then. I’ve still got a lot more questions.”

She continues along the path and I sprint to return to her side. It is only the rustling of nature for a long moment, but the girl, Claire, speaks.

“I never used to lie that much. But then mom left one day. Last I saw her was at the train station. She didn’t tell me why I couldn’t go with her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I know how that feels.”

As I speak, I cannot help but think I am saying exactly what she wants me to say.

“Anyways, that’s enough about me.” She says, her eyes closed.

When they open, they sparkle like the drops of mist rolling off the crop.

“For my next question, I’d like to know how you got here.”

I ponder what I should say. What lie I should tell.

“The train.” I say. “I came on the train, from far away.”

My stare bounces with my boots. I do not face where Claire can see my eyes. But at the edge of my eight, I catch a glimpse of a smirk.

“How interesting. But I take it that’s not all there is to it.”

I come to a sudden stop, for only just a moment, and only on the inside.

“What do you mean?” I ask, expectancy lurking.

“What I mean, is that you must have taken a boat too. You’re from overseas, aren’t you? -”

“No, I -”

“There’s no need to hide it. I can tell by the way you speak.”

My arms tighten and my fists grow tense. Heat and palm are hard to hold; like trying to grab onto the rain, or the lifted mist. Metal digs into my side, right up to bone. My hand hovers.

“That’s not-” I begin, but I do not even know what I was going to say.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Claire says.

“Speaking of which, do you really still want me to call you, what was it again? Harrier?”

Her voice is piercing, provocative.

“I mean, I can keep calling you that if you want, but your real name would work fine too.”

I cannot speak.

“You’re so interesting, you know. I’ve still got so many more questions to ask. But it would help if you stopped lying.”

My ears ring and I see red. My head spins in the cracks.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” I say.

“What if I told you that there is no train station around here?”

My last step comes suddenly. Legs shaking, it’s hard to keep balance.

Claire continues a few paces before facing back around. She looks through me, gazing defencelessly into the white sky, but it feels like she’s far from it. A wall of light surrounds her. The fires that burn beyond rain down the heaven’s protection. But she is just one girl. One of many.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. Why your clothes were all torn and why you’re carrying around that gun. And why you insist on lying. I think, maybe, could it be that you’re running from something. Maybe someone? -”

My arm flies out ahead, gun in hand. The skin above my hip stings.

“You’re one of them aren’t you.” I yell my loudest.

Claire raises her hands to her sides, with open palms.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just an ordinary farmgirl.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Why do you think I would lie? I’ve told nothing but the truth up until now.”

“You said your mother left on the train, but that shouldn’t be possible if there isn’t one near here.”

“Is that what I said now? I recall only asking what you would do if that were in fact the truth.”

She takes a step forward, hands still in the air. Her breath is slow, calm, disorienting. Something is concealed beneath her smile.

I’ve taken risks to stay alive until now. But I’m not a risk taker.

“I’m sorry. Claire.”

----------------------------------

All is black around me. I hold my arms out but see nothing. A single light awakens among the vast darkness. Then another. And another.

The stars begin to light up the night, one by one. As the world appears from the shadows, a figure emerges out of my reach. She kneels, looking up, enveloped by the dark. I swing my arms ahead, but I still cannot see them. The light only shines on her.

A screeching whine wails in my ear. The girl stays. Without a move.

Behind her, a crack opens in the sky, and it shatters like glass. The shards shower around her, but still she does not move. Like she didn’t even notice.

I cry out to her, but my voice is not there.

There’s a loud bang. The girl’s shadow falls. Glass fractures behind her. The breaks draw circles surrounding where she lies. She does not move.

The girl and the stars grow smaller. I run towards her, but it’s no use. The pull is too great.

My arms flail. My voice screams. But there is nothing.

----------------------------------

Claire stands a distance away from me. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a chunk of metal. Swaying back and forth, she dangles it in front of herself for me to see.

“What is that” I mutter. A dumbfounded expression spreads across her face.

“Seriously? I took away the magazine of course. Gosh, you really don’t know very much about guns now do you?”

Her steps approach closer. The gun remains pointed at her, shaking. My arms petrified.

My hands are emptied, what they held now in Claire’s hands. She opens a hatch and inserts the magazine.

“See, you put it in like this.” She says. “When you run out of bullets, you take it out and put in more.”

She hands the gun back to me, holding the barrel.

“You’ve got seven shots left so use them wisely.”

My arms do not move to receive it, but not because I don’t want to. Claire waits a moment before grabbing my hand and placing the gun on top. She then takes my other and sets it atop it all.

“Okay let’s carry on then. I’d still like to ask you all my questions.”

She turns and begins to walk, hands held behind her back. Her legs stiff, kicking above the ground with each step.

“Why are you giving this back to me?” I ask.

The girl swings around, basked in sunlight.

“I told you, didn’t I? I’m just an ordinary farmgirl.”

I move my hand aside and look deeply at what is inside, then squeeze it back where it once was. Claire smiles. She watches as I catch up to her, only turning to face back ahead when I return to her side.

“So,” She begins, “Harrier. How’d you come up with that name anyways?”

“A harrier is a bird. They remind me what it’s like to be free.” I respond.

“That’s a lie isn’t it.”

“Not entirely.”

“I wouldn’t mind if it is. I like that reason.”

A grin replaces my frown for the first time in a long time.

“So, should I keep calling you that, or would you prefer something else?” Claire asks.

I reply decisively.

“Klaus. My name is Klaus.”