I held my arms up high to shush the out-of-control laughter. Soldiers from the other side of the canyon were beginning to brave the ropes hanging underneath and wrapping their legs around. Meanwhile, Goar was complaining and rubbing his rump. The rest of my troop short of Agatha were rolling in the dirt like kindergarteners. “We don’t have much time. The Aurai are escaping. We have to catch them while they are disadvantaged. Be ready to march in twenty minutes.

Thirst 01!

“Somebody check the towers and bring me a drink,” I growled.

Hygiene 00!

My eyes began to burn and tear up. Little squiggles ran rampant across my vision. My skin began to prickle and itch. Rancid spoiled eggs wafted up to my nostrils. “Tootsie what the blasted wind of a prairie dog is going on?” I clenched my teeth at the stupid censor.

“You have failed to maintain effective vigilance over your stats. They have succumbed to neglect.” Tootsie was wiping tears from her eyes.

“Stop talking like a computer, you don’t have the tact.” I menaced.

“Fine, want to reason with a child have to speak like a child.” Tootsie collected herself and hovered in front of my face, shoulders slumped, eyes wide, baby talking to me. “Simply, little guy, you are stupid. You know, big dumb monkey with new toys.” She mocked me and I wished I hadn’t already used the dragon mask for the day. “Stupid pig-faced monkey doesn’t use data pad, stinks like a dingleberry. He Goes blind from poor hygiene and then dies giving all his friends a much-needed rest from his grotesque face.” She plastered on one of her ear-to-ear creepy smiles.

“I hate you, Tootsie.” I glowered. My eyes were growing dimmer. I was having a hard time picking things out in the darkness. “Somebody bring me some buckets of water,” I commanded.

Hunger 01!

“What the flapjacks in urine!” I kicked something or someone as they yelped. Water spilled at my feet in the dirt. I dropped down and splashed some of the water on my face before the water could soak in.

“Suey!” Tootsie bellowed. “Come pig, wallow in the mud.”

“Shut up Tootsie and help,” I demanded.

“My cute little bacon bit.” She cooed at me. “Make sure you get behind the ears and wash your tusks.”

“Are you alright?” Mia whispered to me.

“Do I look alright? I need clean water and a towel. And for the sake of all that is under the blue sun and moon get me something to eat before I starve to death.”

Entertainment 01!

“Aw,” Tootsie teased. “All work and no play makes Pig Face a dull boy.”

“Come here little bug, let me give you a little petting.”

“Oh really?” Tootsie squeaked. “You mean it? Will you rub my belly while I nuzzle your chin?”

“Like my lovely little hummingbird.” I purred back.

“Do I look stupid to you?” Her voice dropped. “Oh, sorry, that was insensitive of me, you can’t see a thing can you?" She paused, "you are drooling on yourself. Everybody's watching.”

I tried. “Why didn’t you warn me? Aren’t you supposed to be my guide?” I grumbled collapsing into the mud. I suddenly felt weak like I was drowning.

“You are not a very good friend, Barker. Woof Woof.” She laughed. “You are always killing me, remember.”

Energy 01!

I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, only rubbing new mud in my eyes. “Why are all of my stats crashing at the same time Tootsie?”

“One stat links to the next. Neglecting one has a snowball effect on the others.” I felt her little hand pat my forehead and tried to snatch her.

I tried to calm my breathing and reach inside to the mana. I tried to strain my soul toward the tree. I couldn’t feel either. They were so far away from me now. Stars and planets separated us.

Shelter 00!

“This is getting ridiculous Tootsie. Get me out of this mess.” I shouted then added as sweetly as my orc voice would allow, “please.”

“Well since you asked nicely. All you have to do is, and, then you ha…” Her words were choppy. “Rander, amph, gondo, both,” Just a random collection of sounds mashed together.

Concentration 00

Welp, I’m dead. Something was being forced into my mouth. I could feel it but could not remember how to chew it. Or swallow it. I was not much more than a vegetable though I was fully aware of my useless body. I could smell it. In fact, I was pretty sure I smelled urine. I must have peed myself. That would really help my image to the clan. Oh, even better there was a worse smell than the pee. Why didn’t I just die already? Goar, please stomp on my face! I was lost in my mind, mumbling gibberish, drowning in some kind of sweet porridge. I felt a wet tongue as wide as my face licking up the mess.

Hygiene 01!

The tongue slopped away at my helpless rambling face. “Kill me.” I tried to say but it sounded more like, “kick ma.” I groaned as the tongue lapped under my chin and tickled my neck. “I wanna die.” I said but they heard something like, “I won duck.”

Hygiene 02

A bucket of water soaked my clothes and felt refreshing. It was like breathing cool air.

Hygiene 03

Strong arms grabbed under my upper arms and began to drag me from the mud. Two more buckets of water splashed over me. Khan followed still licking and whining after me.

Hygiene 04

The arms dropped me on a mat or something. It wasn’t the dirt I could tell. It was softer maybe grass?

Shelter 01

Someone sat down above my head then feminine arms lifted my head onto her lap. I could make out sounds like people conversating high above me. Something touched my bottom lip. It was cold and metallic. Then plum wine poured into my mouth. I managed to swallow a little.

Thirst 01!

I felt like I was tossed around in a dryer as hands began to strip my robe and helmet from me. There were so many hands. I felt a warmth spread over me as something dry dropped down to cover me. More hands pulled off my boots and uncoiled the Shade Tail from my arm. The cup tipped to my lips again and I tasted the sweet plum wine once more.

Thirst 02

Shelter 02

I was dropping from reality. The voices around me sounded warped. Like robots attempting to speak for the first time. I felt as if I were spinning. Flashes of glowing patterns washed over my eyes. Images of the red curls blended with sounds of my wife's voice, broken clips of my captain screaming at me, and my father. I hadn’t thought of my father in years, but I heard him speaking to me now. I tried to make out what he was telling me but a moment later it was gone with a flash of his smile and a song I always thought of when I thought of him. ‘The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon. When you coming home son, I don’t know when but I know we’ll get together then... dad. I know we’ll have a good time then.’