Back on the other side of town, Pippy and Livia were also indulging their sweet tooths. “Hold on, let me think!” Livia snickered as Pippy nudged her again.

“I’m telling you! The toffee whirlwhip is the best one! Try it!”

“I don’t know…” Livia mused, “I’m really liking the look of strawberry thunderwhip.”

“Ladies, ladies!” the culinarian hollered. “I believe I can help with this wonderwhip woe! I do not have many left, but for you, I shall prepare a special half-and-half cup of both flavours! How does that sound?”

“What’s it gonna cost us?” Pippy squinted. “You already tried to rinse our purses for some ridiculously overpriced lumplin pie!”

“My lumplin pie is the best in the city! It’s worth every gylt!”

“My perky lil’ arse!” Pippy stuck her tongue out at the pompous culinarian, who nearly spilled the magical beverage he was synthesising.

“Well,” he scoffed,” there’s no need to be vulgar!”

“Three gylt for the half-and-half cup!” Pippy cried.

“The sign says five gylt!” the culinarian insisted.

“Three gylt!”

“Five gylt!”

“Three gylt!”

“Five gylt!”

“Five gylt!” Pippy sneakily swapped their words around.

“Three gylt!” The bamboozled culinarian fell for it.

“Sold!” Pippy cheered, slamming three coins down on the counter. She claimed the half-and-half cup, grabbed Livia’s wrist with her other hand, and bolted down the street before the culinarian could realise he’d succumbed to such a stupid trick.

Once they’d rounded the corner, Livia planted her feet, and the two just about managed to stay upright as they came to a jittery halt. “Okay, what in Phyrn’s name was that about?!” Livia half-laughed with her arms out wide and her face strained.

“That, my friend, is how we do business in the People’s Capital~!” Pippy started doing a silly little dance, wiggling her backside and knocking her heels together while humming a nonsensical tune. “And… I may or may not recognise that culinarian from a while back. He’s a travelling swindler, I first met him in the Municipality of Fyren. I’m almost offended he didn’t recognise me!”

“Uh… if he’s a… swindler, as you called him… should we really be drinking his mana-pumped drinks?”

“Oh, absolutely! He might overcharge for stuff, but it’s still perfectly good stuff! You just gotta know how to handle greedy guys like that.”

“I keep forgetting you’ve been here longer than me,” Livia admitted. “Damn… you’re an outlander, just like me, and even you know way more about this world than I do.”

“Oh, come on, Livia! Aren’t you enjoying all the new discoveries?”

“That’s… true, I suppose.” Livia managed a smile. “Now… give me a try of those wonderwhips.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Pippy was just about to hand the cup to Livia… when it was snatched from her hand by a smaller pair of green grabbers, the owner of said grabbers scampering off down the street with their expertly negotiated prize, slapping Pippy on the rump as she slipped away.

“Agh! Hey!” Pippy whined. “Get back here!” the two of them chased the little thief, only to round yet another corner and find themselves outnumbered. Before them stood a gang of goblin girls no less than twelve in number, all snorting subdued titters at them with smug, toothy grins on their faces.

“Ah, you humies are so easy!” the leader, holding the cup, mocked them. “No match for gobbies’ sneaks!”

“Grrr!” Pippy balled up her fists and began bouncing up and down on the spot. “Surrender the cup, you mean green fiends!”

“Nah!” the lead goblin blurted, opening the cup and tilting it straight up over her mouth… only for nothing to come out. “Huh? Wha tha heg?” she spoke with her jaws wide open, her words coming out all mouthy. She closed her gob and completely unscrewed the lid, only to find that both halves of the cup were totally empty— not a droplet of sweet, creamy beverage to be found. “What?!”

“Oh yeah…” Pippy began smirking and scoffing. “We ran from the culinarian before he could actually fill the cup!”

“Oh gods,” Livia’s voice swelled as her face flushed with colour, “We’re stupid!” The two of them fell to the ground in fits of braying laughter, pointing at the goblins who had just stolen a worthless, empty cup from them.

The lead goblin threw it at them, growling and flapping her big, pointy ears. “Tricksy humies! You knew all along!”

“That’s the best part— we didn’t!” Pippy managed to reply through her hysterics.

As if drawn to their hijinks, Krey and Emilie emerged from around the corner behind them. When Livia and Pippy looked up and saw their two friends standing over them, they quickly got a hold of themselves and got off the floor.

“Did we miss something?” Krey asked, eyeing up the goblins.

“More humies!” the goblin gal pointed at Emilie. “And, look… one of ‘em’s kinda cute!”

“Those two are pretty cute too,” one of the other goblins commented, pointing at Livia and Pippy.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right!” The lead goblin snickered. “I guess we can just forget this lil’ incident ever happened… it was embarrassing for both humies and gobbies.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Livia murmured, fidgeting with her ponytail.

“Still… number one here is right, three out of four humies are cute.”

“Not me?” Krey pointed to himself, not quite disappointed to be found unattractive by goblins.

“No!” the lead goblin hissed. “You’re… you’re… male! No trouser-sausages at tibby gobby fun times!”

“Tibby…?” Emilie rolled the word around in her mouth. “What in Berodyl are they talking about?”

“Oh, I’ve heard that word before,” Krey chortled. “I think it’s gobbo for gay.”

“Humy speak gobbo words?”

“A few.”

“Well, you’re still not invited!”

“Invited? To what?” Livia raised an eyebrow.

“To tibby gobby fun times! Duh!” the goblin who’d been called number one spat at them. “Your girly girl friends are, though~” she waddled over and pressed a piece of paper against Pippy’s leg. The blonde humy pinched it up and read it.

“Oh… oh! This could be a fun opportunity!”

“What is it?” Livia stepped over to read it. “Oh… it’s…”

“Please,” Emilie urged, “spit it out! What is it?”

“Oh… nothing you’d want to know about, My Lady,” Livia smiled awkwardly.

The crude sheet of browning paper was a scrawled invitation to a lesbian orgy.

“Hang on…” Livia pinched the bridge of her nose. “Pippy, did you say this would be a… fun opportunity?”

“Yeah! We should go! If we’re gonna explore Aldiphor, why not explore the different cultures here too?”

“Well… because…” Livia kept stammering, trying to string her thoughts into words.

“This humy got a problem with tibby?” The lead goblin pointed at Livia.

“Well— it’s not— I’m not—” Livia’s face scrunched up. “I just don’t think we can trust these little thieves.”

Pippy squinted at Livia, her lips vaguely mouthing the thoughts running through her head. “Livia… why are you lying?”

The lead goblin lifted one leg and ripped a fart like a war horn, bringing the squabbling of the humies to a dead stop. “Whatever! As long as this one comes, I’ll be a happy gobby, yes I will!” she was pointing at Emilie again.

Emilie just peered back in utter ignorance, allowing Krey to step between her and the goblins. “I’m afraid this one won’t be attending either,” the knight dryly said, trying to be diplomatic.

“Heh, well, we’ll see about that,” number one lilted. “See ya ‘round, humies!”

The goblins left, and Pippy drew Livia away for a moment. “You really don’t want me to go, huh?”

“I told you, those goblins can’t be trusted, they’re thieves. I’m just… trying to protect you.”

Pippy’s smirk was burdened with pity, pushing up one of her cheeks slightly. “Alright… fine. You win… for now.”

“Perhaps,” Krey stepped over,” we should do something a bit less exciting; wind down and relax for a bit.”

“What did you have in mind?” Emilie enquired encouragingly.

“There’s a chain of bathing springs not far from here, maintained by a local guild. We should have enough gylt left in our fun budget for a few hours in there.”

“You know what?” Livia huffed, “that sounds perfect. Let’s go.”