The Brotherhood

Chapter VII

By X

An eternity passed, and all I felt was the sharp bite of his steel-gray eyes as they cut through me, a knife piercing a cloak in hopes of revealing what lay beneath.

Was that his purpose, I wondered? To reach the very core of who I was. Would he unearth something I had yet to discover? Something I wanted to discover?

If I didn’t know better, I would have considered him a mere illusion bathed in moonlight. But he was not a figment of my imagination, for the heaving of his glistening chest proved him very much alive. It was then that I realized I was the one who had stopped breathing. His eyes closed slowly as he turned from me and walked towards the closet, his wet hair spinning about him, releasing water droplets into the air.

I was finally able to exhale when I felt his eyes release me from their hold. However, I remained mesmerized by him. My eyes eagerly followed him as he moved about the room. On some level, he still managed to hold me captive. What was this power, this influence that he possessed over people? Or at least over me. It was more than the position he held in The Brotherhood, more than the Brother/Pledge dynamic, and more than pure, unbridled awe; there was something in his very essence.

He moved to the bookcase that flanked the large windows. He passed his finger over the books on the middle shelf, deliberately settling on a thick, black book. With his back to me, Q flipped thru the pages silently.

His body was amazing, a living, breathing piece of art.

Holy fuck! Did that thought just come out of my head?

I remember scolding myself mentally for checking him out, but honestly, it didn’t stop me. I was transfixed. There he stood almost as naked as the day he was born. I had to applaud his efforts. It must have taken Q years of exercise and proper diet to tone his body in such a way. Don’t misunderstand. He wasn’t overly muscular; he was toned and defined in all the right places. And those 2xist trunks he was wearing looked as if they were specifically designed for him. The guy filled them out perfectly.

I mean, I have a nice body. The ladies seemed to love it, and I worked hard to keep it, but even I was a bit jealous. He also had an intricate tattoo running down the right flank of his abs. A series of symbols or letters, perhaps? I couldn’t begin to decipher its meaning if it was a written language.

For five minutes, he stood there silently. The oversized book was balanced in one hand while he smoothed his wet hair with the other. He let out a soft sigh, then moved to his desk and had a seat, setting the book on the table and folding his arms across his chest.

I couldn’t help but wonder what was so fascinating about that book. All I could do was watch him flip the page and continue reading. To be honest, I was getting a bit annoyed. If he didn’t want me there for whatever reason, he could’ve at least said so and not let me stand there like an idiot.

Another ten minutes or so passed without so much as an upward glance. It was like I didn’t exist. So, I thought, screw it, and took a chance.

“Umm,” I muttered, a bit afraid of shooting myself in the foot, “did I get the wrong room?”

Instead of answering me, Q used his bookmark to trace the last couple of sentences on the page, then closed the book. Ugh. Those eyes. He looked up at me, and I was sure it was over.

“Twenty-two minutes,” Q said simply. I, of course, looked like a completely clueless dumbass. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. “From the moment I stepped out of the bathroom, it took you twenty-two minutes to say something. You’re the only pledge ever to do that.”

Did I mess up?

It wasn’t a question I posed to Q. I thought it best to keep it a mental note to myself.

“The only other pledge to come close stood there watching me work for almost three hours. When he finally spoke, it was only because he needed to use the bathroom.” I thought that was funny, but Q wasn’t amused or at least didn’t show it. “I once had a pledge stand there so long, I finally got tired and went to bed. Sometime during the night, I heard a loud thump hit the floor; he collapsed. He was so tired.”

I nearly busted out laughing on that one, but I could hold my tongue and simply smirked. Briefly.

“The point is,” Q continued, “there’s a difference between showing respect and understanding your place and knowing when to speak up for yourself even in the presence of a Brother. Unfortunately, it usually takes a pledge’s legs to almost give out before they realize it.” He paused for a moment and set his eyes on mine. “Glad to see you’re a fast learner. Now have a seat so we can get started.”

Like the good little pledge that I was, I did what I was told. For some reason, I couldn’t help but feel like I was taking a seat on the electric chair.

“If I’m not mistaken, Shaun told you about the accident in the chemistry lab, which delayed classes for another week.”

I nodded, and he gave me a look that cut thru me like a sword, clearly letting me know that a simple nod was not enough. “Yes, he did.” I swallowed my heart back down.

“Due to this fact, we decided to rearrange our normal routine. We don’t normally conduct these interviews this early in the pledge process. However, we thought it would allow us to see how far you have all come. Just keep one thing in mind,” he paused, primarily for dramatic effect, “honesty will get you through this.”

I cleared my throat softly and started to get hot.

“Pick a number between 1 and 100 and keep it to yourself,” he ordered.

What the fuck? I picked 3.

Reclining his chair back, he placed his right foot on the seat. He was getting ready to drill me. “Name off all the pledges.”

“There’s…”

“Who has the letter A in their name.”

Shit! I mean, it sounds simple but no, not really. “Um, uh,” I stammered, “there’s me, of course,” that was my attempt to buy a little time, “and Arsen, Anthony, Sam, Jason, and Paul…oh, and Xavier.”

“Multiply the number by itself.”

Okay, so we’re at nine now.

“Who is cuffed to whom?” he asked.

“Arsen and I, Anthony and CJ,” I paused briefly to think, “Jason and Justin, Paul and Steve, Sam and Kevin, Nick and…uh…Troy. Mike and Xavier.”

“Why are you here?”

Admittedly, I was a bit confused. “Umm, this is where the card Shaun gave me said to come.”

He closed his eyes, clearly annoyed. “That’s not what I meant.” If he had finished the sentence with ‘dumbass,’ it would have been more complete. “Why are you here? Why did you accept our bid to pledge The Brotherhood?”

Q didn’t have a lick of hair on him besides the obvious. He was as smooth as a board. I don’t know why that thought suddenly popped into my head, but it did.

I knew right away that answering him would be tricky. And stupid, random thoughts like this were not helping. The stock response would be to say I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself and have the whole college experience by joining a fraternity where I would bond with the Brothers and be a part of my life forever blah, blah, blah. But that’s the kind of cheesy shit you hear on Oprah.

So, with Q’s words, honesty will get you thru this; echoing my mind, I went for it.

I spoke the truth.

“Because I want the room to fall silent when I step into it. Just like it does for you.” That was my answer, straight and to the point.

He raised his brow but did not comment. “What is The Inner Circle?”

That one was easy. “The ruling body of any TBH house.”

“Add your age to the number.”

I almost forgot the fucking number! 28. Where the fuck was he going with this?

“How many Brothers are in The Inner Circle?”

“Five.”

“Name the members of The Inner Circle of this house.”

“You, of course, Shaun, Steel, Seth, and Eric.” His demeanor changed slightly as he leaned forward a bit. Shit, had I messed up? My mind reeled, then it clicked. “Oh, and Geo!” I damn near yelled out with wide eyes. Granted, he was gone, but he was part of The Inner Circle before Shaun took over.

Reaching for a pen, Q placed his hand on his bent knee and tapped it against his leg. “Who is the leader of The Brotherhood?” His question came like bullets from a Hollywood machine gun, never-ending and without interruption.

I almost screwed up because I was ready to say he was the leader.

“Kyrios.”

“Divide the number by half the pledge class and subtract the number of times you broke up with your current girlfriend.”

Now that took me by surprise. Alex and I broke up once, briefly, over some stupid shit I didn’t even remember anymore.

“Who is Kyrios?”

“Um, I don’t know.” Damn, that came out wrong. I sat straighter in my chair and tried to sound more official. “What I mean is, other than the Brothers in each of the Inner Circles, no one knows who Kyrios is.” I eyed him tentatively. I wasn’t too sure about that one.

Q sat forward suddenly, clasping his hands before him on the desk. I was startled by his abrupt movement and hoped it didn’t show.

His features darkened as if a shadow was cast over his face; his eyes narrowed slightly. The mood grew even more severe. “If you had to pick one of the paired-up pledges to be demised from The Brotherhood, who would you choose?”

I never saw that one coming. Shifting in my chair, I could feel the knot in my stomach twisting. What kind of question was that to ask a pledge? I could understand if I was a Brother, but I wasn’t. I was a pledge like the others. How could I possibly make such a decision, hypothetical or not? No matter who I picked, I’d feel I was betraying my fellow pledge brothers. Sacrifice myself for the sake of others? And what about Arsen; would I be willing to condemn him to my fate? Most importantly, is that what my heart would tell me to do?

“Well?”

I looked at Q a moment longer before I answered. “I’d pick…I’d pick… Sam and Kevin.” I watched his left brow slowly rise as if questioning my answer without speaking a word.

“And why is that?” he demanded.

“Because those two haven’t done much to stick out among the pledge class,” I answered with a shrug. “They sit back and watch what’s going on and simply follow the crowd whenever a decision is made and barely put in their two cents.” I swallowed hard, thinking I was just digging a deeper grave. “And by no means am I trying to put them down or anything; they may prove me wrong, but so far, I can say there’s isn’t anything memorable about them.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I said simply. “Take Mike, for example. He may be argumentative and hardheaded at times, but at least he has the guts to stand up, put his foot forward, and say, “ This is what I think, and here’s why. Sam and Kevin will listen to the why and follow along blindly. They’re lemmings. Whether they succeed or fail will be based on someone else’s idea. They’re my pledge brothers, and I respect them, but that’s the truth.”

“I see,” Q said with a slight emotionless nod. I had no idea what he was thinking or how I was doing. My stomach twisted; I wanted to vomit. I used to credit myself with being able to read people. Now I’m not so sure.

He leaned back again and returned his foot to the chair. He pointed at me with his pen accusingly. “Did the thought of picking yourself ever cross your mind?”

“It did,” I nodded. “But I couldn’t just think of myself. I have no right to make a decision that would affect Arsen in such a way when he’s been one of the more vocal pledges. And you know what?” Okay, I think I was getting a little bit cocky then. “More important than anything else, I want to be here, and I don’t feel like I should have to give that up. I’ve stepped up. Now, do I deserve to be here? I guess time will tell. You told me truth would get me thru this. Well, there you have it.”

“So ‘think of yourself before all others is your motto?”

“Absolutely not!” I said a bit defensively, gripping the armrest of my chair. “If it were up to me, this pledge class would make it thru to the end together. I don’t want to see anyone go home. But I’ll be damned if I’ll sacrifice myself when I think I’ve done more for my fellow pledge brothers than certain others. And then condemn Arsen to the same fate?” I shook my head. “I don’t think so. And like I said, I’ve stepped up. I got us thru the woods and back home. I’ve done my best to keep us going as a unit. Not everyone can say that.”

He sat there for a long time without saying anything, those eyes set on me as if I was staring at a statue. I was worried I came off too strong like I somehow disrespected Q. Maybe I shouldn’t have used the word ‘damned.’ My face reddened, and I humbled a bit.

Shifting his head to the right, he finally spoke. “How do you feel you and the other pledges performed tonight?”

I was relieved Q moved on to another subject. “I think we did great. We banded together in the end, some of us had to take a leap of faith, but in the end, we pulled thru and made it back.” I’m not sure, but I think Q was going to say something but I kind of cut him off before he could. “Honestly, though, I think we have a lot of work to do before we can call ourselves Brothers. Sure, we found our way back, but there was a lot of arguing and finger-pointing before we got there. I think it’s something we must work on to get that sense of brotherhood I’m sure you’re looking for.”

“I don’t see a reason to continue,” Q said. He got up from his chair abruptly and moved to the window. “This interview is over.”

I was taken aback. What did I do? I hate to admit this, but I felt my eyes well up a little bit; not enough to produce a tear, but still. I just felt sick to my stomach.

“Congratulations, Jacob,” Q said kindly, “you passed your third trial.”

“Oh, thank God!” I almost shouted, dropping my head into the palm of my hand. I could’ve sworn I heard him laugh a little.

“With flying colors, I might add,” he continued with his back to me. “Normally, this interview would go on for another hour or so, but you impressed me tonight.” For the first time that night, his words were filled with a warmth I’d expect from a childhood friend. “With these interviews, we give allowances for the bullshit factor. No matter how good a pledge’s intentions are, there is always some degree of canned responses in their answers that we can forgive…especially so early on.

“You? On the other hand, you were honest from the beginning, not to mention a bit bold. You weren’t afraid to speak up when I walked into the room, and you weren’t afraid to put the faults of your pledge class on the table and own them. I can’t begin to tell you how many pledges before you gave the self-sacrificing speech when I asked them who they would dismiss.”

He paused for a long moment, and I wish I knew what he was thinking to this day. His following words were spoken slowly. “You’ve proven you have the qualities important to The Brotherhood…to me.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I felt like a little kid being told by a parent or teacher that I did a great job. I had a child’s joy inside me, and I had to do everything I could to control it. To not jump up and down and scream, “I did it!”

“But don’t get cocky…not even for a second. You still have a long way to go and many opportunities to slip and fall.”

That killed the child within me. Or maybe it just brought him back to reality. I observed him as he walked around the desk and stood a few feet before me. “Once the interviews are completed, each pledge spends time with their assigned Brother to get a feel of how things run outside the pledge class and what’s expected of all Brothers. Consider yourself stuck with me for the next couple of days.”

I smiled at him.

“I wouldn’t be smiling just yet,” he said, his tone never changing, “for being assigned to me means more than just following me around for a couple of days. It also makes you my Little and I your Big.”

Ah, so that’s where this was all leading. I figured at one point or another; I’d become a little brother to one of the Brothers. Never in my wildest dreams did I even think that Q would be my Big Brother. Things just got interesting.

Gesturing for me to get up, Q pointed to a spot on the floor. “Come, stand here for me.” As I moved to his designated area, I watched him return to the bookcase. He dimmed the lights until he was nothing more than a shadow within the room. I saw a long silver box in his hands as he turned to face me.

“Before the bond between big brother and little brother is official, we must first perform a little ceremony.” He placed the box on the desk and carefully opened the lid; the silver cover danced under the veil of moonlight entering thru the window. “This tradition is as old as The Brotherhood itself,” he continued, removing a chalice from the box. A few other things were removed as well. However, the darkness and Q’s movements prevented me from seeing them. He came toward me with the chalice in one hand and two small bottles in the other.

“Now pay close attention to what I’m doing and mimic me exactly.” He sounded earnest. He handed me the little black bottle while he kept the white one. The single chalice was held between us. “The bottle you’re holding in your hand is the venom of a rare and extremely venomous South African spider; a single drop will kill a grown man in minutes. There is no known antidote.”

My eyes flew open.

My face paled.

I think my hand went slightly numb.

“Good,” he said softly, a sinister grin playing on his lips, “I have your full attention. The bottle I’m holding contains the nectar of a Brazilian flower found growing on a single outcropping of rocks along the northern coast of the Amazon river. A half drop of this will kill you faster than the spider venom. But the magical thing about the pair is that they neutralize each other when combined in equal amounts. So, you must pour from your vial as I pour from mine and stop precisely when I do. If we’re off by one drop…well, let’s just say we won’t have to worry about what tomorrow might bring.”

Are you fucking kidding me? I yelled. I know you do not expect me to drink this shit!

Of course, all the yelling was strictly in my head. This had to be a joke; another scare tactic to put the fear of God, the Devil, and The Brotherhood in me. That’s what I had to tell myself to get thru this. I mean, sure, I wanted to get into The Brotherhood as badly as anyone but at what price? What good would it be if I were dead? No, this was all some bullshit Indiana Jones crap. In truth, we were probably only mixing rum and coke or something. That’s it…rum and coke. Or maybe something nasty like Tabasco sauce and mango juice. Yep, that had to be it.

Then, two things happened just when I had myself convinced and felt the blood running back to my limbs. One, I looked into those damn eyes and saw that he was as serious as a heart attack. And two, I remembered his kick about “honesty.”

Fuck!

“Are you ready?” he asked, looking directly into my eyes.

I didn’t say a damn thing to him. I just looked at him, working the ‘deer-caught- in-the-headlight’ look like no one’s business. What was I supposed to say? Yeah, I’m about ready to die?

“Jacob!”

“Huh?”

“Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear me and this crazy thing would be forgotten. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well…

“Okay, follow my lead,” he said.

He moved his bottle over the chalice, and I followed. I watched him slowly turn the bottle over to pour the nectar, and I did the same…with just a slight variation.

“Jacob,” Q said in a calm, gentle voice, pressing his fingers against my trembling hand. “Shaky hands are not going to help the situation. Try to calm down. You’re going to be alright. Just do as I do, okay?”

I nodded, but I was still nervous as hell. I will admit that hearing the sincerity in his voice helped steady my hand, and I was able to pour the venom into the chalice as he poured the nectar. We poured until the cup was a little less than half full. I was paranoid, confident that I went over by a couple of drops.

“You did good,” he reassured me. “Here, hold this for a second and give me the bottle.”

He walked off to put the bottles away, leaving me to hold the chalice. I looked at the mixture, thinking I was holding enough poison in my hand to kill off everyone in his house.

When Q returned, I was more than happy to surrender the chalice. He produced a small white disc about the size of a quarter from his hand and gave it to me. Q still had one left in his hand. “I’m going to put this in your mouth. Don’t swallow or bite into it. Just let it sit on your tongue. Remember, do as I do.”

What the fuck was he giving me now? Arsenic? Cyanide? Tums?

Our hands moved as one as we prepared to feed each other these tablets. He pressed it against my closed lips, and when I saw him raise a brow, I reluctantly parted my lips and let the round tablet rest on my tongue. Q took his without hesitation. He handed me the chalice again for reasons I did not understand at first. Within seconds, he blinked, and a single tear fell from his right eye. I don’t know how, but I knew I was meant to catch that tear in the chalice.

A tiny smile played on Q’s lips as I caught the tear and gave him back the cup. A few seconds later, my mouth burned as though hell was unleashed in the pit of my stomach, and the flames were trying to escape from my sealed lips. I was determined not to spit out the tablet. But unlike Q, who shed only one tear, I balled like a little bitch. Tears flowed down my cheeks in a way I didn’t think possible. Q had only to put the chalice under my chin to catch the needed tear.

Once the tears had been harvested, Q took the tablet out of his mouth and dropped it in the chalice, and you best believe I was quick to do as he did. My mouth was on fire. I panted like a dog and wagged my tongue, trying to cool it down. I must have looked like an idiot. It looked like Q agreed because he was laughing even though he tried his best to hide it.

“The sensation will pass,” he assured me with a smirk, holding the chalice between us again.

I watched the tablets dissolve and the liquid swell to the very top. Pressing his lips to the rim of the chalice, Q gestured for me to do the same. I figured we would have a hell of a time trying to drink from it simultaneously, but that’s not what Q had in mind. He started blowing gently as if trying to cool the liquid, and I did the same. We were at it for only thirty seconds when a white flame erupted from the chalice.

Caught completely off guard, I stumbled backward, tripped over myself, and fell on my ass.

Q exploded in a fit of laughter I had never seen before. He clutched his stomach and was bent over slightly while trying not to spill the burning liquid. As I sat there on my ass watching him, I couldn’t help but smile and eventually join in on the laughter. It was nice to see Q like that. The rugged, cold exterior appeared to be melting away, if only momentarily. There was a warmth about him now I truly enjoyed. He seemed so vibrant, shining with life and personality. It was nice.

Finally coming down from his high, Q walked over to me, extended his hand, and helped me up. “Now that was funny!”

“You could’ve warned me,” I said, wondering if my comment would be considered speaking out of turn.

“I could have,” he agreed with a smile, “but I would’ve missed all this.” Suddenly the glow about him faded, and the old Q was back, his serious stare on me as he offered me the chalice to drink. “Drink.”

Now that was easier said than done. For one, there was still a white flame burning on the surface of the chalice, and two, it was poison. Poison! So, can you blame me for flinching when he offered me the drink?

“Trust your Brother…”

Gently, Q pressed the rim of the chalice to my lips. The white flame danced around my face like a warm summer breeze. It didn’t burn like I thought it would; it tickled my face. I figured, ‘what the hell?’ and clasped the chalice, wrapping my hands around Q’s and drank.

It was unlike anything I’d ever tasted before. Then again, I try to keep the drinking of poison to birthdays and other special occasions. It’s one of those things you have to experience to understand. It was warm yet chilled at the same time. Light, almost citrus, yet had a texture I can only describe as fuzzy. I drank about half before Q pulled the chalice away. He wasted no time drinking the rest; his eyes were always on me. He never blinked. It was amazing to see the flame warm his face; it was like he was trying to peer thru a white veil.

The flame was extinguished with the last drop. This heat was building in my stomach, and I could feel it climbing up my chest. Before I could question the sensation further, Q placed the Chalice on the floor, grabbed me by the waist, and pulled me towards him. He leaned in, and I was stunned, for it appeared he was going to kiss me; oddly enough, I didn’t bother to flinch this time.

But my concerns were premature because Q stopped, so our lips were hairs apart. I opened my mouth to say something, but all I did was release the heat within me in the form of a white flame. It flowed from my lips like smoke from an extinguished candle, and Q breathed it in thru his nose while parting his lips to release his own. I inhaled deeply, taking in his warmth as he did mine.

I was gone. The sensation was indescribable. I felt lightheaded; my body tingled all over. It was like I was in another place altogether, and when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Q. It was like he was in me, and I was in him. Imagine your most intense orgasm, multiply it by a thousand, and you might get an inkling of how I was feeling.

The longer this went on, the closer Q and I got until finally, our bodies were pressed together. His heart pounded against my chest; my jock stirred against him, but our lips remained whiskers apart with the light, flame, or whatever was flowing between us. I was floating, and all the world’s worries simply vanished. I didn’t want it to end.

I became conscious that my cock was getting harder and harder and pressing against Q’s crotch. If Q felt the same way, I couldn’t tell because I didn’t feel anything except his pushing up against me.

Releasing his hold on me, Q backed away, and I could see the strands of light between us fade away. “You are bounded to me as I am to you,” he said softly. “I’m your Big, and you’re my Little. It’s a bond we will share for life if you become a full Brother; fail, and the bond will be broken forever.”

I heard everything he said even though he seemed to be speaking slowly and from inside a tunnel. I was in a serious daze. He moved to stand behind me, and I wanted to turn to face him, but he stopped me.

With a soft laugh, he said, “Don’t bother turning around. Every pledge faints right…about…now.”

I was out like a light, and I assume the reason he had moved behind me was to catch me as I fell. Whether he did or not, I couldn’t tell you. When I came to, the room was spinning around me.

I was lying on the carpet, curling my fingers around the soft fibers, rolling my head from side to side to clear the fog. I caught the sight of Q standing by the window. There appeared to be four Q’s standing there. After blinking several times, I could finally bring him into focus; at the same time, the room stopped turning, and the fog in my head began clearing.

“Holy hell,” I muttered, “that was intense.”

“You’ll get used to it in time,” Q assured me.

“You’re telling me we’re going to do this again?”

“No, it’s a one-time deal between Big and Little. But if you make it and become a Brother, this is a ceremony you’ll be performing many times with new pledges.”

“Oh.”

Q turned from the window and walked towards me. “On that note, I want you to keep something in mind.” His tone was low and grave as if he was about to give me the worst news of my life. “Your actions not only reflect against you and your fellow pledges, but now they also reflect on me. Don’t disappoint me.”

Great! As if I didn’t have enough pressure with everything else that was going on.

“Any questions?” Q inquired, walking towards the bathroom as I was getting back on my feet.

Maybe it was because I was still feeling the drink’s effects; I felt bold when I asked my question. “Do you regret having me assigned as your Little Brother?”

“No,” he answered, stopping at the bathroom door. He didn’t say anything more at first. Q simply stood there with his back to me. At first, I thought he would snap at me for asking such a question, but he didn’t. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked at me and said, “I was the one who assigned all the pledges.”

He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me grinning like an idiot. The truth was I felt highly honored he picked me to be his Little. I thought of the other pledges and was curious to know who everyone else got. I wanted to know who the lucky guy was to get Shaun and who was the unlucky bastard stuck with Steel. I was hoping to God it wasn’t Arsen.

Q came out of the bathroom and informed me I’d be sleeping in his room for the next couple of nights. It was part of the whole Big/Little bonding experience.

“Unfortunately,” he added, “when we decided to switch the interviews around, I forgot about a previous commitment. So, you will need to accompany me tomorrow when I pick up a friend from Logan Airport and drop him off at his parent’s house.”

I simply nodded.

He took a deep breath and ran his eyes across my body. He showed no emotion but somehow seemed suddenly very tired. “Anyway, there’s a sleeping bag in the closet, or you can sleep in the bed. The choice is yours.”

I looked at the bed, then at the closet, and then looked back at the bed. It was a hard choice. Sleep on a hard-ass floor or a bed with enough room for a family of ten. So, I walked over to the left side of the bed and helped Q pull the comforter down to the foot of the bed. Maybe picking the bed was the wrong thing to do; perhaps this was another test. But Q didn’t say anything one way or another. And nothing against Arsen, but after spending every night in a tiny bed with another guy an inch away from you, Q’s huge bed was just calling to me.

“The bathroom is over there if you need to use it,” he said, slipping under the white sheets. He laughed softly. “You managed to impress me yet again, Jacob.” I was confused. “Most pledges pick the sleeping bag out of some sense of respect when we all know they’d rather sleep in the bed. Your honesty with me tonight has been commendable.”

I blushed a bit, said a lame ‘thanks,’ and crawled under the satin sheets with a big old grin. Holy shit! Those sheets were the softest I’ve ever felt. It was like a cool liquid was poured over me, and his bed felt like it was just made for me.

I sighed heavily, thinking back to my long day and how great it felt to let my tired body relax finally. Glancing over at Q and seeing nothing but the back of his head, I turned on my side to face away from him and closed my eyes. Now that I was off my feet, I could feel them aching. It was no big deal since I figured I’d be getting the best sleep I’ve had since I got here. I immediately felt the world of dreams coming to claim me, and I was all too happy to go. But just as I felt the sleep overtake me, I heard Q say one last thing to me.

“By the way…the number was three.”

Fucking weird!

Sometime during the night, my eyes flew open. Not so much because I couldn’t sleep, but because my bladder demanded that I get up and take a leak. I was so tired I had to drag myself out of bed and stumble across the room with my eyes half opened in hopes of finding the bathroom. It took me a few minutes of fumbling in the dark, but I eventually found it. I didn’t want to turn on the lights for fear of waking Q or going blind. Luckily there was a large window in the bathroom, so the moon offered me all the light I needed.

Finishing my business and quietly washing my hands, I walked out more awake than before. I stood where Q once stood before the window, arching my back and stretching my limbs. My stomach was a bit noisy for lack of food, but that was one demand I could not fulfill. My eyes were fully open now, taking in Q’s excellent view from his bedroom. There were plenty of trees in the distance, backed in the twinkling lights from the city on the horizon. A low moon hung to illuminate it all. But as picturesque as it was, the bed was more appealing than the scenery outside.

I walked back to the bed, and I don’t know why but I stopped on Q’s side and stood over him, admiring every inch. He looked just as impressive as he did awake, if not more so now, for he was bathed in the perfect mix of shadows and moonlight.

Damn, was he a sight to behold?

Q managed to kick off his sheets and was lying on his back, his face half-covered by his long, black hair, his sculptured chest slowly rising and falling with every gentle breath. Even in his sleep, he didn’t lose the charisma that made him so compelling. My eyes traced the length of his slim torso, stopping briefly at his pecs and ridiculously tight abs, stopping finally at his 2xist trunks. Those trunks were nice and snug on him, leaving little to the imagination,

I was going to attempt to go back to sleep when I turned to look at Q one final time. That was a big mistake, for I could not look away. I felt the need to get a better look at him, so slowly and quietly, I moved closer. Even though we were face to face, his hair hid everything. So, what did I do? I carefully slipped two fingers thru the offending strands and gently hooked them behind his ear; several strands fell back into place.

Stunning. Absolutely stunning! Those are the best words to describe the man lying beside me. He appeared as an angel or an innocent child sleeping away the night without a care in the world. Again, I don’t know what came over me, but I had this uncontrollable need to run the back of my hand down the length of his face. Maybe I needed to feel him to believe he was real. I was cautious not to wake him as my fingers caressed his cheek.

What the fuck was I doing? Why the fuck was I so compelled to do these things?

Get a fucking grip Jacob; I told myself as I backed away from Q. I rolled on my side, closed my eyes, and begged for sleep to claim me again.

I recall having a weird dream that night.

There was a party in the house celebrating the pledges becoming full Brothers. Everyone was there drinking and having a good time; the place was packed from wall to wall. Alex was hanging on my arm, showing me off to all the ladies, ever so proud to be going out with a member of The Brotherhood, which bumped her status up a couple of notches.

I remember Alex snatching me up close to her and sneaking us away upstairs. Somehow, we ended up in Q’s room, tearing off our clothes like wild animals in heat. The next thing I knew, I looked up at the curtains dancing to the tune of the wind and saw him. Q was standing there amid the shadows, his face radiant in the moonless night, his eyes piercing thru me like burning daggers. He came at me like lightning, startling me out of my sleep.

My heart was pounding, but I was relieved to be awake. I don’t know why.

My eyes remained closed, but within a few moments, I was fully aware of myself and my surroundings after clearing the sleep from my head. A smile crept over my lips; I distinctly remember how great it felt to have my arms around Alex again, feeling her chest rise and fall gently with every breath as she still slept. To feel her warmth against my body was a delight.

Life was good!

That’s when it hit me.

Hey, I didn’t go to bed with Alex last night.

Hell, I haven’t seen her in god knows how long. Shit, maybe I’m not as fully aware as I thought.

It wasn’t Alex I was hugged up against. It was my Big, a member of the Inner Circle and the head of the house.

There have been several moments in my life when I just wanted to die…this was one of them. But I had to force myself to look at the bright side. Q was still asleep, which gave me time to carefully untangle myself from him before he noticed that I was trying to spoon him while he was still lying on his back.

If he woke up, I could explain that it was just a normal reaction for me. Every time Alex and I slept together, whether we had sex or not, I always woke up in the morning spooning her from behind. And recently, with Arsen having to share that small ass bed, we were forced to spoon just to be comfortable.

I made that argument in my head and sounded like a fool.

Get off this guy before he wakes up, I told myself.

Of course, when shit goes bad it goes really bad. Q stirred for a few moments and then stretched his arms out, unaware of me. That is until he put his right arm down around me.

“What the…” I heard him say softly.

Fuck!