The Brotherhood

Chapter II

By: X

Given the circumstances, I had no idea how I would fall asleep that night. Still, somehow, I managed to doze off into the world of dreams, where the awkwardness of my situation gave in to my fantasies of becoming a full Brother. It was all I wanted, all I dreamt about because, at the time, nothing else mattered. The fantasy was short-lived, of course, for I was pulled into the waking world with a sudden rush of pain to my right wrist.

Arsen rolled off the bed, and he almost took me down because we were cuffed at the wrist. I steadied myself on the edge of my bed and grabbed the headboard before I fell over the side. This was all done instinctively because I still had my eyes closed and was half asleep. I didn’t even know what was happening until I heard Arsen’s voice.

“What the…” He was so out of it those were the only words that came out of his mouth.

His head shot up just as I opened my eyes, scaring the shit out of me. “Jesus!” Slapping my hand over my eyes, I fell back on the bed with my heart racing. “Unless you’re trying to rip my hand off, I’d appreciate it if you would place your hand on the bed because mine is killing.”

“Oh, sorry,” he mumbled groggily. I think he was lying flat on the floor with his hand on the bed, but I’m not sure because I couldn’t see what he was doing. “How the hell did I end up down here?”

I rolled my eyes and looked off to the side as if trying to avoid someone’s annoying stare. “Isn’t it obvious? You rolled off the freaking bed and almost took me with you…thanks!”

As his hand brushed my leg, Arsen yanked his hand away quickly. “Guy, what are you doing?”

“Sorry!” yelled embarrassed. “I forget about our predicament for a sec.”

We didn’t say much for a long time; we just sat in complete silence, contemplating the meaning of the universe. Okay, maybe nothing that deep. I was just wondering what time it was. I could hear him yawning beneath me, which made me yawn. I was about to say something when I felt him grab the bed so he could pull himself up.

“I guess I should get back into bed.”

“Why is that? You look comfortable on the floor.”

“Oh please, how would you know? Besides, if one of the Brothers walks in here and sees me on the floor, they will think we didn’t share the bed. Do you want to be the one to convince them otherwise?” All I could do was shake my head no. I mean, he did have an excellent point. “Now, as much as I hate this, you’re going to have to lie on your side again so we can spoon because it’s the only way we’re going to fit.”

“Fine, but this time I’m going to be the spooner, and you can be the spoonie.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I lied. “It’s just your turn this time.”

“Okay, whatever.”.

Within minutes we were covered in a thin veil of sweet and salty beads formed on my brows. I swear the temperature in that room was a lot higher than usual. It had to be! I figured it was something the Brothers did to make an already awkward situation worse. And let me tell you, if that was their plan, it worked beautifully. Since my head was so close to Arsen’s, I couldn’t help but breathe even more warm air over his neck. I’m sure he felt my heart pounding on his back.

His musky scent had me memorized for a moment because it was something I’d never smelled before on another guy. Sure, I’ve been in the locker room hundreds of times, but that’s different because those guys reeked and were plain dirty from playing so hard. But this was…this was very different, almost erotic…almost. It was just something very new to me, something I couldn’t escape since the source was right there in front of me.

“Jacob, right? So, where are you from?

“What?” His words managed to snap me from my trance-like state, and I flinched. “What was that?” I used my free hand to clear my forehead and neck sweat. Man, I’ve never been so uncomfortable in all my life!

“I asked where you were from.”

“Oh, uh, Maine. Born and raised.”

“Maine. How did you pull off a tan like that? Being that far up north, shouldn’t you be all pale and pasty?”

Though I’m sure he didn’t think I heard his muffled laugh, I did and contorted my face to make fun of him behind his back. “Just because I was born in Maine doesn’t mean I didn’t get to see the rest of the country or travel the world. I spent my last month of vacation in my parent’s beach house in Hawaii, just lying around lazy and working on my tan.”

“I see,” he mumbled and then fell silent for a moment. His back pushed against my chest with every breath; the sweat between our hot bodies dripped onto the bed like water from a broken faucet. You simply couldn’t find a dry spot on our bodies. “What do your parents do for a living? They must be well off if they can afford to send you here.”

At first, I refused to answer his question because it felt intrusive and unwarranted. My family’s affairs were none of his business, but on the other hand, he was the guy I was going to be chained to for God knows how long, so I realized it’d be stupid to build up a wall between us.

“My father owns one of the biggest construction companies in the country, and my mom is a brain surgeon.” I only gave in to keep the conversation going, anything to take my mind off the insufferable heat. “So, you can say my family is well off.”

“Well off!” he laughed outright. “Sounds to me like you have more money than you know what to do with. Any brothers or sisters?”

“Nope.”

“Girlfriend?”

“Yeah…Alex,” I whispered, absently pressing my forehead against his sweaty back. His scent rose thru my nostrils like flames from a volcano, suffocating me as if enveloped by the dark ash and soot. I was lightheaded and dizzy and wanted to close my eyes and let my dreams run wild.

“Boyfriend then?”

“No!” I snapped, pulled away from him, and realized I was leaning against him for the first time. I felt his sweat on my forehead mix with my own, then roll down my face and into the corner of my mouth. Moistening my lips quickly, I tasted the salty liquid and was oddly mystified. “Alex as in Alexandra. She comes here too, but I’ve been so caught up with The Brotherhood I haven’t had time to see her. She won’t be shy about letting me know how pissed she’s been when I see her.”

“What makes you think you will be seeing her anytime soon?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Did you forget already? The Brothers said we couldn’t have any contact with anyone without their say-so.”

“Shit! That’s right.” Again, without realizing it, I pressed my forehead into his back and shook my head. “There must be a way around that, some kind of loophole or something.”

I felt his body shudder in laughter and pulled away from him.

“Now that’s just plain wishful thinking. I wouldn’t bank on it, though. The Brotherhood take their rules and laws very seriously.”

“Rules and laws?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Rules can be changed or bent slightly depending on the situation, but the laws are set in stone, meaning that not even the Brothers can change or break them. At least, I don’t think.”

For a while, I didn’t say anything; I just thought over what Arsen said carefully. But I must say, the heat was making it difficult to hold a coherent thought.

“How do you know all this about The Brotherhood?” I inquired.

“The Brotherhood is a lot bigger than this one house, Jacob. They are set up in colleges across the country, hell, the world, but this one is the one everyone knows.”

“Why is that?”

“The Brotherhood may be spread out worldwide, but at the top of it all is one person who controls it all. All the houses answer to that one person, and that person is here. This is where it all began 200 years ago, Jacob, and then it branched out from here.”

“If the top dog is here, then who is he? Q? Geo? One of the others….”

He laughed loudly. “You’re so uninformed, bro! Q, Steel, Eric, Geo, and Seth make up the Inner Circle. It was obvious to me when I saw them all together. Each house has an Inner Circle responsible for that particular house and its Brothers.”

“If not Q and them, then who?”

“Well, that’s just it, Jacob. No one knows. No one outside the Inner Circle, not even the other Brothers. He can be anyone. He can be your chemistry teacher, or the grounds keeper, or the guy you walked past the other day, or he can be one of the Brothers that we see every day. Hell, he can be a fifteen-year-old girl for all I know. What I do know is that he’s here in this very house, and he controls it all.”

I got tired of holding my head up, so I let it drop on my arm. I didn’t know what to make of his story. If it was true or not, there was nothing I could do to confirm or refute what he said. The whole idea was puzzling and left me somewhat confused.

“How exactly do you know all this? Was there some TBH handbook handed out, and I didn’t get one?”

He laughed again. “No. No handbook that I know of.” He made a gesture with his free hand to emphasize there was no handbook. “I have a cousin in Texas who’s a Brother down there. He gave me a lot of pointers and told me how the Brotherhood works. He told me everything he could, everything he was allowed to discuss. Everything he told he had to clear with the other Brothers, especially the Inner Circle of his house. He also put in a good word for me up here, which is why I probably got picked.” He stopped for a moment to think but soon continued. “Think I care?”

“Nope.”

“Damn straight!”

The silence that followed was so unbearable. I pretended to cough just to fill the room with noise.

“You sick or something?” he inquired as he tried to look over his shoulder at me.

“No, I’m fine. I just got something in my throat.”

It was the last thing I remember saying before dozing off. I don’t know how long I was out, maybe five minutes or so before the door flew open with someone yelling at the top of their lungs.

“On your feet and on this threshold, pledges!”

I was startled out of my skin, as was Arsen. We fell off the bed with our cuffed hands stretched out over it. Somehow, we managed to stand on the threshold, but I swear I don’t remember walking to it; I was so sleepy. But there we were, standing at the door across from Nick and Troy, who looked about as confused and tired as we probably did.

I was going to look to either side of me, but when I heard the Brother yell, “Eyes forward pledge,” to one of the other guys, I thought it best just to keep looking straight ahead. A chill passed over me abruptly, like someone had slipped an ice cube down my spine. I shivered against Arsen’s arm, and he glanced at me with serious eyes, but it was a glance that no one noticed save me.

After standing military-style, shoulder-to-shoulder with Arsen, I heard the soft footsteps approaching slowly from the right. I was curious beyond measure but did not dare look. Immediately I thought it was Q. It had to be. It seemed like something he would do; to walk so slowly and ominously to instill some fear in us or extract some form of respect.

With his long lustrous hair flowing freeing down his back, Eric walked past us in silence, never turning to make the slightest eye contact. Seeing a guy pull off such long hair was a rare sigh, but Eric pulled it off flawlessly.

Pacing up and down the narrow corridor in his black jeans and simple black tank, he bowed his head as if in profound meditation. He was the only Brother with us. Whoever burst into our room to wake us up was gone.

And on he paced.

He never said a word or lifted his head to look at us. That same chill came over me when he passed me a second time, a third, and then a fourth. For over an hour, he did this as if he were alone and simply contemplating some great mystery that eluded him.

Can you imagine such resolve?

At that time, I did make a note of one thing. I was right. The temperature in our room was raised considerably because the hallway was air-conditioned and pleasantly cool. One other thing I realized as Eric continued his maddening walk was that my bladder would soon explode. I had to go so bad that it hurt.

Just shy of two hours, I heard the unmistakable sound of water dripping on the floor, and in horror, I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. I knew what I heard was not water but piss! It wasn’t coming from me or Arsen, which was a significant relief. Nick and Tory were in the clear because I could see them standing before me. I couldn’t tell who it was, and I wasn’t about to look.

I was horrified.

Eric never stopped pacing or even said a word, which puzzled me. It’s like I wanted to grab him and yell, “What’s wrong, you man? Say something! You’re driving us fucking insane!” But that was the point after all, wasn’t it? To drive us nuts with his silent pace.

But I was horrified, as I already said. I was horrified because I didn’t know how long I could last before letting go. The mere thought made me weak in the knees, and when I heard another pledge let loose, it made it worse.

Before long, every pledge just let go.

There I was, the sports jock, the homecoming king, the senior class president, the class valedictorian, the town hero, wetting myself.

It was beyond humiliating. But can anyone blame me, I ask you? Can any of us be blamed for what happened in that hallway?

The only consolation I had was that I wasn’t alone in this. I was standing there with my pledge brothers and friends, enduring it together. I don’t think I could have gone thru it alone.

Finally, Eric stopped pacing, probably because he didn’t want to risk stepping in anything, and stood silently at the end of the hall. Then he spoke for the first time that morning in a soft, clear voice.

“If you had to use the bathroom, all you had to do was ask.” He stopped briefly before he continued. “There’s remaining silent to be respectful, and then there are times you need to speak up for yourselves. This would have been one of those times.” He kept his back to us the whole time he spoke. “That door at the end of the hall is a closet with mops, buckets, and other cleaning supplies. I want this hallway cleaned to a mirror shine. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir!” we all answered collectively before he left.

I don’t think I believed him when he said all we had to do was ask. I think it was a no-win situation. He was probably waiting for one of us to open his mouth so he could have a reason to come down on us and go off on his power trip. But then again, maybe he was testing our willingness to “stand up” to a Brother.

We found that the closet had more than what we needed to clean the mess up. I was filling up the bucket and couldn’t help but wonder how many pledges before us stood there silently as we did. Did anyone pledge have the guts to speak up?

Within the hour, we had the corridor floor clean and smelling like pine, and as Eric ordered, we gave it a high shine. None of us spoke while we cleaned, even though I could tell some of the guys were dying to say something. But what would happen if we said even a single word? The risk of being punished somehow was too significant, so we stayed quiet.

I wanted to talk to my boys, Anthony, CJ, Nick, and the rest. I wanted to hear how their sleeping experience went and if it was as bad as mine. I wanted to know if they were still as determined as before because I knew I was.

Not knowing what to do with ourselves when we were done, we stood on the threshold of our doors again and waited in silence. Sadly, the stillness in the hall did not last long.

“Why are they keeping us waiting so long?” someone whispered. Jason, the kid from Seattle and the one cuffed to Justin, opened his freaking mouth. His room was next to Nick’s, so I could see him. He was a little thinner than me, and his body wasn’t as defined, but he had nothing to be ashamed of. His crew cut made it seem like he just got out of boot camp. He had a tattoo of a winged demon around his left nipple that looked cool.

“It’s not like they don’t know we’re up here,” he said in the same soft voice. “Why do they have to play these stupid mind games?”

“Dude, shut up! You’re going to get us all in trouble.”

Nick moved slightly to look at Jason. “CJ’s right, man, shut your mouth. This is the game we have to play if we want in. A game they control completely. You knew it was going to be this way. You know you did. So why did you even bother showing up if you were going to complain?”

“Did I miss something?” Kevin asked rudely. He was the guy staying in the room to the right of me. “Who died and made you King of the Pledges?”

“Fuck you! I’m just trying to keep us out of trouble.”

“Afraid to get your ass paddled again?”

“Fuck you, man!”

Before I could stop myself, my mouth opened, and words started flying out. “Why don’t you all shut the fuck up, okay? God, you’re all so stupid! This is exactly what they wanted, and you stupid fucks fell for it. Morons surround me. Now we’re all probably going to have to pay for your stupidity. Fuck!”

My little outburst incited a war of words among the pledges, and before long, the hallway was filled with our bickering. It was stupid, and I knew better than that, but I was also drawn into this battle.

I have no idea how long Geo was standing there watching us, but when we saw him, we damn near jumped out of our skin.

Fuck me, I thought and closed my eyes and simply waited for whatever was to come.

“No, please continue,” he insisted once the hush fell over us. “What’s wrong? Don’t feel much like talking now?” Slipping his hands into his pockets, he shook his head as if he was sincerely disappointed. “You pledges have so much to learn. You’ve been here not even a day, and already you’re at each other throats. How do you expect to get thru the next several weeks if you don’t work together? Don’t you realize you’re in this together?”

Like Eric, Geo walked up and down the hallway but was far from quiet. “If you can’t turn to each other for support, who will you turn to? Us?” He laughed outright. “I don’t think so. I’ve paid my dues to get here, and now you must do the same. But if you can’t show each other respect and loyalty, how will you ever convince us that you are Brotherhood material?” Stopping at the end of the hall, he stood there for a long time before turning to face us. “You are brothers in all this, pledge Brothers. Think about that for a minute.”

He stopped in front of me and looked at me with this blank expression that I can’t describe. He narrowed his eyes as if trying to look through me, read my thoughts, or break me down. Whatever the case was, I admit I felt very uneasy.

“Hmmm,” he sighed and walked away from me. “What to do, what to do? It’s clear to me that the meaning of working together and teamwork will have to be pounded into your heads.”

After ordering us to step out, we formed two lines and followed him to the end of the hallway until we reached an oak door. Still only clad only in our soaked jocks, we descended a long staircase. I thought it led back down to The Pit for some reason, but it didn’t. Instead, it led us to a massive bathroom with dark marble floors. No showers, no toilets, just seven black sinks with silver faucets. There were new toothbrushes in the holders with our names on them.

“Find the sink with your toothbrush and clean up,” Geo ordered. “You have five minutes.”

I washed the sleep out of my eyes and brushed my teeth within the time given. Since we were all so close to each other, I could still smell the urine from the others. It was nauseating, and I would’ve given anything for a shower.

We followed Geo around a corner into the area with all the toilets. There were black like the sinks and were lined up against the wall a few feet apart from one another. There are no walls or stalls to separate them, just one row of fourteen black toilets. Opposite the toilets were floor-to-ceiling mirrors.

I hated mirrors. I hated looking at the stranger staring back at me. I’ve hated it since I was ten years old.

“Well?” Geo grinned wickedly as he gestured to the row of toilets. “I suggest you do whatever you have to do because who knows when you’ll get another chance. And being that you’re learning about teamwork and depending on each other when you’re done, the person cuffed to you will ensure you’re as clean as a newborn.”

The look on our faces, the horror, could not be put into words. Did he mean what I thought he meant? He couldn’t have. We misunderstood him, surely.

“Why are you guys looking at me like you didn’t understand me?” Geo snapped; his brows knitted in frustration. “The toilets are there. The toilet paper is there, so do what you have to do and have your cuff-mate clean your ass when you're done. Is that so hard to understand? Or should I repeat myself a third time?”

“No, Sir!” we shouted.

“Now hurry up because the clock is ticking. Now, feel free to talk amongst yourself to figure out how you will do this. I don’t care how you do it. Just get it done!”

We were left alone in the bathroom, dumbfounded and a little shocked. We looked at each other, seeking an answer no one could give, and then one of the pledges spoke.

“I am not about to have my ass wiped by some dude,” Xavier declared, throwing his hands up as if trying to stop oncoming traffic. “This is nuts! Out of all the things they could have us do to teach us the meaning of teamwork and brotherhood, they choose this? It’s disgusting and degrading, and I’m not doing it. Forget that!”

“Christ! Don’t you get it, man?” I stepped out of line and glared at Xavier. “That’s exactly why they’re making us do this, not to mention this is probably some sort of punishment for the yelling contest we had upstairs.” I looked at Arsen briefly and then looked at Xavier again. “Do you think I want to do this? Do you think any of us wants to do this? I think not. But we all knew what we were getting into when we showed up yesterday. Did you think they were going to make it easy for us?”

“Enough!” Arsen shouted, almost yelling. “You guys are doing it again. This bickering is what got us here in the first place. How long will it take for us to learn to work together and not against each other? Geo was right, you know. We’re never going to make it thru this if we are going to be at each other’s throats.”

A hush fell over us that lasted a long while.

I don’t know if the others used this quiet time to think over what Arsen said. I know I did. It seemed he and I were on the same page, and I found that comforting.

I saw him bow his head as if he had just been handed some terrible news. And in a soft voice, he said, “We need to pull together….”

“Dude, don’t even finish what you’re about to say.” CJ laughed as he cut Mike off. “Do you honestly believe they don’t know what we’re going through right now? Dude, for all we know, they could be watching us from the other side of these mirrors, so your whole argument is mute.”

“Let’s just get this done already,” Paul said.

It was a long time before anyone moved, but eventually, we did. Now, I’m not going to get into the details of what happened next, but I can assure you that it was, as Xavier said, disgusting and degrading, not to mention disturbing.

Now, I will jump ahead just a little because I don’t feel the need to go over the dreadful details. I will say this. To my dismay, we weren’t given a chance to shower, but at least we got the opportunity to wash our hands thoroughly.

Once finished, a tall Brother with dirty blonde hair escorted us outside the house, where more Brothers were waiting. The first person to catch my eyes was Q. He was standing in the center of a circle of Brothers with his hands in his jacket and the wind in his hair. Though his head was slightly bowed, he looked up at us as we exited the house and walked down the steps. Q looked annoyed, and I wondered if it had anything to do with the pledges.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Q looked like a general about to give his army orders. And when he finally spoke, his voice was soft and eloquent, just as I expected it to be.

“Every day, you will be brought out for a morning run around the campus.”

Was he serious? A morning run in our dirty underwear. Just great!

I heard a car approaching.

“The objective here is to keep you pledges physically fit. Every morning you are expected to run until told to stop. If you stop before you’re told, you will be penalized. If you complain, you will be penalized. If you fall behind, you will be penalized. If you do anything to annoy me, you will be penalized. You will be penalized if you do anything I don’t think you should do. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir!”

I cringed when those words left our mouths. Everyone knew our mistake, but it was too late to correct it. I wanted to kick my ass. I wanted to kick everyone’s ass. Why did we have to go and call him Sir?

A black Jeep pulled up in front of us with two Brothers I’ve never seen before sitting in the front seats.

“You pledges must enjoy pissing me off.” He walked up and down the line with his eyes on the ground. “Is that it?”

“That must be it, Q,” one of the Brothers standing off to the side yelled out. “Why else would they call you Sir when you told them not to?”

Q shook his head. “I don’t know.” He snapped his head up at us, causing some pledges to flinch. “Do any of you care to answer that? Anyone?”

No one answered.

I swallowed hard.

“You know, I was going to have you run in your jocks to punish you for the argument you pledges had upstairs and in the bathroom, but now I’ve changed my mind. You’re going to strip and run naked. Except for you two.” Q pointed to Steve and Paul and told them to step forward. “You were the only two that didn’t call me Sir. You thought I didn’t pick up on that, did you?”

They nodded.

“Well, I did. And being that you two were smart enough to remember what you were told, I will give you a choice.” Before he continued, he jumped in the back of the jeep and stood up while firmly grasping the black bar before him. The wind picked up some, and his hair was dancing about in the air as if controlled magically. “You can join your pledge brothers in their disgrace and strip along with them or run as you are now. What will it be?”

I could see Paul was about to speak through the corner of my left eye, but Steve beat him to it.

“Then we choose to remain as we are,” he said proudly.

“Very well. Everyone else strips and leave your jocks where you stand and follow us.”

The jeep started moving before I had my hands on the waistband of my jockstrap. And being that I was cuffed to Arsen, a little struggle ensued because we wanted to pull our jocks down with both hands. I would grab the waistband, and then he’d pull my right hand away as he held his, and then I’d do it back to him. It was impossible! And we weren’t the only ones who had this ridiculous problem. It didn’t take us long to figure out that the only way we would do this was to work together, so I let Arsen go first, and then I slipped out of my jock with no problem.

Arsen and I were the second pair to run after the jeep. And you know something? At first, it didn’t register in my brain that I was running after the jeep butt naked. I was so worried that Q would be pissed if we fell behind that I didn’t consider it. It wasn’t until all the pledges were running behind the jeep that it dawned on me.

Running was damn near impossible as well. Arsen and I took a while to get a good rhythm going with our cuffed hands, but we got it. And soon, everyone was jogging behind the jeep at a steady pace.

We were jogging down the dirt road leading to the house when the driver slammed the brakes.

“Drop and give me twenty,” Q ordered. One might think he shouted like some drill sergeant, but he didn’t. His voice never lost its soft eloquence.

Everyone did as we were told, of course, and after the twenty pushups, the jeep sped away without warning. It took us about a minute to catch up to it.

Running naked didn’t bother me until we left the forest surrounding the house and were led straight into campus. People stopped, stared, and laughed their asses off. And when we hit the main road, Q made us stop and do twenty more pushups and then sped away again. They led us to places with the most people, and every time we hit a crowd, he made us stop and do pushups.

It was bad. People laughed, pointed, and yelled or sorts of things at us.

Q made us stop in front of all girl’s dorms and told us to do fifty pushups right in the middle of the street. Traffic stopped, but I don’t think anyone minded seeing fourteen bear asses going up and down as we did our pushups.

Even the campus police got a kick out of it. One of them drove by us very slowly and yelled, “Give them hell, Q!”

The girls were hanging out their window, laughing and whistling.

On my thirtieth pushup, I looked to my right and saw Alex. I just wanted to hide under a rock. She was standing there with a box of folders in her hands, leaning against a friend, laughing like you wouldn’t believe. It was the first time I had seen her since I stepped foot at KU, and she was laughing at me! She waved and blew me a kiss.

What a bitch, I thought.

I mumbled bitter words under my breath, as did the others. When we were finally finished and stood up, Q told us to give him another fifty. By this time, some girls were throwing their panties and bras out the window, telling us to “put them on” and other crazy shit.

I’ll tell you this much. When we saw that jeep take off, we ran after it like the devil was after us, anything to get away from the girl’s dorm.

I was too embarrassed to keep track of time or distance, so I had no idea how far we went or how long we ran and did pushups. But by the time the jeep led us back to the house, I was ready to drop dead; I was so tired. Running is nothing new to me; I enjoy it, to be honest. But running and pushups at the same time was something I wasn’t used to, so when Q gave the word that we could take a break, I collapsed on the moist grass, panting heavily. I swayed from side to side, coughing and sweating from head to toe. Being naked didn’t matter anymore. All I wanted was fresh air.

Q walked thru the heaps of exhausting bodies and stood atop the house steps. About two minutes passed when he told us to grab our underwear and get on our feet. I grabbed the jock closest to me, not caring if it was the one I was wearing before. Standing on my own proved a little challenging, so I leaned on Arsen as he leaned on me. I ran my hand through my hair, which was so damp with sweat that it stayed slicked back as if I had applied gel.

We followed Q in silence thru the house and back down to the large bathrooms. We passed the sinks and the toilets and finally came around a corner to where all the showers were. There were seven showerheads along the tiled wall with a dish for the soap and shampoo. There were seven heads and fourteen of us; you do the math.

“You’ll get two showers a day.” Q gestured towards the entire length of the shower room. “One in the morning and another before you go to bed, and maybe a third one in-between if we feel it’s required. Ask for one, and you will go days without one.” He looked at the fourteen faces in front of him before he continued. “What are you waiting for?” As those words left his mouth, a powerful spray of water shot out of each showerhead. “Put your jocks in this bin and clean up.”

I took off my jockstrap and noticed the tag with the name Jason; it was the first time I realized our names were embroidered on the underwear. I threw Jason’s jock in the bin and went into the warm, soothing water. The strong jets felt terrific against my flesh. It didn’t just wash away the grime; the heat and steam helped relax my mind. Our morning run's embarrassing events faded into the deepest depths of my psyche, never to be thought about again.

I could have stayed there forever. At that moment, nothing else existed under the hot jets of hot water and steam. There was no Arsen, no pledges, no Brothers, just me.

It was peace.

Unfortunately, forever was not meant to be, as I was suddenly forcefully pulled from my tranquility and was again made to face the reality of my situation.